Sweet texts to make him smile

I matched with a guy on Hinge and he asked me out almost immediately. I could tell based on that and how he'd take 1-2 days to reply sometimes that he wasn't much of a texter, which I didn't see an issue with. We got drinks at a bar of my choice on Thursday. He seemed nervous at first, not making eye contact and fidgeting a bit. He also said he had a drink before meeting me, which I assume was for calming down nerves. I still felt we were making pretty good conversation though, we had some things in common and were laughing. I think because of that and having a few drinks, he became more confident. When we were walking outside, he put his arm around my waist. Since there wasn't anything else to do, he said we could either have more drinks at his place (he recently got into making cocktails) or we call it a night. As a rule I never go back to new guys' places so I decided to call an uber home, which he seemed fine with. He waited with me, kissed me goodbye when the uber came, and told me to text him when I got home. I did that and he replied he was happy I made it home safe, then followed up with "I had a lot of fun tonight, would love to see you again next week." I said "same here! are you free Thursday?" and he replied yes and asked what I would like to do. I replied I didn't have anything particular in mind but was down for dinner or an activity. I sent that just after midnight and was notified his phone was now on dnd. I figured he was going to bed and would reply the next day (Friday). He has read receipts on and he didn't even open our chat for the entire long weekend. After talking with friends, I decided to text him this afternoon asking if he had any ideas on what to do. It's been 8 hours since I sent that and he still hasn't "read" it. Given his previous response times, those 8 hours don't necessarily mean anything but I'm not expecting a response anymore.
I've never been ghosted before and am so confused. This hasn't happened much, but whenever a guy didn't want to go on a 2nd date, he'd just not mention it. I also felt it would be clear during the date he wasn't really feeling me even if it was a pleasant time. This guy was willing to extend our date, kissed me goodbye, and asked me out again right after, only to stop replying in the middle of planning. I just don't get why he'd do all that. It's extra surprising too because he really didn't seem like the player type.

