Let me start by saying, given the sheer amount of time and effort I've put into obtaining this small piece of paper, it has immediately become one of my most prized possessions.
Backstory:
I'm 25 years old with a history of absence seizures and treatment between the ages of 7-12 years old. Also, I have dysgraphia (poor handwriting) through school.
My Application Process
I started this journey back in June 2021 after wrapping up my junior year of college. Despite knowing about my medical history, I naively visited my local AME without any preparation and applied for my 3rd class medical. In hindsight, and as many people recommend, I should have come prepared with documents, tests, and sign-offs from my neurologist. Without much surprise, I was deferred and entered the limbo that is FAA OKC.
Four months later, in October 2021, I heard back. The new letter required I complete the following:

• A neurological evaluation from my doctor
• An awake and asleep EEG
• An MRI with and without contrast
• Fill out a seizure questionnaire and gather all medical documents and history relating to my condition

Given I was in the middle of wrapping up my senior year of college in a very rural town, I was in no place to start this. I didn't reply and received another letter stating that my application was on hold until I provided the requested information.
In August 2022, after graduating and getting a job, I finally got around to scheduling the procedures and gathering the documents. Everything was relatively easy to order with the help of my doctor. The only issue I ran into was that the FAA had requested the actual files of the EEG on a CD for Windows 10, but the hospital could only provide Windows 7 software and shrugged their shoulders when asked if there was a newer version. Additionally, I had read through my medical documents and discovered a typo in one of the medical reports, which noted I was drinking 2-3 drinks a day, not a week as I had said. I reached out to the doctor who had made this note, and they added a follow-up message to the report. After everything was complete, and with a little note explaining the software snag, I sent off the package in late September 2022.
Six months later, in April 2023, I heard back. This time, not with a medical, but with another list of tasks. The new list included:

• A 10-panel drug screen within 48 hours of signing for the letter
• A weed & alcohol questionnaire
• Documents regarding my dysgraphia, including IEPs, 504s, and accommodations And the worst part:
• A full ADHD test with a drug screen within 24 hours of completion

The first three made sense, given they were all in my medical history. Before I went off to college, I had asked my neurologist if it was safe to use weed recreationally. Even though I never did, I'm guessing that's what triggered the response.
The ADHD request, however, took me by surprise. Even to this day, I have no idea what triggered the request. I've never had any history of it or even the thought of it. My best guess is that one of the epilepsy medications I took doubles as an ADHD drug. Unfortunately, they never tell you why.
The ADHD battery was the most expensive out of all this. I searched all around my area (Seattle, WA) and found quotes ranging from $2000 to $4000. I ended up going with a doctor who'd be the cheapest if I only did the first battery but more expensive if I had to do both. Since I don't have ADHD, I figured I could probably roll the dice.
I delayed the ADHD test for a long time as I wasn't sure if it would be worth the cost, given I could jump through all these hoops and likely get a Special Issuance requiring me to do this every year to maintain. Since I only have aspirations for a PPL, the maintenance cost wouldn't be worth it for me. Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and see it through. I got the ADHD battery done in mid-February of this year and passed with flying colors. I wrapped up the second package and sent it off in mid-April 2024.
I called weekly throughout this process to check on my status—always "in review" with no luck. Early this month, I read another post on here talking about reaching out to your congressional representative to contact the FAA on your behalf and having good success. I decided it was worth a shot and sent them a message on May 14th.
Two weeks later (today!), I got my medical in the mail!
The Results
I got issued a standard 3rd class medical with no SI clauses attached!
The only ironic part is that since I started this almost two years ago, this medical expires in just a few weeks. Luckily, it sounds like renewing an existing medical is much easier than applying for a new one.
I'm over the moon, and while I haven't even started gaining hours, I'm still so happy I saw this through. Thank you to this community for all the resources it has provided and for all the awesome people who hang out and give their time.
tl;dr timeline

• June 2021 - apply at AME, deffered
• October 2021 - received EEG/MRI request

[long break for school]

• September 2022 - sent response
• April 2023 - received ADHD'n'stuff request

[indecision]

• April 2024 - sent 2nd response
• May 2024 - received regular 3rd class medical

ABYG if hindi ko sila tinulungan kahit na 50/50 na yung girl tsaka yung baby?
The girl Shiela who ruined my 4years relationship ask for a help nung nanganak na siya because walang tumulong sa kanila non. Bestfriend ko yung sister ng ex ko(Jay) and I'm so very close sa family nila, after malaman ng family niya na nag cheat siya sakin and worst he got the girl pregnant, tinakwil nila si Jay, 24 na si Jay and he works for my papa, So nung nalaman ng family niya yung ginawa niya sakin, tinakwil nila ito and never help them. Sinabi ko din sa papa ko yung ginawa niya kaya tinanggal siya sa trabaho. Sobrang nawasak ako nung nalaman ko na buntis yung babae. Sobrang sakit nung ginawa nila pero wala na akong magagawa, nandon na eh. He begged for my forgiveness and my family's forgiveness, pero di niya nakuha yun. Nalaman ko din na tinakwil din yung girl nung family niya kasi nag-aaral pa tas nabuntis na.
Nag stay sila pansamantala sa cousin ni Jay, nung nakahanap ng job si Jay umalis din sila. Di sila maka sustain ng pangangailangan nila everyday, then this girl Shiela nag chat sakin na kasalan ko daw kung bakit sila naghihirap ngayon. Araw araw siya nagf-flood ng hate messages sakin pero sine-seen ko lang. And biglang may message request sakin nun, yung sister niyang jejemon na nag sesend din ng hate messages sakin everyday, it includes my photos they took from my Facebook then post me sa wall nila and bully me. I took a screenshot lahat ng messages and posts nila sakin and pinakita ko sa papa ko, I press charges sa kanila and they pay me thousands and di na din sila makakalapit sakin.
8months pregnant na si Shiela that time kaya sobrang stress niya daw (chinichismis sakin lahat ng sister ni Jay),and na hospital daw siya nun. Humingi ng tulong si Jay sa family niya at nag chat din siya sakin na tulungan ko daw siya kasi wala na silang malalapitang iba. Sabi niya 50/50 daw yung baby at si Shiela so kahit para nalang daw sa bata. So sabi ko "Ginusto mo mag madali magka pamilya kaya harapin mo yan", and I blocked him after. After that wala na akong narinig tungkol sa kanya. 2 months after may message request nanaman sakin teh and guess who, si Shiela, di na napagod tong gagong to HAHAHA flood messages nanaman siya teh na kasalan ko daw kung bakit nawala yung baby niya, kasalan ko daw lahat kasi pati baby daw niya dinamay ko. Wala daw akong puso kasi pati yung bata di ko tinulungan. So ABYG nung hindi ko sila tinulungan kahit 50/50 na silang dalawa ng baby niya nun?

