Guys cutting their balls off

Does anyone know of places near or close to Edison that specializes in short androgynous hair?
I have never been able to get my hair done the way I want it by hair dressers or barbers. And I just shaved off what was left of my hair because a barber said my hair was “messed up and unfixable”.
I would like to keep it short now, but I don’t want my hair looking feminine or masculine. I am a very masculine presenting female who doesn’t want their hair looking like a guys (but currently I look like a pineapple). I have a round face shape and I just want my hair to be tailored to that rather than a certain style. Personally I would like to aim for a mullet shaped buzz cut.
If anyone knows any places it is greatly appreciated!!!

First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon
The testing started out extraordinarily simple. Simple math, elementary school basic, but as I knocked out questions on the tablet, it definitely moved up. This held true in all sections, but I didn't catch on until eventually, Brad held up his hand, "Mr. Donny, it says my test is done."
Donny nodded, checking his computer at his desk really quickly, "Alright then, why don't you take yourself on down t'the cafeteria. Here's a card so y'can get yourself somethin' t'eat."
I spared a glance at Darryl, who similarly, glanced over at me, and we nodded. There was no reality where Brad Warner was simply smarter than everyone else here, and that meant the parameters were different than what we generally assumed during testing. The test kept going until you hit the wall, programmed to see how far you could take it. The questions stepped up as you answered, but that wouldn't be enough, cause then you could take forever, so there was a time element. The faster and more correctly you answer then, the higher your level goes. My questions were getting more and more detailed, more advanced maths and sciences. The test itself was designed to end when you hit the limit of your learning, but not in a 'get one question wrong' way, but a summation of overall knowledge.
Aimee was the next to complete her test,and was similarly handed a card for the cafeteria as she walked up dejectedly, and I spared a glance again. Darryl was just sort of loving life, while Mackenzie was clearly getting frustrated. We kept pushing through, until Mackenzie slammed her desk with both hands, startling everyone, "Damn it!"
She stalked to the front, snatched her card out of Donny's hand, and stormed out of the room, muttering something about eternal emnity. Darryl and I eyed each other: We were the last two left, and Darryl mouthed a congratulations to me before getting back into it. We kept going for a while, and finally, a hand went up, "Done."
Darryl's head shot in my direction, and Donny smiled, "Alright then, come get your card."
I got up, and took my card, then walked over to Darryl, "I didn't hold back."
I walked out of the room to head off to the cafeteria. In the end, I'd gone as far as the test would allow in Math and Science, the things I was consistently using. Where I'd met my match was English and Social Studies. I simply hadn't studied it as much due to the project and company needs, and thus neither improved much since I'd read my textbooks. I swung through the cafeteria, very aware that everyone was staring at me from their table as I grabbed food and drinks, and came to sit. Mackenzie gave me a look, "Darryl won?!"
I got her annoyance. She was two years ahead of us, and highly competitive by nature. Her chain of trophies had not been an accident or by anyone else's hand but hers, "Yup. He got me. Pretty sure I got dinged on Social Studies and English."
Aimee cut in, "But, like, your 1%?"
"1% only effects what I work on. I haven't been in an English class since the end of September, and it's not like I've been keeping up since. Same thing with Social Studies, it's mostly a study of history, and I haven't had the time for it. The math and science sure, but I haven't really had a reason to advance in my understanding of literature or broader history, so it didn't improve," I shrugged a bit as I dug into my little sub.
Aimee and Mackenzie were both upset at their placement, but Brad seemed perfectly fine. He'd never expected to do better, and it wasn't like he was invested in it, so it was nothing that he wasn't the smartest person in the room. He'd known he wasn't. Makenzie was basically ready to go redo the test for the sake of vengeance, so she'd be fine, but Aimee was pretty upset. I took a break from food to look at her, "Aimee, I'm sure you did fine. I've got a literal superpower for learning, Darryl's a super-nerd, and Mackenzie is two years ahead of you in school. Plus, we don't know what he's potentially scoring us on."
She was biting her lip a bit, which was distractingly cute, "I know, but..."
"This was an assessment test. As far as I understand it, there's no way to fail, it's just so that he knows where we're at," I spoke softly, taking her hand.
Aimee my hand, but looked close to tears, "But you're so..."
A sound of disgust turned us toward Brad, who finally joined in the conversation, "So what if you're not as smart? Who even gives a damn?! Like, dude, no one's ever gonna be as smart as him again. It'd be like saying you'll never be in the NBA cause you lost a pick-up game where the other team has Lebron, Jordan, and Bryant in their prime."
We all took a moment. Brad didn't really talk that much, so the idea of him being deep was... new. I smirked a little, "Very well-put, Brad."
It was well-put, and gave Aimee some context, not least of which was that she played basketball and the metaphor applied directly for her. She came down a moment and wiped her eyes, and we started chatting about stuff at the H.A.A. and classes until Darryl and Donny showed up. Darryl looked like he'd been through the wars, but he was still smiling, so clearly he was pretty proud of himself as he sat with us.
Donny stepped up with his tray, but didn't take a seat, "Alright y'all, now, I gotta go over the test results and whatnot, so while I'm workin' on that, you guys eat, and then go take some time in the rec area. Sound good?"
We nodded. After being stuck in testing for so long, getting to stretch our legs was a relief. Mackenzie needed to blow off steam, so we went up to one of the second floor halls to spar while the others watched. I took a moment before we got started to get a sidebar with Mackenzie, "I get it. Darryl beat you."
"This time. I'm a junior. I should've been able to beat him," She was distinctly displeased with herself as she put on sparring pads.
"Mackenzie, it's like Brad said, Darryl's a super-nerd, and he was in a test of knowledge. There's a reason he's in the honors classes," putting on my own pads as I continued, "And I get it. Losing to me, you could've taken it cause of the 1%, but Darryl was smarter than all of us combined before, that didn't shift since I got awakened, only my power did."
She glared up from the ground she sat on to get her footpads on, and while she didn't directly respond, I knew her well enough to know she was getting it. It did not do anything for her current temper. She was determined to be the best, not good, not great, the best. Anything less was a flaw in need of correction. Mackenzie kipped up off the floor, and discussion time was over. We bowed, took stance, and when Darryl called the start, she immediately went on the assault. She fired off a punch at my face, immediately dropping low for a sweep that I stepped over, and immediately launched into a waist take down, using the force of rebound from dropping low. With arms already up from the block, and one foot off the mat, she got her take down... sort of. Instead of trying to fight it, I rolled with it, catching her belt, and throwing her as we hit the mat, using the momentum of the fall. She didn't go too far, but it was for me to break out as she threw a ground elbow to drive me off, then spun as she rose, getting more distance from a series of spinning kicks. We were back in neutral stance, but now on opposite sides. I launched into my offensive.
Darryl knew what it was like when we sparred, but not Aimee and Brad. Aimee was a bit shocked at how hard we went at it, and Brad looked like he was going to throw up, that ingrained fear of my sister being given legitimacy before his eyes. Our sparring sessions had changed, though, with it being done more or less in 'turns' now, with Mackenzie taking the lead off on offense, then me reversing to take it back and press her. We finished up after a few turns, and I grabbed a towel from the side, where Aimee was waiting, "So that's what it's like when you go all out?"
Mackenzie laughed, "Hell no. I tried that ride once, just for fun and yeah, no, I got nothing for that."
I could see Aimee considering her words, and there was something there she wanted to talk about, but she wanted to talk about it privately, "Alright, everyone. I don't know about everyone else, but I could use a cool off. I'm hitting the pool."
We got changed out, and hit the pool for a bit, mostly just relaxing. That's where Donny found us, "Alright y'all, got my lunch in and tests're graded."
Brad groaned, "Aw man, we gotta go back to class?"
Donny smiled, "Nah. We gotta do the physical assessment, and since y'all're already here, why don't we start with the pool?"
And that's when Darryl groaned. His time as champion of the assessments had come to an end.
First Prev Archive Royal Road Patreon