The defense and the prosecution today made their closing statements in the New York criminal case against Trump for falsifying business records to hide a $130,000 payment to adult film actress Stephanie Clifford, also known as Stormy Daniels. The payment was intended to stop her account of her sexual encounter with Trump from becoming public in the days before the 2016 election, when the Trump campaign was already reeling from the Access Hollywood tape showing Trump boasting of sexual assault.
The Biden-Harris campaign showed up at the trial today with veteran actor Robert DeNiro and former police officers Michael Fanone and Harry Dunn, who protected the U.S. Capitol and members of Congress from rioters on January 6, 2021. In words seemingly calculated to get under Trump’s skin, DeNiro said, “We New Yorkers used to tolerate him when he was just another grubby real estate hustler masquerading as a big shot,” and called him a coward.
When Robert Costa of CBS News asked campaign spokesperson Michael Tyler why they had shown up at the trial, Tyler answered: “Because you all are here. You’ve been incessantly covering this day in and day out, and we want to remind the American people ahead of the…first debate on June 27 of the unique, persistent, and growing threat that Donald Trump poses to the American people and to our democracy. So since you all are here, we’re here communicating that message.”
Yesterday, in remarks at Arlington National Cemetery in observance of Memorial Day, President Joe Biden honored “the sacrifice of the hundreds of thousands of women and men who’ve given their lives for this nation. Each one…a link in the chain of honor stretching back to our founding days. Each one bound by common commitment—not to a place, not to a person, not to a President, but to an idea unlike any idea in human history: the idea of the United States of America.”
“[F]reedom has never been guaranteed,” Biden said. “Every generation has to earn it; fight for it; defend it in battle between autocracy and democracy, between the greed of a few and the rights of many…. And just as our fallen heroes have kept the ultimate faith with our country and our democracy, we must keep faith with them,” he said.
His speech at Arlington echoed the message he delivered to this year’s graduating class at the United States Military Academy at West Point, where he urged the graduates to hold fast to their oaths. “On your very first day at West Point, you raised your right hands and took an oath—not to a political party, not to a president, but to the Constitution of the United States of America—against all enemies, foreign and domestic,” he said to applause. Soldiers “have given their lives for that Constitution. They have fought to defend the freedoms that it protects: the right to vote, the right to worship, the right to raise your voice in protest. They have saved and sacrificed to ensure, as President Lincoln said, a ‘government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the Earth.’”
“[N]othing is guaranteed about our democracy in America. Every generation has an obligation to defend it, to protect it, to preserve it, to choose it,” he said. “Now, it’s your turn.” Biden spent more than an hour saluting and shaking the hand of each graduate.
In contrast, Trump ushered in Memorial Day with a post on his social media company, saying: “Happy Memorial Day to All, including the Human Scum that is working so hard to destroy our Once Great Country, & to the Radical Left, Trump Hating Federal Judge in New York that presided over, get this, TWO separate trials, that awarded a woman, who I never met before (a quick handshake at a celebrity event, 25 years ago, doesn’t count!), 91 MILLION DOLLARS for “DEFAMATION.” He then continued to attack E. Jean Carroll, the writer who successfully sued him for defamation, before turning to attack Judge Arthur Engoron, who presided over the civil case of Trump and the Trump Organization falsifying documents, and Judge Juan Merchan, who is presiding over the current criminal case in New York.
The message behind this extraordinary post was twofold: Trump can think of nothing but himself…and he appears to be terrified.
On Saturday, May 25, Trump had an experience quite different from his usual reception at rallies of hand-picked supporters. He was resoundingly booed at the national convention of the Libertarian Party in Washington, D.C., where Secret Service agents confiscated squeaky rubber chickens before his speech. Attendees jeered Trump’s order, “You have to combine with us,” even when he reminded them of his libertarian credentials—tax cuts and defunding of federal equality programs—and promised to pardon the January 6 rioters who attacked the U.S. Capitol.
Trump also promised to pardon Ross Ulbricht, who founded and from January 2011 to October 2013 ran an online criminal marketplace called Silk Road, where more than $200 million in illegal drugs and other illicit goods and services, such as computer hacking, were bought and sold. Most of the sales were of drugs, with the Silk Road home page listing nearly 13,000 options, including heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and LSD. The wares were linked to at least six deaths from overdose around the world. In May 2015, Ulbricht was sentenced to life in prison and was ordered to forfeit more than $180 million.
Libertarians want Ulbricht released because they support drug legalization on the grounds that people should be able to make their own choices and they see Ulbricht’s sentence as government overreach. Trump has repeatedly called for the death penalty for drug dealers, making his promise to pardon Ulbricht an illustration of just how badly he thinks he needs the support of Libertarian voters. But they refused to endorse him.
Trump appeared angry, and on Sunday, as Greg Sargent reported in The New Republic, he reposted a video of a man raging at MSNBC host Joe Scarborough. In it, the man says that when Trump is reelected: “He’ll get rid of all you f*cking liberals. You liberals are gone when he f*cking wins. You f*cking blowjob liberals are done. Uncle Donnie’s gonna take this election—landslide. Landslide, you f*cking half a blowjob. Landslide. Get the f*ck out of here, you scumbag.”
Trump’s elevation of this video, Sargent notes, is a dangerous escalation of his already violent rhetoric, and yet it has gotten very little media attention.
Last November, Matt Gertz of Media Matters reported that ABC News, CBS News, and NBC News provided 18 times more coverage of 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton’s comment at a fundraising event that “you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables” who are “racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic,” than they provided of Trump’s November 2023 promise to “root out the communist, Marxist, fascist and the radical left thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our country.”
CNN, the Fox News Channel, and MSNBC mentioned the “deplorables” comment nearly 9 times more than Trump’s “vermin” language. The ratio for the five highest-circulating U.S. newspapers was 29:1.
Clinton’s statement was consistent with polling, and she added that the rest of Trump’s supporters were “people who feel that the government has let them down, the economy has let them down, nobody cares about them, nobody worries about what happens to their lives and their futures, and they’re just desperate for change.” She said: “Those are people we have to understand and empathize with as well.”
Sargent noted that news stories require context and that Trump’s elevation of the violent video should be placed alongside his many threats to prosecute his enemies. While there is often concern over disrespect toward right-wing voters, Sargent writes, there has been very little attention to the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s posting of “a video that declares a large ideological subgroup of Americans ‘done’ and ‘gone’ if he is elected.”
Scott MacFarlane of CBS News reported yesterday that Republicans have ignored a law passed in March 2022 requiring the placement of a small plaque honoring police officers who protected the U.S. Capitol and the lawmakers and staffers there on January 6, 2021. It was supposed to be in place by March 2023 but has not gone up. A spokesperson for House speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) says his office is working on it. Kayla Tausche of CNN reported today that three of the police officers at the Capitol that day—Sergeant Aquilino Gonell and Officer Harry Dunn, both retired, and Officer Daniel Hodges, who is still with the Washington, D.C., metropolitan police—will be traveling to swing states for the Biden campaign to tell voters that Trump threatens Americans’ fundamental rights.
Finally, today, Melinda French Gates, co-founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, announced $1 billion in new spending over the next two years “for people and organizations working on behalf of women and families around the world, including on reproductive rights in the United States.” Only 2% of charitable giving in the U.S. goes to these organizations, she wrote the New York Times, and “[f]or too long, a lack of money has forced organizations fighting for women's rights into a defensive posture while the enemies of progress play offense. I want to help even the match.”
—
Notes:
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/26/libertarians-reject-trump-rfk-chase-oliver-presidential-nominee-00160040
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/27/remarks-by-president-biden-at-the-156th-national-memorial-day-observance-arlington-va/
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/05/25/remarks-by-president-biden-in-commencement-address-to-the-united-states-military-academy-at-west-point-west-point-ny/
https://newrepublic.com/article/181973/trump-media-attacks-media-dangerous-turn
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/congress-fails-to-install-plaque-honoring-jan-6-police-officers/
https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/28/politics/biden-campaign-january-6-officers/index.html
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c722qy5dzlgo
https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025
https://www.ice.gov/news/releases/ross-ulbricht-aka-dread-pirate-roberts-sentenced-life-federal-prison-creating
https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-is-spotlighting-ross-ulbricht-silk-road-appeal-to-libertarians-2024
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4305566-trump-doubles-down-death-penalty-for-drug-dealers/
https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/major-news-outlets-gave-much-less-coverage-trumps-vermin-attack-then-they-did-clintons
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4687060-donald-trump-squeaky-chicken-libertarian-controversy/
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/28/opinion/melinda-french-gates-reproductive-rights.html
The Dworkin ReportDe Niro and Jan 6 Heroes Unload on Trump Outside NY TrialRobert De Niro just showed up outside the New York City courthouse, where Trump is facing 34 felony counts. Rightwing lunatics are already trying to start conspiracy theories lying and saying that thi…Read more8 hours ago · 765 likes · 132 comments · Scott Dworkin
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Please bare with me as this will be a long one, it's my first ever post on reddit.
TW of child loss.
I (32f) my FH (35m) are getting married august this year. We live in Australia in a different state to both sides of our family. As we thought instead of picking between the two states we are from, we will have it where we are now.
History as I know all you lot love the background stories. We met in 2019, through tinder(in the state we currently both are atm). It was love at first sight for me. I already had a son who in 2019 was 8yo. My son adorned my partner, he would talk about future siblings and us getting married. Which led my partner n I picking wedding songs and talking about marriage. In 2021 my partner n I were a bit rocky. But my world came crashing apart when I got a phone call my son passed in a car crash. I flew back to my home state and well as you can imagine I was a mess. My family which I hadn't spoken to in 4 years due to being accused for something I did not do. They found out I didn't. But long story short I was in the head space to nit pick. My sons funeral happened and well I just got left by all my siblings to do the clean up my self while they went to the after do. I missed it. I'm only one person and I got blamed and made to feel like crap for it. And a lot other shit. In other words three of my siblings are arseholes. If they dont get their way. My sister we'll call her Petal(24), brothers Steve (31) n Bob (27).
My partner n I always stayed in contact but we spilt as he was still in the state we met. His boss wouldn't let him take time off etc. In the beginning 2023 I came back to the state to organise my sons stuff. Realising this man kept everything of his and mine in the same spot. He still looked after my cat n dog after all that time also. We rekindled and both realised the flame was always still there for each other. So by September last year we were ready to move forward with life as short as it is announce to our family's save the dates. Via Txt as we both have huge families, we would save the money this way.
A few weeks go by. I get a phone call from Steve. (Whom I havent spoken to since before coming up here as I had enough of always being cancelled on or never picking up my calls or barely responding to my texts) So I was like why am I getting a call. Turns out I just got questions after questions... well statements 'you never asked me to move' 'mum will be staying with me not you on your wedding' 'im not babysitting joey' youngest brother 12yo we I stated he would be other brother Dale (second youngest 21- they are all my siblings from my mother's side) as they are always together when Dale visits. I just focused on the positive. I knew he was wanting me to bite. Then when I was explaining joey would be walking behind my nieces with my sons photo Steve interrupted when are you getting married and laughed. He then said no, His daughter wasn't going to be wearing a dress she'll be wearing the same as her dad... and laughed. at the beginning of his save the date I put 'Aunty would love niece to be a flower girl if she would like' Remember no contact since this phone call at all. So I thought he was joking as he laughed. He then started repeating she was wearing the same as him. He also asked why would joey be following them and as I was explaining what I was thinking as my son would've wanted his cousins up there with him. I got cut off. I just planned all this and I said no I asked and you never responded. You never said no even when I spoke about the dresses. Apparently I just don't know what no sounds like and I've not changed and she is HIS flower girl for when him and his partner get married. I understand wanting your child to be apart of your wedding.... hence why I was trying to do what I know damn sure my boy would have done - to the point if they weren't in the party he would walk up to them n get them to help throw petal down the isle. I was upset. He rambled on and yelled shit at me and hung up when I said well if you didn't want her being a flower girl you could've just said it straight out.
I am still upset but I'm only upset due to he only brought it up when I was talking about what my son would want. If he had a problem with it why didn't he say it before hand. Later mum(51) found out him n his partner were upset I was getting married before them ( they have been engaged since 2021 and no mention of a wedding date) and they didn't want their daughter being someone else's flower girl before hand. Which again I understand so why not say that instead of starting the shit?
The next day Bob decided to tell me he couldn't come to the wedding as he doesn't know what his life would bring him to be doing then 🤦🏼‍♀️
Anyway I start to move forward with wedding planning . I let a friend know, as i was going to ask her to be a Bm. After saying getting married she bloody laughed so hard like i told the most funniest joke ever.... her daughter came in she is still laughing n said ' can you believe they are getting married' while wiping away tears from her eyes she laughed so hard. So I decided not to mention the bm part. She later started telling me what I should do for colours, who the bms should be, that the best man wears something different to the groomsmen. Etc. It was getting out of hand and everytime I mentioned we had decided what we are doing already is was wrong .... until she decided to make a competition with my unaware mother 'she better wear a dress or ill look better then her. Maybe even you' so I cut her out of my social group, my partner still thinks she was just helping. He needs the fog to clear.
I ask my best friend who I have known since 2017 and who was still there for me through the hard time of my son passing and still is to this day. Kel(43f) to be my MOH. My two sisters Petal n Kay(28f on father's side) as bridesmaids. As iTs tHe rIgHt tHiNg to do 🤦🏼‍♀️ at first I thought petal would flake first. If it's not her way she'll make some sort of version (even if it's LIES) that you did her wrong. I picked the dresses they were more then happy to pay for them. $160 ish each(aus). Well Kay went Mia for a few weeks. Then in January this year asked me if the place accepted afterpay. I said I know they accept Kalana or what ever its called. N then she was busting her arse for me to check.... she had the website I asked if she had her flights and accommodation prebooked. Nothing. As I was going to offer to pay for the dress if she was struggling. So I offered for her to come as a guest. 2 weeks NOT A SINGLE WORD. Not answering my calls or texts that wasn't even about the wedding. Its now Feb. I ask my cousin to be a back BM she was more then happy n as I was on the phone to her Kay said ' im getting a job so it'll be all sorted' now Kay is a sister who will take advantage for other people's hand outs. Where we are the closer to august you leave it your looking at 1600 n back minimum. N the week we are getting married not only with it be tourist session but race day also ( we forgot about race day 😅) After explaining this to her she decided with many more weeks in between she'll not come to the wedding at all.
So then it was my BF, petal and cousin.
Two weeks ago I got asked by my fathers (he is a dead beat) sister if he was invited. Long story short, I'm the child he never wanted. He never met my son at all while he was alive and loves to cause drama when it's not about him. He was a junkie when I first met him. So I politely said sorry no he is not and sorry for putting you in this position.
Just up until last week petal flaked. Family drama was happening and I pulled her up on her lies she had put in a group chat. She hadn't spoken to me since May. She would read the wedding chat but not respond. And I found out she had me on mute. Laste week I messaged her on the group chat, our private chat and text her can you aleast let me know whats going on. She came back with ' im not coming nor will I be in your wedding' I thanked her for letting me know. Went in the group chat for the wedding n she had already removed herself. N I blocked her shortly after my mum called. Mum had asked if I had heard from Petal. I told her what happened. Well, mum Being a mum was like 'ill get to the bottom of this' She asked why are you not part of the wedding anymore. My sister turned n said its not of your business. N then said I blocked her from the chat a while ago and I have not once messaged her n I'm mean. Mum caught her out n said she seen her lil picture keep up with the messaged just today etc. N she just banged on how no one understands her. So I blocked her.
I have now asked for my partners Sister to be a bm and she's more then happy to and I paid for her dress straight away so it should arrive to her before she is due to come up.
I found out in April my son will finally be a older brother like he always wanted. This is a miracle baby as I've had a few health problems with my uterus. To the point doctors said I might not even be able to do IVF. My partner n I are over the moon. I am in a a place where I'm happy and upset because my son is not here to witness what he always wanted. We have only told those that have been supportive, mu mum Dale and joey and my Sil.
All the stress of just my family has taken its toll. We have already paid majority of the wedding off and can't elope. I've lost all happiness for our day. I'm scared my father will rock up (he is spiteful like that) n im just deflated. With the add stress of being now 12weeks pregnant and still worried I could lose it at any point.
I have gotten all their jewellery, personalised pjs since Kay was involved. Personalised gifts and im paying for their hair and make up.
Kel my Moh is ready to go on a witch hunt. She's pissed that I have let it all go on for so long. So I'm trying to see if I am in the right or if I am in the wrong.
Am I being the Arsehole ? Bridezilla? Just feels no matter what happens in my life it's not good enough. If anything needs clearing up please let me know. Sorry for the long post. Thankyou in advance And if anyone has any advice ? Thankyou

