Fury Toad: Almost no dialogue, based entirely on storyboads.
Furiosa: Yap yap yap, exposition, exposition, blah blah blah, plot shit that I don't care about (who gives a fuck which exact villain owns Gastown now?).
Fury Road: Super cool visual worldbuilding, the worship of car engines, the oil-covered foreheads of high-ranking, a ton of details like that. Sickly inbred villain trying to make himself macho and intimidating because he's deified for skeleton-looking suicidal Warboys with iconic hand gestures, chromed mouths, tattoos etc. Strong and bald female character with cool mechanical arm who somehow got up the ranks in a super patriarchal culture. Ridiculous, creative characters and locations, new crazy shit every ten minutes.
Furiosa: Bland Marvel-looking villain, no visual identity to the Horde whatsoever, female character wearing long L'Oreal locks for no reason (actually against reason - it straight up makes her discoverable as female), also looks like a twig and is played by an actor who looks nothing like the original one. Movie just revisits the same locations and interiors with little new content.
Fury Road: Tight simple plot made more complex and interesting by all the visual worldbuilding, characterisation of almost every character, and character development for several. Perfectly communicated through one big chase where every action scene moves the story along.
Furiosa: Meandering exposition-loaded plot that starts with an undeveloped mother character getting fridged in the first 15 mins, then has Furiosa get sold off, then escaping but...sticking around in the exact same place? Scheming and backstabbing villains that don't affect Furiosa in any way. Some dad-figure of hers gets fridged, and now she pursues the villain and talks and talks and talks. Pacing is all over the place. Even the story of her rising up the ranks is merely time-skipped after she meets a meritocratic mentor figure.
Fury Road: Very unusual in being a seemingly macho movie whose emotional core revolves around women escaping patriarchal sexual violence (and being helped by a man who isn't doing it to get in their pants).
Furiosa: No insight into women's lives in the Horde despite the fact that Furiosa was supposed to grow up there. Absolutely no mention of the wives, or how Furiosa met them or why she decided to risk her life to free them. I guess it's more interesting to focus on this one bland Good Guy who was only created for this movie in order to get fridged 🤷‍♂️
Fury Road: Insane practical effects, very strong colourful orange-blue colour theme, excellent cinematography.
Furiosa: Everything's a lot more brown and gray and toned down, a lot more cgi, more unconvincing effects that had to be put in because "what we wanted couldn't be achieved practically" (I dunno, maybe ground your ideas a little so they feel at least somewhat real, then?)
Fury Road: Intimidating Villain who controls the water, and is overcompensating for his mutated inbred offspring with machismo and imperial imagery, deifies himself for a cult of child soldiers.
Furiosa: Some incompetent dude who is followed by the Horde for...unexplainable reasons? Isn't particularly charismatic, or manipulative...uhh I'm honestly not sure what his deal is supposed to be. His personality and motivations seem all over the place and I don't understand how he's holding the whole horde together.
Also far lazier worldbuilding, and look no further than the fact that Furiosa was apparently not a name given by a crazy warrior culture, but one she had all along from a peaceful idyllic utopia.

so we all know this fandom relies on multiverse theory. I'll start with a simple one. It will be divided in sections.
Section A:Aus, Ats and ams.
Aus are alternate universes. They use the characters and setting of og undertale usually, but aren't connected to it.
Ats are alternate timelines. They're the result of the original undertale getting altered in some way.
Ams are alternate multiverses. Things like helptale and underverse being the biggest example.

 Underfell 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/Underfell
Trivia
1.the au was originally called underhell, but it got changed to underfell because underhell already was a thing that had nothing to do with undertale
2.unlike the fanon interpretations, papyrus does not abuse sans. Their relationship is like actual siblings, they argue then they shake hands. Both try to he the cooler more mature brother.
3.sans pays grillby in socks, wich does annoy him a bit. And yes grillby does wear those socks.
4.the characters of underfell were redesigned multiple times. With the skeletone being redesigned a wopping 6 times.
5.there is no pacifist and genocide route. Instead there is the trust route, closure route and the betrayal route. The betrayal route has you pit the monsters against each other. Sans will only fight you in the betrayal route.
6.underfell actually did have a true pacifist route, where the monsters would wear purple after the route. The pacifist route got scrapped.
7.sans says "i'm gonna have one HELL of a time" when fighting you
8.sans has his glowing eye 24/7 due to being constantly stressed. As a result he's often tired.
9.mettaton's arms that have yellow gloves on them are controlled by alphys
10.all characters have say "fuck" at least once
Thoughts: i like the whole idea. The designs are great, the art is great. The story is pretty good. 8/10

 Underswap 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/Underswap
1.the characters do not fully swap personalities
2.papyrus smokes because he wants to look edgy
3.sans still likes puns while papyrus prefers practical jokes
4.asgore was originally gonna bake cakes instead of making tea
5.underswap was agnowledged in a buzzfeed article
6.undyne was originally supposed to like cartoons but instead of anime
7.the creator of the au left the fandom when sans got completely mischaracterized by the community
Thoughts: it's pretty decent. It doesn't do a whole lot but it's pretty good for what it is, 6/10. If this was about az!underswap it would've been 8/10.

 Storyshift 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/Storyshift_(Preboot)?so=search
1.chara canonically uses plant magic instead of summoning red knives (although i massively prefer the knife magic, the plant magic just looks lame).
2.asriel doesn't call himself something like "the amazing asriel", instead he roleplays as "the absolute deity" or "the god of hyperdeath". Chara is in on the larping too.
3.toriel taught asriel how to bake, wich is why unlike undertale papyrus, his food doesn't taste awful.
4.toriel and asgore ended up estranged because of asgore's experiments with dt and the creation of the amalgamates.
5.undyne got cyberized because she got injured when lifting the core.
6.papyrus doesn't hate sans and wants to forgive him. He also left to the ruins to scatter dust unlike undertale toriel wich left due to disagreeing with asgore's plan.
7.the characters do not swap personalities.
8.storyshift is technically an alternate timeline becuase it happens after you reset the original undertale.
9.there were 9 different shifts planned for the au.
Thoughts: i like the fact chara and asriel are alive. They're dripped out too. The story is nice and the fact the personalities remain the same gives it a fresh coat of paint, 8.5/10

 Horrortale 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/Horrortale
1.the flash game was gonna have battles, but the system would've worked differently due to the point and click formula and aliza being scared.
2.aliza's name means joyful in hebrew.
3.contrary to popular belief sans isn't immortal. He's just hard to kill.
4.papyrus teeth became all fucked due to years of eating his crooked spaghetti.
5.in the reference sheet sans wields an axe made out of a femur bone. This reference sheet is outdated, his canon weapon is a cleaver.
6.horrortale was originally a take on underfell before it became it's own thing.
7.both sour apple studios and vic the underfella love each other's aus and are friends.
Thoughts: i like how simple the artstyle looks, it gives the comic an eerie vibe. The au taking place after a neutral run is unique. It doesn't rely on cheap jumpscares to be scary. Overall a great au, 7/10

 Dusttale 

https://ask-dusttale.tumblr.com/
1.sans' canon nickname is murder!sans, not dust. But you can call him dust if you want.
2.there is no frisk or chara in dusttale. Only the human/player. Frisk died when they fell and the player is possesing their corpse. Chara got so bored of the infinite genocide runs they don't even help you erase the world. Making the events entirely your fault.
3.phantom papyrus is not real, it's just a figment of sans' imagination. The phantom scolds sans for killing everyone, yet it urges him to keep killing
4.sans is aware phantom papyrus isn't real, but he talks to it anyway just to keep what's left of his sanity.
5.killing was the last option for sans. Before that he tried everything else yet it all failed.
6.dusttale has at least 3 endings: abandoned (sans wins, he's forever alone), infinite loop (sans loses, he remembers his loss and tries again), peace treaty of disbelief (the human promises to make things right yet sans kills them anyway)
7.sans drinks, a lot. He also reads books, his favourites being sci-fi novels and books with happy endings.
8.sans is fundementally a self-conflicting character. He regrets all the killing, but he enjoys it, but at the same time he hates himself for enjoying it, the only kill sans didn't enjoy was papyrus but even then he enjoyed the fact he did it instead of the human. He doesn't really think his plan will work, but he keeps going anyway because he's gone too far. Sans does immoral things for a moral cause.
9.sans would enjoy fighting the human and making them suffer, but once they quit he'll feel empty. When defeating the human all he'll say is "what should i do now pap?".
10.sans would never attack other aus for no reason. Even if he was forced to fight he would try to talk things out.
11.if core!frisk were to meet sans he would refuse to go to the omega timeline because he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He will find survivors and send them there though.
12.sans' eyes are symbolic in a way. The red represents determination. The cyan represents patience. He lost the yellow of justice.
Thoughts: it's the best au, 100000000/10.