As a brief intro, I rent a townhome in a big subdivison of other townhomes. This is the 5th year I’ve lived here. I live on the end of the row, with a large property boundary and too much grass to mow.
We have had issues on and off with the family next door. Since we moved in there’s been a lot of strange boundary pushing interactions. Early on a handful of weird, TMI conversations with the woman (late 50s) who lives there, usually gossip about her family. This would later on evolve into passive aggressive comments involving my yard work, how little she sees me outside, comments about parking my car in my garage, my gardening, and when i go to bed (???). I’ve said little information about myself and my family but remained friendly. About 1-2 years in of this, I just decided that this lady was a quirky nosy old woman looking for problems and I was gonna stay grey.
During/after the pandemic things got pushy. Visitors parking in my driveway, front yard, and even driving up into my backyard and using that space to park vehicles so they could access them from THEIR backyard. I didn’t make a stink about it but it did bug me. Landlord suggested I place large planters with bushes to deter further parking issues.
Months after, the son (29) moves in. Sketchy guy, knew he had trouble per lady’s own gabbing so, he didn’t get a key to the house. He started wandering around all night long, every night, for months in my yard. Rounding the front and back, walking through my patio furniture and garden, yelling on his phone, trying to find entry to their front or back door. This would go on up to 10 times and if he couldn’t get in at 4am or so, he’d hang out in my driveway and smoke. He’d set off my security system and cameras so many times that I couldn’t even go through all the notifications. One night I did get fed up and told him to STOP. He didn’t like that and got upset, threatened to “tear my shit up.” His mom had to come out to calm him down. She spoke to me but didn’t apologize and also told me to call the police if he did it again. I thought this was weird of her to not take accountability, but then try to get her son in trouble when she could easily do something about it. I let them both know that he specifically needs to stop walking on my property constantly like a lost dog, because it was too too much. Later on, I realized that this somehow got communicated to their whole family that nobody is ever allowed to walk in my grass and every member has made a big deal out of walking a very exaggerated path around the property line, loudly complaining about it to anyone who listened.
Fast forward to last year, my landlord had a fence built for the backyard due to the continued driving through the property to get to their backyard. They didn’t like this. The amount of petty activity ramped up. They began driving into my front yard and around the fence multiple times a day, hitting the fence, throwing balls into my yard, and destroying the landscaping. Shenanigans ensued when children were allowed, under adult supervision, to dump bubble solution over the fence and onto plants and herbs that were visible on the patio. The kids did this daily for 5 days straight. I seriously don’t know how they kept supplying the amount of bubble solution required to achieve this. This daily routine was caught on my back door camera.
I tried my best to get over it but after only 2 days of soap baking onto my plants in direct sunlight, 90% of my herbs and tender plants were scorched. 5th day of this, I did speak to the mother of the kids. I expressed the damage it was causing and she denied it happened, citing I was complaining about bubbles floating in the wind and bringing them into my yard. The older lady then came out later to confront me while I was finally dealing with the damage. She acted like I tried to hurt somebody. The lady seriously told me “how dare you speak to her, she is a guest in this house.” I was called crazy, told I was harassing them, and that I “deserved to be disrespected.” I told her to get real, stop driving in my front yard, and leave me the hell alone. She told me that I don’t own the property and she will get me kicked out.
So now, the past few months I have endured countless more instances of this woman yelling about me outside to anyone who will listen, along with her and her son driving through the yard late at night with the music blasting max volume, and multiple other instances of petty retaliation. Aside from the 2 previous instances described, I have not spoke to them, looked at them, or even let them know that I acknowledge their existence. But still, this shit goes on almost daily.
My landlord, I guess, has done what he can, but will not communicate to the HOA about it. I don’t know what to do about this and I’m so over it.

The Terran Union Heavy Cruiser, Roanoke, had spent the last 6 months raiding Naalx supply lines in the Flores sector.
They were finally returning to Terran Space for some much-needed refit and some R&R. But first, they were stopping at the Bateri space station orbiting Emsar IV.
She would be meeting a Terran Union squadron to escort her prizes back to the Couster system. 4 freighters, a massive ore hauler, and a damaged Naalx corvette that answered a distress call sooner than expected.
The Roanoke was one of the new Grenville class heavy cruisers, faster and more heavily armed than the other heavy cruiser classes operating as part of a Terran Union fleet.
They were designed as solo raiders able to operate deep in enemy space, raiding enemy supply lines and facilities.
Their design included several newly developed systems, including a new style of radiator for dumping excess heat.
At 500 m long and painted black as night, she was very intimidating to see on visual screens and even more so at close range. Her CrCoNi (chromium, cobalt, and nickel) hull was covered in 12” of ablative armor covered in a black laser-resistant material able to reduce the effectiveness of enemy sensors and target locks.
The experimental Baxter radiators efficiently released excess heat into space but still left them exposed to radiation detection sensors.
Captain Josef Král had been hand-picked to command the Roanoke when she came into service 18 months ago. He was a popular officer with 20 years of combat experience on just about every ship in the Terran Union’s navy.

He’d also provided technical assistance during its design phase so his familiarity with the ship made him the best choice for putting the ship through her paces. This would be the very first voyage behind enemy lines as a raider.
And it’d been a rousing success, hitting targets deep in Naalx space as reprisal for Naalxian raids on Terran border colonies. The First Naalx-Terran war had devastated both species and left them vulnerable to outside forces. The war wasn’t won so much as winding down to a series of raids and counter-raiding. A gentleman’s agreement to prevent raids and border skirmishes from turning into another full-scale war and the earlier consequences.
And Captain Král was very good at approaching that line in the sand without going over it. Several centuries earlier he’d have been a Privateer sailing the oceans on Earth.
This even led to the revival of the old pirate movies of the 20th century but Captain Král preferred likening it to the submarine warfare of the first half of the 20th century. That didn’t stop his crew from giving him a robot parrot.
He claims to hate it but everyone knows he’s been teaching it his extensive vocabulary of curse words, in dozens of languages, that he loved it.
And if you call him out on him walking around with it on his shoulder, he’ll claim he was just humoring the crew.
Captain Král was relieved to see the Terran squadron had arrived before him and ordered his little fleet to dock. It would be good to be able to get off the ship and move around without weapons.
As Captain Král exited the ship, he was surprised to see Commodore Allen waiting for him. It’d been several years since he last saw his friend and previous XO. Taking his prerogative as a Captain, he skipped the formalities, shook hands, and gave Commodore Allen a friendly slap on the back.
“Mike? What the hell are you doing here? This is escort job is for a Lt. to do” He asked
“I was in the neighborhood and volunteered. I wanted to see this new ship of yours and it’s been too long since we got a drink together.” Mike replied
Captain Král took a glance back to his ship and wasn’t surprised to see his current XO, Lt. Commander Nana Ricci had the resupply well in hand.
With a big grin, Captain Král said, “Let me see to my guests and we can see if we can scandalize the ratings like we used to.”
Captain Král approached the waiting station manager. The Bateri bowed in the formal greeting of her people. Not having the tentacles needed to return the bow, he just saluted her.
“Greetings Captain Král of the Terrans, how may we be of service?” The Bateri asked.
“Greetings Ananu of the Bateri. We request the use of your services,” he replied, finishing the ritual greeting.
“I see you returned successful in your raiding,” Ananu said, “How many bunks will you need?”
Unsurprised that the Bateri knew his mission, he replied “ 72 bunks with 3 more for your med bay, if you have the room.”
One of the most important functions provided by the Bateri was allowing for the return of captives taken in raids. This helped to keep things calmer by freely releasing captives to limit the amount of bad blood created during the raids and conflicts.
Crates of supplies, ammo, missiles, and the various other things needed to keep the ship functioning were being transferred from the smaller Terran ships. With her weapon complement being only slightly smaller than a battleship, she could go through a lot of ammunition. Even without being in serious combat, he liked to run frequent gunnery drills. Some Captains would just let their tactical computers handle operating the weapon systems and just have the gunnery crews handle reloads. But some hard lessons taught him that having the gunnery crews able to take direct control, as needed, was essential. He preferred to use up as much ammunition as needed during training to save lives later in combat.
Seeing everything in hand, he walked back to join his friend for a drink. They caught up on the doings of old friends and Mike’s family, toasts to fallen comrades, and eventually to the Roanoke.
‘How did she operate on her first long-range mission?” Mike asked
Taking a moment to organize his thoughts, Captain Král took a sip of his drink. “She handled better than expected. The new engine behaved itself, surprising for being just off the drawing board, the Baxters were damn efficient.”
Taking another sip before continuing, “ We didn’t use the torpedoes or the turreted railguns in combat but the rest performed as expected. That Corvette didn’t stand a chance so we didn’t get a full test of all the combat systems.”
“Going by the number of munitions I brought with me, you’d think I was resupplying a battleship” Mike joked
“Just about,” Captain Král chuckled. “During the design phase, I had to argue for such an increase of armament.” “It seemed to take forever for them to get it through their thick skulls that we’d be out there all alone and couldn’t call for reinforcements.” “So I convinced them to put the 2 particle beam systems in the bow of the ship and give me the 4 torpedo tubes. They had no problem with the pair at the bow but they couldn’t figure out why I wanted a pair aft. I swear I thought about launching them out of a tube.”