its now been around 3 months since everything, this lasted for around 5 months.
Long novel incoming sorry
Hey all. I really cant talk about this to anyone without hurting her; so sit down this is a doozey. Needless to say I have not so great mental health, in high school I was in a pretty bad emotionally abusive relationship, I was pretty badly abused and pushed everyone I knew away and was in a pretty much severe depression and severe anxiety for around 6 years, I assumed one day I would sleep it off, and think normal but that never happened.
Anyways I get to college and really dont put myself out there to meet anyone else. Come to my senior year and my grades are pretty good, but this is when I(21M) meet her(19F), and I think shes gorgeous. I eventually work the effort to talk to her, and we become ok friends for about a week or so. During this time she would always message me and one time we stayed up until 2am in the university rec room just talking. This felt pretty damn good, for once it felt like somebody actually wanted to know about me, during this time she even looked up my house address and parents facebook without me even telling her their names, anyways a few days or aobut a week later she says shes going on a trip to visit her BF, I was devastated and cried, she says "that must be a punch in the balls, you had me mindfucked there for a while though, being in a LDR your always looking for something new etc" "i always had this mindset that this guy is great but I gotta tell him i have a boyfriend etc", even when I asked about her bio once(this is all on me however, I should of asked, I cried for other unhappy personal reasons aswell). It probably should of ended there.
But it didnt the next day I ask if she was okay if we were still friends and she says yes, she apologizes for not telling me sooner. We become pretty great friends, eventually we tell each other about pretty personal secrets, I tell her my high school experience, I tell her things I have never told anyone else in my life, like my suicide attempt in high school, she helps me explore some things about me like my sexuality, she even puts makeup on me which I love, and she reveals she also did not have the greatest high school experience and she has self harm scars, she later tells she SHs since she has a pattern of cheating in relationships; this only makes me feel more like a piece of shit and youll find out later. I genuinely for the first time in my life feel a purely platonic connection with someone. The nights where we sat by the pond for hours just tlaking about movies and tv shows filled my soul with so much warmth, I loved these moments I truly developed a platonic connection with her and cared so much about her. Shes in a LDR with this guy who I dont know(she later says she never brings him up because it makes me sad and I look away(should of ended then)), we begin hanging out quite regularly, I do some things I shouldnt have done at this time, I noticed she vapes and smokes so I begin to buy her vapes(she never asked me to), and I begin to vape and smoke cigarettes, she never asked me to, looking back this should not have happened, but I genuinely enjoyed seeing her happy and talking to her. She used to always say with the vapes "Now I have a reason to talk to you", why? Why would you need a reason to talk to your friend? It only made me want to buy them more.
Things start getting bad and she even mentions at this point shes likely emotionally cheating with me, which only scares me; that any day any moment any time this person who I genuinely enjoy and is my best friend could have to cut all contact with me, my mental health becomes absolutely horrendous due to this and this was always a very scary fear I had throughout all this,
I even tell her at one point it feels like im on a seesaw and im stuck and have to constantly battle catching feelings and keeping my only close friend. If i really cared about her it should of ended here, but it didnt, I should of stopped it. She begins to touch me, relativelly platonically(?)(Asking to bite me, biting me, rubbing my chest and carresing my arms) and sharing food, at first I sit there and dont touch back and sit there; I dont want to hurt her. Why would I hurt someone I care about? After a while I call her out on this and say like why are you touching me, I really cant touch back she says something along the lines of "I think im using you as a replacement for the lack of attention in a LDR", she later says she thought about it and I cant provide that for her and shes just showing her affection, but this continues, what was I doing wrong? Why cant I provide that?
Eventually I convince myself its after alot of weeks that its platonic and I touch back with the same things the arm on the shoulder, the shoulder rubbing etc. We would have smokes together roughly every night which would usually be hidden in a stair enclave where we would hug each other etc. One of her responses during this time when I mentioned how bad it would look if somebody saw us doing this she said "It would be worse for you"?? How would it be worse for someone who is not known to be in a relationship?? My self esteem was the lowest it has ever been in its life, I told myself that perhaps one day things would somehow magically change. Someone finally seemed to really like me?
Eventually as you could imagine things escalate, this involves her sitting on my lap once(forward facing, saying inapprioate things etc) in her room, her letting me rub her thighs and do her hair and rub her feet and bare legs. I should of cut contact but she was the only person who knew me, and understood me in my life. I didnt want to hurt her, I didnt want to hurt myself, but I did both. The big event happens just before Christmas, we go out and we cuddle for a while in the backseat of my car where she asked if we could cuddle in the backseat, then we head back, while in the car prior she shows me lewds on her phone(I showed her a lewd of mine prior), we both get buzzed then we go out to the pond and were looking in each others eyes holding each other and she asked to kiss my cheek, I say sure, she kisses my cheek and my chin just below my lips, which makes me feel euphoric then says "You know it would still be platonic if I let you kiss me, then I wouldnt actually be kissing you",
I wanted to so very bad, I wanted to with my whole being, I lean in, lean out before eventually saying "you have a boyfriend, If I kiss you your going to hurt yourself and I dont want to hurt you", she says "wow you have more morals than I do", "must be because your older etc" and tries to move on from it fast and dance with me, well I emotionally break the fuck down like you've HURT yourself because of this for fuck sake, she says "I didnt want to kiss you, I love my boyfriend, even if I broke up I wouldnt want to ever date you, you have too much baggage", "if we kissed I would block you and stop talking to you", the person who just asked me to kiss them, the person who has been biting me and touching me for weeks wouldnt even date me? Would block me if i did what she told me to do??? This absolutely destroyed me. I didnt know what to think. I basically had to yell at her and ask her "Why did you just try to kiss me." anyways this ends with both of us crying, her saying "I dont know what to do with the love given to me etc" me almost puking and eventually with me consoling her.
The next day we go get yogurt and I say shes my best friend and we simply need strong boundaries because I dont want to hurt her. If I should of stopped anytime it should of been now. I buy her a Christmas present and things end ok, breaks go by and im mentally gone, im at the lowest I've ever felt in my life, I feel insane, depressed, just psychotic. She messages and we talk everyday of the break(s), we say how much we miss each other etc, shes my buddy she really is, she knows everything about me, I know alot about her, and shes honestly my best friend, and I loved talking to her, she always would be there for me, I really appreciated her, we had alot in common; but I was hurting extremely bad, I felt like I was in a awful position. Anyways we return from the break into the new semester and I feel like im being used, I feel like a doormat, I feel like dirt. Things escalate here, I help her code and give her anything and everything she needs to succeed, I loved watching her succeed, because shes my best friend y'know? Anyways things get pretty bad, and we hang out alot, we always hug and I play with her hair and share our food and were pretty close, at one point I kiss her cheek for a week before realizing thats weird and made her uncomfortable and stop it, there was a week where she would cuddle with me in my bed and I moved her hand from my chest once saying stop I dont want to hurt you, she would say how happy I make her and we would rub our faces together and rub our noses together, we would watch shows together and I would rub her legs and put my hand around her. Looking back now it makes me feel sick and gross and confused, I convinced myself it was platonic.
I would pretty much be repeating often during any intimate event "I dont want to hurt you; I dont want to be the person to hurt you.", but it made me feel so very good, how do I navigate this? She would say I was the highlight of her days, the highlight of her semester, how sad she was I graduate soon, how she wishes I was in her grade, how im not a chore to talk to or hangout with. I certainely didnt fully stop these physical actions now because I was selfish, because I was ignorant. She would rub my head as we drove and put her arm down my shirt and while I was driving, etc. She would often also say "Why havnt you killed me yet...you must hate me etc." but why would I? She was my closest friend I ever had in my life. Things get super bad here, we head out and I buy her a vape(she did not ask) and we have another tough conversation about things, with the usual, "Im not breaking up with my boyfriend but your so lovable" and I get super emotional and hurt,
I really didnt want to hurt anybody. Anyways I get drunk; shes sober, and she lets me into her room a hour later as we were going to go see live music and she sits on my lap again forward facing and non-platonic things occurred, it doesn't go as far as sex but a line is crossed and we both immediately stop, but she cheated; I hurt her. I hurt her bad. I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt anybody. The guilt is beyond anything I ever experienced and I cant even understand how she feels. She downplays it, I almost cut myself because of the shame I felt that night, the next day im crying really bad to her and tell her she should probably tell her BF if she really loves him, she says "ok i will, he will still love me tho" "doesnt this scare you? I fuck around" "this guy called me cute the other day" "you deserve better" , I then tell her not to tell her BF, because im scared and didnt know what to think to do. I should of not stopped her and walked away then. We stay close friends for around 2 weeks after this event with a bit of contentation afterwards. There was a time I got super emotional and basically told her I wish there was a camera or a third party watching this to see what you were doing to me with all this rubbing and cuddling and affection, which made her pretty much storm away from me and me saying sorry im wrong and begging her to just talk and I have a panic attack. Eventually she realized because of a outside voice that she had to tell her BF(her roommate walked in on us as that event in her room was done unfolding) , she said her BF broke up with her and she needed space, me being a selfish asshole was unable to do that, I didnt want someone I cared about harming themselves because of me, she stated the day prior she was "going to get whats coming to her" I wanted to be there for her more than anything, I get extremely drunk throughout the week and I send her messages about how absolutely terrible I felt and how much she meant to me and of selfish ideals, I then saw her outside and ran up to her, she ran away and she couldnt even look at me.
The next day she said that was unacceptable, which it absolutely was, and even before that event she didnt see room for friendship since it was never"real", what does that mean? I still dont understand it, how was it never real? She then blocked me, said she would call the police on me if I approach her again. she would still absolutely avoid me even 2 months after.
During that time after I tried to apologize, I tried to make amends, I tried to give my closure, I tried to seek closure, All met with disgust, hatred and anger. She would literally will sprint away from me full speed as I stand. She stayed at a event I was presenting at and looked away from me for the whole hour, then very obviously took pictures of me then sprint away full speed as I sat there. That hurt me beyond belief. I never in my life had someone dead sprint away from me like im a monster. I dont know whats wrong with me or why she would think I would hurt her after everything she knows about me, after everything, but I dont blame her. She said she was sorry for her decisions before this and I had little to be sorry for, and gave me a blanket "im sorry for my decisions" but how do I have little to be sorry for if I was treated as im a abuser? I should hate her guts, she even said she led me on, she knew how bad that would hurt me, she dangled happiness infront of my face for months, she ruined my senior year, shes filled my brain with pain and resentment and betrayal, she caused me to become ostracized, to become an outcast. I never felt that low in my life, I never felt that extreme level of emotional pain. I honestly feel forever damaged. But for some reason I still have this deep care for her and I shouldnt, I still hope with all my being she passed and succeeded. I hope shes okay. If she fails or hurt herself over this I dont think I could ever forgive myself. It feels like she trusted me and I betrayed her, but I dont know.
I can't stop thinking how scared and confused and sad she was on the last day we talked, how can I forgive myself for doing that to someone, it haunts my dreams and beats me to my knees everyday. I was usually very sad when i was hanging out with her. And if she for some reason forced herself to do those things with me because she felt bad for me then I don't know how I can live with myself, I never asked for those things, but I should of stopped them, I knew they were wrong, Im sorry.
Its just so unfair. Why not just leave me alone why put all this into my head even after I told her how bad this would hurt me. If im not the bad guy then why put the image of someone in my head sprinting away from me like im a monster. There has to be something im missing, I dont understand how you can move on from something like this. The closest friend I ever had dead sprint away from me, the person I would talk to every single day for 5 months straight absolutely hates my guts and my whole being. I dont want to try anymore. I gave it all the little I had.
Im not a victim, im not a saint, I didnt stop my actions, I played a role and Im forever sorry, I lost someone I cared about and someone who maybe at one point actually cared about me. Im sorry. I dont know how to view this. I just want someone to talk to and someone to understand me, I just want someone to tell me I wasnt blind, for someone to tell me this doesnt define me, for someone to say your going to be okay, because as of now im 2/2 for being hurt badly in a relationship(I dont even know what to call this), any insight I get online I always have to type in "ex" to get relevant results which only makes me more confused. She couldnt even wish me happy birthday or give me the present she bought me, i spent it all alone. I graduated college months ago, I have a ok job lined up which I hate.
I have a not so great home life, I dont know what to do with myself or how to live with myself after all this, why would I do this to myself, why do I struggle forming connections? why do I hurt people I care about? It felt real to me. I now talk to maybe 2 people, im bisexual and live in the middle of nowhere and have nobody. I dont want to talk to anyone ever again. Theres more to it perhaps, she used to always say " i hope im doing him more good than harm etc" but i dont know how leading someone on who has emotional trauma helps them, maybe we both should of left each other alone. I really did like talking to her, and liked hearing what she had to say, but ill likely never talk or see her ever again. I dont want to go down this road again. I dont want to hurt anybody. I have panic attacks when I would go to her hallway or if she saw me. It felt like i had to document everything I did. I feel like a weirdo loser. I constantly breakdown. I spend most of my days sleeping and waking up feeling immense internal guilt and hatred and pain. Anytime I tried to talk to someone about this i was seen as estranged and disregarded, the only thing I could of done was tell my side with proof and videos, but I dont want to hurt anybody. but it so unfair; im tired of only knowing pain.
If you read all this then I deeply appreciate you, I dont know why I cant understand what happened.
TLDR: OP(21M) meets (19F) after self isolating from abuse for years, she reveals she had a long-distance boyfriend. Despite agreeing to stay friends, their relationship blurred boundaries, involving deep emotional sharing and physical affection. This led to emotional cheating, exacerbating his mental health issues. When their physical interactions crossed a line, she eventually told her boyfriend and cut off all contact, leaving the author devastated and guilt-ridden. Now he grapples with intense guilt, isolation, and a sense of betrayal, questioning his actions and struggling to move on from the experience.