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for the war on hip hop that B.Dot’s controversial end of year list caused, I may have never heard this album. Per usual, his selection of artists naturally created cultural discord leaving many steadfast in disagreement. As I witnessed the contention on various social channels, and the numerous opinions of its sequence, this album regardless of its placement, was undoubtedly included.
By the title, I was interested, and taken after the first listen. Immediately, the biblical mockery at its commencement was more than enough to occupy my attention. I could not believe what I was hearing. This wasn’t the usual inclusion of an artist's personal faith walk in music, but rather the tone of a self appointed godhead taking his sovereign position. It was his passion, and his candid incivility towards the church's consecration. Rolls Royce Break Lights, and it’s exuberant production acting as the album’s prelude, setting the atmosphere for Cook’s word.
“I’m the truth, I’m the light, I’m the way”
Bread of Life was a swift change in tone, settling the congregation in their seats while Cook’s reasoned his wise tales. This song was delivered with the posture of an expert, detailing his past in a way that tantalized those who’ve never walked in his shoes, finding the treasure that he did. He had glory and knew it, and in his unapologetic jovial tone, made sure we knew as well. This was an episodical account of events that placed him in such a position of opulence. I listened closely.
“Out of all these rap niggas, I’m the goldest, 24 karat glow, my soul lit”
It was beautifully irreverent, the robe of a street priest and the honesty of his unabashed life experiences proving to be more potent than any scriptural teachings. A master at his craft, rap and otherwise making his hustle a joyous, celebratory occasion. A pronounced success separate from one found in the lust of the music business. In the album, Cooks, regardless of whether he ever released music, was already successful. This was his version of the American dream, manifested in a way that supersedes the road more traveled, and the prerogative that way affords you.
By Crosses, he was loud and clear as the dark, ominous production ensured that we understood him. In it was a vulnerable frustration, standing firm in his belief, and the inevitable position he would take in hip hop. He wasn’t looking for acceptance, or a welcoming of any kind. Nor was this an attempt to alert the culture of his plan to capture the coveted crown; he had one already. His position was unlike any other, blatantly disrupting the culture’s comfort zone and deriding its slumber to his advantage.
As I replayed this track, I heard something different every time. More passion, and also to my surprise, his lyrics working in concert with scripture. Personally, I find religion a travesty, and regardless if that conclusion stems from my own experiences or not, it is a dangerous falsehood usually consumed by those left void by life’s noncompliance. However, similar to Matthew 7:13, Cooks sermonizes the inevitable ruin associated with the sacrifice of fame, even if that notability is found in street life. In the mood of Crosses was Cook's inveterate position firmly planted on his own conquests.
“Face it, Feds gave us a pop quiz and we aced it, don’t let ‘em tangle up your laces”
Aside from the greatness of the album’s entirety, this song was a magnum opus of its own. A detailed account of his rising, the culmination and even the lucre of his choices; however, so richly nestled in ascendancy. Do I think he’s suggesting his listeners partake in street life? I doubt it, but rather to run your own course, at your pace, all while being mindful of its enmity. I think in the manner of Cook’s story telling more highlights the self determination esteemed to those of personal triumph. That even in drug related subject matter, his message balances the consequence of his ways of life, but also its predestined victory.
“I’m thinkin’ when this shit over, what happened to your soul”
Another well favored track, Gloria Blemente and it’s flirtatious tone. Cook’s skillful, endearing honesty made it one I’m sure the ladies of his fan base relished as much as I did. This was the sincerity of the one that makes you smile though you’re upset with him. The one whose lifestyle scares you, though not enough to leave. The hustler, or king of the city reigning in the splendor that often blinds your better judgment. This was dope boy romance, in the scintilla of charm he can afford while his guard remains high. Overall, as the consequences of his decisions loom, you stay because he means well. We’ve all been there, and despite the circumstance, he brings a new woman out of you, and you like it.
For every song, a highly cinematic thread binding them together and this was no different. A gentleman to his sound, lively yet relaxed in the delivery knowing his own knighthood. A craftsman that has used the dignified autonomy of his life for justifiable self righteousness. Who could stop him, or for a second, attempt to discredit his past being the fuel to his freedom; the freedom he deemed necessary. Enamored with his confidence, I couldn't help but ponder the genesis of such personal sovereignty. This wasn't the incipient album of a new artist with apparent trepidation. This was a master class, a sermon of godship carefully crafted to the internal betterment of its hearers. Also, a candor contrary to his seemingly enigmatic nature. Not much social media, hardly a collection of interviews, but the roots of the culture allowing the constitution of his word to live on its own. The perfect literary conveyance complementing the legendary production of Roc Marciano; all the makings of an artist ahead of his time. This album, a bar of excellence unable to be contained by any list, but rather a well sequenced screenplay perfected in lyrical audacity. The story of destiny's obstacle course he conquered with ease at every turn. Today's Illmatic.
Like many of us, he could clearly see the deficit in the culture, not only by the name of the album, but also its content. This time, it was his decision, not that of the industry to extend an invitation. This was his principle, and in the savor of this album came a cosmic shift in rap and life that, like the word of God, teaches to find joy in indignation. This was a law of personal liberty found in those who have persevered despite their circumstance, and the celebration of it. Isn't this what we all strive for? Shouldn't this be our dream? That self sufficiency reigns, and in friction we find our way with a fuck you as comely as Cooks forthright character. Him audaciously choosing a self belief rather than the force fed pious concept of a savior; Cooks being his own. I appreciate that, as many are deceived by the manipulative ways of the church, neglecting the detriment to the believers. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed Cooks disposition and not so much the religious undertones of other albums. In life, we often decide so ignorantly to believe in the numinous ways of a divine being, and that somehow those teachings will abate our own inherent experiences. What about those unafraid to apply the word until we see the gravity of it in our predestination? Maybe until we reign and our word, or our law drives the course of our fortune. Isn’t that true faith? If so, that faith is exemplified in this album regardless of anyone’s consent. What if beauty for ashes truly comes when you construct it? What if we are wholly “free indeed” when we’ve run through the ribbon at the place we marked?
“Why you think they call this shit a race cause it’s a fuckin race bitch, and they made you believe that you ain’t even racin”
What if our firmest victory arrives when we can feed our families without lack after the suffering of perpetual poverty? Isn’t that joy in the morning? In life, there is no instruction manual and many of us bear adversity despite good doing. Out of that is often born a frustration that fuels us to circumvent the supposed road of truth until we find our own. That’s what I hear in this album. I’m unaware of Cook’s personal reasons for his jarring, highly derisive religious context but I understand my own. Reasonable Drought was evidentiary support to the subjective matter of success. The real drought in my opinion, is the deficiency of those bold enough to speak like him, and win how they see fit.
I commend Cooks for his valor, for his own way, and his refusal of conformity. This album was sexy defiance, the sonic display of power, finding the source of it in self; like we all should. As the film played in my mind and the soundtrack in my ears, I thought of what I'd say to him if we ever crossed paths. I'd ask him of the origin of the church's mockery, then tell him of my own, and how I fancy it. Also, how his candid example was not only enjoyable, but a requisite in my own life. Reasonable Drought was a word of law and life, a reminder to stand tall in our own podium and swiftly part with those who oppose our gospel. This was a master's truth, the sanctimonious cape of an expert that had studied the genres entrance and exit points to be had at his convenience.
"Don't mention me with with them, they irrelevant, let me settle this"
Overall, I enjoyed this album thoroughly, but more so, the underlying principles I found in it. This was the tutelage of a maestro, the guardianship for a people who need the acquired taste of achievement. Whether you take his path or not, the one you select will only be conquered by the same fortitude and determination Cook’s displays in his distinguished literary masterpiece. Maybe you didn’t take away what I did, that’s arbitrary, but I encourage any listener to extrapolate the ingenuity in this amazing body of work whether you agree with it or not.
By my third listen, I made a small change making Cocaine Cologne the last song. It was the benediction, the climax to his life symphony, and the orchestra as the curtains close. At the time of this writing, Cook's latest singles Run It Up and That's the Game play simultaneously on heavy repeat, and like his album, I'm once again charmed by his elegant, well poised delivery. Another movie, the one with the entrancing villain we're all rooting for, with a lyrical prowess over more phenomenal production. In the opulence of Cook's charismatic music is hope. A resetting of the roots of hip hop, and adding to the bulldog annexation of upstate New York's position in the culture. In his music, Cook's personal ascension is evident and well celebrated. This album was the relatable gospel to be only digested by those willing to risk it all in their own permissive pursuits. His story is one to believe, the plan to get to the money, or whatever your lust, and the celebration of self in every meantime. Personally, with my own futile religious experiences, and Cook's discourteous backdrop of it, the music was introspective self enjoyment. His versatility, originality, along with his ability to play with melody while keeping the integrity of the culture intact. A legend indeed.
"You gotta visualize it moving when the shit won't, and let the non-believers that jumped off the bitch go. Then you flex floatin by em in the big boat, screaming better kick your legs harder nigga big strokes"
-Bread of Life, Reasonable Drought Soundview