“At least they were starting to get it when I up-gunned the turrets to carry two large railguns. They did get upset at wanting to put on a turret in the middle of the ventral side but were relieved I left the other turret on the dorsal side ahead of the command structures”
Commodore Allen asked,” From the glimpse I got as you docked, it looked like you doubled the usual weapon systems?”
“She still has them 10 secondary batteries but I went with dual medium railguns for them” Captain Král replied, “ I put 4 of the quad-mounted autocannons on each side of the ship.”
“ It should let us save wear and tear on the railguns when we catch unarmed ships or against incoming fighters.”
“ I understand and it also saves on missiles, which with 4 heavy and 8 medium is a lot of missiles to carry.” Commodore Allen replied.
“I’ve also heard you were running tests on a more powerful deflector array to do more than just protect against radiation and small debris. Like maybe actual shields that would work on anything smaller than a battleship?”
“Yeah but not with any success,” Captain Král answered, “Anytime we tried to go past the standard low-power output, it played hell with our sensors.”
It was at that moment when Captain Král’s wrist communicator beeped for his attention.
“Just a second Mike,” he said as he keyed the communicator. “ Král, go ahead”
The sound of Lt. Commander Ricci’s voice came through the speaker, “ Priority message from the bridge Captain.”
“ What is the message?” Captain Král asked, not liking the way Ricci’s voice sounded worried
“ Sensor buoy reports large Naalx fleet dropping out of FTL, 2 million km out,” Ricci reported
Commodore Allen gave Captain Král the same concerned look that he was sure was on his face. “How many?” The captain asked
Ricci hesitated for a moment before answering “37 ships with more arriving every couple of minutes.”
Commodore Allen swore
Captain Král looked at his friend, “How long until you get your crews and get out of here?”
Commodore Allen thought for a moment, “ Maybe 20 minutes at the minimum.”
Captain Král muttered to himself, “They’ll be here before that.”
Both men got up, signaled to any of their personnel in the bar, and started out the door. “I’ll buy you the time but I’ll need to undock as soon as I get aboard my ship, maybe I can catch them off-guard. “ Captain Král
Commodore Allen replied, “That’s a suicide mission, there are too many for one ship to handle”
“Yeah, I know, old friend but if I don’t then we all die.” Captain Král explained, “ Do me a favor, I’m going to send you my non-essential personnel, take them and those still on the station with you. Get them home.”
Reaching the hatch to the docking bay, both men stopped to shake hands. “Of course, Josef.” Commodore Allen replied, “But if anyone can find a way out of it, it’s you, my friend.”
After a final salute, both men parted ways to reach their ship. As Captain Král jogged down the docking bay, he sent orders for Ricci to send all non-essential personnel to Commodore Allen and asked if they had sufficient hands to man all combat stations.
Ricci’s reply reassured him, “ Aye Sir, most of the crew on the station are from the 2nd watch, and the few people from the first watch are non-essential.”
“Be ready to launch as soon as I get aboard.” He ordered.
He passed several members of his crew, en route to join Commodore Allen. He stopped to return their salute. At the disappointed look in their eyes, he told them. “I know you don’t want to leave the ship but the Commodore needs some real sailors to get out on time. You know how those logistic guys are. They’ll get lost trying to find their own bridge”
That look reassured them and after a final salute, they headed down the dock to join Commodore Allen
Captain Král reached the cargo ramp and started up it, calling Ricci and telling her to shove off and he’d be on the bridge shortly.
He sprinted down the corridor, leaping over the lower lips of the vacuum-tight doors.
“Captain on the Bridge!” rang out from one of the bridge techs. Aside from the guards and his XO, the rest of the bridge crew kept working. Nodding his approval at their knowing when to discard ceremony for action. He walked over toward his console before speaking.
“What do we have, Lt. Commander?”
Turning to face him, Captain Král could see just how worried she was. “Current count is 48 ships.” Touching the console’s keys to bring up a list of ships before continuing, “ 18 capital ships and a mix of sub-caps, still trying to ID them.”
“They’re just maintaining position for now.” Ricci finished, her voice slightly puzzled.
“They’re waiting for something or someone,” Captain Král answered the unasked question.
“How many crew did we leave behind?”
“641, Sir” the XO replied
“ Helm, are we clear of the station's shielding?”
“Almost Sir,” The helmsman answered.
“Thank you.” Captain Král returned.
Turning to another tech, he said, “Sound Battlestations”

“Sir,” one of his sensor techs spoke up, “We have 2 more ships arriving.”
“ Thank you, Ensign.” Captain Král returned
“What class are they?” Lt Commander Ricci asked
After looking at her monitor again the tech replied, “1 heavy cruiser and something much bigger, waiting for the computer to ID it.”
Captain Král moved to look over the tech’s shoulder before standing up and facing his XO.
“Fleet Command Ship” he informed the tech and his XO.
Lt. Commander Ricci replied, “What the hell is one doing out here?”
“Good Question.” he answered, “And now that the players are on the field, the game can begin.”
Bringing up the sensor information to his console, Captain Král pointed at the enemy fleet. “They haven’t begun to deploy into battle formation yet.”
“That could be our chance.” Raising his head to look at his XO. “If we jump now we can land close and surprise them. After we land, we drive into the center of their formation and head for that big bastard.” He explained
“But Sir, We haven’t fully tested the jump drive!” the XO exclaimed
“No time like the present, “ Captain Král joked