Good morning everyone hope you’re well.
I’m in a délicate situation and I need help cause I think I’m done.
Let me explain you all the situation (please take time to read you’ll save a life) I’m moving from my country in Africa to come in Canada for studies. My first year I was at university of Montreal et after that I transferred to Concordia in pure applied mathematics but my goal was to get into the university to transfer in mechanical engineering. So my English level wasn’t that good so I need to do continuing education in fall 2022 after that I started my program.
I took four courses full time (Engr 213, 242, Math 251 and 208)in winter 2023. My first semester was very difficult I didn’t know nobody and I was still struggling with the langage. I passed 3 courses with D C and B and I failed one. So my GPA was 1.8 and my ACGPA was 1.35 (idk why). So I receive the first failed assessment.
So in fall 2023, I was very motivated and determined to get above 2.0 I took 3 courses (Engr 233,213 and 251). But few weeks after the start of the semester I losted my grandmother. I was devastated I wasn’t able to do anything but on my status of international student I wasn’t able to drop all the classes so I dropped one of them get D- in one and failed the last one so It put my GPA for the term at 0.35 and I received the message to aware me.
But I have read that the ACGPA was summer winter and fall so I thought I had time (that was my mistake) so in winter 2024 I took 4 classes (Engr 301, Esl 202, Unss and Engr 201) I passed one with D and the other 3 with B so that put my term GPA at 2,5.
So I thought that if I’m good in the summer 2024 I’ll so I took Engr 233(the course I failed in fall 2023) again and Engr 242.
But after the winter term I received the message that I’m suspended from the school for 2 years.
I don’t know what to do please help me im begging y’all I’m not good mentally this new destroyed me I tried to stay focus on my summer term but it is really hard and my study permit expire in August I need to renew it.
I tried to explain the situation to my advisor but I didn’t get his feedback yet .
Yall think There is a solution about my situation. Please help me guys.

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Thanks For Reading!

I believe the reason why Bunnies are vehemently defending MHJ is because they don't want to see changes in NewJeans' discography. People tend to prefer things to stay the same (status quo bias). This could also explain why the NewJeans members have sided with MHJ. I've seen a lot of hate directed towards the girls, including calls to disband them, which disheartens me because I love them.
That being said, I understand why people are mad. MHJ has attacked many groups and wished for the downfall of BTS. However, we can't definitively say if the girls agree with MHJ's attacks on various groups, only that they like MHJ's art direction.
Bunnies are concerned with HYBE mistreating the NewJeans members, which is understandable. However, there are many reasons why HYBE would not mistreat them. If you truly love someone, you look out for their best interests, even if they themselves don't. Bunnies need to realize that between HYBE and MHJ, HYBE is the lesser evil. While HYBE may not be perfect, they have consistently shown genuine care for the girls' careers, whereas MHJ seems to use them for sympathy.

ILLIT "Plagiarism"

One thing I don’t understand from this drama is why people are upset about ILLIT having a similar concept to NewJeans. K-pop fans aren't rigid; they can support multiple groups simultaneously, and many are multistans. Having similar concepts could have benefited both ILLIT and NewJeans. For instance, fans of NewJeans and ILLIT, who enjoy similar musical or visual concepts, could cross-promote and share content, thus expanding the reach and popularity of both groups, leading to mutual benefits. However, this opportunity has clearly been missed.
Some might argue that since they are under the same company they shouldn't have similar concepts, but, wouldn't that make cross-promoting should be even easier. In what world would ILLIT having a similar concept cause people to stop listening to NewJeans? People aren't limited to one artist, and this argument seems unfounded. This could have been extremely beneficial, but it has been ruined because the fandoms are at war with each other.
Here are some examples of groups with similar concepts under the same company:

• EXO and NCT: Futuristic and supernatural themes.
• Red Velvet and aespa: Bright, quirky concepts with more mature, darker themes.
• TWICE and ITZY: Themes of confidence and self-love.
• Stray Kids and Day6: Themes of youth struggles and personal growth.
• BIGBANG and WINNER: Strong emphasis on artistic expression, often incorporating a mix of hip-hop and R&B, with themes of love, heartbreak, and self-reflection.
• BLACKPINK and 2NE1: Strong, fierce, and independent images with a blend of hip-hop and electronic music influences, focusing on themes of empowerment and individuality.
• BTS and TXT: Themes of youth and personal growth.

In these cases, similar concepts have not hindered the success of the groups involved; rather, they have coexisted and thrived. In fact, this accusation is causing issues now with NewJeans being examined under a fine microscope. The TLC allegation would have never arose had MHJ just kept her mouth shut? I ask you to think, is this someone who truly cares about NewJeans?

MHJ's Constant Contradictions

It's hard to ignore that MHJ is constantly contradicting herself in her statements.

Source

MHJ was the one who first brought NewJeans into this by mentioning them in her press conference. Bunnies, do you truly care about NewJeans? How do you not see that MHJ is using them as a shield to gain your sympathy? I acknowledge MHJ's contributions to NewJeans' success, but if you look at her actions throughout this drama, she's clearly trying to take NewJeans down with her.

"Complex human relationships and affairs cannot be shown simply by a few arbitrarily cut and stitched KakaoTalk messages." Source

Wasn't MHJ the one to introduce the KakaoTalk messages at her press conference? This is cognitive dissonance personified. Bunnies, I understand that you are afraid of what lies ahead—it's normal—but you need to wake up. MHJ is not the right person for NewJeans; she has been hiding behind them and their parents this entire time. How can MHJ justify her texts by downplaying their severity, claiming they are out of context, or saying they're just jokes? Calling a member fat to someone else is indefensible. You can argue that this is an industry norm but that argument doesn't work. It was submitted to someone privately, I'd understand that if it was said to the member personally, but going behind their backs to insult them? You cannot justify this if you truly care about NewJeans.

HYBE Mistreatment

Yes, we can all agree that BSH not greeting the NewJeans members is an inconsiderate move, but it does not constitute mistreatment. HYBE is not going to mistreat NewJeans as long as they're profitable. The age restriction on the "How Sweet" music video seems to be a YouTube issue, not a HYBE one. Look at the significant playlisting NewJeans has received and has become the new Magnetic. HYBE is still investing in them even after the petitions in favor of MHJ. NewJeans is profitable for HYBE; they will not mistreat them.
Concerns about the 1.5-year hiatus are reasonable, but NewJeans had nearly a year before this new comeback, so will there really be a noticeable difference? No matter which side NewJeans ends up picking, they will need time off to recover mentally. If you truly care about them, you'll support them taking the necessary break after this situation settles. HYBE has repeatedly given NewJeans opportunities to retract comeback, whereas MHJ has continually used them for her own agenda. NewJeans is only a shield for her. I can guarantee you that the next statement MHJ releases will include how NewJeans members cried about her firing.

Fandom Wars

Bunnies, people don't hate NewJeans because they want their downfall. They are mad at NewJeans for supporting MHJ, who has dragged their groups. If you truly care about NewJeans' careers, you would not engage in these pointless fan wars. Provoking the biggest K-pop fandom? Do you truly care about NewJeans or are you an anti praying for their downfall? K-pop fans are ruthless and unforgiving—the idols may repair their relationships, but the fandoms? Do you really think they'll forgive NewJeans after all the slander MHJ has contributed to? You're only amplifying the issue. Play it smart—if you truly care about NewJeans, do not attack anyone MHJ mentioned.

The Future

Bunnies, I understand the future is uncertain and you're scared. But you need to wake up. While MHJ has done a lot for NewJeans, she is a danger to them and their careers. How can you not recognize that she's using them as a shield to gain your sympathy?
Sure, their discography may change, but if you truly care about NewJeans, you'd support them no matter what, right? I understand you love their current discography and are worried about what HYBE might do, but the girls are talented—they can make any style work. Are you a NewJeans fan or an MHJ fan? NewJeans can absolutely continue without MHJ's direction.
Yes, it will be tough on them, but would you rather see them continue their careers under HYBE or face the consequences of leaving the company? Let's be realistic: whether you support MHJ or not, if NewJeans care about their careers even a little, they'll stay with HYBE. Attacking HYBE and its fandoms will only hurt NewJeans' careers.
Support NewJeans for their talent and potential. They need your backing now more than ever to navigate this challenging time.