I'm going to add every ounce of context here that I can, and please, please don't comment at me being harsh or anything about my decision making here.
Previous Context:
I was in a 3 month relationship with a woman and we were both 25 at the time. During this relationship, she was horribly domestically violent. She broke my nose while I was driving, cheated on me, she would send nudes to other guys when she was mad at me, manipulated me and a bunch of other things I don't want to get into at this time. Needless to say, it was bad, dude. I walked into that relationship happy as a clam and walked out so different my parents (who I have never been overly close to) noted a massive change in my demeanour.
Shortly after breaking up, we discovered she was pregnant. For the first month or so, I was completely disassociated, and I couldn't talk to her without getting super super angry at her. I was so panicked by the news of being tethered to her for 18 years. But I eventually got it together, I provided support where I could while she was pregnant, got the nursery furniture, got a good job and worked hard and did all the dad things I was supposed to do.
Around December that year, It was revealed that the person she cheated on me with was a candidate for father as well, which wasn't great to learn, but shortly after the birth, he was ruled out through a paternity test. Which I did not get. So at this point in time, I am still the assumed father.
I didn't meet my son until 12 weeks old, when he was in the hospital for malnutrition and she couldn't stop me from seeing him. That's when child protective services got involved. And were involved for some time. But eventually, deemed that my son was safe and left it alone.
The first 2 years of his life, my ex was volatile. She would bounce between being really nice and hostile. And admittedly, I'd bite back, especially when it was about my son's safety. She was on different drugs and stuff, while I was clean and sober but eventually has stopped that behaviour since and is being a pretty good mum now. I think it must've taken some time for her to adjust, I guess... This whole time though, I haven't been on my son's birth certificate, and she has always held the typical "You're never gonna see him again!" over my head whenever she didn't get her own way. Until she got a restraining order against me for what the police even said are "Dogshit reasons" and then continued to threaten me with the restraining order until she eventually had me arrested, I was able to prove my innocence, thankfully. But she constantly made it difficult to see my son, it was always like I had to pay to see him, she had to benefit from it.
Fast forward to the end of 2022:
Towards the end of 2022, She was barely letting me see him, before I ended up moving back to my home town due to the housing crisis, I had only seen him once in a month. I would call and text, I would email and she would not budge. I didn't see him for 2 months and then got some time with him for Christmas, then again didn't see him for 3 months.
2023:
2023 was a crazy year, I was in a very bad relationship and I was doing my best to have a relationship with my son. I was engaging in mediation and we came to a great agreement. However, shortly after, I was able to visit my son and after that visit, she became very hostile and kept trying to argue with me over trivial things. (Like I wanted to do my own Christmas photos with my son, rather than send her $150 towards hers) I mentioned wanting to do a paternity test on him, for peace of mind and the birth certificate documentation and she said "I'll put you on his birth certificate but I'm not doing all that other bullshit" One August morning, she rung me 76 times in 2 hours over child support (I pay $200 a fortnight privately) and stressed me out and made me panic so much I called the police to make a note of it for any potential family court. The police filed for basic restraining order against her, she could still contact me. AND THEN NOTHING
8 months of nothing. No contact, no replies to emails, nothing.
In that time, I was emailing my intentions to launch family court and everything, and she wouldn't reply. So I did it. I initiated Family Court. And then after the first court date, she rung me, she didn't want to go through family court. She asked for mediation. She let me see my son. It was such a quick change. I didn't back down, I said "This is where we're at, family court" She blames me for the stress she's under cause of Family Court, like I didn't spend months telling her how bad it would be.
For a month, she told me I should move back to the city to spend more time with my son, and I agree'd. But I moved back 2 weeks ago and she rung me on Day 1. and Said she was filing for me to see him 1 day a fortnight or not at all. My dad and my friends have said "Walk away, you can't live in a storm all your life" and want me to move back to my home town. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. Reddit, any advice?
tdlr; My son's mother just keeps making things difficult with my son.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. Overall, our relationship has been good, but there’s one issue that’s been causing a lot of tension: my past relationship.
Before I met my current boyfriend, I was in a serious relationship with my ex for five years. We ended things on good terms, but we’ve had no contact since the breakup. During our relationship, My mom fought hard but lost to breast cancer and it was a difficult time for me. My ex had made me a locket with a picture of my mom and me inside. This was an incredible gift I cherished and I wear it everyday.
When I started dating my current boyfriend, I was upfront about my past. I never told him about the necklace thought it wouldn’t matter. Later on he found out because I went to take a shower and took the necklace off and he saw because it said from my ex to me. He confronted me about it, I told him the necklace had nothing to do with my ex or our past relationship and it was a very sentimental thing to remember my mom. He seemed fine with it at first, but over time, he started making little comments about it. He would ask why I still had it and whether I still had feelings for my ex. I assured him multiple times that the locket meant nothing about my ex and was strictly a gift to remember my mom.
A few weeks ago, I got out the shower and found the locket was missing. After searching everywhere, I confronted my boyfriend, and he lied about it to me. I didn’t really believe him but I had no reasons to suspect him at the time so I left him alone about it. Few weeks later I’d hadn’t found the locket yet and he had left for a moment to go get something and his phone happened to be open and I glanced at his phone and went through it. Where he bragged about taking my locket to his friends.
I was pissed he lied to my face like that. After he came back I confronted him and he tried to blame me for invading his privacy. I kept pushing until he admitted that he had taken it and burned it because he couldn’t stand the thought of me keeping something from my ex. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe he threw away something so special to me.
We got into a bad argument since then, I’ve been staying with my sister and her family now avoiding him. I can barely look at him, let alone have a conversation. He’s sent me dozens of text apologizing and saying he did it out of love and insecurity. It feels like such a huge betrayal of trust.
I love him but I don’t think I love him enough to forgive him after what he did. I feel like I might be the AH is because I did look through his personal information.

TLDR: I have no idea how to break up with my long distance boyfriend. Advice needed!!
I don't really know how to start. We have been together for around 4 months, and we met in college. Since it's summer break we are across the country from each other, so were doing long distance. We are also both going to be abroad for the fall semester in different countries. I was already having thoughts of ending the relationship before we left campus because I didn't feel a spark anymore, but I chickened out without telling him how I felt in person so now here we are (that was a mistake I know). The issue is he's a super sweet guy, and he seems to really like me so if I told him it would just be so out of the blue and abrupt. I just want to find the right words. I know someone is going to get hurt, that's just a part of breakups which I understand, I just want to do the most "right" thing. I just can't do long distance, it makes talking to him feel like a chore which he doesn't deserve. Whenever we call I just feel super bored, and we just have nothing to talk about. I dread calling him because of how forced it feels for me. We just aren't the most compatible people. What is the best way to bring this up and to ease into it? He really has no idea I have been feeling this way, except for a comment I made about long distance being a learning curve for me. Any advice is appreciated.