“We’ll let the railguns and autocannon crews pick targets of opportunity, while we engage the command ship with our particle cannons, heavy railguns, and torpedoes,” he stated
“What about its point defense system, won’t it pick off the torps?” the XO asked
“We’re going to launch all the Hammerheads at it. It should overwhelm the system and let the torps through.” He answered before continuing, “I’m going to save the heavy missiles for now.”
“You’ll need to calculate the launch time of the Hammerheads to hit the point defense system as close to the time for the torpedoes to sneak through.” he ordered, “ But not so far they take out the Hammerheads too soon and let them hit the torps but not so close they set them off either.”
Looking at his XO, “You better get down to tactical Nana, this is going to get ugly, and it’s best we split up.” Captain Král commanded
Exchanging salutes, Ricci simply replied “Aye Sir.” and started for the hatch. Just before stepping through, she turned and said, “Good Luck, Sir.
“What’s the status of the Commodore’s squad?” Captain Král asked
One of his communication techs spoke up, “ They need 10 more minutes”
“Let me know the minute they are clear.” Captain Král ordered
Captain Král turned to comms tech and ordered, “Intraship comms if you please ensign”
“Aye sir” the tech replied before turning to his console and speaking into the mic,” Now hear this, Now hear this. Message from the Captain.”
“ Well folks, this isn’t the fight I wanted but this is the fight we got” Captain Král started
“ I’m sure you’ve heard scuttlebutt about the situation but here it is. We are facing a superior force numbering 49 ships. And we need to give the Commodore’s squadron time to go to FTL and get the hell out of here.” he paused before continuing, “ The plan is to mix it up with the enemy at close range. They aren’t in battle formation yet so we can hurt them.”
“Good luck and let’s make them regret fucking with the Roanoke.”
The sounds of cheers came back over the speakers.
“Helm, are we clear of the station shielding?” the Captain asked
At the affirmative given by the helmsmen, he just nodded
Touching a button on his console, he asked, “Are you in place XO?”
“Aye Sir.” the Lt. Commander replied
“ As soon as we land, be ready to open up with the dual and quad mounts.” He ordered
The XO replied with an affirmative.
“Helm, at my command, jump between 25-50 km to the starboard of the fleet.”
“As soon as we land, hard to port and get us in the middle of them. Be ready for rapid maneuvers, maybe we can throw off their laser battery tracking systems. Might let us survive a little longer” Captain Král ordered. “Aye Sir” the helmsman replied
Taking a quick look around to make sure his crew was ready, he turned back to wait for the signal the jump drive was ready.
At the signal, he ordered “Jump”
He felt the ship lurch forward and shudder. It took less than 5 seconds to jump from the station to within the targeted range, but it felt like forever.
And then they were less than 5 km from an enemy battleship.
“Oh shit!” exclaimed the helmsman and steered to avoid it. Captain Král hid a moment of panic with a joke, “ Someone make note that the jump drive targeting system needs work.”
His joke brought a chuckle from his crew and got them back to focus on the taste.
Stabbing a button on his console, he ordered “XO, fire secondary batteries,”
There was nothing to see or hear from the massive volleys of the secondary batteries coming to life. But he knew the gun crews were already raining devastation on enemy warships. “Helm, Hard to Port!” he ordered, not tearing his view away from the main viewscreen.
Captain Král looked at his console at the images sent to the bridge from the various gun cameras.
He could see the flashes of light from projectiles hitting their shields. He watched as other high-velocity projectiles punched through their hulls. He could just make out the impact of the explosive-tipped slugs fired by the autocannons.
Captain Král turned back to the main viewscreen. “Hard to starboard!”
“Head for that big son of a bitch!” he ordered
The Naalx were slow to respond but they began to return fire with some trying to gain some distance to clear the line of fire of other ships. The helmsman’s evasive maneuvers were also giving the enemy’s gunners fits from repeated misses.
But the damage sensors on the armor told of an increasing number of hits as the Naalx began to respond in an organized manner. The resistance coating reduced the damage from the Naalx laser batteries but didn’t completely nullify it. “Helm, get me a clear shot at the command ship.” the Captain ordered
A bright flash to starboard marked the death of an enemy cruiser. Status reports listed 2 sub-capitals holed and venting atmosphere. Dead or damaged, they were out of the fight.
One capital ship was dead in space with another missing its bow.
5 down too damn many to go The captain muttered
He watched and waited, ignoring damage alarms and the occasional shudder as shots began to get through the armor and explosively decompress a compartment when they penetrated the hull.
He finally saw what he wanted, an unobstructed line of fire to the command ship.
His finger smashed down on the console button. “ XO, Launch Torpedoes. Take the gloves off the main batteries. Drop the hammer!”
He watched the glitter of the particle beams as they bridged the gap between the Roanoke and the Naalx ship. In a moment, he caught sight of the torpedoes' thrusters as they left the tubes and picked up momentum. Holes and brief explosions marked the impact of his weapons. But the sheer volume of Naalxian fire was beginning to take its toll. The armor was failing or had failed in over a dozen spots. 3 autocannon and 1 railgun mount were out of commission.
2 minutes after they launched the torpedoes, the sight of more than 100 Hammerhead missiles was marked by the flare of their drives. Another volley of Hammerheads was launched the moment new missiles were lifted into the racks.
Captain Král called down to tactical, “XO, hold off on another volley for hammerheads.”
Checking his console, “Launch Shrikes at targets of opportunity with no shields, rear tubes target enemy capital ships and hope those torpedoes get through.” he ordered.
Multiple small explosions let him know the point defense systems were taking on the Hammerheads. And a moment later, a pair of massive explosions told him the nuclear-tipped torpedoes had hit their target.
“Captain, The Commodore’s squadron has escaped.” one of his techs announced.
“Thank you,” he answered
“Distance to command ship?” he asked
“ 250 km Sir” was the reply
“Helm, continue advancing on the command ship and pass her on our port side. We’ll give her a broadside and go to FTL after we clear.”
A tech from the damage control position spoke up, “Captain! FTL is down and jump drive is destroyed”
“Ahh hell’ cried the Captain.
“Damage report!” he ordered
“ Ventral turret destroyed, railgun mounts 2 and 5 destroyed, mount 9 damaged but functional. Autocannon mounts 11,13, 23 and 25 destroyed. Hammerhead launchers 3 and 8 destroyed.” The tech checked the screen before continuing, “ Explosive decompressions on decks 3 and 5. Explosive decompression in Med Bay. Ablative armor badly damaged and penetrated in around 20 spots. Engine #3 is down. Power unstable in many areas of the ship”
“FTL down, engineering needs an hour to fix. The jump drive is destroyed. Long-range comms are down” The tech finished.
“Casualty reports!” Captain Král ordered
A different tech replied, “249 dead, roughly 800 wounded with 327 too injured to fight.”
“Thank you.” he returned. Doing the math in his head he had just over 1300 combat effective and 482 of those were his Marines, the other 18 were left behind.
After thinking a moment, “Helm, same course as before but since we can’t go to FTL, circle to the aft of the command ship and lessen the incoming fire for the moment”
Looking over to the comms tech, “ Get me the chief engineer on the horn.”
Tapping the switch on the console, he called down to tactical. “ XO, I’m taking us around to the aft of the command ship and play peek-a-boo.”
“We’ll pass on her port side and I want a broadside from all batteries that can hit it and launch half the Shrikes we have left at it.”
“After we get to their rear, target enemy aft batteries, I want them all hunks of twisted metal.” Captain Král ordered
“Aye Sir.” Lt. Commander Ricci replied. “Ammo count update Sir.”
“Go ahead,” he replied
“Only the two forward tubes are loaded, aft tubes empty, railgun and autocannon are down to 30%. Dorsal turret is at 10% but they are working on transferring surviving ammo from the Ventral turret.
We can launch 4 more full racks of Shrikes and 5+ Hammerheads.” She finished
“Understood. Thank you” Captain Král replied
“Captain, Chief Engineer on the line” a tech relayed
“Route it to my console,” he ordered
“ I need you to place charges on the computer core, all the experimental equipment, engines, and fire suppression control. If we go down, I don’t want them getting a damn thing but blood and pain.”
“Aye Sir.” The Chief replied.

Captain Král turned back to watch as the Roanoke passed the command ship to port. He watched as massive explosions rippled across the enemy flank and dorsal surface. They were too close for the point defense to pick off the majority of the Shrikes.
As the Roanoke got behind and slightly below the enemy command ship, she slowed and allowed her surviving batteries to silence the command ship's aft batteries.
Captain Král called down to tactical, “XO, fire half our remaining hammerheads into her engines.”
“Affirmative,” replied the XO
Captain Král watched as the hammerheads impacted the command ship’s engines and saw the thrust nozzles dim as the engines went offline. The enemy batteries stopped firing and she began to drift.
“Helm, get us 500 km from the command ship and line up to fire our last 2 avalanche torpedoes.” Captain Král ordered
“Aye Sir, 500km bow towards the enemy” the helmsman repeated
The Captain called down to tactical ” Nana, We’re positioning the ship to line up the front tubes and we’re going to kill that bastard. Stay on the line and fire on my order.”
“Aye Sir, we’re ready.” The XO answered
“Helm?” Captain Král asked
“ 3 seconds Captain.” the helmsman replied
Captain Král watched and as soon as he got the angle he wanted, “Fire Torpedoes!” he commanded
The whole bridge crew watched and waited for the impact. Both torpedoes struck amidships and tore massive holes in the hull. As they watched, lines of explosions traveled across the hull and began to rip the ship in half. The bridge crew let out a yell and the rest of the ship after the Captain had the information broadcast over the intercom.

“ Helm, get us the hell out of here. Maybe we can outrun the bigger ships and buy time to fix the FTL.” Captain Král ordered
But before the helmsman could act, there was a massive jolt.
“What the hell?” he yelled
A tech answered, “ We were rammed by a Naalx cruiser and several smaller ships are closing in.“
But instead of ramming the Roanoke, they launched breeching pods.
His finger stabbed down to open the intercom. “ All hands, Prepare to Repel Boarders! Security teams, tactical will relay their access position. “ He ordered
He pulled out his sidearm and checked that it was ready. Several other techs did the same, while his security detachment moved to defensive positions to watch the hatch.
“Target those pods!” Captain Král ordered but he didn’t need to say it, his gunnery crews were on it. Here and there a brief flash of light marked the destruction of a pod.