An Apology to the other Fandoms

I'd like to apologize to the other fandoms for the strain that MHJ and some Bunnies have placed on your biases and you. I understand that NewJeans filed a petition in favor of MHJ, but we don't know the exact details of that petition. It is likely that they support MHJ's creative vision and want to continue under her guidance, rather than supporting her negative comments about other groups.
Please forgive the girls; they are scared about their careers and are trying to do what they think is best for them. MHJ has been with them since their debut, so naturally, they feel more comfortable working with her than with someone new HYBE might bring in. Understand their point of view and consider that they probably don't endorse the mudslinging.
I've been disheartened by calls for their disbandment. NewJeans doesn't deserve to be disbanded; they deserve support more than ever. They have been misled by someone they trusted like a "mother." I ask for your empathy. MHJ supporters may not support NewJeans once she leaves, as they are loyal to MHJ, not the group.
There are true NewJeans fans who may be blinded by MHJ's lies and manipulation. Don't give up on NewJeans because of this. Your idols will likely forgive them, or may not have any animosity towards them at all. We don't know how your idols feel, so let's not attack NewJeans for supporting who they think is best for them.
TL;DR: Bunnies defend MHJ due to a preference for maintaining NewJeans' current discography (status quo bias). The fandom war over ILLIT's similar concept to NewJeans is unnecessary, as similar concepts have benefited other groups under the same company. MHJ's contradictions and negative behavior have harmed NewJeans, and Bunnies should support the group rather than attacking HYBE and other fandoms. Despite the backlash against the girls, it's unclear if they support MHJ's attacks on other groups or just her creative vision. Concerns about HYBE mistreating NewJeans are understandable, but HYBE has shown genuine care for their careers, unlike MHJ, who seems to use them for sympathy. I'd like to apologize are to other fandoms, but I want to emphasize that NewJeans likely supports MHJ's vision, not her negative comments, and deserves empathy and support.

Hello everybody! Last Friday night I sent my first message to an inmate. At the moment, Jpay shows the status as sent. I’ve never met this person so I’m not sure how often they check Jpay or anything. I know it was a long weekend and maybe that has something to do with it. Would it be better to delete and write a letter?

Oh, very long post. Sorry.
Hello, everyone! I know it’s been a while. Being completely honest with you, I am not okay… well, I’m feeling better now. I’ve been feeling horrible, hella anxious, and, yeah, depressed. I don’t even know how to start this post or how to explain what has happened. Maybe it’s really nothing, but it took a toll on my mental health.
Thank you for all your comments and messages. For real, thank you for your concern. It wasn’t my intention to worry you all, but yeah, I wasn’t having a great time. I’m still fighting against my own demons, but it’s all better now. So, thank you, really. I appreciate it so much. I wish we all could go out for a coffee in real life or something.
I’ll let you know what has happened.
A lot of things happened around Mother’s Day, and it brought up old feelings and bad impulses against myself that I had left long in the past. There was a day when I simply didn’t want to exist anymore, to say it kindly. I know my hormones are not being helpful, and the only feeling I can trust right now is my love for hubby and baby and our upcoming little girls. I honestly don’t know what I would do without them. They are my entire world and universe. They simply save me. And I need to be strong for these babies, they are not doing so well. Maybe that’s also part of what made me feel so down like this.
I was already feeling down a few days before Mother’s Day and didn’t feel like celebrating. I know my mom had betrayed me and done unforgivable things up to that point, but I couldn’t help but feel sad because… well, I no longer have a mom. I asked the aunties and grauntie not to acknowledge the day for me, and they understood. Grauntie did call me early in the morning, and it made me sob hard, we talked for about an hour, so go figure. Hubby and I got her a big gift to show our appreciation and gratitude because he says she has also stood as a mother figure for him during these chaotic months. Oh, yea, grauntie is a great woman, and she laughed so much about her nickname, btw, she loves it. Baby calls her that now, well “grantie.” Aunties started saying happy mother’s day the next day lol.
Anyway, hubby didn’t let the day pass for me. He brought me breakfast in bed, he cooked all day, and since we decided to stay home, he brought healthy junk food (approved by my doctors, he made sure about that) for us to stay in bed, or on the couch, watching movies, Bluey, and a marathon of my shitty show that he doesn’t like (but he enjoys in secret lol). He gave me some presents and flowers that baby picked herself. I don’t know when this man took the time to also help baby make a craft for me without me noticing. It was very cute. We decided to stay home, turn the lights off, and stay upstairs pretending we weren’t really there. We both couldn’t help but be concerned and a bit anxious about ILs showing up. We stayed locked upstairs just resting, snuggling, and cuddling.
I will try to summarize what happened when they showed up.
Baby was taking a nap in her room, and we were into our own stuff when they interrupted. We tried to ignore them, but MIL kept insisting, saying she knew we were home. She kept ringing the bell and then knocking on the door. They claimed they were visiting us because we couldn’t attend her reunion. It was only MIL and SIL (not beast SIL), and they were carrying bowls with food. Later I noticed it was only food they know I am allergic to or that I don’t like. After some minutes, we decided to just get rid of them. Hubby changed and went downstairs to warn them he was calling the police (he did that for proof that he asked them to leave, knowing they were not going to go away). MIL was very calm and kept saying shit, but hubby didn’t engage in her conversation. Important information: she asked a lot about me and baby, about our safety. I stayed upstairs, and peeking through the window, I noticed their car was parked on the other side of the street, out of the range of our door cam. Fucking creepy BIL was inside, I guess waiting for them.
I picked up my phone to take a picture of him and I had some unread texts from good SIL warning us ILs were coming and saying things like “be careful,” blah blah. She also said good BIL was heading over here so he could help take them out of our place, I guess. I gotta give points in favor of BIL because he stood up for hubby and even called their mother a liar.
So, we called the police on them, but they also called the police on us, on hubby. Fucking idiots. Fucking MIL. They called the police on hubby saying they believed there was a case of domestic violence happening in our house. They said we didn’t open the door and they were scared because they suspected I’ve been in danger and they hadn’t heard my voice or baby inside. To this point, we are not sure who made the call, but I believe it was creeypy BIL. Hubby had to open the door to talk to the officers, I also had to go out because they wanted to speak to me. Mind you, I was so stressed and just wanted to help hubby with the bullshit that I didn’t realize I was only wearing a top and leggings because, mind you again, I was comfy in my house before they decided to arrive. So, yea, they saw my belly and they officially know that I am pregnant. I, somehow, feel so violated by them knowing. Ugh, fucking idiot creepy BIL’s face and smirk and his eyes all over me still give me the chills. Good BIL had arrived at this point too, so he also saw me but his reaction was the most normal of all. I guess he just got sad. I know he wanted to get close to me but he didn’t dare. Good, I guess.
A female officer separated me from the drama and asked me a bunch of questions in private. I brought her inside the house because baby was still sleeping upstairs. She kept glaring around, like looking for something suspicious, I suppose. The other officer talked with hubby and with a neighbor and he very soon concluded the accusations were all bullshit. They just asked to check on baby because MIL kept insisting. We had to explain that baby was actually her grandkid because she kept asking about her daughter, I just wanted to punch her in the face. I went to pick baby up, she was still asleep, and the cop I was talking with was nice enough to keep both of us inside the house. Baby ended up waking up and crying with all the trouble from outside, anyway. MIL heard her crying and she lost her calm, started to raise her voice. I couldn’t control myself and I poked my head out and told MIL that of course, baby was crying and it was all her fault, and I called her a bitch 🙄 This led to a verbal fight, just imagine everyone involved… and the cops. SIL was crying. I stayed inside but close enough to the door because I was worried about hubby. I overheard him asking if it was done and if he could go inside with us. They were leaving, officers were making them go away but MIL couldn’t just leave without causing more distress and told hubby she wished I bleed out and die while giving birth and that she hopes my baby is not his (because they changed the game, now I am the cheater). I instinctively opened the door to stop hubby from reacting but he was just there standing and staring at her. Ok, background: I had preeclampsia when baby was born, then after being sent home I got very ill and had to be rushed to the hospital because I got an infection. Hubby and everyone got super worried when I had to go back to the hospital. It was bad. Hubby thought the worst and he obviously talked with MIL about it, back at the time so yeah, she knew where to hurt him. Hubby said to good BIL something like “yes, this is the family you keep choosing.” He was like in shock. Hubby and I just went back inside and we hugged. Good BIL tried to talk to us but we ignored him, I know he was upset. He recently sent me a text I haven’t answered back. I have seen hubby sad and vulnerable, but the only time I’ve seen him actually cry was when his father passed away. This time he cried too and couldn’t let us go an inch away from him. I held back my tears. We were very jumpy and uncomfortable so we took some blankets and went to sleep in the other house. There’s no furniture, no lights, and no water yet in my dad’s house but it was better to know we were nowhere to be found. It was like camping for baby, she even asked for vampire stories that we invented for her right there. Then, hubby and I just hugged and cried our eyes out to sleep. I was simply angry and sad and upset that they took away our peace. I cried because this bitch keeps hurting my family, because they are making us run away from our own house, from wverything we have built and for what!? I am thankful we have my dad’s house to escape but it brings me bad memories and I also got a bit triggered that night, I guess. We talked a lot that night and we came to the same conclusion: the only thing that matters is that we have each other and we will never let them win.