"Good afternoon Ms. Lopez." I say, warmly greeting an elderly Cuban woman in her sixties. She smiles sweetly at me as she asks me if I am the chef behind today's food, in Spanish. I smile and nod at her, and she excitedly begins to chatter in Spanish, telling me the latest chisme regarding the latest romantic escapades occurring in her son's life.
I lightly place some ham on the sandwich I'm preparing for her as she excitedly gossips with me. I cleverly practice my active listening skills, while occasionally chiming in to let her know that I am actively aware of what she's saying. The woman is one of the last people to arrive during today's meal hour. She seems to operate on a sense of punctuality that is uniquely hers, almost like a force of nature. I almost admire it, if I'm being honest. My fellow volunteers look at me and smile as they sense the passive patience I radiate in this minor interaction.
The day has been one of the more chill ones in the soup kitchen, especially since I started actively championing the place. At our most busy we've served hundreds of families in a single day, and today we've served a few dozen. There's something quite nice about this moment of normalcy. I wonder if I sometimes took this level of mundanity for granted during this jump...
To be fair to myself a part of me is almost acting like I'm guaranteed to send myself to some apocalyptic hellscape and that's just not happening. I'm almost guaranteed to go to a place more dangerous than "9-5; a white-collar simulator", but I'm picking my next destination and after the decade of serenity I've had here I've got no reason to act like a dumbass and jeopardize my odds of long-term success in this career by sending myself to a death trap. Ms. Lopez smiles as she walks away, clearly believing she's shared vital chisme with me. To be fair, she did share gossip plenty of people would find juicy, but since I'm not some gossip I was the wrong audience for her words.
My fellow volunteers look at me and glance at my phone with curious looks. I pick up the thing and see that I've been missing an exhilarating conversation in our group chat. I skim the thing, my perfected memory allowing me to instantly catch up with the conversation the small gaggle of brave volunteers who kindly donate our weekend hours have been having before I begin to text the group back.
The rest of the day passes by in a blur. We wait for the people who've come for a meal to finish their food up and then we get to cleaning. After that we do a few sweeps of the parts of the church we've used before going our separate ways. I make my way home, and I do some light meal-prepping as well as practice a few more of my skills. At this point in my stay I've perfected my routine and could do it in my sleep... If I ever slept that is. In the entire time I've been in this setting I don't believe I've slept once. That is a nice feeling, since it means I never wasted an hour of my time, much less six.
The work week is a bit of a slog, since I am eagerly anticipating the news regarding my final promotion. I was never the sort to believe that time felt longer when you were excited about something, or dreading it, but in the time since I came to this setting I've gradually become a believer in such ideas even if they still feel a bit silly. Nonetheless. I diligently work through the week, keep my team on track, and when Friday rolls around I get the news I've waited for.
Thanks to "Gamer's Mind" I am able to keep my face even as the office's general supervisor explains this news to me and not outwardly express my excitement, but internally I am more excited than I've been about anything since I first entered this world. This news means that I'll be getting right around $3,000 dollars every two weeks just for existing! This means that in future jumps working will be optional unless I get really greedy, which frees me up to decide what I want to do in most modern settings. In medieval settings this amount of money could be even more vital, though at the same time such a thing could just... not matter, since in such a setting I could easily just avoid civilization, but this money will certainly liberate me from a lot of the struggles of wasting vast swathes of a jump at a job I don't want.
At the time that I was being told the good news I almost began to cry. Thank goodness for Gamer's Mind, I guess.
Nine years ago I was down on my luck and down to my last dollars when I got the job offer that led me here and this news means that I am free from such things. The freedom and power that comes with making enough to get by, especially passively, is awe-inspiring, and it's quite difficult for me to find the words to express how excited it makes me feel even days after it. I spend... close to a week passively smiling and being just ambiently happy, as I begin to integrate a new set of responsibilities into my work life.
During this time my decision to fix the coffee machine in the office break-room by hand after it almost burns a colleague results in me getting a new class; "Handyman" and the initial ability I receive is a simple one that bolsters my agility a touch, agility being my attribute tied to fine motor skills. I skillfully use this class to actually fix various things by hand, and I begin to steadily accrue various maintenance skills. In days I gain class levels, and with each class level I am able to repair things faster, more cheaply, and eventually my ability to fix matures into an ability to improve things, which I instinctively know will lead to some shenanigans down the line. Before I know it days have turned into weeks, which age and turn into months. My skills with leadership and motivation have continued to improve and I lead my team with my full focus and skillful decision-making. Before I know it I am in the final leg of the final stretch of my first jump.
I've been here for 119 months. Nine years and eleven months. It's actually been... even longer than that. I'm at the beginning of the final week of my stay here, and my hands idly clean a dish as I passively listen to Pastor Charlie, one of the few guest pastors the church has invited in years deliver a sermon. He has the congregants enraptured and eating out of the palm of his hand as he speaks about a miracle that "Our Lord" once performed. His voice is a pleasant distraction and one of my twin trains of thought listens and takes notes on how the man delivers his sermon. Physically I seem to be engrossed in the man's sermon when someone, one of the church's assistants, taps on my shoulder and gestures for me to walk over to the pastor's office. I stealthy get up, activating "Rogue" and make my way out of the serving area adjacent to the kitchen. I relax a touch when I'm in the long hallway leading me to Tyler's, Pastor Rhodes's, office.
As I walk down the humble hallway I feel a strange sense of finality wash over me. There's something uncommonly... real about this trek. I feel more solid, more whole than I have in a while, and I suspect that it's because this is my last time in this soup kitchen, this church. I won't be returning here, at least not for a while, and that's sad. It's not the saddest thing that's ever happened to me, but it is kind of a bummer and I allow myself to feel a touch of real, genuine sadness at the sobering realization that when I leave this place I'll be leaving for a long time.
I eventually put that thought away, shelving it and compartmentalizing my thoughts so I can focus on better, happier things. My enhanced senses allow me to spot things like faint cracks too thin for normal humans to spot, and as I walk past them I cast my handy spell on them. I watch as the walls of the hallway repair themselves and I smile, sensing the powerful potential of the spell at my fingertips. I reach the office of the man I've spent plenty of weekends working alongside, and under, and I smile, even internally, when he looks up and spots me. He greets me with a smile and motions for me to sit down. When I do what he asks, he immediately begins to speak.
"Lucas, I apologize for calling out to you but I wanted to check in. Today you seemed... Out of it." The man exclaims, and judging from the way my heart jumps in my chest I realize that some people are just.... more intuitive than others. My acting skill gets a nice little load of experience when I mask my reaction to his words and let out a small, natural sounding laugh in response to his question.
"Tyler," I begin, causing the man to wince. I'm an atheist, or at least I was pre-chain, now... well, now I'm a lot more curious about religion than I was before. I'm not sure if gods exist, but I sure as shit know the supernatural does and I'm not in the business of denying what I can see. I've made my vague religious position clear to the man long ago so he insists I call him "Tyler" which I've personally always found a bit awkward, but there's something a little funny about how it disarms him so cleanly during this interaction. "I'm doing... Okay. I AM bummed I won't be here next week." I state, calmly. This causes my friend's eyes to widen in surprise.
"You're missing a week? I'm sure some of our regulars will be disappointed. Is everything alright?" The man asks. His question is so sincere, so genuine that it's mildly disarming.
I'm... not a nice person. I'm far from mean, sure, but I've come to accept that there's a core of kindness in some people, even in many people, and I am not someone who has that core, that central, unconscious, guiding light that moves them towards kindness with the ease and naturalness of a heartbeat. At my core rests something else, something I don't know if I can articulate in just a few words.
I wouldn't say I'm mean or anything like that but I'm far more cynical than a lot of the people I've met are. In this world, especially, it seems like a lot of people are just decent at heart and I suspect that that was and is the case in the world I was born on as well. Tyler is one of the people I've met whose central guiding light seems to be centered around decency and kindness and I think in any world the man could find himself in he'd strive to be kind. It's almost like interacting with a real version of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons...
"I'm okay. I'm gonna be doing other stuff, and I normally prioritize the soup kitchen over my work or social life," I state, and this isn't a flex it's simply a very true statement. Tyler hears the remark and smiles faintly. "But I've been asked to help out with other stuff from friends who wouldn't ask if it wasn't something they really felt they could handle alone. I'm just gonna miss one weekend, and then I'll be back." I remark, and Tyler smiles at me.
"Okay Lucas. If you need any help you'd ask, right?" Tyler asks, and I consider the question. This is only somewhat an act, as I don't know if I'd ask for help if I needed it. I ultimately nod at the man and I can sense a touch of sadness as he studies my response, which I don't love but I also don't really feel right lying anymore than is necessary. The man makes some small talk and I quickly breeze through it. In minutes I am back in the kitchen with the others. And minutes after that I am cleaning with my fellow volunteers. Almost before I know it I'm stepping out of the church after we've cleaned out the kitchen. I glance at it one last time before I make my way home.
The next few days pass by in a blur, with only two minor oddities; the first being that I ask Hannah to come out with me on Friday night. I have got to see if I can stomach the idea of any sort of romance in a jump, and this is a consequence free way for me to do something along those lines. The second oddity is that I spend nearly all of my money purchasing... well, everything. Every night after work I go to various stores and spend the money that I really haven't needed all that much until now, purchasing things like weapons, food, and especially books. I buy boatloads of books, both ready and willing to use up something I won't be able to take with me into future jumps anyway in exchange for stuff I CAN take with me, thanks to the fiat-backed power of an infinite inventory.
The work week is, aside from what I do after work every night, pretty normal but Friday itself is weirdly solemn. The day passes by as quickly as any other day has, filled with minor encounters with glitches, and a few more annoyances with my small number of drawbacks but when five rolls around I clock out one last time and give the office a final look. I am weirdly slow when it comes to getting up and leaving my cubicle, in fact I'm actually one of the last office workers to leave the office but as I step out of the building I experience another burst of gratitude to Gamer's Mind, which keeps me from acting odd or even tearing up as I glance back at the place I've spent thousands of hours in.
I allow myself a beat to... honestly, grieve. I tell myself that it's okay to have feelings about leaving, even if those feelings are big and weird and are not the most fun. Nonetheless I don't linger here, at my place of employment, I have other things I both need and want to do. I use my inventory and change into a pretty casual outfit before I begin a brief walk. _________________________________________________________________________
​The park beside the office building is a rare example of a pristine location in the city. It is filled with natural greenery, and at the moment a stunningly pretty redhead glances at her phone waiting for someone to pop into view.
The redhead is wearing a pleasant looking dress and a jacket, as the weather is just beginning to take the seasonal turn towards the unpleasant. It's still warm enough that the clothes are mostly unnecessary but as she waits for her friend, a young man who has finally gotten the courage to ask her out on something vaguely approximating a date, she appreciates the wisdom of her decision to wear the slightly warmer than necessary clothes.
Her "date", mostly in her eyes though he is aware of her feelings and a part of him feels some happiness in the idea that this is a date, enters the park and spots her before she spots him. He reaches into his inventory and he retrieves something, a nice little bouquet he purchased earlier today and safely stored away. The flowers, prettily packed and all, appear as he walks towards the young woman.
Lucas is testing the waters here. He isn't testing the waters with Hannah specifically, but rather what it feels like to go on a date as a jumper. He has long had strange feelings about this, but he knows that he is going to leave tomorrow and so he wants to see if he can enjoy a date as a jumper, so he is doing a scientific experiment even if he feels... less than great about some aspects of all of this.
"Hannah!" Lucas says, calling out to one of his first, in fact one of his only, real friends in this world. The redhead excitedly turns and spots her longtime friend, waving at him and waving him over. She spots the bouquet and lets out a delighted sounding laugh, and when Lucas hears it the smile that alights his features is heartwarming.
In his day to day life some facets of Lucas's charisma-heavy build only rarely surface in ways that matter and his looks tends to be one such thing He is attractive enough that his looks can captivate and reside in one's imagination for a while after they first meet him, but right now, this early on along his chain his looks are only enough to make people have schoolgirl crushes on him and people can and do get used to his looks after a while. Still, in some moments this is enough to color the impression he makes on people. Right now, in a romantic context, his supernatural attractiveness is enough to change the sort of impression he makes on someone.
The handsome actor reaches his friend and sits down next to her. He hands her the flowers and for a moment a strange serenity washes over the two as they enjoy each other's company. Lucas looks inward and he realizes that he genuinely, well and truly, likes this moment. Hannah looks at him and eventually asks an important question.
"Lucas... how am I gonna hold these flowers?" She asks, and this makes him smile. He is quick to offer her a response.
"I'll take them when we get going but I saw them and I thought of you. I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't give you these." He says, and there is an odd, for him, level of sincerity and genuineness in his voice that makes Hannah giggle girlishly. Lucas right now is relying on his perk-enhanced instincts and the charisma he has honed through social encounters for the last decade, and he's enjoying how it feels.
Both of the figures on the "Date", though neither of them officially dubbed it that, enjoy the moment. Their passive delight and infatuation create an envy-inducing atmosphere of closeness and quiet joy that radiates outward. The park is nearly abandoned so there is no one to witness this moment other than Lucas's benefactor, and Lucas is simply at peace.
Eventually he lightly touches Hannah's hand, and asks her if she'd like to go and get dinner before they go to the movie they agreed on going to watch earlier this week. Hannah agrees, handing Lucas the bouquet and he, to her surprise, puts it in the bag he has on his person. When she asks if that will squish or hurt the flowers Lucas tells her, with a bizarre amount of confidence, that it won't. She eventually accepts this, having learned to trust that Lucas knows what he is doing, and the two of them begin a short walk to a mall they both know well.

Long story short I gave this guy my number I barely knew but we saw eachother daily for like a year. I changed jobs.
Without fail, for the past 2 months, we have texted at least once a day. Actually, probably only once a day most of the time. Like one message bubble each.
Every time it's about how our days are. Like sporadically. Any time of the day, night, early morning, late night. We always try to respond. I would text more frequently but apparently he's out of service a lot. And he hasn't texted frequently to my frequent texts so I cooled it down, even though he said to triple text him whenever.
I have carried this conversation and tried to make it exciting. I have asked to go out 3 times in a very nonchalant way.
We have established we both don't know what we're looking for but at this point I'm looking for ANY insight into WHAT is going on. He literally only sends a few different variations of "how's your day. mine's good thanks for asking."
I don't believe I'm this guy's side anything. I have no clue any angle, if any, he could be playing at. I've given him every opportunity to ghost. And yet here we are. I just might be the one ghosting lol, if I weren't stubborn enough to see this thru because goddammit I gave this guy my number.
I have tried everything short of saying I want to smash and sending him a nude. Is someone this dedicated to just troll me like this 😭 Lol

So her's the story. I meet a japanese girl on a language related discord kn january, she DM me because she wanted me to help with her french br finaly we mostly text and talk together in japanese her french is terible and she don't dare speak it i try to cheer her up on this topic. She arrived in france 2 weeks ago and we meet 2 days after (we didn't knew how did each other looked before meeting) but when i was about to pay the meal she insisted to do it so i let her. After that we spent a quite fun moment we spoke and walked for around 3h she found me very funny and i realy apreciated her. She laughed a lot shs was quite joyful and smiling. She is also quite interesting it's rare for a japanese to publicly tell her political opinions.
So i brought her to her train station and asked to see each other again once she also offered me cakes from okinawa she bought before coming in france. invited her in versailles we will go this friday. She sent me this emoji when i sent her the ticket : 🥰. But on the other hand she often take time to answer my messages so i am quite insecure about thah even if she seems to be quit appealed to see me again idk what to think i fear to be friendzoned. Do you think i amon the good path ? Is our next meeting a date ? Up to this day i never had any girlfriend.
TL;DR so i meet a gril we are meeting again and i fear to be friendzoned becaus i never had a gf before and i want to know how to avoid that and want to make her understand thah this is supposed to be a date without saying ''i want to take you on a date''.

