30th birthday invite poem

Anyone else notice that after a certain point in your life time just starts to fly by? For me it was my 18th birthday. Ever since then I feel like every time a month starts it’s suddenly the 30th, and the year just goes by so quickly. I think I have to blame it on work but I’m curious to hear from others on their experience with this.

I think my only option is to completely resign as a stepparent. I desperately need advice about sustaining a marriage with polar opposite parenting styles, & how to deal with teenage boys with no manners or basic hygiene.
There is a lot of background here I will try to keep as to-the-point as possible. I am 34 with a 10 year-old daughter. My husband is 39 with a 15 year-old son. We each had kids at 23. We are 5 years apart, as are our kids. We were also friends for 5 years before “courting” & built a strong bond of trust already, so yes, we courted. I had rejected him a few times over the years, as I was abstinent after a toxic relationship & did not want to repeat the same patterns. Over the covid lockdowns, we started talking, texting, facetiming more than ever. When he asked me out again, I told him I was not interested in dating without the ultimate goal of marriage, to which he said, “Good. I don’t want a girlfriend, I want a wife.” 3 months later, we became engaged & our marriage is truly amazing & fulfilling in so nearly every way except one - my daughter & I, some of the most playful & outgoing outdoorsy girls you could meet, have no idea how to connect to his son. And there is nothing to make me think it is worth even trying anymore.
Miraculously, husband & I both get along extremely well with our co-parents. I could not see myself with someone that doesn’t. Neither of us have court orders or child support or rigid schedules. My daughter’s bio dad is one of my best friends, & I made very clear that a relationship with me means respecting his role. He said the same of his son’s bio mom. I come from a very blended family in which this is the ideal. My parents were at each other’s weddings & all get along & still get together. Our own coparents attended our wedding a year & a half ago. And that meant the absolute world to me & hopefully if not now, someday our kids.
For sure, my husband could not be a better stepfather. He & my daughter share inside jokes & their own games & pranks. She has her own nickname for him & will run to him & hug & climb all over him. They convinced me to add baby goats to our homestead, & have been tending to & bottle-feeding them both, a beautiful connection & commitment to share. He says, “She makes it easy.” And to put it lightly, his son does not - but I am absolutely not allowed to talk about it without getting ridiculed.
I first met the son when he was 13. Overweight, awkward, all of his hair in front of his eyes. He then retreated to his room. I know him to be the exact same now. He is 6’0 & I think over 200lbs, larger than my dad. He defaults to locking himself in his room. Unless asked to help stack wood or play a game with the rest of us, he only emerges to use the bathroom (in which he never brushes his teeth or washes his hands), or ask his dad for food - of which, he literally only eats yellow rice & chicken. He will otherwise smash an entire bag of “Takis” or flaming hot Cheetos at 10 AM & continuously throughout the day as they are available to him. He plays live multiplayer games from morning often to midnight or 3 AM, with my daughter’s room right next to him, where I blast the fan & AC & ocean sounds to drown him out. Calling this out seemed to be calling stepson out personally, so all I can do is adapt. Daughter thankfully likes it cold.
I have tried to be as soft & supportive in airing my grievances to husband, but they are never taken with grace or accountability. I am not perfect & have definitely been passive aggressive with his reactivity, as he takes my issues as insults rather than something to work on. He casts blame on bio mom or Covid, & now me. “I don’t know what goes on at bio-mom’s house, we moved an hour away & he gets carsick! I’m out of his life!” “It’s because he was stuck inside for 2 years!” “Are you sure you didn’t HEAR him say hi?” “Good news, I’ve been living with him 15 years, never sanitized a doorknob in his life, & I’ve been fine!” “I wouldn’t want to leave my room with you criticizing his every move either!”
Our first night in our new home for example, was a nightmare. My hand lotion moved from the bathroom counter to the back of the toilet - so then into our room immediately. He left the toilet seat open & my razor covered in pubes. He left open bags of chips with crumbs all over the counter. “It’s an adjustment, it’s hard on everyone!” Husband said over & over. This was an understatement, being that my daughter has been raised to ask for anything from snack time to screen time always with “please,” “thank you,” & we eat out of bowls that we put in the sink rather than stack in our room with soda cans & candy wrappers.. I am familiar with the saying, “Living room kids come from healthy families. Bedroom kids do not.” Daughter is a living room kid. Stepson is a bedroom kid. Either way, I had never had personal items used without asking &felt extremely violated by stepson, then upset that husband blamed me for it instead of understanding where I was coming from.
This remains true nearly a year later. My husband has started lashing out while drinking the past few months, accusing me of “HATING” his son, which is extremely hurtful as I do not harbor any hate in my heart for anyone. What I disdain is the way he is raising his son under our shared roof & living spaces, & that he refuses to acknowledge or communicate about it. As things were not greatly improving, I personally had a talk with stepson about basic manners. I said, “When you enter this house without a greeting or making eye contact, it is an insult. It comes off as rude & entitled & I don’t like feeling like a ghost in my own house. This is your house too & I want you to feel comfortable. But you can help me feel more comfortable too.” “Yeah, okay. Sorry.”
I have truly never had a real conversation with this kid. He does say “hi” & “bye” & the occasional “thank you” now. At this point, it is abundantly clear that he does not want me in a step role, & neither does his father, & neither does bio mom. So it seems I have no choice but to let it all go & suffer bad manners & hygiene, silence, & now bitter resentment from husband.
What I have observed is that I actually“coparent” with my daughter’s father. We coordinate around each other’s schedules, we make decisions together, we communicate about her physical, emotional, spiritual, educational, & social wellbeing. Husband & bio mom do not. They parent in isolation & simply let the other do as they please, which has resulted in a child without manners or discipline. This has led bio mom to put the kid on PROZAC without husband’s consent. This horrified me, as someone who only goes to the doctor for stitches. My daughter’s doctor is the naturopath who midwived her in the bedroom she still sleeps in at her father’s house. I understand not everyone is as holistically minded, but I begged husband to get him to a nutritionist first. The child is obese & malnourished. But too late. Bio mom did as she pleased without communication, which seems constant among them.
I have not shared my views as I know they are not welcome. Bio mom is medicated, her other 10 year-old son (deceased dad) is medicated, & now teenage stepson is as well. Husband blames our distance from him which feels like an indirect blame on me, as we are closer to my community & business as husband works from home. But truly they live in the ghetto, & I have always lived on the coast & barely like to drive through those inner cities. I set up a high school tour for them here which is one of the best schools in the state with a tech program I thought stepson would love, but he chose to stay with his friends, in one of the worst schools of the state. He incredibly won class president, though has dropped a bunch of honors classes & continues failing others.