 Something new 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Sans/SomethingNew
1.there are multiple endings to killer's story. The most notable one is where he betrays chara (or the player....whatever you prefer). And nightmare finds him.
2.killer does not enjoy food that brings back bad memories such as chocolate, spaghetti or ketchup.
3.killer has 4 stages. In stage 1 he is back to being sans again, stage 2 is the killer we know and love, stage 3 is a prolonged version of killer and stage 4 is completely insane.
4.killer and color are bffs.
5.the player altered sans' code so he could say yes to the deal.
6.killer does not leak hate out of his eyes, it's just overflowing dt.
7.killer's lv is 999999. His stats are 1(99)atk, 20hp and 1def. Although he is insanely durable (got his arm ripped off and didn't even flinch for example).
8.killer fights color for fun.
9.he wants help but nightmare is always there to keep him numb.
10.killer's hallucinations are so bad he can't tell what's real or not anymore.
11.killer is very romantic and tried to flirt with nightmare at one point.
Thoughts: it has some fanon stuff but it's not bad. Killer is an amazing character. The story is definetly a bit complicated, especially when you get to the multiverse stuff but it's fun. 9/10.

 Aftertale, error and fatal error 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Sans/Aftertale?so=search
https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Error_Sans?so=search
https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Sans/Fatal_Error?so=search
1.all 3 of them were classic sans at one point. Error and fatal error used to be geno. Error happened when geno ended up in the anti-void after playing with his determination. Fatal happened when error tried to kill another geno.
2.error has 5 blue tongues.
3.error's stats are rng based. They can go from 1 to 9999999.
4.fatal error constantly sees code.
5.error is terrified of fresh.
6.when fatal isn't stealing code he can actually be pretty kind to other people.
7.geno constantly bleeds from his chest and his right eye is melting.
8.error is very myopic and has a phobia of touch.
9.if some would turn error back into geno he would commit suicide due to the immense guilt of destroying all those aus.
10.error is good at knitting.
Thoughts: they're all pretty great aus. Aftertale is 6/10, error is 8/10 and fatal is 7/10.

 Fresh 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Fresh?so=search
1.fresh doesn't like swearing and censors all swear words.
2.fresh was a joke character based on dippy fresh from gravity falls (it was gravity falls, right?).
3.fresh is emotionless. But the parasite can feel anger or fear.
4.fresh!ink isn't the result of fresh possesing ink. Instead it's another fresh parasite that liked ink's style so he wanted to copy it.
Thoughts: he funky, 8/10

 ___tale 

https://undertaleoc.fandom.com/wiki/Ink!Sans
1.ink is aroace.
2.when ink loses his emotions he becomes weaker due to losing the paint inside his body. Eventually he would become an empty husk that can be controlled.
3.ink doesn't really want a soul. He considers his paint vials an advantage and doesn't want to kill someone for the sake of a soul.
4.ink's original design was inspired by another character who i don't know.
5.the doodlesphere is canonically buckets of paint instead of pieces of paper. The doodlesphere works like a web page.
6.ink and error haven't met canonically.
Thoughts: not much to say. I don't really care about ink that much, 6/10.

 Dreamtale 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/Dreamtale
1.despite looking like sanses, dream and nightmare aren't. Their appearances were based on underswap sans.
2.if dream were to touch nightmare he would melt and die.
3.nightmare fan kill an au with his aura alone.
4.the only way to kill nightmare is to remove all negativity in the multiverse or completely vaporise his cells (good luck doing either of those).
Thoughts: i don't care much about this au either. I'm not even gonna rate it. But i do like nightmare, he's cool as fuck.

 Undertale: insanity 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Sans/Insanity?so=search
1.the blood on sans is the result of brutally killing frisk over and over again.
2.sans has 99atk, 1def and less than 20hp (the wiki i linked has some stuff wrong)
3.sans has infinite stamine and never gets tired.
4.sans prefers melee combat. He only uses the blasters if he's panicking or annoyed.
5.canonically he isn't scared of gaster. If he were to see him he'd get angry. The injection removed fear from sans' mind.
6.sans is half braindead.
7.the dt injection was condensed determination according to zeerodanteero. According to the new owner, utf, the injection was dt that was modified to make monsters handle it.
8.sans' theme is impossible to play in the right key on an actual piano because the notes slide between c and d minor.
9.papyrus is indeed alive.
10.according to the old music video frisk would reset for a pacifist route if they managed to beat sans. "I'll go back to the life you don't want" was the lyric that mentioned it.
11.sans and the human are still fighting to this very day.
Thoughts: i love his goofy ahh. His themes are great too. But no, insanity isn't stronger than murder. Both of them can win if they were to fight, 6.5/10.

 Xtale 

https://xtaleunderverse.fandom.com/wiki/Undertale
1.xgaster's full name may be xgaster xgaster but it was likely just a joke.
2.the x in xgaster is indeed pronounced unlike x!muffet for example.
3.in the maniaknight underverse dubs alphys was voiced by jakei....i think? I'm sounding like a real dumbass here but i think it was jakei.
4.cross prefers to be called "cross" instead of sans.
5.cross' code is x's instead of binaries. The other xtale characters more than likely have that type of code too.
6.cross loves choccy milk
Thoughts: kinda complicated. I like the au tho. Cross is cool, muffet is adorable. The art and animation are great, 8/10

 Glitchturd 

I am not even gonna respect it by linking a wiki. Fuck this au.
1.cami's an awful person that defended a pedophile on discord and also mocked the victim.
2.cami treated jakei like shit.
3.cami traced a lot of stuff
4.betty is a shitty self insert villain who could've won easily, but she's so fucking incompetent that she grabs defeat from the jaws of victory...and then gets a powerup to help her escape.
5.alphys got killed off to make undyne straight
6.character assassination everywhere.
7.the music was good tho, thanks to nyxtheshield.
Thoughts: one of the worst aus i've seen. 💩/10

 Axetale 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Axetale?so=search (warning, very graphic. Take some ketamine before seeing this au)
1.sans does not actually have a thing for ketchup, he only drank it as a joke.
2.flowey is powerful yet rotting if he doesn't sustain himself he will fall apart and die.
3.the monster population dropped from 2.2 million to 100000.
4.sans can make other weapons too, but he's gotten so good with his axe he doesn't need anything else.
5.if repairs aren't made the core will explode, destroying mt.ebott, the city and the countryside.
6.there are no children left in the underground. Thet all got eaten by their parents. If the hunger isn't stopped monsterkind will die out.
7.gaster can't get infected because he's in the void.
8.the hunger can be stopped if you push flowey to the void but it's easier said than done.
9.error can easily close the hole in the void caused by the glitch but he doesn't want to. The au is basically destroying itself so less work for error.
10.axetale is an offshoot of horrortale. The creators of axetale themselves have confirmed they were inspired by horrortale.
11.a whole game was planned at one point
12.the au had an entire ost but it got taken down, nobody knows who did it lmao.
Thoughts: it's a drug trip of an au. The art is actually very good. It has it's flaws but honestly it's decent, 7/10.

 Coretale 

https://undertale-au.fandom.com/wiki/CORETale
1.frisk's full name is frisk marusina. They're slovakian.
2.frisk has burn marks on thir back.
3.the reason the omega timeline is a white void is because the creator of the au got lazy when designing it. A happy accident that resulted in a place with a very distinct aesthetic.
4.frisk's original design was a bit different. Their legs were cut off and bleeding profusely, they had a giant wound on their stomach and could manipulate and levitate electronic objects.
5.frisk has ptsd.
Thoughts: the skrunkly. Other than that not many thoughts on the au. It's cool, and the multiverse would be less interesting without them. 6/10

 Dustbelief 

https://undertale-au-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Papyrus/Dustbelief
1.it isn't explained where papytus got the coat from other than "from his closet"
2.the reason for the design was because aude-javel did not want to make papyrus look generic
3.the orange in papyrus' eyes symbolize bravery (fighting the human no matter what). The blue and green symbolize integrity and kindness (who papyrus once was)
4.the sword came from an old disbelief drawing aude made.
Thoughts: the only reason it doesn't get a 10/10 is because i prefer dusttale. The story is great, papyrus is awesome and dripped the fuck out, 9.99/10
Section B: combo, stack aus and the name order.
Combo aus are made when you combine 2 different aus. Swapfell and fellswap for example.
Stack aus happen when you stack the same au. Swapswap, dustdusr, etc.
The name order has different combo results.
Swapfell is underswap felled. Some trivia cuz' why not.
1.papyrus is pretty greedy and usually harasses others or steals from them.
2.sans isn't allowed in the royal guard because he's a loose cannon.
3.papyrus' bones are yellow due to smoking so much.
Thoughts: 7/10
Fellswap is underfell swapped. This one has a lot of takes. Fellswap gold, wich takes place in the cold war (no rating for this one, pretty decent tho), fellswap red (also no rating for this one) and fellswap emerald (the best one, 7/10)
Fellswap emerald trivia: papyrus sells overpriced chicken nuggets. Papyrus is 24 years old while sans is 21.
Other examples of combo aus include dustswap and swapdust.
Swapdust happens when underswap papyrus goes dusttale
Dustswap happens when undertale papyrus is the murderer and sans is the mentor
Swapshift/history recast and storyswap are also different. History recast happens when the characters of underswap get shifted. Storyswap happens when the roles of storyshift swap.
Swapspin and spinswap use the same logic.
Stack aus are a bit simpler to explain.
They essentially are an au². These have many takes.
Some good ones are. Dustdust: faded memory, dustdust: shadowy echoes. Horrortale: hell's back, horrortale: petrified leftovers, something new: in control and undertale hatred unleshed.
Section C: outcodes and incodes.
Outcodes are characters that exist outside their own aus, or characters that don't have one. Fresh, error, ink, fatal error, core, dream, nightmare and even killer are outcodes.
Characters that don't exist outside their aus are incodes.
The entire multiverse works on code basically.
Section vitamin D: extra stuff. These probably deserve their own sections but this post is already gigantic so i'm just skimming through these.
1.horrordust is currently owned by itshorrorsansplayz. The canon name is horrordust: whispers from hell. Jbones used to own it but gave all his aus away.
2.killerdust is currently owned by hoderline and swappy. Ihsp used to own it too, along with horrorkiller. But he lost interest in those.
3.carno-power used to own dustdust but gave it away, no idea who has it now.
This post was a long one. I probably made myself look like a fucking deranged lunatic, but there ya have it folks. An entire guide to this hellhole we call a fandom.