Have made several posts in the past. I have been into series of relationship and none worked out. was either betrayed,cheated on and beaten up...The longest was about 3yrs with a guy ,he was caring at the beginning of our relationship untill i later discovered that my best friend is sleeping with him for real in which i caught them and all i got from my ex-bf was a dash of slaps and beat from him...I cried and planned not having any relatioonship again untill my grandma adviced me that its not the end of life,so i am giving this a trial and hoping to find someone with cute heart.
I was 5 years old when i lost my mother, and I lost my father on my 20th birthday 💔💔 that’s so sad and very heartbroken .. have never been happy I don’t think have experienced happiness 😪😭
I had a failed suicide attempt early this year, since then I've been trying my best to stay positive. I eat healthily, exercise regularly, sleep 8 hours a day, but I feel like I'm burning out. I don't know how long I can hold on.
used to think I would be happy person without marrying sômeone. I thought I should focus on my career first before trying to find someone... However, loneliness is sabotaging that belief. The older I get, the more lonely I become lol... And when I am lonely, my heart throbs, my body runs out of energy and I will end up lying there feeling empty…. everything seems boring.
When I am alone, I think of the bad memories I had And I become sad. My whole body loses energy so fast ,Most of my friends have a partner . Some just busy with work and everytime I wanna reach out, none is beside... That time, I realize I need someone...yes, this is embarrassing but I need someone to help me feel happy in this life
And now I’m seeking for a caring man , supportive someone capable of taking care of me and spoiling me , someone who can give to support me , someone that would make me feel like a woman. Spend time together, a man who is truthful and trustworthy.. I sell toys for kids that’s what I do to earn a living
About me personally: I pride myself on being very sweet, kind, and caring. I do a lot for the people I love, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm very empathetic. I'm also smart, thoughtful, and a deep thinker. I appreciate emotional maturity , want kids, commitment. I'm a hopeless romantic so I'm looking for the real deal, someone who is ready to build a life with me.
If you know you're not ready for a serious relationship, please don't waste my time, because l've had enough hurt my life.
Also, please be sure to attach a photo of yourself if you message me and I’ll send mine too

I’ve posted here before but after our latest ST session I just feel at a lost. This is my first ND child and I don’t really have anyone in my family who I can relate to with this.
My son is less than 2, level 3 ASD, and non-verbal. He just recently started making the “M” sound and sometime it does sound like mama! Which makes me SO happy! We were doing “moo” today and his therapist pointed out (which I’ve noticed) just how hard he was to focus to create these sounds. He watches, closes his eyes, closes his mouth, and then makes the sound which all in all can take up to 30 seconds to fully do.
And it’s not just this. Any sort of play involving putting something in a box, picking something up, he REALLY has to think about each step and what to do. If he can even focus that long! I feel good that he’s trying to understand things, I feel like it’s a positive sign, but it just hurts to see him struggle so hard. Will it always be like this? Will he ever fully be able to talk? Will he be able to do things?
I try to focus on things he can do but man, some days it is tough. His therapist also noted how insecure his attachment is to us in terms of he will not play unless he is in our laps or climbing on us. He is super sensory seeking and she wasn’t saying it as a bad thing, however she thinks because he can’t communicate that’s why he wants us close. Because he knows we know what he needs. Which is so sweet but also scares me because what if something happens to us?
I’m sorry for the long post I’m just feeling some feelings. Hugs to all you parents out there. ❤️

Me (18F) and my (19M) husband keep on having fights, at the beginning of our relationship, I opened up to him and I told him that I had really bad communication issues because of past relationships, he told me that was OK and that he would help me work through it. fast forward a few months later I have been communicating with him but the problem is that every single time I communicate with him it always backfires and I just regret ever communicating. For example, when something happens and he can tell that I’m not OK he will ask why and when I tell him he will tell me why I shouldn’t feel the way I’m feeling or how I’m wrong for feeling that way. I have told him before that it makes me feel extremely unheard and he told me that he would try and work on it. I also have a lot of communicating, anger,etc issues that I have been working on for a while, but anytime we get a fight he will always bring up how I need to work on myself and how he will divorce me if I don’t. So to try and work on myself, I started doing therapy, I listed down every single thing that I needed to work on and every day I would dwell on it, I would ask him how I could get better at those things , but yet we still get horrible fights, for another example we are doing long distance right now because he’s on a business trip and for about the past week him and I haven’t been talking a lot and that’s something that I can’t deal with but I understood because it was out of his control, and last night he wasn’t busy, but he decided to take that time to play games with his friends, which is OK but the thing is he was taking an hour at a time to text me back,after already hardly talking to me for a week , so I brought it up to him and I asked him multiple times if he could please just respond faster and then he got mad at me, telling me about how busy he’s been and how much has been going on, which I understand but he had the chance to talk to me and he didn’t take it. Anyways, me bringing up that I was feeling a little down because we hadn’t talked much recently caused a fight. and he said things like “I’m sorry I’m such horrible husband. “ and “Sorry I didn’t check my phone. “ to which I just responded “ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause something I just really wanted to talk,” I didn’t think that I approached in a bad way, anyways soon after he ended up, just going to bed, I sat there thinking about how I felt horrible for just expressing myself and wondering if maybe keeping my mouth shut would fix Things. Anyways, the point of all this is that I am deeply in love with him and do not want a divorce, but a lot of the time he makes me feel very unheard, and he will lecture me about everything that I have to work on and then I feel like shit about myself for hurting him. I can’t continue feeling like a piece of trash, even though I’m trying my hardest. How do I tell him this without starting a fight?

Hello i am 22M , i have never had a girlfriend or a romantic partner before , i did nothing sexual before did not even hold hands nor i have ever felt somone was romanticly interested in me .
Never had real friends which i can be myself around them , friends i can trust them or friends that atleast cares about me to check on me . Its not others problem , i dont blame other people for it , i am socially awkard and introvert person .
This semester i have changed countries with a student exchange program . First couple weeks was fun , meeting new people making plans etc. Then me happened . I closed my self into my room and strated getting drunk alone stopped going school , exercising , eating etc. I was in really bad place and felt even more alone than usual .
Dowlanded a couple dating apps . I matched with this trans-guy , which i thought looked very cute but the most interesting part for me was they liked me first . Someone finding me romanticly interesting was my first ever " first ever " with this person .
We meet up, we dont even talk the same leanguege we communicate trough google translate, i get high first time they make the first move on me .Life is suddenly good i am in love. I experience things i thought i would never experience, i felt loved .
Its is like a dream for me , i cant believe this happening. A week from heaven passes by like this we meet up 3 times in total, every time he comes over to my place we spend atleast 24 hours together. He says things like " you should come to my place it is 5 minutes to beach " , checks on me , shows interest to me . I show my interest on them .
Last time we meet he says he is busy at weekend and we can meet after that . That was 2 weeks ago , not only we did not meetup after that i think they lost interest on me for a reason i cannot understand , this person i thought was into me stops texting me starts to reacting to my texts a day later .
I ask him " what is the problem ? " . He basicly said he is mentally ill , has attachment issues because some people in the past hurt them , he says i am not the problem etc he is working on his mental health . Couple day passes he is active on insta but does not interracts with me , i tell him he is always in my mind and if they still love me . He says stuff like you are wonderfull person i love it i like you but i am unstable i dont wanna hurt you . I say i care about him i am here for him .
After that we only did some chit chat and i feel like i am putting an effort to just get a text back or an emoji from this person , i feel like they lost interest on me , they cant do a breakup so they do this .
I was already in a bad place before this and i feel even lower than before, i started doing sports to cope but now i am back at my room, alone. I mostly slept last 4 days and stopped eating . I am greatfull meeting this person , they made me feel loved . But he broke my heart after , he keeps posting stuff on insta with his friends which he also introduced me to . But ignores me .
It still feels like a dream , i dont know what do . I was planning a future together and stuff xD . Now i dont wanna even leave my bed