My birthday was last week. When my husband asked what I wanted, I said baby back ribs & family. I just wanted to grill & chill due to an insane work week. I run a housekeeping business & worked for 24 hours in 3 days opening up for the summer rental season. I did not want to go crazy hosting & knew I would if we invited friends. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t be hosting, I will be! You don’t have to do a thing!” He emphasized over & again. So when a friend ended up visiting from out of state, I was ecstatic to invite her & our mutual close friend to BBQ with us. They are single moms with 4 toddlers between them & wanted to camp on our land.
We had a great day grilling & running the sprinkler & feeding the animals. Husband had promised stepson would be outside with us all day. Toward the evening, I asked where he was. “Do you see any other teenagers out there? What’s he supposed to do?” I was hurt. “Well I don’t see any 10 year-olds either, but [daughter] is still out there, & you actually said he would spend the whole day with us. I just want some time all together.” Husband knocked on his son’s door & said, “Hey it’s her birthday, it’d be nice if you come out & spend some time with us.” Then he did, & even if it was just a quick basketball game with his dad & he introduced himself to no one, it still meant so much to me.
So later when we had helped friends & toddlers set up a tent & fire in our woods, I hugged husband & thanked him for bringing stepson out with us, saying family time was all I wanted. “You two have such a healthy relationship,” my friend says. At the time, it uplifted him & he said he loved this friend to death. A few hours later, he said it was “hilarious.”
We had invited stepson’s mom, but she was out of town. My coparent joined us however, & he & husband stayed at camp with the moms & toddlers while I went to tuck daughter into bed around 9. We played some trivia to unwind, said a prayer, & I kissed her good night & went to start the dishes. Husband & coparent came back around 11 when I was ready to go to bed myself. They were suddenly on a completely different level as my slow & steady beer intake. Both their legs were gashed & covered in blood from their hike without a flashlight, which they thought was hysterical. They were loud & silly like, “You can’t go to bed, it’s your birrrfday!” & I realized, ah. They were drinking my girls’ tequila.
Coparent went on a drunk spiel thanking me so much for all the love I am, how I keep the family together, this & that & showering me with slurred praise. Husband was drunkenly yet enthusiastically agreeing & thanking me, saying I was the best. I tried staying up with them to be polite but they were so deep in conversation on a different level that I went to go make the baby goat formula for their 5AM feeding & go to bed. But I couldn’t find their bottles. I raised my hand with the men, gradually higher & higher to ask husband if he had seen them. “I see you have your hand raised, but hang on, let me finish this point,” coparent said. So husband finally noticed, & I cut in anyway asking if he had seen them. “As a matter of fact, no, YOU fed the goats last so I have no IDEA where they are,” he raised his voice, literally pointing a finger at me.
That suddenly spiraled into another drunken heated accusation of how much I hate his son. I started crying & saying all I wanted was for him to be with us today & that I was grateful he brought him out. He fought me saying they can never have a good weekend because of me, called me an “@$$hole,” & said “F you ,” 3 times in a row, upsetting me so much as there was absolutely nothing I could say, to the point I slugged him in the arm to get him to stop. This has happened twice before embarrassingly with alcohol, when he just yells & yells things that are not true & curses at me that I can’t even respond vocally. “You see how she treats me?!” Both men of course freaked out & coparent started yelling at me to listen to husband. This essentially turned into 2 hours of incessant berating from both of them. They both cried during their own tangents. It spun out of asking for baby goat bottles & continued til 2 AM with, for the first time, continual threats of divorce.
“You are not in this relationship & do not need to mediate it,” I told coparent.
“Like it or not, I am! How you treat husband affects all of us! His feelings are VALID & you need to be quiet & listen to him!” he said.
“I’ve heard this all before & it is simply not true! I do not hate stepson & he wants to divorce me because he thinks I do!”
“Emotions cause us to say things we don’t mean, he does not want to divorce you & knows you don’t hate him,” coparent said.
“Oh no, I DEFINITELY believe she hates him. And if I have to spend the last 4 years of his youth with my son being constantly criticized, I will absolutely divorce her!”
“I did not criticize him once today! I never criticize him, I am trying to help us become a functional household!”
And he just went round & round in the same circular aggressions that can only hear themselves. I continually begged for them to stop yelling as daughter’s window was open, the baby goats needed sleep, our rabbits didn’t need that stress. But I got yelled at more for that. “You can’t control passion & you need to sit down & LISTEN to your husband!” Coparent kept insisting. But I had heard it all many times before. I even tried to sleep in the goat pen, trying to settle the poor babies, still hearing the men raise their voices about me, how being critical was just my nature, & then got yelled out of there.
Around midnight, I tried to resign again & go back inside to finish dishes when stepson emerged. “Do you know where Dad is?” “Oh he’s outside, you can probably save him from [daughter’s dad].” He went into the bathroom. So I poked my head out while they continued bashing me & said, “Stepson needs you.” “I’ll be right there.” I went back to the dishes. Stepson comes out of the bathroom. As always, flushes, no faucet (or hand-washing). “He says he’ll be right there sweetie.” No words, back into his bedroom. 10 minutes go by & still no husband as I continue the endless dishes. I poke my head out again. “Did you not hear me? Your son needs you.” “ALL RIGHT!”
Turns out he needed dinner. Despite a huge spread of barbecue & potatoes & corn & pasta & salad & veggies & dips, stepson touched none of it & needed his chicken & yellow rice. So husband literally cooked him dinner at 1230AM, all the while continuing to accuse me of hating him whilst doing so.
Coparent authentically apologized the next morning on the phone. “You screamed at me for HOURS when I was ready for bed to listen to falsities I have heard over & over without ONCE trying to hear me.” He got it. He humbled & admitted specific wrongs & I accepted his apology.
“Sorry” does not seem to mean anything when you throw around the “D” word like that though. Husband pledged to stop drinking. To his credit, 3 days later, he still hasn’t. But when I said, “If you think I am capable of hate, you don’t know me at all,” the best apology he could give me was, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you hate him. But I know you don’t like him.” Then, “I don’t want to divorce you. I feel like I ruined our entire lives in one night.”
I told him that this is going to take more than “sorry” to heal, especially where blame is still cast, & he will have to “show” me. I don’t even know how, through more conscientious parenting? We haven’t slept in the same bed in 3 nights. I haven’t cooked for him, but I still clean after him. We finished some homestead projects in near-silence together.
I think I must resign to being the invisible ghost stepson makes me feel like. Do I have ANY role here but to resign & accept his parenting & continue mine with my daughter alone, while he reaps the benefits of an amazing relationship with her? Isolation parenting just like with stepson’s biomom ? If not for my daughter & our animals & gardens, I would just want to lock myself in a room all day too. But that’s what is so hard for me to get. We have nearly 30 acres & this child is permitted to be a blob on a screen living on empty calories all day & night. I cannot & will not blame a child for anything. I told my husband that when a plant isn’t thriving, you nourish it & improve its environment. He said he didn’t get it. And as deeply as I love him & don’t want to even think about divorce, I have never been so unattracted to him.