“XO, fire all remaining missiles. Pick your targets,” he commanded “All batteries, open fire.”
He left the tac net open to track the status of the enemy boarding parties.
He listened to the cacophony of noises coming over the tac net.
“Security team alpha to section 7, level 3. Bravo team section 2 level 1, Charlie team section 12, level 5” Lt. Commander Ricci ordered.
“There’s too many, fall back to position 2…” an unidentified voice ordered
Another voice firmly stated, “Hold your ground, nothing gets past us.”
“Theta team down, a handful of Naalx heading for engineering!” a panicked voice exclaimed
And dozens of others just like it, always with the sound of combat in the background.
“Captain, more breaching pods en route!” a tech exclaimed
“Get me the Chief Engineer!” the Captain ordered
At the Chief Engineer’s response, he ordered “Detonate all sabotage charges except the main computer. Set that one on a manual trigger at my console with a 20-minute timer as a backup. And then set the reactors to overload, we’re not going to hold the ship much longer. And set a charge to breach the hull and decompress Engineering as soon as you are clear”
“Affirmative, Captain. She was a good ship” the Chief replied
Turning to his bridge crew, “Give the order to abandon ship. Have all the pods head for the station.”
The Captain called tactical, “Lt. Commander Ricci, all hands abandon ship. Get as many of them home as you can.”
“ I understand, Sir.” She answered, “I’ll see you at the station.” she said hopefully
“I'm afraid not, Nana. I’m the Captain and I’m going down with my ship.” he stated, “And someone needs to make sure they can’t shut down the overload.”
“Transfer all fire controls to my station and get the hell out of here.”
“Aye Sir, It’s been an honor” the XO replied
“The honor is all mine. You are going to make an excellent Captain. Goodbye my friend” Captain Král finished.
His bridge crew tried to convince him to go with them but he declined and ordered security to get them into the escape pods.
Then he sat and watched as his consoles began reporting each pod as it launched. He also kept an eye on his sensors and concentrated fire on any Naalx ship that was moving to intercept the pods. They knew better than to fire on them but nothing said they couldn’t capture them.
He also prepared a probe with all the ship logs and combat data and fired it toward human-held territory. It would run silently until it exited the system and then begin broadcasting a coded signal for pickup.
He was dismayed at how few pods had left the ship and regretted so many young lives had been cut short.
As he saw the last pod clear the battlefield, he sat back for a moment and then triggered the charge on the main computer.
A hard pounding came from the other side of the hatchway. But there wasn’t enough power to open it. He guessed the pinging on the door was them firing their lasers and trying to blast it open.
He wondered if it would work but a huge rumble, a bright flash, interrupted, and the long career of Captain Král was finally over.
News of the Roanoke’s final battle flashed across news channels on hundreds of worlds. Her courageous and foolhardy charge at a superior force. The damage she did to the Naalx fleet before her destruction. How, of the 1859 members of the crew that went into the battle, only 108 survived.
The videos taken from both sides during the battle played over and over again.
How the Naalx picked up all the escape pods and released them on the station immediately.
And even recovered the bodies of any human they found while gathering their dead.
Naalx losses were the command ship, 2 capital ships, 9 sub-capitals destroyed, and a dozen other vessels damaged in one form or another. Naalx casualties were over 50,000 dead
Only the Naalx’s immense respect for courage, audacity, and bravery in the face of danger kept the skirmish from blowing up into a war.
The Naalx rendered full military honors as they turned the Human dead over to Lt. Commander Ricci.
The Captain Král, A Grenville-class cruiser, was launched 2 years later. Captain Nana Ricci in command.
Authors note- I hope you enjoyed this story. It's based on a historical event. Which according to an idiot on youtube is plagiarism.
If you feel like leaving a tip https://ko-fi.com/tomcarey

Been keeping up with the draft prospects more rigorously this year since we were probably gonna be picking top 4. Lo and behold, we have the second pick. Here are some guys I'm interested in and a little breakdown of why I like them. Post your favorite guys if you want.
Won't be discussing Sarr since I don't think we're gonna get him. He's awesome though.
2nd overall pick -- don't really love a lot of guys in this range to be totally honest. Everyone in the lottery range has high bust potential this year. Gotta trust the process.

Player	Position	Height/Wingspan	Quickie Breakdown
Nikola Topic	PG	6'7 / exact WS unknown	Pass-first guard with great feel for the game. Elite understanding of the PnR and how to manipulate the weak side defender by attacking the rim. Played a modern NBA offensive engine role for Mega.
Reed Sheppard	PG	6' 1.75'' / 6' 3.25''	Excellent shooter from everywhere on the floor. Has some potential as a lead guard but can be comfortable as a movement shooter and secondary ball handler. Great hands, disruptive in passing lanes. Athletic.
Donovan Clingan	C	7' 1.75" / 7' 6.75''	Great rim protector, anchors a defense by himself. Shows flashes as a playmaker out of the post. Athleticism is kind of meh. Don't love him at the second pick but he's fine.
Devin Carter	SG	6' 2.25" / 6' 8.75"	Fuck you, it's my list. I love Devin Carter. I don't think we could or should pick him at #2 overall but he's awesome. He will be on the 2025 All-Rookie Team.
Zaccharie Risacher	SF	6'9" / WS unknown	He shot the ball well for a decent stretch, went into a slump. Basically you're betting on the good shooting portion of his season being real. He's a decent athlete and good defender. Not projecting him as a guy who can create for himself but he does good things on the floor that contribute to winning games. Don't love him as the Wizards' pick.

26th overall pick:

Player	Position	Height/Wingspan	Quickie Breakdown
Carlton "Bub" Carrington	PG	6' 3.75" / 6' 8.00"	Extremely high potential 18-year-old who didn't produce at an elite level at Pitt but has a strong feel for the game and has flashes of pure magic.
Johnny Furphy	SG/SF	6' 7.50" / 6' 8.00"	Unexpectedly stepped into a starting role at Kansas and basically did what he was supposed to. Tall guy who can shoot well and has good cutting instincts.
DaRon Holmes II	C	6' 8.75" / 7' 1.00"	Shot the ball well in college which helps elevate him from undersized center to a potential small ball 5 who understands his role in the offense well. If the shooting doesn't pan out I don't know what he does to get minutes.
Ryan Dunn	SF, I think???	6' 6.25" / 7' 1.50"	Best defensive player in the draft. One of the worst players on offense. Maybe they should just run him as a Draymond kind of small ball 5, minus the passing, and see what happens. If he ever learns how to shoot he is going to be incredible, but he won't.
Tyler Smith	PF	6' 9.00" / 7' 1.00''	Big. Strong. Fast. Young. Shoots the ball well and knows his role. Wish he had better defensive awareness but my god when he attacks the rim he looks unstoppable.
Kyle Filipowski	PF/C	6' 10.75" / 6' 10.50"	Skilled big man. A little bit of passing, a little bit of rebounding, a little bit of shooting, a little bit of defense... Not really elite at anything but he's 7' in shoes and clearly quite skilled.

51st overall pick -- I didn't intend for this to turn into the international prospect corner but it kinda just ended up that way:

Player	Position	Height/Wingspan	Quickie Breakdown
Pacôme Dadiet	SG	6'8 / WS unknown	Intriguing mix of skills and size, especially the handle and shooting off the dribble. If he is somehow available at 51 you take this guy immediately. Stash him overseas if you must (he's under contract with Ulm through 2026 so needs to be bought out), but bring him over ASAP. Love this guy. I would trade up in the second round to get him.
Adem Bona	C	6' 8.25" / 7' 3.75"	The most athletic player in the draft. He's massive and destroys the rim. Won't shoot. Not can't. Won't. I love rim running centers who screen hard, and he has an NBA-ready body. I don't know how useful he would be but he is FUN.
Nikola Durisic	SG/SF	6' 7.00" / 6' 8.00"	His value is mostly as a draft and stash who has some solid skills but hasn't put it all together yet. Needs to work on shooting and defense. Really good driving to the rim, has a decent midrange game.
Juan Nunez	PG	6'4" / WS unknown	The purest of pure passing guards. His other skills are kind of lacking but he can fuckin' pass.
Payton Sandfort	SF	6' 6.25" / 6' 8.00"	One of the best shooters in the draft, but if his shot isn't falling he is somewhat limited. I would take a flier on him. Rebounds pretty well too. He has the ultimate "white guy who contributes to winning" archetype.

Honorable mention: Baylor Scheierman, my beloved. I don't think we'll have the opportunity to draft him but Baylor Scheierman is awesome. I just needed to get that out there.

Greetings and Salutations! Just dropping the next few chapters below, these were fun to read :) Enjoy!
Ch. 11

• “What the hell happened to you?” LOL if Rhys becomes Lucien 2.0 I think I'll be ok with that
  
• Wait so if he wanted Rhys could just channel his power and go scorched earth??? How are there not any contingencies in place for that and everyone is just relying on his whim?
  
• Whoa so Feyre has been making some crazy progress with her shields if Rhys is blocked out 90% of the time…hooked on phonics with Rhys has really been paying off for her
  
• Eyyyyyy Feyre is reading a book! Look how far she's come
  
• Bro, why is Rhys always asking why Feyre doesn't insult him anymore? Is he into verbal BDSM or something? I guess being Amarantha's toy did a number on him. I bet this guy is a freak in the bed
  
• Oh damn so she has water bending skills too?! So wateice, fire, wind, psychic abilities…just needs earth and heart and she can finally become Captainess Planet
  
• Bro, Tamlin’s number one flaw is that he’s straight up not a good communicator. He thinks he can just scowl his way to victory with Feyre and Rhys, and they're not about that life
  
• I do feel kinda bad for Tammy, I bet he feels like he's getting cucked by Mr. Cavill (completely understandable as well)
  

Ch. 12

• NICE Feyre is just plowing through all the books in the library…WAY better hobby than being a lukewarm painter. That being said, I won't say no to a Bob Ross faerie to help Feyre improve her skills
  
• Dude Tammy is still shutting Feyre out?! This guy is completely oblivious to the fact that he's losing her slowly
  
• WTF is Feyre turning part crow now?
  