No, it wasn’t enough for a RO. Police didn’t want to try for charges because all they saw was a family drama, which it was if you see it as an isolated incident. No, they didn’t go against the beats RO. We told and showed and give everythign to our lawyer.
Then my mom happened. I had a few voicemails from her, and I was weak, so I listened to them. This happened the next day. I waited for hubby so I wouldn’t have to listen to them alone. This was the biggest mistake of my life. We planned to have a nice dinner at home to save Mother’s Day and as an excuse to have a date but I ruined it all. I don’t know why I listened to all of them. She started all calm, victimizing herself but calm. She said happy Mother's Day to me, started to talk about baby, about me, and about my brother. She said she is very sad to be a mother without her kids. She said it would be easier if we were dead (yes, she said that), she would cope better with that truth. It escalated with each voicemail, to the point where she blamed me for what happened with her POS boyfriend and me. I had never heard her say something like this to me while growing up. Never. She claims she’s now all lonely because of me. She said she should have aborted me when she had the chance, as my dad suggested. This… I made me go numb. She accused me of seducing this man and that’s why he fell for me. Only thing I can think is that this POS has been manipulating her, idk but it hurt like hell. She told me that I should have stopped him. She blamed me too because, after that incident, she had lost all opportunities to recover her relationship with my dad. She then basically said our dad never really loved me and my brother, and that’s why he left and never came back. I started to spiral and, well, I barely remember my dad since they divorced. He came back when everything exploded, but before that… I don’t really have memories. I don’t know, she made me question a lot of things. Her tone was calm and sweet, which made it worse. She didn’t use the words or phrasing I am using right now either, her discourse made sense, this is basically what she meant. Of course, she also called me a bad mom too, and I couldn’t help but think about all the things good SIL said about baby and how I didn’t notice it. I started to blame myself for the condition of my baby twins. I am not a bad mom, I know that, but it got me right there. I thought about baby being bullied by her cousins, about MIL throwing up the food I packed for her right in front of her, about our little baby eating food from the floor and trembling because she was frightened. I can’t take out of my mind the image of baby trembling. And I cried as I hadn’t cried in a while. And then I started to remember a lot of other things about my life. I questioned myself again if my mom ever really loved us because growing up, it felt like she did, and I was so grateful I had my mom with me because she was by my side all the time after the POS happened. She was there when I started to struggle in my teens, when I wanted to die, when I started to hurt myself. My dad was there too, and I have beautiful memories with him, he stood for us, I became really close to him, he helped us a lot during that time, but there are a lot of blank spaces where he’s not around. He got another girlfriend, and that time he stayed close to us in the same city but he stopped visiting. Until we went to college, he got together with his current wife, and flew away. He was there if we ever needed money, he paid for our education, but I never reached out to him asking for any other type of help. We barely talked, I tell you he didn’t even knew hubby or baby. To be fair, he was comming over for our wedding but we had to cancel it because of covid. I kept spiraling about it. I got tangled in my mom’s words. I remembered the POS boyfriends I had and how I let them mistreat me, do whatever they wanted to do with me. I let that happen, but I now realize my mom was comfortable with it. I got over that and stopped letting it happen because of the aunties and therapy. Not my proudest moment, but I broke my phone after listening to all her audios.
My train of thought ended up the same: I am so, so thankful I met hubby, and the only thing that matters is that we have each other. Hubby and baby and the twins are the only things that kept me alive these days. They are my world. Still, I was/am? dealing with urges to hurt myself. It’s alright when I am with the baby, it’s alright when I am with hubby, but night time and the moment I open my eyes in the morning… it has been tough. My mom put me in a very bad place. I let her put me in a very bad place again, but it will be the last time. She won’t take the good from me. No way. Hubby says she’s trying to isolate me and he might be right but she won’t get it.
Hubby says I should talk with my dad. I’ve been very distant with him lately, and I know he can feel it. I want to talk with him too about this, but I don’t even know what to say. I miss the aunties, I’ve been distant with them too. Last weekend, hubby and I went out to eat with one of them (the auntie that wrote the text when I told them I’m pregnant) and her husband. It was nice, we had fun. I’m telling them it is two girls this week. I didn’t want to tell them before because I am really scared about my babies. They are a bit smaller than they should be, and even if they are just supposed to be small babies, it worries me, it is not good for twins. Also, they suspect baby B has a heart condition :( I told this to the auntie, she’s the only one of the group that knows about all the difficulties of my pregnancy, and it helps a lot that she knows. I can’t help to be worried, but I can be positive and happy and excited for them. I have to be positive and happy and excited for them. I know the love aunties will give them even in my womb is much needed now. And hubby and I are doing and will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
So, I said fuckyoumom and changed my mood, Hubby was worried because we really don’t have ANYTHING for the twins, and we are also in the process of moving. He had tried to convinced me to start looking for stuff to clear my mind but I wasn’t in the mood. Well, we finally started to look for cribs now (very difficult task tbh) and we bought their first onesies :) I’m letting the aunties shop for them too now (they’ve been insisting a lot lol) and it is very funny when they start sending pictures of plushies or toys or clothes (I love them because they keep thinking about the big sister). They are still trying to win points to be the godmothers lmao. I called grauntie last week and apologized for not being so communicative lately, and she started to come over again during the mornings, she’s been helping me with house shores and with my feelings. This has also helped hubby a lot because he was worried I was home alone. I cried so much with grauntie about my mom, and she showed me some of her Facebook posts. I just wish she would stop posting baby’s pictures. Grauntie also encouraged me to talk to my dad. And we went out to look for baby stuff together. She also knows about my pregnancy problems, but she’s confident we all will be alright.
The most important thing of all: we told baby she’s going to be a big sister :) She believed my belly was growing because I ate a watermelon seed lol If you want to know her reaction, I’ll make another post about it because I don’t want to mix it with all the shit above.
We ended up having a late Mother’s Day (also a pretext to be close to each other) the next Sunday after the actual day. It was nice and it cheered me up. It was a surprise from hubby.
My car is all fixed now and bills were sent to the beast family but they haven’t paid. We have the RO but the idea of them still scares me a bit from time to time. We’ve been calm these days at home but we have been going to visit the other house from time to time to get used to it. We’ve been planning where to place our furniture and how to decorate just to clear our minds. Hubby said maybe we will be able to start moving in a week and a half or two complete weeks. Yup, we’re moving even if we only have our bed there. I have mixed feelings about it but I know it’s for the best.
What his family and my mom don’t realize is that their bullshit only makes hubby and me stronger as a couple. He relies on me and I rely on him, we don’t fall. We always come to the same conclusion that we are simply meant to be together and for our kids. I can feel how our love and respect to each other grows stronger. And I am holding tight to this. As I said before, the only feeling I can really trust right now is my love for my little (and growing) family. The love they give me is something I have never doubt, not even in my darkest moments. I still have urges from time to time, I feel anxious and sometimes I can’t sleep as right now but all this love keeps me sane within my not so sane moments. I’m alright, I’m getting better (also yes, I’m going to therapy and having more sessions than usual).
I know I always say this but I can’t be thankful enough for hubby… You know? Hubby always says that I saved him, but I believe it is the opposite.
We’re going to be alright. I have always known that.
And I’m back hehe