I can't believe I'm writing this. But I need some insight cause I find myself getting angry and confused. This is my first reddit post. Please excuse my redditor literacy.
This is the most convoluted story. It is long. But it's a ride.
You've been warned.
(Fake names obviously)
I (20f) have a best friend, Karl (20m) of 4 years. Now I see what you might assume. No. We're close but I'm mainly into women, I currently have a partner and have had a partner 90% of the time they where dating.
Now Karl got with Regina(19f) late 2022, the relationship started off rocky as she said "I only want you" but then kissed her ex, and then couldn't decide who she wanted. But still insisted once she chose Karl, she wanted to stay friends with her ex. Posted pictures when they'd "hang out" where it looked like she was sitting on his lap. But she swore she wasn't. Constantly blocked him after things would happen, then unblocked him, lied, then cried when Karl would find out.
Yes. Infuriating. But here you go. That's how Regina was introduced to our lives.
It took a while but eventually I tried to look past this. I care about Karl, if this was who he loved. We accepted it. Infact made it a point to invite her out to gatherings, made sure to offer her food, offer her drinks, chatting. Making sure she's involved. Gassing her up. Girlie things. (God I'm so desperate for everyone to love me it's a problem.)
Then her friends, ex boyfriend began to follow me, I had hoped this was because of how well I'd done to make friends. But this waa short lived.
Originally I'd just hoped it was banter. I'd chat to them, often sending pictures with Regina in her classes and joking with me.
Unfortunately I have social impairments, Slowly it became clear they where just laughing at me, calling me names but with cutesy emojis. Remember the girls in highschool? The ones thatd pretend to be your friend in class because it was funny? Like that.
So i stopped paying attention, often ignoring them. Unfortunately it only got worse. It got to a point I'd be spammed and have my instagram story replies with slurrs, calling me a pdf. File??? (I was talking to someone 6 years older than me?) Weird references, calling me cringe (I know. I know, worst thing ever right.), picking on my hair, my eyes(strabismus), my clothing. So I folded. Told Karl I wouldn't be dealing with it anymore. I'd blocked them, and asked karl To ask Regina to ask her friends to stop contacting me, I was doing my finishing project in college (uk) to get into university and it was getting to point I couldn't focus. I told him what had been happening, that I didn't know what her problem was. But I am a adult woman and this was bizarre.
Now, that alone. I forgave and in time, forgot. She had allegedly appologized "for them" and didn't know any of that was happening and had no I'll intent and hoped we could still be friends. Okay, sure.
Weird semi important point: she confessed in a groupchat that she used to be a 'chav' I said " you do look like someone who'd have bullied me" Banter. She then posted on her Instagram story (Paraphrased by memory) "When someone says you look like someone who'd have bullied them- but your friend died" I can't remember, but it was along the lines of that kind of 'what the fuck does that even mean'
Upon a later night of drinking, regina was talking to Karl about the ex, Mike. I brang up the fact her ex boyfriend kept liking my photos and was following me Hoping to bond over the fact this guy was weird, common girly bonding
"You know he only follows you so he could make fun of you and how cringe your posts are". She laughs.
The group goes quiet and holy shit I'm embarrassed. I just internalise that and change the subject.
Later I repost a reel of a guy saying something vaugely corresponding to this convosation. Basic premise when someone tells you their friend talks shit about you, then obviously you ask "why do they do that to you" (I know childish but at this point I was starting to really dislike her. My friend had sent it to me, It was late.) When i say She launched, "if you've got a problem talk to me instead of being weird and I'd tell you I was so scared of Mike and he held such a power over me and I just let him chat shit" I'd love to just mention this is after the 2nd time she'd unblocked him to talk to him behind Karl's back. I put up with it. Karl is at this point family. And if this is who he loves. We have to love her too.
This is all important to the point I swear.
Anyway.
My partners (now ex) friend Frank (22) and us fell out. Unimportant to this story but he let me know, Regina and an old very close friend had a groupchat to say very unpleasant things about me in, despite this old friend I never stopped speaking well of. Hoping we'd find eachother again. He'd been scouted when we had fallen out. But respected me enough to tell me. Another confrontation where she is so misunderstood and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and she's never ever had a problem with me.
Okay. Talked to Karl again. He is shocked but takes her word. As I'd kinda expect. Its his girlfriend. He took her to London over my birthday, he didn't want to ruin it. So he gave it up.
Karl throughout this is withdrawing from us. When he's with us it's like the light is gone from his eyes. He's distracted, quiet, doesn't laugh as much. Often tries to slip out of meetups because he'll "only bring you guys down". He's constantly picking up his phone. Constantly messaging. Cancelling plans. He won't talk to us. We where all worried.
Karl few months later calls me for advice. Turns out she kept getting caught in lies about her ex and general behaviours. Ignoring him for days again, threatening to game quit if she doesn't get the attention she wants. It'd all gotten so tiring that he didn't have any attraction to her anymore. He had no sex drive. He dreaded seeing her. But had to constantly message her. He's been feeling like this for months. Karl didn't want to leave her just before her birthday, he felt it cruel. But then it was the anniversary coming up. He didn't want to be responsible. He'd tried gifts, trips, anything just to make her happy. No matter what he did he still felt like nothing was enough. I managed to talk him through. About threatening suicide if someone wants to leave, is indeed abuse. He wasn't himself. How we felt and how we where worried. He got choked up. Not realizing anyone cared. He asked if he should leave. I asked if he was happy. "I can't imagine not having her there." Okay no. Not what I asked. Eventually he confessed He'd never felt lower. I said. Can you see yourself marrying her? No. Infact he said the thourght freaked him out. I said. Well. Why are you with her. Eventually it got to a point He left her. She said she'd been thinking about it. Yay? No 12 hours later he calls me saying its all fixed. Its all okay. How He's a horrible person for doing this to her. How it's him that needs to change. How he will spend a long time making this up to her. You know. I'm a domestic abuse survivor. But I never realized how much hearing that killed abit of my sould. Trying to convince Karl that he's worth anything is like trying to convince a deaf non signing American Conservative that the gays aren't trying to make him gay too.
They do eventually a few months later split. She says she wants to breakup as he "doesn't love her the way she wants him to" he is hurt but says okay. She then obviously realizes hey, he isn't gonna start begging on his knees. You can only hurt someone so much. She then asks "breakup sex" directly after and to this day its our favourite quote. But he says no, she asks for one more night, he says no you just broke up with me? Leave? She complains about not being able to get to the train station. Now. Karl didn't have his licence till a few weeks later. So queue the weirdest car ride with his DAD you've ever heard of. She cried. Hugged him. Begged him to reconsider. Karl officially has realized how disconnected he's become. Nah.
Queue a weird amount of messages ranging between "I'm sorry baby" to "I CANT BELIEVE YOURE GIVING UP ON US" and sexually charged messages, After karl finally blocks her. She begins to call him from various different numbers. Tries to get with his friends. Fails. Still calls him crying for the next 6 months. In which these events happen.
Frank from before. Now it turns out. While we don't have full timeline but either weirdly around the time they broke up they got /very/ close. To the point despite Frank having a partner. She was begging him to sleep with her. But Being weird with it. One minute she wants him. Next she doesn't. Basically, she loves the idea that she could have him. But doesn't want to keep any of them. Frank had a girlfriend. Goddess of a lady. Daisy. Regina proceeded to pick on every little thing to Frank about daisy she could. Always. Physical appearance.
Then. Now I am simply not making this up. after Frank separates himself from this situation. Regina begins to harrass Daisy, With telling Daisy about how much Frank's missing out on not shagging her instead.
And making 6 different instagram accounts to harrass them, and this is where I come in further.
Regina now, after the hate group chooses some last straws she can pull to drag him back. She makes a fake account. Goes to message Frank. With the opener of gossip about me and my partners sex life. I talked to Regina less times than I can Count on one hand.
The main one I'm aware of is "Did you know my partner drinks my names piss" Which I'm not here to kink shame; but this does not happen unfortunately but i still find it beautiful of a statement.
I one day due to some more harassment and more attention than I'm used to.
Decide to private my instagram. It was only for 24 hours in full so I could change some settings and archive some things. Within 15. An account. David, requests to follow. Strange. Cause my account is shadow banned and cannot be shown to non followers. I click. Heavens foretold dear friends. Regina's new boo. Id like to clarify. 2 weeks before Karl was still getting snotty teary calls telling him she misses him. Karl's friends where sending screenshots of Regina trying it on with them then getting snotty when she was rightfully laughed at.
I ask "hi??"
"Hi me and my girlfriend just wanted to stalk how cringe your posts are" I wish I could have been funny and not caught off guard. And shamed them. Oh god. I wish I had. Basically I told him, the gym is waiting. She will chew you up. Idk what I did but I'm sorry. Godamn. Leave me be. And they said "It's not that deep lighten up" I am indeed embarrassed.
But they kept mentioning my workplace. I am a bartender, and one day she did come in with a man, they seems very loved up but then again. It certainly wasn't this guy. then said bad things about me infront of a coworker. It was a little satisfying seeing her face fall and hit the table from shame as I was carrying an ice bucket past her. She was already cut off at this point for her antics.
David's best friends memepage now follows me. But has been the first out of 5 accounts not to say anything. I'm sure they think I don't know. David claimed I was lying in my encounter. I do wonder if I could flip the table entirely.
but I also wonder if she's just very mentally unwell. But it's been 1.5 years of this and I'm just abit knackered and pissed off.
I'm 20 feeling like a highschooler. But I'm working for a bipolar diagnosis and I have ADHD, the paranoia. Is driving me up the wall man. Like this woman knows enough of my details and she's spread where I work. She's been to my house. She has clearly gotten multiple people involves historically and despite me trying to apologise, it makes no difference.
If I knew what the issue was, I'd gauge it. But it's not knowing and not being told. But it's reassuring it's not just me. With daisy, I'm wondering if this is historic. Might be vanity? She (used to?) Post alot of ...suggestive photography and always wears a lingerie corset and heavy makeup, filters. Nothing wrong with that of course but she's a very sexually orientated person, and given the contexts to that behaviour. I wonder if its to cover some in depth issues. But that's just a theory. Part of feels hey, if she needs men to tell her that I am ugly, cringe and worth nothing. Then she van have that. The other half makes me want vengeance for the boy, prove that I'm not whatever she'd been making me out to be and make her realize she needs to change. But that's. abit pathetic innit.
Anyway I doubt anyones made it this far and if you have. Thank you for reading my story and the weirdness of it. I hope it hasn't been too shit. Just needed to get it off my chest. And maybe if anyone has anything to say.
TLDR: my best friends ex has always had an issue despite my efforts. Getting various people to harrass and bully me, She tried to get with his friends, other guys we knew and harrassing us all. All while still crying she misses him. Her new bf thinks I'm lying and is joining in, his best friend now follows me too. My partner allegedly drinks my piss <3