I occasionally had contamination thoughts, that I argued with and tried my best to always make sure that I didn't contaminate anything others my family could eat. But it wasn't my main theme whatsoever, just occasional thoughts.
Two days ago, I was rushing through making food and I ignored my thoughts. Although I knew my parents wouldn't be harmed by the food, I worried that I was evil/murderer for not caring. This bothered for a bit, but I made peace with it.
That event triggered me and it led me to repeatedly say "this isn't contaminated, it won't hurt anyone" Anytime I touched food. My mind tried telling me I had done that previous event on purpose and it scared me even if I knew it wasn't true. I told myself "I'd never do it purposely" and even chuckled at images of me purposely poisoning my parents food. Due to how out of character it was. I was certain of myself, but also did fear it a bit.
I was eating a snack as I worried about this. Literally argued with my thoughts. I stopped eating and seconds later I placed my hand inside the snack container to purposely contaminate them. Afterwards I began to worry and spiral. I felt like a monster.
Quite frankly I'm not sure what to do. I'm not currently in therapy, but I plan to go with one soon. I'm not sure what this means for me anymore

Just a disclaimer "It may work on you or not"
But it did for me for real. I have been suffering from stomach pain from last 2 year, bottom left corner below the rib cage.
Got an endoscopy and biopsy done, mild gastritis with H.pylori was detected. Had multiple rounds of antibiotics, PPI. Nothing worked, pain was there, low appetite and constipation.
Then last week, as I am from India someone suggested as no medication has worked try to go to a Saint (baba) he technically fixes the navel displacement and damn dude it worked from the very moment I visited him.
All you need to do, please please can't emphasize on this more try this at home and let me know.
Need one more person with you, tell them to wack your right arm middle finger like for 3-4 times. Also check if you have navel displacement by putting both the hands together in such way the upper most lines join and check if your smallest figures line are aligned in a line ( if the small fingure lines are not aligned) you will get okay by doing the above recommendation.
Please feel free to dm me for this thing it worked on me, I am telling you guys I never felt like this on last 2 years, everyday I eat food now like I am having it for the first time.
Take care guys don't lose hope

A little about me: I’m a 37-year-old photographer from India, currently visiting my family and staying here for a couple of weeks. During my last visit to Berlin, I had the pleasure of meeting many interesting people and capturing their portraits. Reach out to me to have a look at my Humans of Berlin project. Wanted to post it here but didn’t want to make it public.
As an introvert, my previous trip to Berlin was transformative, thanks to the amazing souls I encountered. This time, I’m looking forward to meeting and socializing with fellow photographers and locals, learning more about Berlin, and maybe grabbing a beer. Feel free to reach out! Aite peace. ✌🏻

I started dating my CPTSD ex around this time last year.
We started off in this beautiful, earnest, vulnerable relationship which was far too quick really. There was no 'finding our way in' through shared interests etc, we just met, I told her I liked her, and *Boom!* we were right in at the depths.
I had my own parental trauma that I was trying to pull myself together from, and I was doing well but her openness with discussing all her stuff kind of... I don't know... it connected with my own experience, and almost 'undid' some of my self-work, I think.
The thing is, I couldn't fit in with everything she said she needed - it's like... she needed my whole life, right from early on.
I wasn't boundaried enough, because I hadn't worked on myself enough; but also she'd told me about her severe trauma and it felt hard to disappoint her.
She also had paintings of kids’ toys on the wall of her apartment which were directly related to her trauma - kind of like symbols. And cushions with that on.
I wanted to be a BIT cautious then, and when I set some light boundaries, she didn't often respond well to them.
She started to become a bit abusive towards me, and actually did a few things which were pretty scary and unexpected.
People kept telling me that it was an abusive relationship, but I struggled to see it.
Eventually, she got really upset with me and broke up with me.
I didn't really understand how it all came to that, and it broke me. Absolutely broke me.
We managed to make up in time, and we came to a place of really warm openness.
We also told each other that we felt we sort of loved each other (both of us being a little cautious, and both of us still making sense of our feelings).
I still thought we COULD get back together, but I didn't tell her that explicitly - I wanted to see if we could maintain a friendship first because I figured that'd take self-regulation from her, consistency from me, and maybe demonstrate what we were really dealing with.
The thing is... she kept disappearing, or going cold. Then coming back really warm. Then disappearing. Then texting. Then not replying.
And every time it kind of hurt - it reminded me of the way she broke up with me, and I felt like I was hanging on a string, waiting for some clarity or consistency.
Over the weekend, I saw her holding hands with a new man. She has a new boyfriend now, which she didn't tell me about (fair enough), and when I asked her about it, she simply said she'd moved on and didn't have anything to say.
It broke me all over again... so I messaged and told her that I really wanted to stay in touch, but that I was finding our dynamic too hard to sustain and that I needed to close the door on us. I blocked her social media accounts.
I've just looked at my phone, and I think she's blocked me now (the whatsapp time stamp isn't coming up anymore).
I feel awful, because we'd broken up and in some ways... her inconsistent contact over the last three months isn't REALLY a big crime. She didn't promise anything, and she didn't really let me down.
But I still said I wanted to cut things off.
And she's been through so much in her life, and I WISH I could've just kept things open to indicate that I still accepted her... and I feel that by cutting things off, I've probably just piled more shame on to her; and that half of it was my fault for being codependent.
I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be a healthy guy for her, and now I feel like I've just made everything worse.
It's horrible.

I started dating my CPTSD ex around this time last year.
We started off in this beautiful, earnest, vulnerable relationship which was far too quick really. There was no 'finding our way in' through shared interests etc, we just met, I told her I liked her, and *Boom!* we were right in at the depths.
I had my own parental trauma that I was trying to pull myself together from, and I was doing well but her openness with discussing all her stuff kind of... I don't know... it connected with my own experience, and almost 'undid' some of my self-work, I think.
The thing is, I couldn't fit in with everything she said she needed - it's like... she needed my whole life, right from early on.
I wasn't boundaried enough, because I hadn't worked on myself enough; but also she'd told me about her severe trauma and it felt hard to disappoint her.
She also had paintings of kids’ toys on the wall of her apartment which were directly related to her trauma - kind of like symbols. And cushions with that on.
I wanted to be a BIT cautious then, and when I set some light boundaries, she didn't often respond well to them.
She started to become a bit abusive towards me, and actually did a few things which were pretty scary and unexpected.
People kept telling me that it was an abusive relationship, but I struggled to see it.
Eventually, she got really upset with me and broke up with me.
I didn't really understand how it all came to that, and it broke me. Absolutely broke me.
We managed to make up in time, and we came to a place of really warm openness.
We also told each other that we felt we sort of loved each other (both of us being a little cautious, and both of us still making sense of our feelings).
I still thought we COULD get back together, but I didn't tell her that explicitly - I wanted to see if we could maintain a friendship first because I figured that'd take self-regulation from her, consistency from me, and maybe demonstrate what we were really dealing with.
The thing is... she kept disappearing, or going cold. Then coming back really warm. Then disappearing. Then texting. Then not replying.
And every time it kind of hurt - it reminded me of the way she broke up with me, and I felt like I was hanging on a string, waiting for some clarity or consistency.
Over the weekend, I saw her holding hands with a new man. She has a new boyfriend now, which she didn't tell me about (fair enough), and when I asked her about it, she simply said she'd moved on and didn't have anything to say.
It broke me all over again... so I messaged and told her that I really wanted to stay in touch, but that I was finding our dynamic too hard to sustain and that I needed to close the door on us. I blocked her social media accounts.
I've just looked at my phone, and I think she's blocked me now (the whatsapp time stamp isn't coming up anymore).
I feel awful, because we'd broken up and in some ways... her inconsistent contact over the last three months isn't REALLY a big crime. She didn't promise anything, and she didn't really let me down.
But I still said I wanted to cut things off.
And she's been through so much in her life, and I WISH I could've just kept things open to indicate that I still accepted her... and I feel that by cutting things off, I've probably just piled more shame on to her; and that half of it was my fault for being codependent.
I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be a healthy guy for her, and now I feel like I've just made everything worse.
It's horrible.