I wanted to preface this by saying this occurred 7-8 years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, and im a much different person now and not proud of who I was. Even so, the events of that semester haunt me even today, to the point that it occasionally keeps me up at night, I feel like if I get some impartial judgement on the situation I may be able to resolve some of the lingering grief. I feel like all things considered my actions were justified, but of course you will always be the protagonist fighting off the antagonists in your own story.
So it started in February 2017. I entered into an alternative high school program in my county designed to give students who couldn't otherwise function in normal schools a second chance. I had missed a few weeks due to a hospitalization earlier that year, and while my teachers had been lenient, I was having a difficult time catching back up and it was decided by my school counselors that I would be an excellent candidate for transfer.
It started off really well, I immediately was making new friends, I felt refreshed and hopeful about my new school, I really liked all my teachers, things finally felt right for the first time in awhile. Then I met a boy who i'll call "T", he was pretty cool, easy to talk to, very friendly, overall welcoming and we became friends right off the bat. I decided to get involved in extracurriculars, and T was part of the schools forensics club, which I had an interest in, so I joined up. On the trip we exchanged phone numbers, and ended up flirting over text over the next couple weeks. Eventually he asked me out and I accepted, this is where it started going downhill.
I figured dating this guy meant we would spend more time together, so we could really get to know each other, I was mistaken. I asked him to eat lunch with me, he wasn't interested, he wouldn't walk me to class or really interact with me outside of the classroom and texting. On top of this I learned some information about him over text that I will still not share because this story is still recognizable by those involved but lets just say it was a major turn off for me, I ended the relationship quickly. After that "J" and "A" his two female besties, quickly entered the scene to make my life a living hell. The initial accusation was that I led T on, and that I was trying to control him by forcing him to eat lunch with me, the truth is, I just wanted something different than what he was offering. I even told him we could still be friends. Meanwhile I was in my promiscuous phase and had many non serious flings and sugar daddy's and whatnot, this was just a run of the mill whelp that didn't work out moment for me, I was ready to move on immediately. They were not.
Rumors quickly spread about me, about me being a slut, apparently I was a prostitute and everyone seemed to know except me, and honestly I was unbothered by this. The prostitute thing was untrue, though I absolutely accepted gifts from people I talked to online, and I kinda was a slut, to be fair, so, not exactly the reputation I wanted but things could be much worse. I still had my friends, and I poured myself into my studies and ignited a love for STEM that I still have today.
Then one by one my friends disappeared. I would see them talking with A or J or one of their misc. associates. I was confused, because I hadn't done anything to them. I tried to talk to them, but I was blocked or laughed at, the more I was mocked and ridiculed the less confident about that whole thing I became. It wasn't just my current friends though, A kept tabs on who I was trying to befriend and snatched them up before I could clear the air. This happened with a couple people, but one in particular really hurt, i'll come back to him in a bit. I still had my best friend "M" who I had known years prior to coming to the school, she stuck around the longest, but eventually she started dating a guy from that clique, I was completely alone.
Meanwhile I was getting sneered at and laughed at, and whispered about, I would see girls I didn't know except through association with A and J who would point at me when they thought I couldn't see, and they'd lean into their friends to quitely gossip behind their hands. I tried not to see it, I found myself staring at the floor a lot.
I ended up talking to A and J and asking them to stop, I told them they were being immature (which in hindsight fanned the flames) there was no ceasefire. I ended up going to the school counselor who basically told us to be nice and did nothing to help. I talked to her 1 to 1 and explained the situation and she shrugged it off. I was growing increasingly desperate for support I wasn't receiving. I started to notice an impact to my grades, I was depressed, I couldn't focus, I was randomly tearful. I started eating lunch in a random corridor away from my peers. I wish I could have disappeared completely.
Then one day a boy transferred in from another school, a teacher asked for a volunteer to give him a tour of the building, I was chosen. His name was S. Talking to him was like a breath of fresh air, we hit it off quickly, I was so relieved to finally made a friend. We connected over history, he was a nerd like me and funny too. I went home that day and cried joyful tears, I was so excited to see him again the next day in first period, and when I walked into the room and saw A, J and him sitting together, my stomach hit the floor, we made eye contact and he just frowned and shook his head. I went to my desk and just put my head down and cried. At this point I didn't care if I was seen or not. This is the one that really got me.
A few weeks passed by, I was quietly working in biology class and I heard a dude call my name across the room, he said "OP, "D" thinks your cute!" and the group of guys laughed, I motioned the guy over, and gave him my number, I didn't have any interest in dating the guy but I really really wanted someone to talk to me. It wasn't even two hours before he was hitting it off with A.
At lunch time I went to a different counselor, one who showed more empathy to my situation. She told me I could stay in her office the rest of the day. 4th period came around and I was reeling in my head, I felt like I was a cornered animal, I was desperate for something to change. When she stepped out for a meeting I marched myself up to Spanish class, Which I shared with A, J, T, and S. I cracked the door and asked if I could speak with A in the hallway. I had the perfect speech planned, I had rehearsed a million times, that teacher said no. I told her it was incredibly important, she told me no and to get out. I looked at her, I looked at A, I stepped toward her and before I knew it she had a fist full of my hair, she was hitting me in the head while J grabbed my arms, I broke free and shoved J hard, and started punching A back but couldn't gather the momentum to do any damage as she still had my hair. The teacher who was 6 months pregnant tried to step in, I was so disoriented I shoved her away with my elbow. A male teacher came in and pulled us apart. I looked around at several cameras, faces of disgust. Sam looked at me and said "what the fuck is wrong with you?" I took my bags, and ran out into the hallway, down the stairs and was almost out of the building when the principal stopped me. I was suspended for a week.
My mom picked me up and I told her everything. We decided I would be withdrawn and I would be homeschooled the rest of high school. I eventually got my GED. I mellowed out, met my husband, and now we have a sweet baby boy. For some reason though, my heart can't handle what happened, even still it plays on a loop in my head. Everything I never got to say is still in my throat and has been since that day. Im hoping sharing this will finally put all that to rest. I want to move on, truly.
AITA?

I try to consume informative content on NPD but I can't stand it cuz I get annoyed and like "huh, that's just generic shit everybody does, stop looking for attention 🙄" I did answer the NPI and took 31 but I have an explanation to all the questions like "yes but not exactly like that"
I'm a really good person. Really, if I said I was a narcissist, nobody would agree. I mean, none of my friends, who've known me for six months cuz I tend to discard people. Not my therapist who've known me for a couple weeks cuz they always end up not being good enough. Not my partner who I'm being horrible to but somehow he still didn't notice I'm the problem. Maybe my ex but I'm pretty sure if I'm one he's one too.
I want to love my partner, really. That hot and chaotic (and awesome) feeling of meeting someone and being in love is fading and I want to actually love him. Actually stay. Not just move on to start it again with someone else and leave when it starts to became real, like always. But I can't. I'm terrified of vulnerability and love IS vulnerable. I want to be with him for the person he is and not for what he can give me but that would make me so fucking vulnerable and weak and I can't stand seeing myself that way but I also can't stant that I'm gonna be just one more asshole he's gonna have to get over he really deserves someone better and hes ghosting me and Idk why I don't wanna hate him I wanna make it right but how do I fucking do that I just wanna scream abt how much of an asshole he is I texted saying I saw something at a shop that I thought he would like cuz I wanted to know if he wanted it and he took a while to reply and I bought it but it's been HOURS already and I wanna set fire in that shit really I'm trying my fucking best y can't I just act normal and y can't I fucking study this diagnosis like I study ANY OTHER without getting irritated and annoyed and
well anyway, I'm not gonna edit this text
NPI: 31 Codependency: 13 OCD: 11

guys please MAKE UR OWN SUBS omg i’ve been talking to this guy and i really like him but he doesn’t really talk to me much anymore so i made a sub with affirmations like “he wants to talk to me all day” and got super specific with them and listened a few times and this guy is replying to my texts IMMEDIATELY now. i’m still in shock. this is ur sign to make you’re own you’ll get much better results!!!

So, in my country, If you are dependent on a military member, you get covered with the military insurance (pretty sure it is everywhere, but i'm not north american, so just giving a background) until you make to 24yo I (22 transmasc) have been down sick since Friday, and today was the worse, so i finally went to the doctor.
I go through triage, get in to doctors office, and he ask me the normal stuff "How are you? what happened? What are your symptoms"
So i respond "eu tô gripadO dês de sexta" "i'm sick (in masculine form) since Friday"
I always use masculine nouns and adjectives, as my language is veryyy gendered, but normally most people not even bait a eye on that and keep on treating me in feminine.
The doctor heard me, took notes of my symptoms, looked at my form and them
"First, how should i call you?"
That got me by surprise, and i just mumbled that, actully, my name is Elias, but it would say deadname on the forms.
He smiled, and wrote my actual name under my deadname on the form. I was so happy, but SO SICK, i just said a shy thank you.
Then he explained what i should do, what meds should i take and made sure to write the right name on the in the prescription, as it still has to be my deadname.
So since he seemend to be a safe person, i decided to ask something that i needed to ask someome from the military. So i started with "So, i wanted to ask a military guy about it, but..."
And he stopped and "No, look, i'm not a military guy. These clothes, this place, does not represent me. We are here as equal people, and i just want you to have the best care i can offer" (but imagine this with a ...how can i say, a very camp accent? You now what i'm talking about, that men was making clear that he was not just a ally)
I was literally like B!TCH YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MAKE ME CRY RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU I just felt so safe, which is so hard to me to feel in a military environment.
I asked what i wanted to ask, if he thought i would have a lot of trouble with the insurance if i had my name legally changed. And of course the answer is yes.
We finished the appointment, he wished me the best, and i certainly wish doctor H the best life ever. Having him there and talking to me like that in a place that can be so unwelcoming to LGBTQ+ folks really made my day. Love to see the gays being doctors in the military. Serving. Literally.