I just graduated college in December and have been working as an elementary teacher since. I love my job and have built great relationships with the kids, but I’m struggling to build relationships with coworkers. I’ve always struggled socially but I think being in the “real world” has made it more challenging. I got invited to a coworkers birthday party and I feel like I should go, but being around all those people scares me so bad. I feel like going may help me build those relationships, but I also know I’ll probably freeze and be silent the whole time. Has anyone else dealt with this? I just want to be able to talk to people and make friends but the words just don’t come out. It’s so odd to me that I’m comfortable and great with kids, but can’t socialize with adults.

It’s going to be five months without my husband soon. We’re about to hit my 30th birthday and it feels like a gut punch. I was with him for most of my twenties and now I have to enter my thirties without him. Then soon after that we would have celebrated nine years together and then right after that would have been his 32nd birthday. This is just awful. I don’t want to celebrate, I don’t want to continue to get older knowing that in two years I’ll be older than he ever was. How do people keep living after this? It’s not fair. I hate this. I hate this life that I have to continue to live now. I hate it.

I'll probably delete this in a few hours as my mother has reddit and likes to browse similar subreddits. My mom I don't think has NPD but is very emotionally immature and self centered.
I graduated during one of the years of quarantine around the time when restrictions were getting lighter. My birthday in the summer as well so my mom had the "great idea" to fuse my graduation and birthday party. It was not actually my graduation and birthday party.
It was a family get together to "celebrate the end of covid" my mom had full control of the invite list. I just wanted it to be my immediate family, but she ended up inviting all of my family and her random ass friends. I had no control over anything. The only thing I got was a cake. I was extremely upset leading up to the party because of this, my therapist told me to invite some of my own friends. Which I did and they atleast made things tolerable. Literally none of my family spent time with me unless it was to open presents half of which were blatantly last minute. Nothing I actually wanted or liked.
And to make matters worse. At the end of the party it is just me and my immediate family. My mom said she had an announcement to make. She had cancer.
Really great birthday, definitely felt like everyone was applauding me for getting through highschool (/s) which I really struggled with. I contemplated dropping out multiple times.
I asked her "why now?" Her answer? "Because everyone was here"

When I was about to turn 3 years old my father committed suicide two days before his birthday. This took a huge toll on me when I found out how he had died (my mother waited til I was old enough to tell me). Having is birthday and the day of his death in the same week is an emotional roller coaster.
Recently the day of his death came around. My mother seemed fine all day and even invited her boyfriend and his kids around to hang out and watch movies. I still live with my mom and little sister due to the fact that I’m currently in college and can’t afford living.
That night my mother made no attempts to comfort me besides the occasional side-hugs when I asked for one. After dinner I went out onto my houses porch and watched a show on my phone when I got a text from my friend. I had also recently been Sexually assaulted by my ex. And my friend texted me to let me know they wanted to talk to me.
That didn’t end well and I went into my room and had a panic attack. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t stop crying over everything that had happened. While I’m crying I hear my little sister, my mom, her boyfriend and his kids all laughing and having a good time a couple feet away from me. Which only made it worse.
I thought about going out into the living room and asking my mom to comfort me and help me through this. But I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone in the house. So I sent my mom a text begging her to come to my room and comfort me while I tried to deal with everything.
For those of you wondering “why would you send a text” my mom is always on her phone. She always has it on her and is never on DND.
10 minutes go by and my whole body is shaking from how bad I’ve been sobbing. 20 minutes go by with no reply. So I called my grandma sobbing crying and asked her to pick me up.
I packed a bag and walked out into the living room to grab my shoes. I wiped my face and put my shoes on as my mom came out of the kitchen with the biggest grin on her face and a bowl of popcorn.
I quickly told her that grandma was picking me up and I was going to stay with her for the night. My mom saw my face and her smile faded slightly. She pulled me into a hug and I broke down crying and she held me for a second.
I let go and walked out onto the porch and sat on the steps when I heard my mom coming. She sat down next to me. She asked me why I didn’t just go out and talk to her about what I was feeling and I just snapped and told her that it was my dads death day and I told her multiple times I wasn’t okay and the one time I needed her she was with some other family, laughing and having a good time.
She waited with me for my grandma and I immediately got into my grandmas truck as she got out of it to talk to my mom. My mom told her I was being dramatic and that all I did to signal I needed help was texting her. (My mom is a licensed therapist)
My grandma took me to her house and let me sleep in her bed for the night as we watched Medea movies.
It’s been a few weeks sense then and my mom still hasn’t forgiven me for snapping at her. She refuses to be in the same room as me and is making me pay more for the rent I pay sense then.
So AITAH?

Yesterday was my birthday 21st, and this year, I wanted to celebrate it with friends. I don't have any family where I am, and I haven't celebrated it since I was 11. My fiance wanted to plan this year out for me, so I gave him full control.
2 days before one by one friends he invited months ahead called and said they didn't take off work, so they can't come. They offered to show the week after on his birthday but not mine. (I'm not upset at my boyfriend he really did try hard) Months ahead of my birthday, I kept asking my fiance, Should I give him a group of my friends numbers, so it's more than just our friend group. He didn't do that, so when I called other friends asking them if they wanna hang out, they understandably had thing they were doing. (I asked if they could hang out the day before, of or after)
The part I'm most upset about is my so-called best friend of 9 years. This marks the third year she's missed my birthday. This year, she had nothing planned for her own birthday and was bummed out. So I took her on a day out we went to the mall, I bought a bunch of presents we went out to eat. She asked me to get a matching outfit, and I did.
The day before my birthday, my Fiance had tickets to a rage room. He bought it months in advance for 4 people. I called my best friend and she said she would make it after work. I got 1 friend to come. An hour before we had to go, she texted that she couldn't make it because she was at a mall 40 minutes from me. Mind you, she got off at 5, and we were supposed to get her a 7. But she said she would call off the day of my birthday to spend time with me throughout the day and go to my birthday dinner.
The day of my birthday, she sent me a text saying happy birthday. I waited hours to see if she was gonna come and spend the day with me. She wasn't replying to 6. we asked her boyfriend (who is coincidentally my boyfriends best friend of 19 years) if she's coming, and he said not that he's aware of. I looked at her story, and she wasn't at work but a BBQ. She took off of work, I gave grace and waited for the time of my birthday dinner. She texts 1 hour before asking what I'm doing. I said, getting ready for my dinner, I asked if she was still coming.
She said, "I don't wanna be a third wheel, so no." At that point, I burst into tears. I sent an okay, and that was all. My love and I went out to eat by ourselves. But, I called a friend that I had never been out with before, and we all went to a bar and played darts and games at the last minute. I had a blast doing that. My birthday cake was delivered a day late so today me and my love sang happy birthday to me.
At this point, I'm just depressed/disappointed. I think this friendship is over. This was supposed to be a milestone birthday. Next year I might just travel to my family. But its the point that I try so hard for everyone else to feel special on their birthday, and not many seem to give the same energy back. I think a valuable lesson was taught. People will make time for who they want to make time for. I am thankful to everyone who showed up