I’ll never forget the first time I borrowed a day’s rations from a horse. I had a good ride on the sheltered side of my car, grateful for once to not have to ride dirty face. An unfortunate misadventure the day before had led three other people I was riding with to get left behind, so I was alone and had the whole porch to myself. This was somewhere in either Utah or Wyoming, there weren’t any water towers or other signs to tell me exactly where I was at the time.
I was headed in the right direction under good weather, and I looked forward to reaching the end of the line in Chicago. The only problem was that my jug and all my canteens were nearly empty. By my reckoning, the next significant stop on this line wouldn’t be until somewhere in Iowa, easily another full day’s ride over desolate, wide-open terrain. I needed to find a source of drinkable water soon or else I’d be forced to abandon my train and hitchhike to civilization.
I was riding an IM, but we must have been relatively low priority because we kept stopping to let other trains pass us at sidings. These stops made the water problem worse because I was forced to lay prone on the porch to stay out of sight. The full blazing sun overhead made the steel hot, and it baked me where I lay every time my train sided out to wait for her sisters to thunder past us. There was some relief while we were rolling because the moving air was cooler and I could sit in the small sliver of shade provided by the double-stacked shipping containers that accompanied me on my car.
The wind whipped the black nylon shoulder strap of my last canteen as I drained it. I closed the plastic screw cap, swallowed the final tepid mouthful, and thought about what to do. Even though I already knew what I would find, I dug around in my pack and pulled out all the food I had left. Three flour tortillas, about five ounces of peanut butter, half a dozen whole carrots, and a small package of quick oats. There would be some moisture in the carrots, but not enough to get me through the night and another full day.
If I’d known for certain that I’d be delivered directly to civilization within the next 24 hours, I could have toughed it out and just waited. The problem was that I didn’t know exactly which train this was, only which direction it was going when it left the yard in Sparks, Nevada. We might end up sitting somewhere up in the mountains for hours, we might divert to some facility or location that I didn’t know about. A mechanical failure might lead to a string of cars getting left behind to be reclaimed hours or days later. I might get spotted and pulled off the train by police, left to make my way on foot in the middle of nowhere. There were possible scenarios that made dehydration a life-threatening factor out here.
The fact that I faced this scenario didn’t come as a surprise to me, it was always like this, always that risk of getting stranded or detoured. I felt foolish though for not being prepared, for falling into this most simple and basic trap of too little water. I thought back to the gas station in Roseville, CA where I’d last replenished my supplies. It would have been easy to just spend two bucks on another gallon jug and strap it to my pack. The extra weight would have made the long walk to the hopout suck that much more, but I knew this route and I should have known better than to approach such a long hop with inadequate supplies.
I snapped a carrot in half and chomped a bite from it before stashing the rest of the food back down in the bottom of my pack. Whatever decision I made, I would have to wait until we stopped again or at least until we slowed down enough that I could dismount on-the-fly. The landscape around me was mostly rolling sheets of yellowish grass extending far off toward distant Rocky Mountain peaks. Other than the railroad itself, any signs of human progress were rare, and usually limited to industrial infrastructure like cell towers or solar panels in the distance. I could see a road about two miles away running roughly parallel to my train line. It was hard to make out individual vehicles from here, but there was some hazy movement that looked like traffic.
I came up with a plan and repeated it to myself internally, reinforcing my logical rules so that I’d act on them correctly when I was under duress. The next time my train stopped, I would hope and pray that it was miraculously near some good source of water. In the likely event that it didn’t, I would dismount, bring my gear with me, and run back towards the rear of the train. There was probably close to half a mile of train still behind me, and though I hadn’t seen the end of it myself, I figured there may be a slave unit back there. If that unit happened to have its doors unlocked, and I was fast enough to get back there before the train left me, I had a chance. The door should lead to an empty, uncrewed cab which would likely be stocked with dozens of unopened disposable water bottles. If the train left me behind, the unit’s doors were locked, or there weren’t any pusher units to be found, I would just have to walk toward that road and thumb it out.
It was hard to accept this decision. Walking away from a perfectly good train is something that no rider wants to do. It can be so arduous and difficult just to get a ride in the first place, the though of giving one up willingly is hard to fathom. I had to remind myself that I’d experienced dangerous thirst before and vowed to never again let myself get close to that terrible death. Even just being dehydrated for a few hours, I knew, caused me to think more slowly, react more sluggishly, and make bad decisions more easily. I had been lazy and foolish in bringing too little water in the first place, now I might have to pay for it by watching my train leave me behind. I had noone to blame but myself.
As I was sitting there battling internally to force logic down my own throat, I looked over the side of the train and noticed something up ahead of us to the southeast. Cows stood in a pasture, fenced in by barbed wire between ancient-looking wooden posts. This was a new feature in the otherwise empty landscape. At the same moment that my mind began to grasp the meaning of this new development, a telltale jerking clatter told me that we were slowing down. When the deceleration continued, I realized we were stopping, probably siding out. Sure enough, another set of tracks appeared directly beside ours. We continued decelerating. I peered toward the livestock and saw a separate pasture with four or five chestnut brown horses grazing within it. That was where I spotted the item I’d been hoping for: a water trough for the animals.
My hands were quick and busy as the train gave a stronger lurch of deceleration. I was disconnecting and separating all of my water containers from the rest of my gear. Before we came to a complete stop, I was already climbing down the ladder. I gently landed on the ground at a walking pace and my next two steps instinctively took me away from the train, clearing myself and my gear from the deadly steel wheels. I walked about another hundred feet alongside the train, keeping up with it and staying abreast the car I’d been riding. There were suicides and other lousy rides aboard this train, and I wanted my car back if I could get it.
As soon as the thing came to a stop, I dropped all of my gear except for the jug and canteens and then took off at a dead run toward the pasture. It was further than it looked across the open ground. I was light on my feet, picking my footsteps carefully, scanning the uneven ground with animal focus as I went. Dry yellow straw crunched under my boots, the empty water containers bounced and jostled around in my hands. I had to consciously pull my lungs down into measured breaths in rhythm with my bounding strides.
My heart was pumping in my ears as I approached the fence. I glanced behind me to see that my train was still there. The other train was already passing it going the opposite direction. I thought to myself that I’d made the right decision leaving my pack there on the ground. It would have been truly disastrous if my train left me behind and took my gear with it as it went. I’d heard of it happening to others. I was safe from that fate, but it would be far better if I could refil here and get back aboard. I’d have to hurry.
Was trying not to be frantic as I scanned the fence line. My eyes had to gather a lot of information all at once. I was looking out for vehicles or figures that betrayed the presence of any farmer who might object to me sprinting toward their livestock. I had an eye on the horses themselves. They were trotting around at the other end of the pastuer, kicking up dust and tossing their heads and tails about in a flowing display of red-brown hair. Whether they were perturbed by me, the trains, or just horses being horses, I couldn’t tell.
Just inside their pen I spotted an oval-shaped corrugated tub about twice the size of a bathtub with sides that came up to my knee. When I approached it to investigate there was about 18 inches of water in the trough, but it was dark green and slimy with the residue of dusty, alfalfa-fed horses drinking deeply from the depths. Another glance back at the trains showed that mine was still stopped and the oncoming one was still passing.
I shuffled a few yards along the fence and spotted another trough, this one was circular, about 6 feet across. What I was really looking for sat sticking out of a fence post, attached by bailing wire and several zip ties. It was a simple spigot faucet with a little T-shaped handle. I leaned in over the barbed wire and turned the old dusty, cobwebbed contraption. To my surprise, it turned easily and freely as if it had been recently greased. A strong blast of rushing water violently spurted from the faucet and into the trough, occasionally interrupted by the coughing sputter or air leaving the line. I left it running and bent down to uncap my jug. I held the old gallon milk jug there under the flow of water with one hand and uncapped my next canteen with the other. In quick succession, all the vessels were filled and their caps tightly screwed back on. I turned the faucet handle clockwise with a squeak and silenced the flow of water.
One more glance around, noone watching besides a couple of curious black cows. I whipped my head around to the train to see that her sister had finished passing. I bent down to gather up the now heavy collection water vessels and began walking back. About halfway across the field, I heard the soft hissing followed by the tick tick tick tick of air brakes opening up. My train was about to leave. These IM’s were infamous for accelerating quickly, often taking off with little warning. Keith a jolt, I began to run at a maddening pace back toward the rails. Somewhere in the open stretch of dead grass, my food caught on the hidden remnants of a half-buried old tire. I caught myself but dropped one of my canteens. I stopped to pick it up and heard the terrifying staggered thunder clap of slack being pulled out of the train. She was moving.
I didn’t know if I could make this. By the time I lept over a small ditch and onto the ballast gravel that lined the tracks, my the train had already pulled forward nearly half a car length from where I had left my backpack. In a desperate effort of awkward straining, I managed to transfer all of the water containers into the grip of my left arm. I bent down without stopping and grabbed my backpack and saxophone case with my right hand.
The train was accelerating. I made the split-second decision to give up my cushy sheltered porch and take the dirty face side of my car since it was about 50 feet closer to me at this point. I would have trotted up next to the moving behemoth immediately, but there was a stack of old railroad tie plates that I had to run around to avoid tripping. My muscles were screaming with the exertion. I managed to swing my left arm up and clumsily deposit all my water containers up onto the porch as I ran along side it. Then with my newly freed arm, I threw my backpack aboard, hefted my saxophone case onto my shoulder by its strap, grabbed the ladder with both hands, and hopped up onto my ride.
There was a solid shunting motion as the train continued accelerating. I corralled my scattered gear and sat down, still catching my breath. As we picked up speed and the landscape began to move past me once again, I peeked around the corner of my shipping container back rest and got one last glance at the corral. The distant figures of the horses had settled down and bowed their heads to munch on scrubby tufts of mountain grass. I opened a canteen and pulled deeply, gulping good, cold water. The adrenaline slowly faded and left me with a renewed sense of relief, peace, and gratitude.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
The inside of this Elysium wasn’t as impressive as the one in the Library. It was a huge room, like a gymnasium of sorts, with several tables, and a few bookshelves running between them, illuminated by orbs of warm light floating high close to the ceiling. It was like another library, or a study lodge of sorts. Besides us, there are only two others in this room: a hooded Black Cloak standing near the entrance who gave us a little nod as we pass him by, and a young girl sitting on a table on the far end of the Elysium, surrounded by piles of paper and books.