• “How long have the claws been appearing?” bro…nothing gets past Luke the Duke. NOTHING
  
• Dude…Lucien can really do no wrong, am I right? This MAN is advocating for Feyre left and right constantly to have her be trained cause he sees the bigger picture. Everyone's goal in life should be to find a friend that'll be in your corner the way Lucien is with Feyre. HAVE FEYRE BECOME THE AVATAR, YOU COWARDS
  
• Really. Tammy is still giving her short answers and no new info? How did that work out last time in the first book?
  
• I mean at this point just continue compromising? Just be a good girl and stay in the palace, then when you go to Rhysand's place go balls out and start training to be the avatar over there. You probably could even bargain and say give me one full month at the Night Court hyperbolic time chamber, I'll become a god, then the bargain is complete and everyone bows to me, HIGH LADY FEYRE
  
• I'm pretty sure Feyre is gonna learn Winnowing right? Then she'll be able to come and go as she pleases
  
• WTF is happening, is Feyre getting kidnapped?
  
• OH SHIT Alis coming in clutch!!! Are her and Mor pen pals or something?
  
• Back to the Night Court!
  

Ch. 13

• LMAO Rhysand is looking at Feyre rubbing his temples and thinking “I'm too old for this shit”
  
• She can control darkness too?! Please tell me she summons Charlie Murphy to the battlefield in a future book
  
• I mean, at the rate she's revealing her powers she's making Avatar Aang look like a baby back bitch
  
• Oh damn Feyre said it. She's not going back! I think comparing being trapped in the palace to being trapped under the mountain did it for her
  
• What's with the cloak and dagger shit with Rhys? Feyre can't mention anything to anyone about the Night Court? Interesting, I'm wondering if this court is suffering greatly from the Illyrians
  
• Noice Rhys treating her like an equal rather than property. Honestly, not a hard concept at all.
  
• Onward to Velaris, city of stars! Sounds dope
  
• Wait, Feyre took a bath and got ready in 10 minutes? I call bullshit
  
• LMAO Rhys said “that was 15 minutes.” I should just keep reading before commenting lol
  
• Hold on, Rhys has callused hands? From what? I can't imagine this guy doing any type of manual labor or holding a BF sword for fighting, this cat uses mind bullets. Is that even a turn on, having callused hands?
  
• So, they both arrive in a lived-in home that's inside a city…and that's shocking to Feyre…why?!? Does she expect city residents to just live in the sewers or something? This woman I swear…
  
• Oh wow that's the end of part 1! We're just moving right along aren't we
  

Ch. 14

• Oooh Part 2 The House of Wind?! Day Court maybe???
  
• Wut we’re in Rhysand's home? Like the one he grew up in???
  
• Oh shit Rhys has a family? I thought there was no one left except him and Mor
  
• I…have no idea what's going on right now lol. The twins live in Rhys's house, are they related to him? And two Illyrians are just banging on his door…can they come in?
  
• Ohhhh one of them is Cassian! Interesting
  
• Inner circle…like the circle of trust? How does one come to be a part of this?
  
• Hmm, so Rhys saved this entire city before he became High Lord…I need deets ASAP
  

Ch. 15

• So Velaris sounds like heaven on Prythian.
  
• “...his blue eyes were as ruthless as the churning winter sea in the distance.” Wait, I thought he has violet eyes?? Can he change their color??? *Sigh some Faes have all the luck
  
• This place really sounds like Kalm from FF VII Rebirth…gorgeous town
  
• Really want to know how Rhysand saved this city…I'm curious if they know he's the high lord and if he appreciates being treated like a normal citizen
  
• Oh God we're back to Feyre thinking about painting things again…
  
• Also, calm your tits Feyre?! You're getting mad at these people for something they weren't aware of
  
• “My people are blameless.” TRUTH, Rhys
  
• Ooooh a new character has appeared! 2nd in command Amren! Steal her shit and she'll roast your balls off
  
• Wow Rhys is the most powerful high lord in history….good to get confirmation on this, I felt it was always hinted at so far
  
• What a weird time to warg into Rhysand lol, guess she can't control this ability
  
• I was just thinking…if Feyre’s real kinky or doesn't have this ability down yet once she and Rhys bang they can warg into each other's bodies and see them screwing themselves and really start having some crazy sex sessions
  
• Oh interesting, so psychic Faes are called Daemati. As in, ‘Daemati’ invade your mind, or ‘Daemati’ not LOLOL. I'm keeping that dad joke
  
• “...or maybe I had broken it, when I shoved that dagger into the hearts of two innocent fae and their blood warmed my hands.” Don't you DARE forget what you did to the Beddors, Feyre! Remember Clare!!!!
  
• Bro, Rhysand is going to carry Feyre as he flies in with his wings LOL. What a sight that would be
  
• What do those wings look like by the way? I know we've gotten tiny glimpses and hints..like black, bat wings. And I'm assuming wing span size ABSOLUTELY matters *wink wink
  
• Ooooh what a cool flying scene; all this needs is “A whole new world” playing in the background.
  
• Aw sad day, Rhys loved his mommy :/
  
• “Each chair fashioned, I noted, to accommodate wings.” What does that even look like? No backs to the chairs, or the backs are shorter so the wings can rest over the back when they sit? I gotta know this for my immersion!
  
• Cute little penny for your thoughts scene between Rhys and Feyre…she's completely out of the woods with Tammy now.
  
• Let the Illyrian Dinner Feast begin!
  

Lots of fun developments in these chapters! Excited to read on and see how the feast goes. Thanks for reading!

I don't really know why I'm writing this ... I think it's because I've tried to explain it to my uncle but all he said is that I should get my addiction under control and stop forgetting to take my meds.
I can't blame him. You see... I have a history. I've lost it in the past , twice actually. I'm not here to talk about it , but I think it's important to lay this down first. So you can understand.

I've been told something's wrong with my brain, maybe I was born this way, maybe I've been through too much. That my mother was an addict, she'd cut ties with her family for 10 years when she had me. That where she had been and who my father was, is was very unclear. She was part of a community in the forgotten part of the nearest big city when she died. I was there when it happened.
My uncle Sean and Aunt Maggie became my guardians just before my 5th birthday and I'm still with him 20 years later. Maggie left the ranch a few weeks ago after an amicable divorce, I never understood why they were together anyway she was always working somewhere, traveling a lot. I was closer to him and his sturdy way of life.

When I first arrived at the ranch, I was in a bad shape. I got better thanks to him but when I reached thirteen, all the memories from my early childhood suddenly came back. I started having flashbacks. My memories came back, but they came back wrong.

I had been told that my mother had died of an untreated infection. Yet in my dreams, I saw her , again and again , in a pool of blood. An then... Then it came. The... Thing. I won't describe it. It kind of triggers something in me that I really don't need right now.

I've been told that what happened next was so traumatic that my brain made up a monster, a fiction , to make sense of what I was seeing and not processing.
This ... Thing started obsessing me and during my early teenage years I focused all my energy on finding what it was and proving it happened. That a monster did kill and mutilated my mother. My nightmares were so bad that I stopped sleeping. I drank so much energy drinks that I ended up in the hospital twice with severe dehydration.

Thankfully, I got better. I started working more and more with my uncle's horses. I think it's why he employed me, he saw how manual work and caring for the animals helped. I even got my first girlfriend around my 17th year. I was prom king. Who would have thought?
But then... She had a cheerleading accident. In front of me. And I lost it again. I won't go into details but she broke her neck during half-time and once again... The way she fell, folded and screamed. I couldn't process. It was IT. It'd shapeshifted to get to her. I'm ashamed of it but I became violent. Looking for it franticly. Screaming non sense and talking made up words. I had to be sedated. She made it alive, but she never wanted to see me again. I was accused by pretty much everyone to make the accident all about myself. And they were kind of right....