I have a group of friends, the story-relevant ones are Bruno, John and Jake. Bruno & his girlfriend (let's call her Katherine) broke up not too long ago after a relationship of about 3 years or so. The whole thing isn't very straightforward as he is still in love with her and she broke up with him because she thought the relationship wasn't going anywhere, but also she seems to be giving mixed signals and now they're in a weird spot.
Long story short, Katherine had a sudden outburst of truthfulness and decided to tell him about how John and Jake were hitting on her pretty hard while she and Bruno were still together and also after they broke up. I'm not completely sure about what John's texts looked like but he has been in a relationship for about one year and that didn't seem to stop him.
Jake apparently even asked for nudes and offered her some money in exchange.
Bruno blocked John and Jake from social media after he learned this, saying he was very pissed at them. John reached out to Bruno and asked why he blocked him, to which Bruno replied by telling him he's an asshole for hitting on his girlfriend while John himself was in a relationship.
Jake hasn't made any effort to contact Bruno and I don't even know if he has noticed anything weird (like how Bruno won't show up on his Instagram feed).
For extra context, I broke up once with a girlfriend I had and John asked her out like a week after that and Jake apparently asked another friend's ex for nudes and offered her the exact same amount of money a few weeks after they broke up.
Tbh I feel like both John and Jake did some shitty stuff but I don't know how to react for some reason. Should I take sides or should I stay neutral?
My birthday is coming up this weekend and now I don't know who to invite 'cause Bruno said he won't go anywhere near Jake and John. I don't think Jake even knows Bruno is incredibly mad at him.

​
My friend Jess (19F) threw a birthday party for her boyfriend Jake (20M) on Friday evening. She invited around 8 of us on a group chat after working out the date, saying:
“Alrighty! Let’s do 6:30 tonight. Be there or be square. Jake’s house, ordering pizza so plan accordingly (ie eat before if you can’t eat pizza/don’t want any). Text me if you questions. Thank you.”
We (all 19-20) turned up, Jess put out chips and water, everyone ate the snacks and we talked. Jess went to pick up the pizza she’d ordered. Everyone had a few slices. The rest of the evening was great, we played some games and had snacks.
The next day, Jess texted the group chat:
“Hey everyone! For food and drinks and such from last night, I spent around $60. Can everyone etransfer me $7?”
I was surprised, as I have never been to a birthday party where food was provided, and then charged for said provisions. Yesterday (Saturday) I texted the group chat:
“Hey, is it common practice at parties for the host to ask for money/compensation after? If the host wants to split the cost of the party, I think that should be discussed first.”
Jake said he was sure we’d discussed this at the party but I disagreed. Then he added:
“I would suggest checking beforehand in that case. Respectfully, and I am not trying to have tone, it seems unreasonable to me to assume free food without confirming it and then take issue later when your assumption doesn't hold.”
AITA for expecting free food?

i made my acc for this reason to hopefully get input on my situation. For background, this happened two years ago, currently I am 14. This has been haunting me ever since it happened, but recently its been all I could think about. (first paragraph is background, second is the event)
two years ago, when i was 11/12, i struggled alot with friendships. i was new in middle school, and i recently lost all my friends, and I was too shy to meet new people. I met a girl who i clicked with instantly, and we quickly became close friends. We did alot together, and we were best friends. She lived with both her parents, and they often drove us to places. While it was usually her mom, who was a mother figure for me, it was sometimes her dad aswell. Since the first few times I was there, he made me feel uncomfortable. he often gave me complements, and would always buy us things. at the time, we often cosplayed, and one was too big for me im the chest area. I caught him staring a few times, but i pushed it past. Besides, i often tended to over reaction. plus she was my only friend.
For my friends birthday, she invited me out to dinner with her. Of course, i agreed, and we went to a chinese restaurant. I wore black leggings, and a t-shirt, she wore shorts, and a hoodie. As to this, my hair was brown, and her hair was a blondish fading red color. (It was bleached and the ends were red) she was also slightly larger than me. While we were walking into the restaurant, I felt her father smack my ass. I do not know if my brain added this part in, or if i felt it, but i remember feeling his hand almost cup it. He instantly apologized, and told me he mistook me for his daughter (my friend). Since that, i tried not to go to her house if i knew he was around. I stopped sleeping over (in fear of things being worse) and i didnt go over if he was picking me up. I never told her, and since she most likely thought i was ignoring he avoiding her, our friendship dwindled. We still have contact with each other, but hardly text. And one of the worst parts of this, was that he was a lawyer. I really just want to know if this was sa, and if it was, was there grooming involed. i cant get the thought out of my head, and i know it wont change anything, but it might help me in someway. Thank you 🖤

okay so, we met this girl like 6 ish months ago, she messaged my bestfriend like 8 times to hangout and she finally just said yes for a group hangout, then when i was keeping a birthday for my bestfriend she basically volunteered herself to be thrown a bday too..i didn’t care because i was already throwing one so i just kinda added her into the party. whatever. since then i’ve consistently gotten bad vibes from her. like can’t trust her not a girls girl vibes. like she only favors the girl in the group who invited her (because she uses her for clout because she’s a lowkey famous influencer) and only deals with me because the girl is my bestfriend of 15 years so i’m kinda there no matter what. very obvious she’d rather me not be in the group but she deals with me because she knows i wouldn’t be kicked out. i admit i can be a bit closed off and reserved but i genuinely did try with this girl. even after the bad vibes i was like ykw she seems sweet let’s give her a chance and see whassup. i’ll start this off by saying i’m very insecure of how i currently look, i’ve gained a lot of weight the past year and a half and i am working to lose it now but it takes time. i don’t like being photographed nor do i like being videoed. this girl is ALWAYS CONSTANTLYYYYYYYYYYY recording. literally everything. it’s the most annoying fucking thing ever. she is incapable of being in the moment and enjoying life without having to always record which alright whatever man you do you. my issue comes when she always records me in the worst angles and posts it everytime. the first 5 times she did i politely asked her to delete it, by the 12-15th time i wasn’t so polite. she’ll lose videos or posts in clearly slouched over in, actively talking, IN THE MIDDLE OF SNEEZING? cmon dude. we decided to make a rule to send any pics she wants to post at all in the gc first after i got upset, she agreed and we drooped it. yet again, new reel, bad angle of me. argument. “okay i’m sorry i will send it next time. i promise” and lo and behold…2 days ago..new reel..BAD. ANGLE. AGAIN. and i know, it’s not that serious, but just seeing the picture of myself hurts. i had a breakdown because of it. i wouldn’t care that much if every single time she posted my family wouldn’t reach out to tell me how bad and how fat i look, which is a different story. i’d like to mention that pretty much all of her friends are actually my friends, the whole group is a group i established basically. originally my friends who i kinda made all meet each other and became a group. we used to just be us but now she’s always constantly there. i realized at a certain point she could tell i kept going after her so started to treat the other friends in the group so good to the point they now are like “well she’s done a lot for us so we can’t cut her off now..” even tho they wanted too like 2 months ago. and because she thinks she has a established space in the group now she’s gotten rude af to me. talking about “things are different now. i’m not afraid of being cut off” and she’s been saying whatever she wants to me now as well, being rude af. i expressed this to my bestfriends and they just said they’d don’t wanna be involved and that the girl did a lot for them so they aren’t just gonna use her and dip because she is nice. but they refuse to see that she is nice TO THEM, not me. so basically, i don’t want her in the group anymore. i don’t feel comfy around her because im always on edge now and i can’t even relax thinking she’ll record me the second i do. aitah for wanting to get rid of her?