“Uhm, should we go say hi…?” I wonder out loud. “I don’t know the Elysium etiquette.”

“Absolutely not.” Mustafá waved a nagging finger. “Do not interrupt the work of others. If she wishes to speak, she will come to us and say so. Now, go to a table and we shall begin your lecture.”

I can’t hide my excitement at that. I jog to another table, far from the entrance but not too close to the studying lady, and sit down, setting down Gato’s Guide and my own notepad. I didn’t bring Humiko’s book, mostly because I am afraid of someone coming and trying to grab it from me or something! I have no idea if knowledge thieves are a thing in the magical world, but I want to be sure. Just in case.

My teacher walks over to me, clapping her hands twice and, with a whisper, summons a white board that remains floating right beside her. She begins scribbling, drawing a fairly good diagram of the human body as she speaks.

“Tell me the First Law of Magic.”

Damn it, I know this one. I already read it! Still, the memories jumble in my brain, so I quickly check Gato’s guide for an answer.

“A-Ah, right! Law of Contagion. Magic spreads from user to sleeper like a sickness: when there’s contact with magic, people wake up to its presence and become magical users no matter if they want to or not!” My eyes go from the book to Mustafá. “R-Right?”

“Correct.” She nods softly. “Magic spreads like an infection. Hence the name ‘Arcane Infection’ that some people use in academic circles. But that’s not the only Law of magic, there’s a second one. Explain it to me.”

Gulp. I haven’t read that far into the book! I start checking it again, passing the pages and reading through passages until I finally find it.

“Ah hah! Second Law, hmmm… Law of Corrosion?” I blink a few times, then it clicks in my mind. “Ah! Like with my shinai! Magic breaks the objects it is inscribed into, right?”

“Correct. Magic applied raw in any material will damage it. This is why we only inscribe runes in either disposable mediums or surfaces that can take a beating. You don’t wanna end up breaking the floor you’re standing on or anything.” Mustafá nods again. “But I ask you. What if you use magic without inscribing the runes?”

I wanted to ask that question! But I guess she’s not super into being asked things? With a frown, I try to think. I never noticed anything special using the Ignition rune without writing it, so…

“... I have no idea.” Finally, I give up.

“When you don’t inscribe the rune, you imagine it, creating it in the Third Layer and then summoning its effects to the First.” At least she explains to me without calling attention to my little failure. “This makes the spell slower, easier to counter, and generates more Paradox. Also, even if the corrosion doesn’t eat up living tissue that rapidly, it still hurts. So don’t try it.”

“But I didn’t feel anything. Was it really that simple a spell?” I tilt my head to the side, as if that would help things make more sense.

“It was very simple. Single Runes tend to only eat up the dead skin off your body, unless you create a bigger effect.” The crone nods again. “You only made smoke and turned things on and off. Your biggest feat was turning my brain off, which again, doesn’t require more energy than what you need to heat up a cuppa.”

“I felt proud of that one…” My eyes go down as I mumble. “Also. Paradox? Third Layer? How many Layers are there!?”

“Four. Technically Five if you get theoretical.” She answers. “We will study them in due time. Also, Paradox is the Universe’s answer to our meddling. It usually manifests in the form of explosions, implosions and other magical mishaps.”

“The hells!? But you have literally teleported and I have never seen anything of the sort!” I could have exploded? Now that makes me angry.

“My spells are highly optimized to reduce and destroy Paradox. Yours aren’t. I will teach you about the proper Glyphs for it later.” At least that promise from her gets me to relax. “Now, there are two exceptions to this Second Law: Materials coming from living beings, such as certain types of wood, flesh and fluids, and Miracles.”

“Wait. My shinai broke, and the guy who sold it to me said it was legit Cipangian cherry wood!”

Mustafá and I just look at each other for a solid ten seconds. Then it hits me. Saints damn it.

“Maan…” I sigh, shaking my head softly.

“Anyways. Miracles are artifacts who have been woven with magic to a fundamental, almost molecular level. These are made by a special kind of mage called a ‘Weaver’.” She writes a few words on the whiteboard. “Weavers are rare these days, only a few families still maintain the tradition of creating magical artifacts, now that technology is reaching high levels of convenience.”

Huh. Mort is a weaver, if I remember correctly. Maybe I should ask him a few questions about his business later… Suddenly, I feel a gaze on my back. Turning around, I catch the studious lady looking our way. She immediately goes back to her books when I see her.

“Hmmmn…” Now that makes me a bit uncomfortable. I hate being looked at.

“Focus.” Mustafá taps her marker on the board. “We will learn more about Miracles, Catalysts and Magical Objects later. Right now, I am just doing a summary before you start exercising your runes.”

“Fine, fine.”

“Now. Anvil Theory.” She draws an anvil inside the diagram’s head. “Have you read that part?”

“Yes, actually! I have!” I say with pride.

“Good. Explain it.” The crone crosses her arms.

“Well… an idea is the Hammer, the emotion behind the idea is the Arm swinging it, and the Anvil is our collective belief that reality is mundane and makes sense.” My smile curls a bit more as I speak. “The hammer goes down, PLONK! On the anvil! And sparks fly right out, the sparks being the magic we produce.”

“Correct.” She nods. “Those sparks take form using the Astral we produce and create the ripples in reality that we know as Magic. But what happens when you can’t muster the emotion to cast?”

“I, uh, I guess you can’t cast at all?” I blink a few times.

“Correct, but also false. Mages always find a way.” She suddenly pulls something from her sleeve. It looks like a medallion or a coin? Octagonal, made out of yellowish bone and covered in runes. I can see, for a moment, the octarine flowing through the thing. “This is a Thrill. It contains the raw, unfiltered emotion coming from someone’s memory. People mint these and use them either as fuel for spells, or for exchange.”

“So mages do have their own coin…” Catching my stare, Mustafá tosses the coin to me. I flimsily catch it and feel it in my hands. “Ah! It’s thinner than I thought.”

“Made from animal bone. It breaks upon use. Go to the girl over there and offer it to her in exchange for her runes.” She nodded at the spying lady not too far from us. Said lady, again, pretended not to see us. “She will probably ask for yours in return. Offer the thrill instead. If she takes it, she’s smart.”

Urgh, mandatory social activity, I despise this already. With a defeated sigh, I get up and walk over to the lady. She has been writing furiously for a while now, before she looks up and our eyes meet. I gasp, she gasps, this is so awkward already.

She’s smaller than me, chubby, with a face that tells me she’s not exactly sociable. Dark wohlian skin and black, curly hair tied in a single ponytail on the back, she’s wearing a pair of thin oval glasses that make her eyes look bigger and, honestly, a lot meaner.

“W-What do you need?” She immediately asks. “I’m busy.”

“Hey, so uh. Sorry to bother you, my instructor kinda forced me to do this…” I start by taking some of the blame off myself. “Would you mind an exchange?”

“I have no thrills to give you.” Saints above she’s dry.

“N-No, I actually want to offer you a thrill.” My awkward smile probably makes me look so suspicious. “In, uh, in exchange for a few of the runes you have learned?”