Now you know how I came to be the " crazy" guy. I have a bit of a drinking problem too to be honest... You see I never went back to high school. I started working full time at the ranch when I came by, and sometimes, it gets lonely. It's not rare to find me passed out in the hay in the early morning in the summer. And what can I tell you... I know I shouldn't. I know it's "bad" . But I love those nights. I put music , cuddle with my dog and just look at the cold bright stars, drinking beer until they start spinning.

It's because of this bad habit that I realized something was wrong with the horses. You see, contrary to the movies, horses are pretty silent. They don't neigh unless you separate them from their best mate or bring food. And that night... The night it all started. They wouldn't stop. I could hear them galloping and snorting. I wondered if there was a stray dog but they were used to dogs. I was a bit worried. Horses get stupid when they are afraid and we had a big show coming, it wasn't the time so sprain a leg. What really troubled me was my dog. He seemed ... Weird.
Max was a pit mix my uncle had rescued when I was 15. He only woke when I got up and walked a bit to look at the paddocks. That's when I realised the moon behind me. It was huge, and red. I wondered if I had ever seen it so close and so red before. I looked at Max The white of his eyes showed and he started whining. I had never heard him make this noise. Ever.

I looked at my phone. It was quarter to three. I took a pitchfork to be safe and walked toward the clubhouse. We kept a shotgun there in a locker. The horses kept going crazy and max's tail was stiff. I was walking fast but carefully in the darkness when the music reached me. A chant. A low chant. I kind of felt it too... Like a ... vibration.
It was coming from the yearlings field near the forest patch, on the opposite direction of the clubhouse. My horse was in this field. I backtracked immediately and rushed toward the sound as I dialled my uncle. Off course he didn't answer. He didn't live on the property anymore but a few miles away. I left a message, whispering. " I'm at the stable, something weird ‘s happening. I think they're people messing with horses I'm going to see. I think you should come , I don't know...Call me back.". The weird chant buzzed in the background, louder, as if more people had joined. I saw the glow of the fire before I passed the last building. It rose , under the bloody moonlight. Dark figures circled around it. Slowly. The horses seemed to have retreated at the other end of the pasture and I was relieved. Until I saw it. The figure at the centre of this dark carousel. " What the f are those creeps doing" escaped my lips.
blazing fury filled me , like a white iron like a white hot blade blinding me . "HEYYYY" I screamed at the top of lungs. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING !? ". The figures stopped and turn toward me. I was running now , my knuckles going white around the pitchfork's stick. Max was growling. A deep growl. His hair high upon his backbone. The figure, still pretty far did not move. I could see their heavy hooded cloaks. " what kind of sick pricks are those " I muttered. " HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY" I screamed again, louder than I ever thought I could scream. And then I saw him. Gun.
Gun was my uncle's favourite horse. His old stallion's spitting image. The young horse was lying in front of the fire behind the intruders.
"WHAT DID YOU DO! I'M CALLING THE COPS!!!!". I stopped and was dialling when a figure detached itself from the group and advanced. It seemed to ... float? It moved toward Max and I... so silently.
The burning rage in veins turned cold , and heavy. I opened my mouth but nothing crossed my lips. Suddenly, Max jumped. He growled in a way I hope to never hear any dog do again. A desperate, furious growl. A life or death sound. A war cry... His warm blood spattered on my face. He... Honestly I don't know what happened at that moment. Something lied bloody on the ground but I couldn't even have told that it used to be a dog, even less Max. Acid tears filled my eyes as I realized my mouth was still open. I was tasting him.
I wanted to scream, to run, to just get swallowed by the earth and yet I did nothing at all but stare at the floating silhouette. It was so tall. " Come, my child". " We were waiting for you, we knew you'd come, Your father told us you'd be here when we'd call".
I heard those words, but I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about the thing who spoke them. I say thing because it didn't have a voice. It... Buzzed. Like... a cello.
Suddenly... I floated too. Panick seized me. Like a trapped raccoon in my
chest it dug its claws, scratching furiously my closed throat.
" Your father said you were ready. We will prepare you." I was now in front of the crackling blaze. the other figures circling me. Smiling Men and woman welcomed me. On their faces they all wore a similar mark. a cross covering their eyes horizontally, and their nose and mouth vertically. Their hands... Their hands were still dripping with gun's inside. Gun... Was ... opened.
" A necessary sacrificed" whispered a woman, still smiling. " I know you liked him very much... I'm sorry..." " I could have taken yours, but I knew you wouldn't have forgiven me'. Her voice. .." Aunt Maggie?' I croaked. Her eyes shone with a mad light. " Gosh do you look like your mother tonight... She'd be so proud. Her baby boy..." .
The tall figure made a gesture and I spined and found myself looking at the sky. I thought I'd fallen but... I wasn't touching the ground...
My aunt continued speaking." She was just like you the first time ... So... naive, so afraid.. She was only 16! That was our mistake you see, she wasn't ready for her destiny yet when she joined us... That's why we waited for you."
The chant , the low buzzing chant rose once again. The people around me started walking in a circle around me. I was just above Gun's body.
One, by one, they buried they hands in the belly of the horse and traced the cross on my face. I sealed my lips as tight as I could as the warm blood covered my face. Through the blood and tears I recognize faces. A nurse from the hospital. A teacher. The coffeeshop barista. My psychiatrist... I closed my eyes.
It was a nightmare. It couldn't be anything but a nightmare.
Yet the smell of the horse's inside and the crackling fire still reached me as they started ripping my clothes off.
" This is not real" I whispered. " This is not real, this is not real THIS IS NOT real" I screamed weakly.
'Oh , My dear I'm so sorry ' whispered my aunt. I should have told you earlier... But Dr Carter said it was better to let you grow up a bit first. He said it help you keep the secrets if you were afraid of them. I'm sure you don't feel this way, but it was an honour to watch your mother ascend the way she did. Her agony was the most beautiful thing she could have hoped for. You were supposed to ascend with her but she ruined it". " Slut" groaned a middle aged woman before spitting on the floor.
" She was my best friend you know... I thought I knew her. I thought I could trust her. But she lied to me."
"You see, we know you are his son. But... She wasn't a virgin when she was honoured."
She smiled. " It doesn't matter how cruelly she tricked us. You can help us find the perfect girl."
One by one, each member traced a symbol on my skin.
" You're so handsome... He'll be so glad. The perfect boy. The perfect vessel."
"It's almost time, Prepare" hissed the tall figure.
" You're going to give him his heir, the one ruler among the realms. You see he can't travel here whenever but you're an anchor my love. Each generation he choses an anchor until he finds one who'll give him THE son, the one who'll die for his freedom. Our freedom."
"QUIET SLAVE AND KNEEL" shrieked the tall figure.
She kneeled right near me, and whispered " You're...". I heard a slash. Aunt Maggie’s face slid horizontally. Her eyes followed me as the upper part of the face slid slowly toward the ground.
" HAIL THE PRINCE".
A chant, colder and louder than never before rose with the crackling flames toward the moon.
" Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! » chanted the disciples."
Frozen, I watched the blazing sky above and saw a door. A perfect wooden door , in the sky. It slowly cracked open as the crowd turn to hysterics and the chant turned to mad screams.
"MY SOOOOOOOON" The whole earth seemed to split open under the weight of the sound coming from the perfect rectangle of empty darkness in the sky.
And then... I saw... I saw what I had tried to forget for twenty-years. I saw those split red eyes and their evil glare. I saw the iron hooves at the end of too many legs. I saw the tentacles who fled my mother with their thousand beaks. Everything all at once, I saw it shift, from an odious form to a more loathsome one. I burned in a way I'll never be able to describe.
I woke up two weeks ago in the nearest hospital. I was found on the ground, surrounded by the yearlings, the corpse of gun and some remains of Max. My uncle explained to me that I had found a bear feasting on Gun, that Max must have attacked it and I'd fainted or been knocked out trying to scare it away. Laying lifeless had saved me. I didn't speak of what I saw at the hospital. I knew better now. I've tried to explain to my uncle why I had to move out to the big city. That I had a mission now. That I had never been crazy and that I shouldn't have been afraid.
I know now that I'm blessed. You see he thinks I'm just having another episode, that it’s a "manic" episode and I should go back to the clinic, but I know better now. I am special. I am. And he can be too. Anyway... He'll be whether he joins or not. You'll all be. Because he is coming. He 'll bless us all. Because you see, I know I can find her and I'll give him the perfect door. A door to let him in. A door to let all of him in. He'll honour us all, all at once.
" Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! »