So about a week ago me and my sister were in New York from the UK, she wanted to check out Magnolia Bakery. On route from Christopher Street path station she spotted a blue floral skirt with mesh netting in a shop window; she wanted it but the store was closed. She then searched on google maps to see if she could find the store again but couldn't remember what it was called or where exactly we'd seen it. We returned back to the UK, it's a long shot but would love to track it down for her 30th Birthday in about 10 days! Appreciate any help if anyone is in the area. Many Thanks!

Pretty much as the title says. We (24F and 28M) are newlyweds. His colleagues are celebrating his birthday at office. When he informs me and I ask him about my invite, he says that I can celebrate with him the next day. Am I wrong for being hurt about this situation? He tells me that his birthday is in fact a day later, and that there was a mishap in recording his actual birth date back in his home country.

The other day, I was hanging out with my hometown friend, I’ll call her Jenny. While we were scrolling on our phones and doing our own things separately, I received a call from my college friend, who I’ll call Tanya. Normally, I don't like taking calls when I'm with friends, but since Jenny and I weren't really doing anything together, I figured it wouldn't be rude to answer the call.
Earlier that day, I had texted Tanya to call me so we could plan something for her upcoming birthday. I want to do something nice for her, so during the call, I offered to pay for her since it’s her birthday and I’m the one who suggested we go out for dinner. We were able to figure out our plan, and the call ended.
After the call, Jenny said, "Wow, you never pay for any of us," referring to our hometown friends. I explained that it wasn't how our group typically operated and that we just never established things like that, but I wouldn't mind paying for them if it ever came up.
For some quick background info, I know my hometown friends from high school. During those times we would often go out and split the bill. None of us had much money back then because we were all working part-time jobs and the majority of our paychecks were being saved for college so we all just covered for ourselves. When I was growing up, my mom taught me to pay for others if I was inviting them out to be kind and show respect if youre able to. When I moved away for college last summer, I was able to get scholarships and a good-paying job so I don’t really have to worry about paying for school and my personal life. So, when I made new friends at university and invited them out, I started treating them when I could because I’m in a good financial situation now.
Back to the conversation with Jenny, she brought up instances when she had paid for me, saying it was rude that I never reciprocated but each time she mentioned, I had paid her back, so I didn't see the issue. I explained to her that I don’t mind treating her too or splitting the bill but she just kept insisting that I had done something wrong. The conversation went in circles, and eventually, Jenny just decided to go home.
An about an hour or so later, I texted her, saying I didn't like how we left things and wanted to work it out, but she hasn’t responded and I don't know what to do. I'm hesitant to tell our other friends because I'm afraid it might create an issue with everyone else. This is very confusing because we’ve never had any issues that we haven’t been able to talk through. I don’t know if i’m missing something or if what I’m doing is rude? AITBF?

To start - the photo album - https://photos.app.goo.gl/m816j6qm54nRQ5uw8
I'm a little bit late writing this up, some things won't be relevant any more, apologies. This itinerary is for someone who likes to be out doing stuff all day every day, most people will find it way too full on. If you are also like this, though, I'd say it was well-planned, I never felt overly rushed, though I could've maybe done with an extra half hour here and there (this is more a problem with Paris' need to book everything a month in advance with a specific timeslot than my planning). I found the people to be very friendly, and never had any trouble communicating - though my French is passable, most people switched to English quite quickly, and not just customer-facing staff but even people I stopped to ask for directions from.
Wednesday 25th October Finished work slightly early to get the Eurostar at 18:01 from London St Pancras. 2.5 hour train (and lose an hour to time zones). The hotel was near Place de la Republique, so walkable from Gare du Nord (Hotel Mimosa - cheapest hotel available when we booked. No complaints, nice staff, really clean, didn't try the breakfast). Only had time to check into our hotel and have a quick drink nearby (the end of the PSG game was on).
Thursday 26th October Disney! I wasn't sure about it since it was the middle of French school holidays, and there were certainly some long queues, but my friend insisted and I'm glad we did (although only because I went twice as a kid, if you don't have the nostalgia I don't think it's worth it on a busy day - one year I spent Christmas eve/day here with my mam and had Christmas dinner at the Cinderella inn). We went to Gare du Nord early to buy Navigo Decouverte passes (even though the week runs Mon-Sun and we arrived midweek it's still the best option, no faff with the little paper ticket booklets, covers as far as Disney/Versailles, and is pretty cheap), got the metro over and made it for almost gates opening. Got really lucky and managed to book a table for 2 at Bistrot Chez Remy (the Ratatouille themed restaurant) for the evening whilst on the train there (do this on the Disneyland app), even then the restaurant is only about a 6.5/10 but it's amazing compared to your walk-up options, I'd suggest trying to book one of the better ones a few weeks in advance (be aware of prices though!). The main park is exactly as I remember with one or two Star Wars things shoehorned in, the Studios park is completely different though - before it was all "behind-the-scenes" type stuff, now it's "everything we own that isn't Disney" (so half the park is painted Marvel, half of it is painted Pixar). Particularly sad the Armageddon experience is gone, as well as the statue of Mickey holding Walt Disney's hand. Last time I was here, Crush's Coaster had just opened so was 2 hour queues and I never got to ride it, and somehow 17 years later they haven't shortened. Maybe next time? Rides close at 10 but we stayed for the fireworks, was quite late getting back.
Friday 27th October Slightly later start, easy morning finding somewhere for breakfast, didn't have to be at the Louvre until 11:30. We tried the side entrance that I've seen mentioned on here a few times, don't think it works any more though. The queue to get in even for timed tickets is enormous, thought we'd be stuck there for hours but dead on 11:30 it started moving, and we were past security and into the main hall in about 20 minutes. Made a beeline for the Mona Lisa, having read about a lengthy queue we'd discussed just getting a drive-by/glimpse of it rather than waste the day, but actually there were about 50 people in the pen ahead of us (which is about 10 people wide) and we were at the front in maybe 5 minutes? My photo of it is timestamped 12:02. Saw the Winged Victory, didn't see Liberty Leading the People as it was down for restoration, but it should be back by the time you're reading this. The place is huge and I definitely missed loads (forgot to try and find Napoleon's apartment). I do like art but I found lots of this to be a drag - I like colourful/interesting stuff, but find portraits of old generals and paintings of Jesus incredibly tedious after a while. Glad I went, not sure I'll return though. I budgeted 3 hours which was pretty much perfect for me. Next stop Saint-Chapelle - the windows are as beautiful as you imagine. I've seen a lot of people saying it's a waste of time and money - it is very expensive for what it is, it is just the one room, depending on your budget it might not be for you, but if like me you're happy to chuck money at stuff when on holiday it's absolutely worth the time. I think we stopped at a cafe at this point? One of the typical Parisian ones, where you sit facing out onto the street. Afterwards we walked over to see Notre Dame (still closed due to the fire) and then down into the Latin Quarter. We stumbled upon a free street art exhibition just across from the Pantheon which I really enjoyed, then started looking around for an early dinner - which turns out to be quite challenging in Paris, nowhere opens before 7 it seems, but we did find an Italian place nearby. We needed to get to the Stade de France for 9 so the plan was to be south of the city to make sure we get onto the metro before it gets into the centre and fills up - needn't have bothered though, lots of trains, never got too packed, as organised as any other modern stadium, just aim to be at least 30 minutes early and you can't go wrong. Rugby World Cup 3rd place game - England beat Argentina 26-23, looked like it might be a walkover early on but it turned into a really tight game, great warmup for the main event. Second dinner at Au Pied du Cochon, the 24hr restaurant that gets mentioned on here a lot.
Saturday 28th October Started at Musee d'Orsay, 10:30 entry. This museum is much more to my taste, and a manageable size. The impressionist stuff is all up on the 5th floor and is spectacular, I have never before (and will probably never again) go to a gallery where I instantly recognise so many things! This was a particularly incredible experience as they also had a Van Gogh exhibition on at the time (focused on his works at the end of his life, when he was living in France and his work was becoming very sinister - sadly no longer on) and I'd just recently taken my mam to the immersive Van Gogh experience in Edinburgh as part of her 60th. The other exhibition was Louis Janmot's Poem of the Soul (a really long poem and a load of paintings to accompany each segment) which I can't claim to have heard of before, I wish I'd had a bit more time to enjoy it fully but I had other plans so only had time to look at the pictures. Catacombs were booked for 14:30 - interesting experience, I'd say worth doing but not a must. It's good to have something planned other than museums. Afterwards, had time to see Jardin du Luxembourg and Montparnasse cemetery (didn't take any pictures in here, feels wrong somehow, didn't find anyone famous anyhow), before finding dinner in Montparnasse. Then the World Cup final - South Africa v New Zealand, another very tense game! I seem to have a habit for picking rugby finals with early red cards.
Sunday 29th October Trip to Versailles, 12:00 ticket, full access. This is the one place where, even with a timed ticket, you have a long wait to get in. I got in at 12:40, and I was fairly early so near the front of the queue for my timeslot. The palace itself is fine, bit nicer than my house but not worth the trip on its own, the gardens are stunning though, I spent over 2 hours in them, and still pressed on to see the other areas. My favourite was Marie-Antoinette's hamlet, the pictures don't really do it justice but it felt like I was in a fairytale. I headed back to Paris and got to the Eiffel tower just in time to see it twinkle at 7pm (it does so every hour on the hour after dark). Walked over to Trocadero (the best place to view the Eiffel tower), then along to the Arc de Triomphe and down the Champs Elysee. Took the metro up to Montmartre to go into Basilica Sacre-Coeur (free entry, and by this time no queue at all - they ask for no photographs so there's nothing in my album from inside, but there's plenty online). Ate nearby then had tickets for Moulin Rouge at 11.30 - like Saint-Chapelle, it's quite expensive, but a good time if you do decide to go. This was my most tiring day, over 35000 steps.
Monday 30th October Final day in Paris. I'd managed to get a spare ticket for Musee de l'Orangerie on an site called Headout (usually you would have to book this a while in advance, like most things in Paris, I guess someone returned one last minute? Could only get one, don't think my friend particularly wanted one anyway), 12:00 entry. I picked a route to pass a couple of landmarks - Opera Garnier, Madeleine, Obelique du Louxor. Monet's water lillies are, as you'd expect, absolutely gorgeous, and the only reason this museum exists really. There's some good stuff in the permanent collection in the basement though - I think I remember seeing a Picasso down there? I don't remember what the temporary exhibitions were at the time but I remember being unimpressed. Went back to the Eiffel tower to see it in the daylight, and stumbled upon Musee du Quai Branly. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, it's a collection of objects created by humanity when in a loosely "tribal" period? Which happened at vastly different time periods for each continent. And also there's some samurai stuff, even though Japan had a fairly well developed civilisation by the time they came around. The more you think about it the more it falls apart really, basically it's a museum full of really cool stuff. Had to rush this a little bit to catch the Eurostar (train at 17:00), was also panicking because I couldn't make contact with my friend, who had my luggage.