Introduction:
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(Disclaimer: this is essentially my life story, so I understand if you don't want to sit and read a full novel of some depressing fuck's cry for help, but I couldn't find a way to condense it, sorry.)
Life is shit right now. It's taken a long time for me to admit it, but there's just no more beating around the bush anymore. I'm trapped in a profound sadness that refuses to loosen it's hold on me, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it all, I never have, but I've just been through so much that it's hard to believe things could ever get better.
I'm 24(M), and 4 years ago I lost both of my parents, 10 months ago my girlfriend of 6 and a half years broke up with me, and just a few weeks ago the company I had been planning to work for over half my life shut its doors for good. Now I'm sat with no clear path forward and a brother trying to take what little I have left, and I just don't know how to move on.
I lost my dad on February 29th, 2020. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months for constipation, didn't think much of it, he was 68 after all. One night I come in to visit him in the hospital and I walk in on a surgeon explaining something to him and my mother. It turns out that results from the latest test had come in and a polyp had burst in his large intestine, he was quickly developing sepsis and if they didn't operate soon he wouldn't see the sunrise. A few minutes to sort his thoughts and make some calls to my aunts for advice and he decided that the surgeon who talked to us was more than welcome to operate since he offered, it just so happened he was one of the highest rated gastro-intestinal surgeons in Texas (don't know if I got the name of the surgeon right, my bad). So they prep him for surgery and as they wheal him off to put him under he grabs onto my hand, with tears in his eyes, and says "Take care of your mother." He had a look in his eyes, he didn't think he'd get to open them again. But sure enough a few anxiety-inducing hours later the surgeon comes back out and lets us know that everything went off without a hitch, they managed to remove the blockage and clean everything up without issue. Dad spent the next week in recovery at that hospital, but I only managed to visit him there once. I hate hospitals, but I love my dad, so when I saw him in there, all strapped up with hoses poking in and out of him, I put a smile on and rubbed his feet like I always did (he broke both his legs and shattered an ankle years ago, the man was lucky to walk to begin with, so you'd better believe I'd help in any way I could). That's the last picture ever taken of me and my dad, with him strapped to a hospital bed and me giving him a foot massage. The next time I saw him he had been discharged without me knowing, so I headed back home to our rural town late one night when he said I could visit. I'd had a lot to think about then, I'd always thought I had so much more time with Dad, that I'd only have to say goodbye when I was good and ready and he had seen us through our biggest moments. By then I wasn't so sure, so I sat with him on that Friday night and just talked, for as long as I could. I told him the little things I'd been hanging on to for far too long, the kinds of things that didn't matter in the slightest but you'd never tell your parents because you're too embarrassed. I told him about how I bumped into someone at a stoplight right after high school, but I convinced the other guy not to get insurance involved because I didn't want him to know and end up costing him more money, so I just used all of my savings and my graduation gift to pay the guy off after he replaced his rear bumper. All dad had to say about that was "you should have gotten insurance involved, that's what it's for." We laughed, and he thanked me for telling him, said it proved that I was the man he always wanted me to be. We talked about a lot, I tried to hug him tight, but since the surgery was on his gut they couldn't just stitch him up. He was so bloated before the surgery that he looked pregnant, so the skin around his gut was delicate and they had to bandage him up and put this weird circulator on him to keep it clean. Either way, I hugged him as best I could, told him I loved him, that he should take it easy, and that I'd talk to him soon. I remember looking through the door as I walked away, he was just laid up in bed watching TV. I gave him a peace sign as I walk off, he always did the same, whether we were looking or not. That was 9:30 PM. At 6 the next morning I woke to my mom calling me in tears, she said dad was gone. They had spoken after I left, talked about what we discussed, and he said he couldn't get comfortable in bed so he'd moved over to the recliner in the living room. He didn't wake up. Later on when we finally got the reports back they said he had passed peacefully in his sleep due to a heart attack. Dad had heart problems before, he had a quadruple bypass when I was about 8 and a stint placed in later on due to a murmur in his heart, and ever since he'd been taking meds. There were so many little details that stuck with me from that day. He was wearing a pair of socks I gave him when I came back on the 29th. The night before he said he didn't think he'd wake back up after the surgery, but he did, which meant God wasn't done with him yet. I still remember the sound of my mom's sobs from behind the wall of my bed, my brother and I stayed with her for the first week afterwards.
I was always aware that I had a great life, but I had never lost anything so major, never had something so horrid and life-changing happen to me. One moment I was getting used to my new classes for the semester in college, and the next thing I knew my life had flipped ass over teakettle and the world was imploding. The combination of the pandemic hitting right as I experienced the worse loss of my life, in the middle of my second year of college, certainly didn't help either. To be honest, it's still a blur. I don't remember much of those months, only that the days blurred together as I barely perceived time passing. The semester ended, and one day when my brother are checking on Mom, she suddenly rushed out the door with a sack of vodka bottles in tow, got in her car, and drove off to work. We had worried she may have fallen off again, but had been hoping against hope she wouldn't. Mom had been alcohol my entire life, I won't get into it, but when we went to her work and my brother drove her home, we had to carry her upstairs ourselves after she fell into a potted plant with vomit on her shirt. Not too long after we staged an intervention and had her checked back into rehab. At the end of her first month she would decide if she'd stay for a second and third, and despite the pleas of my brother and I, she wouldn't listen. We said we were done with her. We had given her all the love and support we could, but if that wasn't going to work then we'd resort to our only other option and cut her out. When she checked out of rehab I drove her home. I thought I could try one last time to talk some sense into her, that maybe she'd listen to reason. In the end she just ignored me, so I said everything I could think to say. If it was going to be the last time I got to talk to her, then I'd make use of that ride home and tell her everything I could think of. Just like Dad. I dropped her off at the family home, gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and watched as she got smaller in the mirror as I drove away. About a week later on July 9th, I got a call from my brother and my Aunt, her little sister. She was gone. They found her in a CVS parking lot in her car, upside down. She had been there for hours. We don't know exactly what happened. She may have had a seizure. All we know is that the reports came back with "complications due to alcohol abuse and fatty liver."
After that, the estate fell to my brother and I as the sole inheritors. I'm thankful for everyone that came out of the woodworks to help us. Our aunts helped with the will and all of the proceedings that came after. A lot had to be done, and a 20 year old still in college (me) and a 24 year old fresh out of college (my brother), were not the ones capable to taking care of it all. It took months to sort it all out. Hell, some of it never got resolved because we just never knew what to do. What matters is that we had the time and space to grieve, and so I did.
It turns out I've always had depressive tendencies, but at this point I had fully developed an Anxiety and Depressive disorder. It came to a head one Summer day when I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd always wrestled with the concept of Death, that after everything that happens in your life it all just ends, nothing, just an end to all, void, nothingness. I hated it. It stills sends me into panic attacks to this day, and has since I was a child. That Summer day I hit rock bottom, and I couldn't think of anything else, because what else could matter if it was all going to end anyway? Why should I care? I'm not going to care when I'm gone, so why care now? It's not like I'll be around to regret leaving if I chose to end it all. These were the thoughts that flooded my mind, and they wouldn't go away. I took a walk. I went through my neighborhood, cut through the trees at the cul-de-sac near the bottom of the hill, and came to a path that led to a nearly dry creak. the water was barely flowing, but I was sweaty and I wanted to sit. So there I sat and contemplated it all. The absolute inconsequentiality of life and all its meaninglessness. I looked down and saw a rock, picked it up, and thought to myself just how long it would take to bash my brains out and end it all right there. Sure it would hurt, but only for so long, then it would be gone, and I'd stop hurting. I don't know how long I really sat there looking at that rock, but eventually a family of four came walking down the path and I had to get up to get out of their way since I was sitting in the middle of the path. I dropped the rock, let them pass, and walked back home. after that I called my friends, got the name and number for their doctor, and booked an appointment later that week. Ever since then I've been medicated and I'm better for it. I don't believe in those thoughts anymore, but it scares me that I got to a point that I nearly listened to them. I've back to that creek bed since, and it's actually very pretty right after a storm, when all the trees are still dripping with rainwater.
Fast-forward a few years and it's May 2023, I struggled and I stumbled, but I felt like I had made progress. I felt far from past it, but I was moving on. I graduated with a Bachelor's in Science for Art and Entertainment Technologies. I didn't know exactly what I'd do with it, but I felt like I could figure it out with the city I was in. I went up to celebrate my girlfriend's graduation a few weeks later up in Missouri, we had been together for six and a half years. We met in high school in the same friend group, stuck through college in a long-distance relationship, and I thought we would go all the way. Over that summer after we both graduated she had to take one last internship to finish up her degree. I visited when I had the chance, but over the course of the summer I worked to make sure the house lived in would be ready for her, ready for two people to live in together once we finally started our lives together. She spent another two and a half months in Missouri, and the day she got back on July 29th she broke up with me. She had her dad drive her down the night before, and she spent that night with me after the long trip. The next morning after waking up and having breakfast, she sat me down and said she didn't think we should be together anymore. It was something she decided on over the Summer, she said she'd been thinking about it for a bit and finally had a gut feeling that we should split up. There wasn't anyone else, she actually explained that it was the opposite. She had lived her entire life with barely any privacy. As the middle child of 6 children she rarely, if ever, got a moment to herself. She only ever had one room to herself, but even then it was in a smaller house with 4 other people, and no locks on her door. When she left for college she had to share a dorm with her roommate, and when she came back for the Winter and Summer breaks she stayed with me (I also have a housemate, so even then the privacy wasn't perfect). Over the course of that last Summer she finally had a room all to herself, a single dorm for 2 and a half months. During her internship it was the exact same, she worked in an archive, which are quiet on a bad day and silent as the grave every other day. Couple that with the fact that she only ever work with one other person (her supervisor), and that's if they worked with anyone else there at all, for 40 hours a week. She told me that summer gave her the alone time she never had the chance to take before, and spent a lot of it thinking, spending all the time she never got before to be alone with her thoughts. A couple weeks before she came back she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She gave me a lot of reasons for want to split up, that being one of them. The biggest reason, one she said she couldn't ignore, was that she thought we were becoming two very different people. She said she didn't think we would work if we stayed together, that the way she saw us going, it just wasn't going to work out. She told me she still loved me, but when I asked if it was in the same way as before, she could only shake her head. I still regret asking that. She left with her sister later that day, and came back with her family the next to pack up all her things and leave. When she was busy inside, I took a moment to talk to them and ask if I did anything wrong, they all said no. They said she was just the most independent person they all knew, and that I had nothing to be sorry for. It didn't help. When they were done she gave me one last moment with her, one last tear-stained kiss goodbye, but when she turned in the driveway to hand me back the extra key to the house, I broke down. I stood by the door just long enough to watch their car fade from view as they drove away, then I went back inside and collapsed into a void of sorrow and self-pity.
That was 10 months ago. I'd like to say I've made progress, but some days it's hard to believe that. In the time since I've spent a lot of time on myself, learning who I was and what I wanted to be. The main sticking point I had with her reasoning was that she was so certain we were going to end up two completely different people, but I didn't even know who I wanted to be. If I didn't know who I was, let alone who I was going to be, how could she be so definitively certain? A lot of time and self-reflection brought up a plethora of questions I'd never thought to ask myself. With a rural backwoods public Texas education, it turns out that a lot of mental health issues can fall between the cracks. I found out that I'm on the Autism Spectrum (I get my full Psych Eval later this week, so that's nice), I learned that I'm demisexual, and also that I get extremely, soul-crushingly lonely when I'm single. All my best friends had to move out of state last February (it's a long story but I can explain if necessary), so when we split up I had next to no one to fall back on nearby. I had acquaintances and others I could call, but the people I loved the most were a 13 hour drive away. I made the trip when I could, but it just wasn't the same. It's ironic though, I found a therapy service through a podcast she introduced me to. I've been seeing a reliable and caring therapist for 9 and a half of the past 10 months, so I'm grateful for that. I've come to learn that even if the crushing loneliness hurts the most, finding a new relationship isn't the right step forward. I spent long enough trying to make that happen, now I know it can't fix anything, nor should it.