Oh boy, she looks outraged for a moment, ready to send me away! But then she reconsiders. The lady taps her chin for a moment, thinking it properly and then nodding.

“Three runes, that’s all I’m showing you for a thrill.” She says, crossing her arms. I feel like I’m being scammed again, but honestly, I have no way to convince her of more.

“Fine by me!”

She nods and pulls a piece of yellowish, thick paper. I assume it’s probably sphinx’s hair paper, if she has to grab it specially for this. Then she draws three symbols.

Collection of Runes

“Rein.” The girl says when pointing to the one on the left, rolling her arr a lot. “Gol and Haei. One for protection, one for manipulation of fire, and one for manipulation of wind currents”

Gol. That one looks like the other rune I saw, Golthoi! They are definitely related, but how? Maybe a particle? Gol is fire, Golthoi is to ignite, so Thoi must mean to start, right? I look at her, offering the thrill while I try to take the paper from her… but not only does she take my Thrill, she also refuses to give the piece of paper.

“I am not giving it to you. Memorize them.” She says, severely.

So much for being nice. Then again, I guess that sort of paper is expensive? With a shrug, I stare at the paper until the shapes have been burnt in my retina, and I bow my head as thanks while turning away and jogging back to Mustafá. She looks at me intently and says:

“Show me what you learned.”

“I need some of them special paper!” I point out.

“Nay. Cast them.” She crossed her arms.

“One of them is for manipulation of fire!” Gulping, my eyes dart around the room.

“Then make a fire.” Her words were final.

With a sigh, I beg to the Saints that the information that lady gave me was correct and pick up my notepad, ripping three pages up and getting ready to write. Then I doubt, is this really a good idea? I look at Mustafá, and she nods once again. That doesn’t confirm if it is a good idea or not, it only tells me that she expects me to do it anyway! I still tremble.

Now she sighs.

“I will help you. What signs do you have.” Mustafá rolls her eyes.

“Rein, Gol and Haei.” I answer.

“Good. Basic stuff.” She conjures a tennis ball, throwing it up and down with her hand and then looking at me. “The first one, Rein, when used on its own it creates a hexagonal screen of solid mana in the spot you imagine it.”

“O-Okay, okay!” I take a wide stance and quickly scribble the rune on a piece of paper, then I raise both hands in front of me.

“Good, get ready. I will throw this at your face.”

“What!?” I lose all my poise there.

“Now.”

She doesn’t wait. She immediately throws the ball straight at me, so fast that I don’t even manage to articulate anything. Before I know it, I am hit and on the floor, with pain coursing through my face.

“You weren’t ready.” She says, and I hear her even if I can’t see her. I hate her so much.

It’s been a year of me moving to Bangalore and I was talking to someone who was feeling lonely post moving here and I had sent them this text to which they said it made them feel better since. With a hope that it eases your feelings if you’re feeling the same lately.
“From the second month of living here each passing day made me more and more in love with this city. First month was lonely af. Eventually I started going out with 2-3 people I knew. Then with new office folks, college friends who were in Bengaluru and started watching a lot of regional movies in theatre alone, try new food joints alone etc. It used to be a little lonely at times then I used bumble bff. Never met anyone from there irl but it was still fun and good way to pass time talking to folks who are in similar situation.
What keeps me busy these days and has worked great for my mental health is the routine: Wake up around 9, I cook a dish and eat that the whole day so takes about 1 hour or more. Cooking is extremely peaceful procedure and saves money on cook so win win. And I make a list of food to eat for the next week beforehand. Makes me excited to cook and I get to try different dishes. office at 11 , come back by 6, go for cycling or walk and get vegetables for next day and drink coconut water w/o fail, then a good shower post cycling or walking feels great! Apply for jobs or build portfolio for some time, watch Netflix, YouTube or go for a night movie if any. One day during weekdays I go to some area and try street food.
Saturday is for reading, cleaning, swimming, calls to friends and family. Sunday is for trying new restaurant but at times I don’t feel like going out at all. Mostly weekends I go out with a friend but no complaints if all of them are busy. If I’m bored and weekend seems lonely I take a trip. A night bus on Thursday post office and come back on Tuesday morning so good whole 4 days. A list of places you can reach overnight or lesser : Mysore, Ooty, Coorg, Pondi, Chennai, Wayanad, Gokarna, Mangalore, Kochi, Mangalore, mulki etc. I can extend this list if anyone needs more reccos. I also pack a bread, some spread, protein bar, khakra, spicy chips, guava etc so wherever I stay my breakfast is always sorted and at times 2-3 meals too. Trust me saves a lot of money so you don’t get the guilt of travelling too.”
A special mention to reading, painting clubs at cubbon, Lalbagh and many such places, St. broseph for community gatherings, if you follow certain pages there is always something happening in every corner of Bangalore on weekends. Discord is great if you like playing games, I go to amoungus india when bored. Hope y’all find peace, love this city as much and a better mental health.

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Part 1
Day five. The forest still refuses to let me go. My supplies are dwindling, and the oppressive weight of the trees feels like it's closing in on me.
Last night, I barely slept. The whispers grew louder, more insistent, as if they were right next to my ear. I couldn't understand the words, but the tone was clear – they were trying to communicate something important, something urgent. When I finally dozed off, I had the strangest dream. I saw myself, walking endlessly through the forest, always returning to the same spot. But there was something else – a figure, cloaked in shadows, watching me from a distance.
When I woke up, the sun was just rising. The forest looked different in the morning light, almost serene. But I knew better. I decided to explore a new direction today, hoping to find something that would help me make sense of this place.
As I walked, I noticed more of those strange symbols carved into the trees. They were becoming more frequent, almost like a trail. I followed them, feeling a mixture of fear and curiosity. What if they were leading me deeper into danger? But what choice did I have? Staying put was not an option.
The trail of symbols led me to a clearing I hadn't seen before. In the center stood an ancient stone altar, covered in moss and vines. It looked like something out of an old legend, a relic of a time long past. As I approached, the whispers grew louder, almost deafening. They seemed to be coming from the altar itself.
With trembling hands, I reached out to touch the stone. The moment my fingers made contact, the forest fell silent. The sudden absence of sound was overwhelming. I felt a rush of cold air and a sense of dread washed over me. The symbols on the trees around the clearing began to glow faintly, casting an eerie light.
Then, I heard it – a single, clear voice cutting through the silence. "You must listen." It was a woman's voice, calm and authoritative. "The forest holds many secrets, but it does not forgive trespassers lightly. You have been chosen to witness."
I spun around, trying to find the source of the voice, but there was no one there. Just the trees, the altar, and the oppressive silence. "Who are you?" I called out. "What do you want from me?"
There was no answer. The glow from the symbols faded, and the whispers returned, softer this time, almost reassuring. I felt a strange sense of calm, despite the fear gnawing at my mind. The voice had said I was chosen to witness. But witness what?
As the sun began to set, I knew I had to find a place to sleep for the night. The clearing felt safer than the dense forest, so I decided to stay there. I set up a small camp and lit a fire, hoping it would keep the shadows at bay.
Sitting by the fire, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched. Not by a person, but by the forest itself. It was as if the trees had eyes, silently observing my every move. I took out my notebook and started jotting down everything that had happened, hoping that writing it down would help me make sense of it all.
As I finished, I heard a rustling in the bushes nearby. My heart raced as I grabbed a makeshift weapon – a sturdy branch I had found earlier. "Who's there?" I called out, trying to keep my voice steady.
A figure emerged from the shadows, but it wasn't human. It looked like a creature made of branches and leaves, its eyes glowing with an unnatural light. It stared at me for a moment, then slowly retreated back into the forest, disappearing from sight.
I sat there, stunned, trying to process what I had just seen. The forest was alive in ways I couldn't understand. And it seemed to be trying to communicate with me, to show me something important.
As I lay down to sleep, the whispers lulled me into a restless slumber. I dreamed of the altar, the glowing symbols, and the shadowy figure watching me. The forest was trying to tell me its secrets, and I was determined to uncover them, no matter the cost.
But as the night wore on, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was walking a fine line between discovering the truth and losing myself to the darkness of the forest forever.
Just before sleep took me, I heard the woman's voice again, softer this time. "The key lies within you, Alex. Find it, or the forest will claim you as its own."