He's 17 actually not 13 for everyone who doesn't know he's birthday is December 30th if yall did not know but he's a cool actor plus he's my friend for real

I am fixing to turn 31 and for the first 29 years of my life I got a Publix cookie cake on my birthday. The one I got for year 28 was different. The one for year 29 was downright bad. I got a Great American Cookie Cake for my 30th birthday.
What in the world happened to Publix’s cookie cakes? Hoping someone from the bakery can tell me what changed.

This dilemma is driving me bat-shit crazy so I've decided to ask ya'll for advice. My husband(60) & I(56) own a home and our son(32) lives with us (thanks to the pandemic & the insane cost of rentals in our area of Tennessee). We actually love having our son close as we are a tight knit little family and great at giving each other space and privacy. The problem is this. Our son's gf(26) moved to Tennessee and had a couple roommate situations that didn't work out. I'm not sure why as I stay outta those situations but it's always seemed to be the other person's fault, according to the gf. She is not close to either me or my husband. We've included her in holidays and even paid for her flight to see our son for one of her birthdays (we hosted her as well on that trip, as well as, any of her other visits). She's always maintained an aloof manner with us unless our son is present at which time she will join whatever conversation is happening.
So imagine my suprise when she'd actually say HI to me when she came over and began to act friendly. I thought that she'd finally warmed up and felt comfortable and wanted to form a friendship with me and my husband. She'd invite me along if she was going shopping or ask me if I wanted anything when she'd make her daily coffee run (I said yes once to the coffee and paid for it as I know how expensive it can be) This began in March of this year. I know my son loves her and I was happy at this turn of events (he'd been dating her for over a year).
Well, this April she was generally speaking about how her roommate was crazy and how the roommate wanted her out of the house. She also frequently mentioned how expensive it would be to have a place of her own but that having a roommate was not working out as they seemed to be crazy. The 2nd week of April (I was dealing with sudden onset vertigo & bedridden for 3 days) she came to me and asked if she could move in for "a month or two" so that she could find a place to live & save up some money. I didn't think that it was a great idea but felt sorry for her & said yes. I told her that it would be 2 months max and that we wouldn't charge her rent but that she'd have to pay a quarter of all utilities and the food bill...all too which she readily agreed. I also told her that she'd have to contribute to the running of the house, i.e. dishes, vacuum, basically clean up after herself and help with dinners. It's now the end of May and she's cleaned the bathroom once, has never cleaned a dish or helped (let alone made) a dinner. She's gone back to acting like I don't exist (unless my son is present). And I don't mean that she's stopped inviting me to shop or offered to grab me a coffee (although she has). I mean she will literally come upstairs to the living area in the morning (or mid-day or evening...pick a time) and not say a word to me. I've got that "you've been used feeling" & I've had enough. I don't want to cause friction within their relationship but I need her gone. So, WIBTAH if I tell her that she's got to go? June 15th will be 2 months of her living here and I'm just barely keeping my mouth and temper in check. Any advice is welcome