For a while I was starting to feel things turning around. Not so much getting better, but it was a start. Then It got to February, and along with it another tide of problems. My brother has always been the one to party, since he was in high school and all throughout college he was the one that got the drinks and people together. When we became independent he was the one that got on my ass about not wasting our inheritance and only using it when absolutely necessary. It's ironic then, that he was the one to call me in late Feb telling me he'd blown through it all and gone bankrupt. For this next part I need to provide some context, so I'm sorry if it drags on. I never planned on moving out of the family home, but mom and dad had waited long enough and wanted me out, so mom agreed to find a place for me to stay and provide housing until I graduated college. She was a realtor for a big real estate company for over 25 years, and it just so happened that the last neighborhood she sold from had a model home the company wanted to get rid of. She pulled some strings and in the end she got it for a steal, like half the market price for a house in the area, with a monthly payment similar to most apartments in the same city. I'm well aware of how privileged I was and still am to this day, I don't want people to think I don't recognize the luck I've been given. However, when our parents passed the entirety of the estate was split 50/50 between my brother and I. Meaning that the house that I lived in at the time, and still have for the past 4 and a half years, is only half mine. This never really sat well with me, so when I eventually brought it up with my brother and asked about becoming the sole owner of my house, he agreed that it was the right call. The problem, is that he told me that he hand over his half for half of what the house would be sold for at maximum market price. He didn't want what we'd paid for, he didn't want half of what it was bought at, nor did he want any reasonable price, he wanted the most amount of money he could get for a home that wasn't his, nor was ever meant to be his (I want y'all to know that I already feel like the most privileged asshole ever having typed all this out, sorry for sounding like a shithead). Somewhere along the way, he got it in his head that I had already agreed to pay what he wanted me to for his half, and when he called me late Feb and asked for money, he got upset with me when I told him that I didn't want to. He got angry and started talking about how I owed him for my house, how I already agreed to pay him and that he'd count whatever I gave him as the start to my payment for the property I've lived on for nearly 5 fucking years. I panicked, and though I regret it, I caved and gave him far too much money (more than I'm willing to admit), in hopes he'd leave me alone. Unfortunately over the past 4 months he's only gotten worse.
Before this time we (my brother and our Aunts) came to the conclusion that the family home we had turned into an Airbnb was no longer sustainable. While it had been profitable for a good few months in 2022, by late 2023 it had turned into a money sink. There was more and more wear and deferred maintenance popping up with each passing month that by the time 2024 rolled around we were forced to choose between selling it off or emptying the rest of our inheritance in an attempt to fix it back up with no promise that it would be worth it. It sucked to do it, I spend the first 20 years of my life in that house, but in the end we gave the go ahead and my Aunt helped us put it on the market when Feb rolled around. The housing market where it's built is extremely competitive, it's on the outskirts of a rural tourist town with a view to die for, so we didn't think it would be too much waiting around before we got an offer. That was 4 months ago, and we haven't heard a word since, even though the first estimate was 6 weeks to 6 months. The agent helping us with the house let us know that there were over 60 homes being sold in the surrounding area, with half of them at a very similar price point. I don't feel comfortable revealing exactly what the house is priced at, but to give an idea, the money I'd make off of selling it, even after being split in half and reduced by taxes, would be enough to completely pay off the mortgage on my house and then some. The kicker to all of this, is that the house isn't in perfect condition. Even considering all the detracting factors, I'd say the price we have the house listed at is more than fair for the area, but nobody wants to buy a fixer-upper at that price point, even if it is worth it. To make all these matter worse, I found out recently that my brother has STILL been holding house parties there, even though he has a perfectly good party place where he currently lives! I found out when my Aunt told me about a showing we were going to have, but my brother tried to call and tell her to postpone it because he was going to be having a party the day before the showing was scheduled. In the middle of all this, he texts me out of the blue, trying to get me to talk to him and discuss something. I'm having none of it and tell him that if he needs to get something off his chest, he can text me or leave me alone, I don't want to talk. So he ends up sending me full fucking paragraphs, going on about how he's hit rock bottom, how we have to close the joint account we've been using to pay all the shared bills and expenses, and how he's so sorry for being a shitty older brother. Near the end of it he throws in how he recently lost his girlfriend to a drunk driver and that he's in mourning. I went digging and it turns out the girl he mentioned, who did tragically pass in an accident and was heavily mourned in the community, was not in a relationship with him for the past year and a half. I didn't know this until a month later though, so this all came out of the blue in a time where I just wanted to be done with him, so now I had no clue what to think. The way he spoke and said all the right things to make me feel for him hurt, it made me want to drive over to his house and throw my arms around him and tell him that he'd be okay and he wasn't alone. Then we found out about the party, and he never stopped using the joint account for all the bullshit personal spending he'd been using for before at liquor stores and bars, so I got to see first-hand what all he was spending both of our shared funds on (this is only one account I put money into when we need to pay bills, the majority of my money is in my own personal savings account that he doesn't have any access to). In short: he made it real obvious that everything he said to us was a complete and total lie, after pleading with me and making me take on the task of cancelling half the bills we had tied to the joint account just to save him the time and effort. He manipulated me, and it was plain as day to see it.
Now I'm at a point where I just have to wait for something to happen. I can't do a damn thing to change my shitty situation with my brother and my home. I want to cut him off, become fully independent, and leave all the trauma I have with him, but I literally can't. I have to wait until the family house is sold or he tries to come after me and my livelihood. I tried my best to research my options, but there's nothing I can do with my house unless he signs over his portion to me, and he won't do that unless he gets what he wants. The only thing I've been able to think of is that I could possibly take him to court and argue that his actions caused the selling price of our family home to go down, but I don't even know if that's possible or what it would do for me. I don't want to sue my brother, I just want to be done with him. I want to scream and yell and make him understand the stress he's put me through, make him feel the pain he's caused me my entire life just for wanting him to like me. I want to make him know just how much it hurts to have put so much effort into someone that was never going to care in the first place, but more than anything, I just want to be done with him.
I did the math, and unfortunately I now know that I have a time limit for the family home to be sold. Meaning that if the home isn't sold by the new year and we have to pay the property taxes again, I'll be the one taking the full brunt of that responsibility. If that happens I will either not have enough money in my savings to cover that cost, or I'll have just enough to pay for it and have nothing left. Either way, with how much the maintenance of everything has been draining our finances, I'd have to sell my current home to pay for the costs after property taxes are dealt with. It would solve so many issues if I just sold off my house, but it would hurt so God damn much. I've put so much effort into this house to try and make it feel like a home, make it feel like my home. When the world was falling apart and I lost everything else, this one house and the memories I made here were what kept me going. There are days where it feels like it's all I've got left. The last thing I want is to lose this house. I know I'd end up fine. I'd have funds left over to take care of me after it's sold, and the family home would sell eventually, but none of that would matter. I can see how long I might have left in this house in the pages left on the calendar hanging from my wall, and all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop to see if I'm losing this too. All I can do is sit and fester in this shitty void of depression and anguish while I wait to find out what happens. I hate it.
When I didn't think anything could get worse, just a handful of weeks ago I idly checked Facebook and saw that my ex, the love of my life, had found herself a new boyfriend. Soul-crushing couldn't begin to describe what I felt. I thought I'd made progress, thought I'd said goodbye to my desire to rekindle what we once had. I thought I'd finally started to move on, but I suppose I didn't know how wrong I could be. She had changed her profile picture to one with her and him standing together, arm in arm. She looked so God damn gorgeous. I couldn't get over the fact that she had never done that when we were together, I guess I still haven't. I'm not even mad at her, or him, or anyone, I'm just in pain. I want her to be happy, she deserves to be happy, but all I can focus on is just how much I miss her. I saw her post about how they went to the zoo and it broke me. I've checked her Facebook so many times and I know I shouldn't, I keep telling myself that it's only going to hurt, but I still do it and it always breaks me down even more. For a short time she changed her picture to a different one and removed her relationship status, so I thought they had broken up. I feel guilty for even admitting it but it made me feel hope, like we still had a chance. I didn't want to give in to that feeling and set myself up for disappointment, but I couldn't help but feel like maybe she thought of what we had and there was a chance that the knowledge of who we were now would be enough to start something new. But I was wrong. She changed it to a new picture of the two of them a few days later, and it broke me all over again. It's strange, every time I start to feel like something is working, like I'm making some kind of progress, another bombshell comes hurtling around and blindsides me. I keep trying to get back on my own two feet, and I keep getting knocked back down. I feel myself becoming more and more jaded throughout all of this, and I'm trying so hard not to let myself become that. I feel the desire to just give up building more and more as the hurdles keep tripping me up, and I hate how appealing it's started to become. I'm just trying to find out who I am GOD DAMNIT, why can't anything just go fucking right.
I haven't had the motivation to do anything, it's always been an issue in my life that I've constantly fought against. From applying to college to finishing finals, I've only ever done the work that was most important when I had no other choice and at the last possible moment. Motivation and passion; these are the two things I've struggled with the most for the past year. I always knew that if I was going to find fulfilment in life, those would have to be my two guiding lights, or I'd end up sad and disappointed no matter where I found myself. Nothing seems to help, I can have fun when I make the conscious effort, but it doesn't feel the same. Now more than ever I've been putting in so much effort just to find out where I'm meant to be and what I'm meant to do. I've done and tried so many different things just to gain a better understanding of who that guy in the mirror staring back at me really is. I know I've made progress, logically it cannot be ignored that the steps I've made to get to the point that I have in life have done something, but it's gotten just so damn hard to see, and even more so to believe. There are days where I go through all the motions, I wake up, I eat, I do the things that I used to enjoy, but all I can think about is her and the amazing times we had. I think about all the plans we had together, the plan I had to ask her to marry me, the life we planned on building together. It just doesn't stop, but I'm doing so much to try and move forward. I just don't know if it's doing anything, if I'm just spinning my wheels in place while waste away on the inside. I schedule weekends where I can get away from it all and take a trip somewhere a few hours away, because even if I could be doing something else while I'm here, even I can recognize that a change in scenery and something new could always help. Sometimes it does help, other times it just feels like a distraction, and other times it just brings me back to the trips I used to take with her and the only thing I can think about is how much fun we'd be having if we were there together.
I used to think I knew what career I wanted in life. From a very young age I only ever wanted to work for the same company that produced the shows I grew up watching online. The things they made got me through so many darker times, and made the bright ones all the better to remember. I picked up new hobbies and learned new skills just to try and have an edge when I finally worked up the courage to apply for a job. I even picked up 3D modeling in high school just to get a head start from the inspiration their shows gave me. Then everything went to shit in my life, I lost nearly all direction, and I ended up too little too late. Two weeks ago the company that I'd been following for over half my entire life shut its doors for good, and I got to see one of my life-long dreams turn ash. At least I got to be there to say goodbye. They gave a lot to me, so I'm happy I at least got the chance to let them know that before they were gone.
I want to move on, I really do. Amidst the maelstrom of everything that's happened to me, and the deluge that still is happening to me, it just feels impossible that I ever could move on. I only just made my first resume last week for the first job I've every applied to, and it's at a retail store with nothing to do with what I studied in college. I want to make progress in life. I want to live. But I feel like I haven't had a life to live for so long now, and I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the novel-length text dump of exposition and self-pity, I just didn't know what else to turn to.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/notofamily posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st March 2021
Update - 20th April 2021
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AITA for respecting my late wife’s wishes about keeping her family out?
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My wife unfortunately passed away last year when our daughter was only 3 months old. It was very difficult to get through but my little girl and I are keeping it together.
My daughter is 16 months now and there’s been pressure from my wife’s sister to let her side of the family see my daughter.
The issue is my wife had absolutely no contact with her family since she was 18, so 16 years of not seeing them. Her home life was something she never wanted to talk about.
It always made her upset so I never pushed her to tell me. All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form. She left as soon as she was 18, changed her last name and never spoke to them again.
4 years ago she got into contact with her older sister and she’s the only person my wife allowed into our lives. By that I mean we met through video chat but never actually in person.
We still maintained contact after my wife passed and we met a couple times before and during my wife’s funeral. My sister-in-law called me a few weeks ago. She mentioned her parents would really like to meet their granddaughter and want to start over.
They didn’t attend my wife’s funeral because they knew she wouldn’t want them to be there.
One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.
Telling my SIL this...well she got very upset. She said it’s been years and yes her parents were awful people (again won’t say exactly what they did) but losing their daughter has made them reflect on things. And they want to meet my daughter since my wife never gave them that chance.
She’s still trying to convince me and so far I’ve said no. Each time I just feel more and more bad for denying them but it’s what my wife wanted.
Her parents found my Facebook (pretty sure SIL might’ve told them) and I’ve gotten dozens of messages begging me to let my daughter know her moms side of the family. And I shouldn’t keep her from knowing her grandparents for past mistakes.
None of them will leave me alone and SIL has said a few times that I may be grieving losing a wife but to have some empathy for them losing a child. Because right now I’m being “too heartless” for denying them the chance to meet the only piece of my wife they have left.
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not. I don’t know the whole reason why my wife never wanted to see them again. Even if I did though, I’d still like to honor her wish.
The way they are being however, makes it hard not to wonder if I am?
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Comments
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birdiepet
NTA