It was cool when the sun went behind the clouds. Ser Paxter Mallister and fifty Seagard men bearing the banner of the silver eagle on a purple field approached the seat of House Belaerys at ‘Aegon’s Rest’. What a stupid name thought Paxter as a chill washed over him. The young Mallister knight surveyed the stronghold in front of him. Riverrun had been much a more appropriate name for such a place.
Raising a hand for his men to halt, Paxter lifted his eyes to the walls of the former Riverrun. Centuries of wind-blown dirt from the fertile Riverlands had darkened what was left of the pale red sandstone of the towers and pocked and scoured it, covering it like a film. Up close it seemed a pale grey, the color of an overcast sky…but from a distance when the sun caught it fair on a bright day, as it did now momentarily when the sun came out from behind the clouds it shone, alive with light, a colossal blue-white structure that filled up half the sky.
The natural beauty of the former Riverrun was marred though. Much of the stone was melted, as a result of the Burning, but instead of collapse, it had added a glossy like appearance to the red sandstone. The red sandstone that still showed looked like it had been built atop the blackened stone left by Vhagar and Visenya. Paxter noted that the Wheel Tower looked like it had to be completely rebuilt.
The Mallister observed that Aegon’s Rest was not likely to be stormed by conventional means as in a castle as its natural river defences were too wide and deep for effective use of ladders or siege towers, too far for battering rams. No catapult could throw a stone large enough to breach it and nor could it be set on fire. An enemy would have needed to storm the Gate. He also noted that the Water Gate still stood, from the Burning it was a key feature that one would need if the moat had to be flooded. It was essentially a tunnel through the thick stone, but larger than a normal castle gate through which men needed to lead their horses through in single file.
Paxter shaded his eyes and studied the defences further. The approach from the west narrowed into a bottleneck near the rivers, making it difficult for even a numerically superior enemy to deploy their forces effectively. In the distance he could see fertile fields and small dark shapes moving about. The smallfolk were tending their crops and from he had seen as they had moved through the Riverlands was field after field of ripening crops. He nodded approvingly. Lord Belaerys would make a good ally for the Lord of Seagard, if he coulkd persuade the Lord of Aegon's Rest to accept the terms laid down by his brother.
Paxter looked up at the battlements from the other side of the massive ditch that guarded Aegon’s Rest and called out to the soldiers standing sentry outside the gates and to others he could see on the battlements.
“I am Ser Paxter Mallister, here on behalf of my brother, Lyonel Mallister the Lord of Seagard to visit the lord Balaerys of Aegon’s Rest. We come in peace. I and my party ask for entry, and bread and salt at your table.”
Paxter waited for the reply.

New ACIMer here!
So a closefriend recently has been really upset at me and I am not sure why. Ive juggled in my head endlessly to figure out why but I cant figure it out for the life of me. And this juggling in my head is exhausting me.
The way I can tell they are upset at me is because they are using subtle back handed covert ways of letting me know (rolling their eyes, pouting at me, ignoring me, etc) when we are in group situations
This has made me feel guilty.
Ive asked them very gently many times whats wrong but they just say “nothing” and storm off and distance themselves from me. Ive asked others and everyone can tell they are upset at me but nobody else knows why either. So I texted them and called them once and they have completely ignored it. Its been two months.
So a part of me has come to realise I will never receive closure and that I have to let this friend go. We were friends for two years. I have seen her do this to ex-boyfriends. One ex-boyfriend of hers sent her suicide threats because she refused to give him closure. They were together for five years. So i know This is definitely a go-to behaviour of hers. She has always told me in the past that whenever she perceives a grievance from someone she is very unforgiving and cuts them off. And that she is very “cut throat” and will cut anyone completely out of her life if they wrong her even just slightly. This has let me know its not personal and just her way of handling things.
Anyway. I recently been (newly) delving into a course in miracles and i am trying to apply the teaching of ACIM to this. This is what I have come to. Please feel free to correct me

1. My feelings of guilt is me conforming to her accusation and the sense of separation and hence its a self attack by “my” ego to reinforce that the separation is real
   
2. My attempts at trying to get her to tell me why she is upset is an attempt to reach peace from her or from without - but true peace can only be found within and hence i first need to make peace within and then the HS can guide me
   

In other words, i need to focus on doing the course and working on finding my own inner peace about the situation by changing how I view it and not conforming to the egos attempts to reinforce the illusory seperate self.
Am i on the right path here ?
Thanks

Background
I love posting about Dunk & Egg and since the main series/fire and blood generates most of the discuss, I thought it would be fun to dive into the future of Dunk & Egg with the upcoming show A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms currently underway.
Years ago I made a similar post (Egg I dreamed that I was old) that I plan on expanding in individual posts: Speculating on Dunk & Egg (which was a heavy copy from some of the ideas of u/blackofhairandheart2. Since I already have pretty heavy posts on She Wolves & "The Dornish Adventure" I am just going to link them and skip right to "The Village Hero".
Note: From a timeline perspective the "Dornish Adventure" takes place between The Hedge Knight and The Sworn Sword, then likely #6 (The Village Hero) and then #4 (She Wolves).
#4 The She Wolves of Winterfell (working title)
If interested: What We Know: The She Wolves of Winterfell & Identity of Each of the "She-Wolves of Winterfell
#5 "The Dornish Adventure" (SSM reference)
If interested: The Dunk & Egg - "Dornish Adventure"

#6 The Village Hero

Fun fact: GRRM could potentially publish these three all together:

My original intent was to publish all the Dunk & Egg stories in a series of anthologies, and then collect them all together in one big book. But by the time of "The Mystery Knight," it became plain that the stories were just too long, and there were going to be too many of them. So instead of one big book, the plan now is for a series of Dunk & Egg collections, each comprised of three novellas. The first one to consist of the three published stories, "The Hedge Knight," "The Sworn Sword," and "The Mystery Knight." The obvious title would have been THE HEDGE KNIGHT, but there is already a certain amount of confusion between "The Hedge Knight" the novella and THE HEDGE KNIGHT the graphic novel, and we did not want to compound the difficulty, so the first Dunk & Egg collection was titled A KNIGHT OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS instead. -SSM, Dunk and Egg: 15 April 2014

SSM Info
GRRM has mentioned this novella numerous times:

"The She-Wolves of Winterfell" was never meant to be more than a working title. The final title, when I finish the story, will be something different. There's also another Dunk & Egg novella that I've got roughed out in my head, with the working title "The Village Hero." That one takes place in the Riverlands. There's no telling when I will have time to finish either of these, or which one I will write first. I don't expect I will know more until I've delivered THE WINDS OF WINTER. -SSM, Dunk and Egg: 15 April 2014

and:

But I do have notes and fairly specific ideas for a number of them. There's the one set in the north that people have been calling "The She-Wolves of Winterfell," though that will not actually be the title. After that -- or maybe before, if I jump around in time -- there will be "The Village Hero," "The Sellsword," "The Champion," "The Kingsguard," "The Lord Commander," and several more in between. -SSM, How Many Seasons: 19 March 2015

and:

Before we reach the end of the published stories, I will need to find time to write all the other Dunk & Egg novellas that I have planned. There are… gulp… more of them than I had once thought. There’s “The Village Hero” and the Winterfell story, the one with the She-Wolves, and maybe I need to write that Dornish adventure too to slip in between “The Hedge Knight” and “The Sworn Sword,” and after that there are… ah… more. -SSM, A Knight & a Squire

Historical Setting
After Bloodraven (aka Ser Maynard Plumm) and Co squash the Second Blackfyre Rebellion at Whitewalls in 212AC, Dunk & Egg seemingly decide to head north. As they traverse north (Whitewalls is in an unnamed location in the Riverlands) they will likely come across many villages as well as walk deep into the heart of the Blackwood/Bracken Feud.
Let's remember that the feud was reinvigorated in 206 when the Brute of Bracken slew Lord Quentyn Blackwood in a tourney:

The brown tent beneath red stallion could only belong to Ser Otho Bracken, who was called the Brute of Bracken since slaying Lord Quentyn Blackwood three years past during a tourney at King's Landing. Dunk heard that Ser Otho struck so hard with the blunted longaxe that he stove in the visor of Lord Blackwood's helm and the face beneath it. -The Hedge Knight

and also that Otho/The Brute becomes lord:

Lord Bracken is dying slowly on the Trident, and his eldest son perished in the spring. That means Ser Otho must succeed. The Blackwoods will never stomach the Brute of Bracken as a neighbor. It will mean war."
Dunk knew about the ancient enmity between the Blackwoods and the Brackens. "Won't their liege lord force a peace?"
"Alas," said Septon Sefton, "Lord Tully is a boy of eight, surrounded by women. Riverrun will do little, and King Aerys will do less. Unless some maester writes a book about it, the whole matter may escape his royal notice. Lord Rivers is not like to let any Brackens in to see him. Pray recall, our Hand was born half Blackwood. If he acts at all, it will be only to help his cousins bring the Brute to bay. The Mother marked Lord Rivers on the day that he was born, and Bittersteel marked him once again upon the Redgrass Field." -The Sworn Sword

From this point on the feud isn't really mentioned until Aerys II's reign. I would assume that is because this will be our big mention of that time period.
If interested: The Blackwood & Bracken Feud
Location
All we officially know is that it will take place in the Riverlands (and there are numerous named villages in the Riverlands). From ADWD, Jaime I GRRM really seemed to plant some nuggets not only about the feud, but also potentially setting up a future storyline.
We see lots of contested locations between the two houses but one seemingly sticks out:

"The east bank of the Widow's Wash, from Crossbow Ridge to Rutting Meadow, and all the islands in the stream. Grindcorn Mill and Lord's Mill, the ruins of Muddy Hall, the Ravishment, Battle Valley, Oldforge, the villages of Buckle, Blackbuckle, Cairns, and Claypool, and the market town at Mudgrave. Waspwood, Lorgen's Wood, Greenhill, and Barba's Teats. Missy's Teats, the Blackwoods call them, but they were Barba's first. Honeytree and all the hives. Here, I've marked them out if my lord would like a look." He rooted about on a table and produced a parchment map.
Jaime took it with his good hand, but he had to use the gold to open it and hold it flat. “This is a deal of land,” he observed. “You will be increasing your domains by a quarter.”
Bracken’s mouth set stubbornly. “All these lands belonged to Stone Hedge once. The Blackwoods stole them from us.”
“What about this village here, between the Teats?” Jaime tapped the map with a gilded knuckle.
“Pennytree. That was ours once too, but it’s been a royal fief for a hundred years. Leave that out. We ask only for the lands stolen by the Blackwoods. Your lord father promised to restore them to us if we would subdue Lord Tytos for him.”-ADWD, Jaime I

what happened ~100 years ago? Dunk & Egg visited Pennytree. Who else is from Pennytree? Ser Arlan.
Pennytree Info
A village in the riverlands located north of Red Fork in the area that has frequently changed hands between the Blackwoods/Brackens. It is situated near the Widow's Wash between two grassy hills known as the Teats (which the Unworthy took from the Brackens and gave to the Blackwoods once he switched mistresses).
The village got its name from:

Pennytree proved to be a much larger village than he had anticipated. The war had been here too; blackened orchards and the scorched shells of broken houses testified to that. But for every home in ruins three more had been rebuilt. Through the gathering blue dusk Jaime glimpsed fresh thatch upon a score of roofs, and doors made of raw green wood. Between a duck pond and a blacksmith's forge, he came upon the tree that gave the place its name, an oak ancient and tall. Its gnarled roots twisted in and out of the earth like a nest of slow brown serpents, and hundreds of old copper pennies had been nailed to its huge trunk. -ADWD, Jaime I

Ser Arlan
We also know that Ser Arlan (and his previous squire/newphew Roger who was killed on the Redgrass Field) were both from the village, but it should be noted that Dunk has never been there and Ser Arlan rarely spoke of it:

What was he to say? "Ser Duncan of Flea Bottom" did not sound very knightly. He could take Pennytree, but what if they asked him where it was? Dunk had never been to Pennytree, nor had the old man talked much about it. -The Hedge Knight

and:

"I have no home but where I swear my sword." Dunk had never seen Pennytree; he couldn't even say if it was in the Reach. -The Sworn Sword

and:

"I didn't know where it was." Dunk had never seen the old man's Pennytree. Ser Arlan seldom spoke of it, no more than Dunk was wont to speak of Flea Bottom. -The Mystery Knight

Main Series
In A Dance with Dragons, GRRM has Jaime and company camp there (before Jaime goes running off with Brienne):

Jaime recalled Lord Bracken's map. "There's a village between those hills."
"Pennytree," the lad confirmed.
"We'll camp there for the night." If there were villagers about, they might have knowledge of Ser Brynden or the outlaws. "Lord Jonos made some remark about whose teats they were," he recalled to the Blackwood boy as they rode toward the darkening hills and the last light of the day. "The Brackens call them by one name and the Blackwoods by another." -ADWD, Jaime I

but the village is likely full of Brotherhood supporters.
Topics

• Otho Bracken vs The Blackwoods/Bloodraven

As mentioned above, Otho becoming lord could mean war between the two houses. And while Otho could have some Blackfyre allegiances, I have a feeling this story could be on more of a local level:

Dunk knew about the ancient enmity between the Blackwoods and the Brackens. "Won't their liege lord force a peace?"
"Alas," said Septon Sefton, "Lord Tully is a boy of eight, surrounded by women. Riverrun will do little, and King Aerys will do less.

and just how involved is Bloodraven?

• Betha Blackwood

We know very little about Black Betha's early life. She was a spirited/willful woman with dark eyes/hair. She and Egg marry in 220 AC when she is 19 (making her about 11 around this time period). This seems like a good point for GRRM to at least introduce her as a character.
This would also allow GRRM to flip the scrip and instead of Dunk having a love interest (even if Dunk was too much of a lunk to realize Daemon II's blatant attempts) and have Egg have someone he was interested in.
If interested: Ser Duncan the Tall: Future Love Interests & Possible Descendants of Ser Duncan the Tall

• Royal Fief

I find it so interesting that this village became a royal fief around this time (Dunk+Egg showing up and brewing war between the houses). Also the fact that Jonos doesn't even want it back:

“Pennytree. That was ours once too, but it’s been a royal fief for a hundred years. Leave that out. We ask only for the lands stolen by the Blackwoods. -ADWD, Jaime I

• The Blackfyres/Golden Company

Since this is likely mid/late 212 there won't be another Blackfyre rebellion for 7 years (the Third Blackfyre Rebellion occurs in 219AC). that means that the topics could be focused on a more local level (although we may hear news of the Golden Coompany being formed in 212).

• The D&E "Script"

One reason that GRRM probably wants to write She Wolves and the Dornish Adventure next is that they both allow him to continue with the "Dunk and Egg formula" (giant unknown hedge knight shows up with his arrogant but cute squire). As Ser Uthor says in the Mystery Knight, word is getting out who they are. At some point this "formula" will have to change as Egg gets older and their relationship changes (for the good and bad).

• The "Hero"

So far every title of each novella has referred to a role Dunk has played (as well as each of the other upcoming ones GRRM has named). If we continue that and combine everything else above, from a narrative perspective I think that:
a) Dunk and Egg stop by Pennytree because Dunk wants to see it on their way north
b) The village of Pennytree is being treated terribly by the Brute (as Jonos says it belonged to the Brackens at one point) or maybe it belongs to the Blackwoods and the Brute attacks it
c) They call on Dunk to defend them (the Village Hero)
d) Somehow the crown gets involved (royal fief)

• Path to the Next Story

Depending on when GRRM writes this story it will likely have mentions of the upcoming journey to Winterfell, as well as potential seeds for the next story as well (as we have seen in the previous novellas).

• Up Next: "The Sellsword"

When I say up next, I mean in this short series of posts I am going to do on the upcoming D&E novellas that GRRM has at least mentioned. Hopefully sometime in the next couple of days.
If interested: GRRM's "Tentative" Schedule/Plan & List of Characters that could appear in Dunk & Egg and the main series
TLDR: The Village Hero is a planned upcoming novella in the Dunk and Egg series. I tried to gather as much cursory information on the novellas as I could from different sources ranging from SSMs, the main series, and the previous D&E's to put together what the background setting could be for when they likely visit the village of Pennytree that becomes a royal fief during the Braken/Blackwood conflict due to the rise of Lord Otho aka the Brute of Bracken. In the background Egg will likely at least meet his future wife, Queen Betha Blackwood.

Letter Written By Chach father of Dahir Sen to Maharaja Agham, Mentioned in Chachnama Translated in english from Farsi
Raja Chach who surpass The throne of Alor by Assasinating King Rai Sahasi II, Brother of the King Of Chittor. He then Married His Wife Rani Suhanadi, declaring himself the King of Alor, establishing Brahmin Dyansty which lasted only for 2 generation. He started to widen his Territories. Then he wanted to conquer the most Prosperous Empire of Suryavanshi Kshatriyas of Sindh. So he sent letter to the King Of Sindh, Maharajadhiraj Agham Describing That Agham Lineage is very old tracing back to Raghukul and Suryavansh and to Maharaja Luv. He further writes, I do not uphold such lineage from my ancestors cause we dont belong to this land yet God is with me. Yet Maharaja Agham Didnt feared from His letters and went for a tour of His Kingdom away from His capital Brahmanabad. Seeing this as a Opportunity Chach Marched towards the city of Brahmanabad, Agham Returned and prepared his Army. After a deadly battle causing Casualties For both Sides, But Due to Maharaja Agham's army being unprepared for battle, they suffered heavy losses, leading Agham to retreat to his fort with his forces. Chach then besieged the fort for over 1 year. During this time, Agham sought assistance from the King of Hindustan, Maharaja Siharas (aka SayaSatbar) of Kannauj However, before help could arrive, Agham was assassinated by Chach. The kingdom of Sindh weakened in the absence of its ruler, falling into the hands of the young Prince Sarhand, Agham's son. Despite the loss of their leader, the Kshatriyas stood firm. Seeing their resilience, Chach proposed a peace alliance and sealing it by marrying his niece Daharsih to Sarhand, crowning Sarhand as the new Maharaja of Sindh.
Conclusion :- Despite facing overwhelming enemy forces, the Kshatriyas of the Raghu's Clan, did not surrender or falter; they stood firm, demonstrating their unwavering resilience, Making the Enemy Proposing Peace Treaty.