Excuse my bad english, i used AI to translate some parts, im not a native speaker. So, here goes the story of how Jehovah's Witnesses almost drove me to suicide, how my grandmother disowned me, and why I am now 1,327 kilometers away from my family, haha.
I was born into a three-generation JW family in Cancún, Mexico. I never had birthdays, Halloween, or any of the world's holidays. From ages 0 to 3, my nuclear family was distant from the JWs. I learned to read and began reading Watchtower literature. I never liked the idea that Jehovah was going to commit genocide on 99% of the world's population and that we would be happy in paradise with exile, resurrection, and more. At age 4, they resumed their service to the organization and tried to raise me solely with Watchtower literature. Everything else was practically forbidden, although I loved watching documentaries and reading about nature. I became a fan of some school books. I was never allowed to have a single friend, and at school, I was forced to have perfect grades, or else my parents would beat me, and this continued until I was 8 years old.
When I was 8, my father quit his job because a coworker started sexually harassing him. From that moment on, life in my family went downhill. I discovered I was gay, and every "teaching" started to irritate me more and more. My father tried to dedicate himself more to the organization's service, so it took him almost a year to find a job that allowed him to do so. At the beginning of this period, I was sent to my grandmother's house for her to take care of me for 3 months. The hell of the Catholics sounded more appealing than being there. I stopped going to school, and every day began with waking up at 5:45 am, considering the day's text for an hour, then breakfast, preaching from 7:30 am to 3:00 pm under 30-degree heat, a break for a meager meal, and then continuing with studies from 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Upon returning home, we would study the ministry school or the Watchtower until 10:00 pm, every day. Sundays, we had our meeting at 9:00 am, and we still went out to preach in the morning from 6:30 to 8:30.
I remember during that time I lost weight, going from being overweight to the lower limit of a healthy weight, even developing anemia. I suffered from heat strokes, dehydration, and other issues. The worst part was the Saturday Watchtower study. My grandmother wouldn't schedule studies that day so we could study the Watchtower. We started at 3 in the afternoon and continued until nearly 10 at night or even later, reading every biblical passage, every reference in the central column. We didn't have dinner until we finished studying. If I yawned, she would pinch me, and one day she tried to slap me. Adding to this was her favoritism towards other more "spiritual" cousins and her constant reminders that I would die for not having blind faith in God. Those were 3 months of my life. After that, I returned home and resumed my studies.
That year, we ended up living off poor government aid, and I made my first friend in primary school. Her mother was the sweetest woman I had ever known. She gave me desserts, fed me when we had no money, something the brothers NEVER did for my family. Here begins the next chapter of my family.
My father got a job in Cancun's public transportation but quit because he had to break many laws in a highly competitive and illegal environment. Desperate, my father accepted the lowest job offer from one of his JW brothers, working from 8 am to 6:30 pm, with no overtime pay, for $25 a week to support a family of five. Meanwhile, the indoctrination continued, torturing me with the idea that I would be destroyed at Armageddon for being secretly homosexual and completely isolated from my schoolmates due to my beliefs and poverty, thanks to this religion and abusive brothers.
My father started taking me to work on weekends, some weekdays, and holidays. They didn't pay anything extra for me; I worked entirely for free. At school, I resented the lack of money. Sometimes I would pick up government notebooks that kids threw away. My uniform was falling apart.
I started secondary school, and this situation continued. I was switched from the afternoon shift to the morning shift because of bullying at school. During that time, I met my first real friend, a guy who always supported me. He was a fan of creepy pastas and the paranormal, someone who was absent once or twice a week but with whom I enjoyed spending time. We would lie on the classroom floor listening to scary stories. I developed romantic feelings for him but never had the chance to confess. One day, after school, he walked me to a street before my house, where my father was waiting for me. A brother had leaked what was happening. I had managed to get a cell phone, which my parents checked daily to see what I was doing. At 15, they forbade me from having any contact with him, so I ended the friendship and suppressed my feelings until we finished the last year of secondary school. He didn't attend the graduation day. That day, I was completely alone. My parents went with me, but no one approached me. In Mexico, there's a tradition of signing your friends' shirts. Mine had the signature of one teacher, and nothing more. None of my classmates recognized me as a friend that day.
Two months passed. I entered high school, and one day, while walking back from preaching with my mother, I met one of my former schoolmates. We had ended up fighting, but we respected each other. When he saw me, tears welled up in his eyes. I had never seen him like that. He approached me and told me that my first friend had died of cancer. I was in shock. I told him not to joke, and he asked if I ever wondered why he was absent so often and the school never said anything, why he grew his hair long until he started missing more and more. I remember that day I felt pain like never before. I felt like I was collapsing inside. I wanted to vomit and cry. I regretted for years having left him to die alone. I felt like a traitor. My parents didn't care, but I fell into a depression that took years to overcome. To distract my mind, I started preaching more and filling my mind with dogmas. But I knew, I knew I could never achieve eternal life as a homosexual, I knew I could never make my parents happy, I knew I shouldn't get baptized, or when I got disfellowshipped, my family would consider me dead.
I started a spiral of self-hatred that one day led to harmful thoughts. I began to think about using chemical castration to eliminate my impulses, about amputating my genitals to avoid sinning. I started to think that if I died, I would be resurrected.
During high school, everyone in the congregation who talked to me only pressured me to get baptized. But I knew that if I did, it would lead to an even worse situation. And the spiral began. With each assembly, these feelings grew stronger. They kept reminding me that I had to do it, that I had to go out into the world as a JW. And everyday, some homophobic things that make me more and more fragile.
At 18, my both parents ended up working to pay off debts. I started staying home, waking up at 2 pm, and sleeping up to 20 hours a day. They labeled me spiritually lazy. I was dying more each day, and no one cared. No one in the congregation was truly my friend.
Then one day, my sister sent me to a government program to get a job. A psychologist noticed my problems and interviewed me. I started a small treatment, where I slowly made friends and became more expressive. I didn't know how to speak properly with others even though I could give talks and preach. I was socially stagnant. All the young people in the congregation ostracized me for not being a blind believer, and on top of that, I was sarcastic, so I was the one left out. I was invited to a gathering only once, with the condition that I couldn't talk to anyone about anything. Time passed, and from that government program, I started working at an institution. I met my first angels, my female coworkers, five wonderful women who practically taught me how to speak again, who explained how to celebrate a birthday, how to socialize, how to talk properly with others.
During this time, with some expertise in hiding information from my family, I bought a phone I only used at work. Curiosity got the better of me, and I started visiting Telegram groups, where I met my former partner, someone who helped me finally leave the Jehovah's Witnesses. When the pandemic started, I was sent home. My family tried to use that phone, but it had a password. When they asked for it, I refused. For the first time in my life, I refused such an order. I started to distance myself little by little. I grew my hair long, started going out more, talking more with my ex, and so on. Gradually, I distanced myself. I didn't attend Zoom meetings, and I stopped preaching by letter. Then the presidential elections came, and I was forced to vote to keep my job, which was the only source of income for my family during the pandemic. I did it, went out to vote, which cost me my position as a publisher. I was more than happy. Some brothers called me, hat was the firstime in 4 years that they made a phone call. The quarantine ended, and I finally returned to my office with my coworkers.
Then my grandmother reappeared, trying to condition me to become a preacher again, and she tried to manipulate me. I flatly refused and left. Then something worse happened: she came to live with us, and every day it was the same argument, until one day, during a trip to the beach (Cancun, baby), she tried to corner me with an elder and a pioneer. I simply told them to move away. They refused and said I had to come back and cut my hair. I told my grandmother no, and that I didn't want to talk about it with anyone anymore, that it was my life and she should use the little time she had left. Later, I found out that she had removed me from her will over some land in the outskirts of Cancun. I don't regret.
Then my father noticed something and told me that if he discovered anything, he would kick me out of the house. He asked me if I was gay, to which I replied "maybe." He said that if I declared it, I would have to leave the house. At that time, I had already broken up with my ex, who had moved to the center of the country. I talked to him and his current partner, and they said it would be no problem, that they could take me in if something happened. I told my sister about my suicidal thoughts after she asked what had happened with my father. Then, my parents got me a psychologist, who started helping me progress and overcome some of the issues I had with my self-esteem. However, what I didn't know was that he was leaking EVERYTHING to my parents, and thus they confirmed my sexuality and found out about my relationship.
I endured that year and told my parents that I would leave home on my 23rd birthday. I took the UNAM exam, which I didn't pass 😅😅. I told them, and they dropped a bombshell: "we were hoping you would fail your exam so you wouldn't leave." That gave me the impetus to do it, to finalize my escape. With anger and nostalgia, a few days later, I took a flight to another city where my friends took me in. I think I can consider them more than friends, they are my family, i have one on cancun, that needs to leave that religion. Right now, I'm looking into starting treatment again, specifically for victims of coercive sects. I live much more freely, maybe not in a super city, but happily, without my family's eyes always watching me. I have never felt so free in my life.
To the Jehovah's Witnesses reading this, remember, we born and raised in cages, but it is not a disease to fly; it is the freedom of this world that awaits us. It will be more dangerous, but it will also be much more interesting. You will be able to suffer and enjoy, love and pain, the full life, not a life of only pain to die in loneliness, to die with a false hope. You can move forward, you can make it; there are many like us out here. It will hurt, but once you learn to fly, you won't even want to look back. My life only began at 24, I am just about to start studying at university. I didn't study because of that religion, but I know I will soon. These chains are not that strong; they are just too big to carry. Throw them off and come fly with us.
This is my history, my life, the start of my new life.
Thanks everybody, you rocks!