All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form.

The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior

None of them will leave me alone
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not.

You're getting a glimpse of their manipulative tactics

One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.

Honor her wish.
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Big_Fans_Comedy
If the family really didn’t attend the funeral to “respect her wishes”, I’m sure they’d do the same here. Don’t let them near your daughter ever, OP
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pugluv91
NTA. Do not let them have anything to do with your daughter. The last thing you want is to allow them to have a relationship with your daughter and then after a while you see exactly why your wife didn't want anything to do with them, because depending where you live if they have an established relationship with your daughter they can go for grandparents rights, as of right now they have no grounds. Cut the sil off to she's just giving you a taste of how toxic the rest of your wife's family are. Protect your child.

OOP: Thank you for the advice. With everything on my plate it’s just been so overwhelming and now this whole situation. I want to be able to honor my wife’s wishes. Whatever the reason was that made her cut all contact with them

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Permit-Extreme-117
And do not believe the parents crap that they are grieving the loss of their child. They abused her and lost her completely 16 years ago. They deserve nothing.
The fact neither your wife or her sister can even indicate in even a vague or more generalised way the abuse that occurred, means it was truly horrendous.
Tell your SIL this is a permanent and hard no, and if she cannot accept and respect that fully (which means providing no information to her parents), then she cannot have contact with your child either. You need to be very very careful with her even if it appears she's going along with this. You'll likely need to cut her off too anyway, as she's already shown she's on their side.
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**Judgement - NTA*\*
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Update - 1 month later
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Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and support. I was really worn down with this whole ordeal so all your input was so very appreciated . There was a lot of you that expressed your concerns about what my wife’s family’s intentions were and warned me about taking precautions to keep my daughter safe. I have taken these into consideration and have made steps to ensure they have no access to any information that could disclose our location.
And yes in the end I did decide it was best to cut off all contact, not only with my wife’s parents but her sister too. I tried to get through to her many times about why I’d like to to respect my wife’s call on this since she knew her family best and what they did. Despite all the reassurance that her parents have changed she’s still refused do actually say what went down so that was not at all convincing for me.
Once I blocked them all I was getting calls from different numbers the following days. I sent one final message to her sister stating they’re never allowed near me or my daughter and if they ever tried to come harass us I will get authorities involved. Since then it was radio silence for the last couple weeks but I decided to play it safe a few days ago and changed my phone number.
I’ve also deleted my Facebook since I don’t use it that often but have put my other social media accounts on private. Got many great suggestions from many of you about how to make sure they have absolutely no access to my daughter so I really appreciate that! I’ve saved a few of these comments incase I need some extra tips in the future as my daughter gets older and starts school.
Since I last posted and have cut contact I feel like I can finally breathe. You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really, thank you all for the help! I’ve been more at peace putting this all behind me and focusing on my beautiful little girl. Just wanted to leave this update since I know there was a lot of concern about how this would all play out.
Thanks again, internet strangers! :)
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Comments
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[deleted]
You can tell you did the right thing because they were already bringing a lot of bad energy without them being in your's or your daughter's life yet (and now never) : "You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really,"

OOP: So very true! My god I didn’t realize just how exhausted I truly was until after I completely blocked them off

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DanetteGirl
Please tell me you have a will and a plan if (God forbid) anything happens to you. These people have shown themselves to be untrustworthy in concerns to your child.

OOP: Oh absolutely. We already had one prepared before my wife passed. My daughter’s godparents (my sister and her husband) would be the ones who’d look after her

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CarmenNirvana
I remember reading your original post and am happy to hear that you worked it out!
Based on the way your SIL was deflecting the question of what happened I think the reason why your late wife went NC (and why she never told you) would absolutely justify keeping your child away from them. The possibilities are endless but all progressively worse. If you know if the authorities were involved or other people in your late wife's life that would have an idea, it might be worth it to look into it/get a PI just so you have that peace of mind.
Regardless, you made the right decision and best wishes!!!

OOP: I’ve thought about that but part of me isn’t sure if I’d feel better or worse knowing what happened and what exactly it was that my wife had to live with in silence. I’m still thinking about it

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Snarky_Boojum
Some things are best left alone. If they’re being quiet now, I’d suggest leaving the entire situation in the past and, as you put it, focus on your beautiful little girl.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Using Burner account...
On 27 May 2024, my friend received a call claiming to be TRAI telling him that a phone number (given below) is registered under his name and is making threats calls and messages to others in Mumbai and a FIR was issued against that number. I wasn't there with my friend that time so I can't tell in entire detail what exactly happened.

• Number they claimed was under his name: 9839768051
• Phone numbers claiming to be TRAI: 9458959065 and 9846857903

My friend immediately cut the call but after sometime, they called again in another number (not sure which, he didn't tell me that). So he listened. They told him that they will give a phone number (for whatsapp) to contact the Mumbai police and give them a video call on whatsapp. My friend immediately gave them a call on whatsapp and it lasted for around 6-9 mins, he said.

• Whatsapp number claiming to be Mumbai police: 7362871691

Video Call

He said that someone with actual police uniform with his cap was there in video call and the background did look like a police station. But he later stated that he could only see a wall behind with a gandhiji's photo (or could be a poster) on the wall with him on the table. I think this was very possibly faked as the video only showed a wall and never outside and the police uniform could be a costume or stolen (...doubt with this...), based on what he said. But my friend wasn't paying attention like that as he was tensed about this and legit thought it was real.
Unfortunately he didn't take a screenshot as it didn't occur to his mind at that time.
Not sure about what exactly happened in video call but my friend told me that they asked for his full name and Aadhaar number (<- possible risk?). They told him that they will email them the copy of the FIR issued and TRAI would also email them for updates and help (I am not sure what exactly they said, as my friend somewhat forgot as he was tense and busy resolving this issue). So he gave them his email address to them, yes to the fraud claiming police officer.
Note: They never asked for bank details, OTPs, PAN number or any personal details except full name, Aadhaar number and email. So my friend completely believed it not being a fraud.

Afterwards

The next day (28 May 2024), he told me all the above I just said. I even asked for all the numbers he received calls from suspecting it to be a fraud. I searched the internet and a found similar cases:

1. www.reddit.com/LegalAdviceIndia/comments/1crjdn6/my_father_received_a_fraud_call_from_trai_and/
2. https://www.reddit.com/LegalAdviceIndia/comments/1cmms6trai_online_scam/
3. x.com/kg_0701/status/1783781815762686233 (contains same number claiming to be registered under the poster's name)
4. x.com/BhavikKumarGup1/status/1789937988174004348 (contains same number claiming to be registered under the poster's name)

They are many more cases on Reddit after searching "TRAI scam"
So after I showed him these links, he immediately tried calling them back to confront or ask if this is real or not. The numbers did not work anymore. And the email they told about, they never sent. So we assumed it a fraud. I suggested he email directly to real TRAI from their official email from website, which he did. No response from him yet.

Queries and Discussion

1. Why would they do this? What gain will they get?? I don't clearly see the gain they will get doing this.
2. How the hell did they get a police uniform?????
3. What can they do with the full name, video of his face, Aadhaar number and email???
4. How many scams like this have happened with video calls?? This seems like a last method a fraudster would take.
5. What could I have done with their face in screenshot, if I had one??
6. Steps my friend can take to protect against any consequences due to this incident.
7. What can I do with these phone numbers now? Any way to look up the phone numbers? I just want to see from which company they acquired from.

Miscellaneous

1. Which subreddits should I post this to get more advice and help?
2. Should I be even posting about this to other subreddits? Seems like some posts are made regarding this but only get average 2-3 comments and few tens of upvotes.
3. Was posting to this subreddit a good idea?

Thanks! I am open for discussion.

/LonghornNation Daily Off Topic Free Talk Thread

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