Excuse if this is a little messy. I hardly use reddit, and this entire situation is stressing me out to the point of shakiness and illness. On that not, onto the story.
So, for a bit of context, I am a very, very new adult. I just graduated high school, and I've never had the best relationship with my family besides my mom and brother. I was still very distant from my mom because of some slight neglect in the past. I don't blame her for it because she's a single mom and was working a very hard job.
Extra context, my mom had also been planning a California trip. She had changed the plans every other day. Me and my fiance couldn't keep up with it, especially because he had a work venture there.
The past few months, I had been going out with my boyfriend, now fiance ( we'll call Ax ). My mom had been pretty hard on me because of this. Saying how, "I'm not home enough," and, "I need to help with (this this and this)." So, I was already getting a little fed up. I just wanted an escape from the house which is honestly not a very healthy living space due to my fairly slobbish family. Everytime I would go home she would bombard me with stuff, which I never had to do before, so it made me want out more.
I'm just going to summarize the build up by saying, there were quite a few arguments and she never seemed to listen to me. I also have a super hard time communicating my feelings and confrontation so participating in an argument is a big deal.
Now we get to the big night. The last thing we "talked" about was the California trip and how Ax's parents won't let him go if we stay at her friend's house. She got upset and stormed off. Me and Ax were upset so we went to his birth mom's ( we'll call her Cat ) house to take a break. It didn't really help. I had gotten fed up with all of the arguing and bitterness from my mom. All of the snide comments to Ax. I texted her that I was moving out and wasn't going on the California trip. ( I was moving into Cat's house. )
Now should I have texted her? Probably not, but texting helps me form my thoughts into words. I express more clearly through text, and shut down on the phone and especially in person.
She calls and I freak out and hand the phone to Ax. Mistake number 2. A bit about Ax, he is very very protective of me, especially with some of the stuff I've told him about my family and my dad. He doesn't want me to go through the same thing again. He's also a big jokester but is autistic so he doesn't really get when not to do some of his joking tones and words. They also come off as very disrespectful sometimes and he was kind of tired of her. So my mom is angry.
She tells me to come home within 5 minutes. I very shaky get in the car and we head there. We get there and she takes the keys to the car and my phone. Tells me to come inside and talk alone. Now, I get where she's coming from, but I HATE feeling cornered. I need someone else there by my side or I just shut down. It socks and makes things a lot harder with this kind of stuff. Now the rest is a but of a blur but she gets aggressive. No physical violence, but she does get in my face. I back up and she starts acussing me of telling people I'm violent though I haven't. It blurs again and suddenly I'm packing my things and leaving. My brother (15) by my side sad to see me leave this way.
The night goes by and I hear nothing from her. The next day she texts. I don't remember many of the texts, but I do remember being stressed out and not replying to things often. I tell her I need some time.
Few days go by with few texts I answer and a couple calls I don't. Then we get to church just a few days after the big night and an argument over text starts. She acusses Ax of lying, stealing, and vandalizing her car. The "lying" was a joke he made about his origins that I took seriously at first, I am a very slow person, that he had not realized I took seriously until very very later on. On the stealing, he had not stolen from some of the places acussed, but we did have a separate incident that was true. However, he's done his best to make it up and has not done anything like it since. He got punished by me and his parents. She still thinks he should've gotten worse. He's especially tried to make it up to my mom because he had lost her full trust and she was very obvious about it and still hasn't forgiven him to this day. The vandalizing was him working on the car, but not fixing it fully, because, we'll, she took the car before he could.
I talked about getting my legal documents, the entire point I was texting her in the first place, she brought up Ax herself. I misunderstood her and thought she was wanting to keep them from me so threatened legal action. I won't go deep into this because I'm not a lawyer, but ultimately it was more a threat to get my stuff. She said that I could get my stuff from the garage. Remember when I told you that my family was slobish? Yeah, I have no clue where these documents are and the garage is stacked to the sealing so it's going to take me a bit. I don't want to, but it's the only way to get my documents.
I completely give up at this point. I already said I needed a bit of time, but she continued to text. When I didn't answer email me a mental health line. The only times I would talk to her was to get my stuff. She started making facebook posts warning about toxic relationships, and how losing loved ones without making peace is terrible. This continues for a bit then stopped a couple days ago. The last thing I got, just a few hours ago, was an email. I will be quoting it word for word but changing names blah blah, you know how privacy works.
"Hi, [deadname]! I hope everything is going well for you.
I just wanted to take some time to explain some things. I wanted to tell you these things in person because it really does matter. Reading something is far different from hearing how someone says it. Arguments and misunderstandings should always be fixed in person.
First and foremost, I love you. I would do anything within my power for you. I have always been there for you and I want to continue being there. It breaks my heart that you don't want anything to do with me. I've tried to make you feel loved and supported. I've been active in your interests and activities. I even played Minecraft for you... (Haha)
I wanted to talk to you privately because we will never be able to fix things between us if someone else is involved. And honestly, it's no one else's business. I've never physically or intentionally hurt you so there is no reason to be scared to spend time with me.
What I have tried to tell you through text, is that I did not blow up because you wanted to move out. My response was that we would talk when you got home. That was not blowing up and this is why it is important to communicate in person rather than via text. I wanted to know your plans and see if I could help or add some suggestions that might help. I blew up because of the disrespect. I was being treated like I was nothing and like I've done nothing for you. I tried to explain that I wasn't mad about you wanting to move out. I'm not sure why you thought I would be since we've been talking about it for 6 months.
I apologize to you for how I handled my thoughts and feelings about [Ax]. It shouldn't have been handled that way. I'm not mad that either of you made mistakes. I was mad at the lack of taking ownership of said mistakes. I was mad that I was lied to again when I called out those mistakes.
I just want us to work through this. I love you. I will always love you. I want to help you if and when I can. I always want to be a part of your life. I am hurt that you can so easily throw away our relationship because of one argument. I am hurt that you're acting like I've done something for you to be afraid of me.
My door is always open and I'm always just a phone call away.
Love, Mom"
It makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and I'm actually unsure if I'm being to harsh on her. AITH?
TLDR; I move in with my fiancé. Arguments with mom as she acusses us of things we didn't do besides one thing. Im tired and stressed so go almost no contact. I get an email from her making me rethink my position on the matter.
Edit 1 and 2: Updates to layout of the post.

I was drunk. My good friend was with me. We had both just gone through breakups and she decided to visit me to hang out and go to the state fair. We had been at the baclub for a while at this point. She was being bitter. My other friend came with us but he was being a debbie downer. I ended up being asked to dance so I did so. I was dancing with this younger black man with long dreads. He was teaching me to two step. Honestly, I was already drinking for a while, but I was having a great time. I kept checking in with my friend. She was on her phone a lot and I decided I wasn't going to just sit there while she texted some guy 2 hours or so away. That's when I decided to go dance.
To be clear, at no point was I black out drunk or out of control. I was buzzed and happy.
She mentions this guy she's talking to. She invites him to the bar with us. He was drinking with some friend of his. My friend and I sent them a bathroom mirror selfie not saying anything provocative or anything, at least not that I know of. Either way, he calls her at some point. He's there but his buddy wasn't allowed in...because he showed up to a country baclub in sweatpants. He was already drunk too. They are discussing this when the guy she invited (a man a few years older than us going through a divorce and custody battle...mind you we are somewhere around 22 and 25). I feel bad for him and we go out to the parking lot to talk with the friend and see what he wants to do. He says he is fine waiting in the lot. I don't know who, but someone was like well let's go get food so he can be included. So I was like sure and my friend and I get in our car, the guy she invited and his friend get into their own car with the plan that we all meet somewhere to get food. I don't remember the specifics of how it happened, but we didn't get food. I think the place they wanted was closed or something. Either way, she invites these two men that are strangers to me to MY apartment. I had a just over 500 sq ft studio apartment in a bad part of town. I had 3 bar stools, no couch, no where to sit, just my bed and the chairs. I wasn't comfortable with this but my opinion wasn't heeded.
We get to the apartment. I know I made a shot for everyone. The friend of the guy my friend invited wanted to drink all my alcohol basically. I told him no because I was a student and that shit's expensive. He wasn't about to wipe out all my liquor on his own. But my friend and the guy she invited say they're going to take a step outside to talk about something. I found out later they went to his truck to talk about them or whatever. Well, this means I am left with this asshole friend of the guy.
I had been sitting on my bed when my friend left the apartment to step outside. I had been trying to be polite and let my guests have the chairs. Some things get fuzzy here. I know the friend of the guy came and sat by me. He started trying to touch me and kiss me. I told him I wasn't interested and I didn't do hookups. He starts telling me about his baby momma and his kid. He said some stuff that made me think he was a bit of an awful person but I don't remember exactly what it was now. Anywho, he tries to sit right by me, a 110-120lb very petite girl. I try to move away while still being polite. He starts putting his hands on me. Sliding them up my shirt and trying to grab my chest. I tell him no and to stop. I say I'm not interested. He says don't worry he'll come visit me and we can go out later so it's not just a hook up. He knows where I live now so he'll come by after tonight. I don't like this. I keep telling him no and trying to get away. Things are getting fuzzy.
I know he grabbed my thighs. He tried to take my shirt off and undo my jean shorts. He kept rubbing on my vagina over my jeans. I kept saying no and trying to get away. He pushed me down and back so I was laying on my bed. I squirmed out and went to the bathroom. I tried to text my friend. She left her phone inside. I didn't know what to do.
I come out of the bathroom. He says how much he wishes I had come out in lingerie. I don't remember how but I remember I was on the bed again. He was on top of me, touching me, grabbing my chest, rubbing between my legs, pinning me with his weight. I tried to play friendly and get him off. Anything I could do to get it to stop. He wouldn't listen. Eventually he laid beside me and tried to get me to touch him. I was able to get up and get to my door.
My friend was in the front seat of the guy she invited's truck. I asked her when she was coming in and if she could come back in with me. I was so concerned with ruining her night. She had made it sound like it would just be a second. I couldn't stay outside, the area wasn't safe, let alone for a petite female. But my apartment wasn't safe now either. I know I ended up back inside. I tried to stay far away from the man inside. He would try to come onto me and touch me still. I got him to start just talking so he'd be distracted and stop. Eventually my friend comes in with the guy she invited. I remember the guys left.
I felt numb to what happened. I know if I reacted differently it would have been way worse. I kept him from getting my clothes off but I couldn't stop the ways he touched me. I couldn't stop the ways he grabbed me or made me feel uncomfortable in my own space. I told him to stop and articulated why so many times. I played dumb and sweet to get it to stop. It was like Josh again but worse and with a man I didn't know. Whose name I don't even remember. For some reason I feel guilt about it. Did I do something to make him think I wanted that? I said if they came it would be fun but I said that in an innocent way as in I knew my friend wanted to see this guy and I wanted her to be able to do so. Did he go home upset because some prude bitch wouldn't sleep w him when he went all that way? Did he think I owed him? Did I do something wrong? I don't know him. I don't owe him. I didn't control him coming down here or tell them to. I didn't want them in my apartment. I didn't want to be alone with them.
I feel that twinge of guilt still that I owed him when I think about this. I felt numb to it for a long time like it wasn't a thing that mattered. That's still how I see it mostly. Some of these details might be blurred. I don't know that I remember everything, which is weird because I wasn't crazy intoxicated, I was happy buzzed. My friend asked me a few times if I told her everything that happened. She said she felt bad once I finally told her what happened. But a part of me wonders if something more did happen and I just refuse to remember it. I don't know. A part of me says I should be flattered someone thought I was attractive. I should be flattered he wanted me. I know this wasn't right. I'm not okay with it, but why do I think of it like this? Why do I think something more might have happened? I was incredibly hungover the next day. Worse than ever before or ever since. It was awful. I wasn't drugged. I made the only drink I had while those guys were around. I don't know what all happened now. The details are fuzzy. Hell some of what I wrote may be me filling in gaps. I can't say for sure. I just know my friend and I haven't seen each other since. We barely speak. I had some discontent with her for this. It wasn't her fault but I couldn't see things the same. She was one of my closest friends. Why would she tell them to come over? Why would she leave me alone, clearly buzzed, with this strange guy in an apartment that had no where to go? His actions aren't her fault at all. I know I could never leave a friend in that situation though. I can't completely reconcile that someone that was supposed to be there for me and we were supposed to look out for each other would act as such.