*sigh*
Can't believe in 2024, guys still don't know how to be f*cking unhygienic. A few weeks ago, I gave head to a guy first at an outdoor park in a private spot obv no people around, as I was giving him a bj, I noticed a strange smelling whiff coming out of him, dismissed it as dried cum or whatever or some remaining piss, which I was ok with ig
We went over to my place to continue giving a bj, still smelled the whiff, he laid onto my bed and as we changed position, I f*cking noticed it. BROWN STREAKS ON MY F*CKING SHEETS!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he had the audacity to want me to lick his balls knowing he didn't f*cking clean his ass, I always feel uncomfy licking a guy's balls for any reason and this is a good example why.
It was the wet, slippery kind of poop. He tried to clean it with water and some tissues. I immediately freaked out when I found out he left sh*t , ordered him to aggressively scrub it with the right cleaning products idk, and kicked him out
He was all nonchalant it when I asked him if he was hygienic, and he said he was clean and he just said: "Oh SoRrY"
Idc if it's a handsome or an ugly guy, I don't trust em if they say they're clean anymore, shaming him and his lack of guilt felt so much better than mid tier sex I get from guys who think they're the sh*t because they watch so much f*cking porn
So its cool beans if they leave shit on my sheets, but it's all a f*cking turn off to guys if oh idk I accidentally shat on their dicks after doing anal which I hate doing which is why I never do it, and then they ghost apparently
Washed the sheets 5x, then a few weeks later, found out that as I was rewashing them again, I noticed more brown streaks left on the MATTRESS, somehow I skipped over it so f*ck me.
F*ck you Jared

Thank you for reading my post. I made a throwaway account to write it for obvious reasons.
My husband has treated me a certain way for a very long time. I've struggled with it and brought it up in the past but he's never changed. We are in a stretch where this behavior has been more frequent and I'm trying so hard to get it to stop. I classified it as abusive recently and he got so mad at me about it and is telling me it has all been my fault. I need some help. I just need someone impartial to share their input on the situation and help me understand if I'm right or wrong.
The behavior itself is common amongst all the various incidents. It includes yelling and name calling, saying all the worst possible things about me that he can come up with, following me around the house continuing after I've asked him to stop and getting more and more aggressive the more I try to run away or get him to stop. There is typically no physical threats or physical contact except in a few circumstances.
We've been together 7 years, married 2 and this behavior has been prevalent the entire time.
The incidents are all different but result in this exact same behavior. I'm going to list some of the premises below and then some things that may have been unique about that specific outburst.
After we had been in a relationship for a little there was a time we went to a going away party for a work friend of mine and there were a lot of guys there. He started acting a little different, drinking heavy and when we got home the first outburst started. He had me on the couch and was standing over me screaming incessantly with what basically became jibberish, screaming for screaming's sake. He wouldn't stop, would listen to me just screamed.
Another was after a work party of mine, black tie event fun night he drank a lot and then it was the same thing when we got home, yelling and refusing to stop.
At a friend of mine's wedding I was a bridesmaid in he got really bad. Again a lot of drinking and a huge group of us ended up at a bar. I was at the bar getting drinks and a random guy probably said a total of 5 words to me while I was standing there. I get back to him with his drink and he looked mad. He snapped at me and then spend the rest of the evening out drunkenly telling all my friends about how he would hurt that random guy if he saw him again. Get back to the hotel room and this was the worst one by far. He was standing over me on the bed yelling and pushing me, not letting me get up and pushing more when I curled up into a ball. It went on and on and on, I left the room at one point to let him cool and came back later and it started right back up to the point someone in the room next door was banging on the wall.
On an international vacation we were at a bar on our last day sitting together just he and I. A guy sat down next to me and just started chatting up idle conversation. I look over and my husband is staring at his plate of food in dead silence. His attitude changed that moment and he was laxidasical leaving the bar and on the way to the airbnb and then the yelling and anger started. Again he wouldn't stop, I ended up locked in the 2nd bedroom to stay away from him.
On another vacation he acted the same way and I ended up locking myself in the 2nd room again although this time what upset him was that I went to the beach without him while he was out shopping.
We bought a house together and moved in at some point during all of this and the times it happened at home are too many to count but I'm going to list a few more.
One time he was mad I wasn't in the mood for sex and he stormed around the bedroom yelling, stood over me in bed pushing me, followed me around the house yelling when I got up to get away from him. There were a lot of similar incidents that seemed to be about sex or him telling me he felt like I rejected him.
One time he was mad I was reading my kindle instead of spending time with him and went off on me the same way, yelling non stop, saying the worst things he could think of, chasing me around the house when I tried to get away, getting more aggressive the harder I tried to get away. There were a lot of other similar times where I'd be doing a hobby and he would act this way.
One time I went on a weekend trip with my sister, he told me to text him when I got there and I forgot to and he spent the entire weekend sending me angry texts even though I kept asking him to stop. This wasn't the exact same as the rest, but the unwillingness to stop and aggressiveness were similar and it stuck out in my mind.
Recently we were out watching his uncles band with his family having a good night, drinking, even had a good ride home together singing songs and then he just flipped. Same stuff with the yelling and following me around the house refusing to stop. This time I grabbed his lapel and screamed at him to stop. He let me walk away then came down to the basement where I went to get away from him and told me that if I touched him in anger like that again he'd kill me. I took this one hard but he keeps telling me it was my fault because I touched him, but I only grabbed on to his shirt and yelled for him to stop.
A couple weeks later he was working and the neighbors invited me over for a bonfire. I let him know where I was, invited him to come over and told him I didn't know when I'd be home. He was tired from work and didn't want to come. I got home around 2am, sat on the couch and ended up falling asleep there. In the morning I woke up to him screaming at me, calling me names and then storming out the door. I come to find out he had called all the neighbors in the middle of the night to see where I was but never came to look on the couch. He spent the rest of the morning sending me angry texts.
I went to go see my nephew's concert and was hanging out in the audience with my brother and SIL. SIL and I made plans for a girls day at our house that weekend because my husband was going fishing. I told my brother if he came over he could go fishing with my husband (my brother wasn't going to actually come). I text my husband about it before the concert started to let him know what I told my brother and he sent me angry texts during the concert and then when I got home he was immediately yelling. Again chasing me around the house, again not stopping when I begged, standing over me in bed while trying to sleep yelling and yelling.
This is just some of them but the theme of the yelling and not stopping and chasing me around is the same. We are generally happy outside of these outbursts and sometimes they just come out of left field like the night he threatened to kill me. He blames them all on me, something I did wrong or a way I acted that caused it. But they are all different things, and his reaction is the same thing and all I ever ask him to do is stop and to not act like that again but he never stops and it always happens again. I told him it was almost like abuse and he's been mad at me about it for a week straight now.
Can all of you impartial people out there just let me know if I'm right in calling this abuse?

The guy in my story is Elios (23M) and his current gf is Lily (22F). Oliver is my ex.
I was in a serious long term relationship with Oliver for about 4 years and broke up with him because of emotional mismatch. He constantly took me for granted. I felt unwanted for years and brokeup in the end. Immediately after the breakup, I met Elios. He always went out of his way to help me with everything. He was the kindest guy I knew back then who readily helped people. He listened to everything I had to say for hours and remembered all the small details about me. We both shared everything about our lives and were there for each other emotionally. We constantly showed up when the other was sick or stressed. He also hinted at us dating at times (or so I thought). We grew extremely close within a month and soon I fell for Elios. I confessed and he said he was really confused. Lily and him were also really close friends and I doubted that maybe he had feelings for her but he denied it. In a group setting, he would ignore me and only talk to Lily. And I felt like he talked to me only when Lily is busy. I gave him sometime to figure out his feelings- we were in a situationship in the meantime, he kept telling me he cant be in a relationship with me because he can't lose me and relationships often end in a bad note but we also kissed a couple of times. We were in a relationship for sometime. But then my ex's friends had contacted me saying how me getting into a new relationship was not right (I was in touch with my ex and had told him about Elios, Elios also mentioned that he felt insecure at the thought of him being just a rebound). Elios backed off real quick and said it would be best if we stayed friends.
I kept having hopes for a few months as it felt like he liked me (he went out of his way to do things for me, said really affectionate things, introduced me to his family, would get jealous if I paid attention to anyone else, was always there constantly) but he also kept spending time with Lily and soon told me he has feelings for her. He confessed to Lily soon and she kept rejecting and then accepting him back and forth because she was confused if it would workout. Everytime he was rejected, he would be overly affectionate (like hugging me and asking me if i remember our old times and stuff). He was also really upset about me being in a relationship. He kept making me feel like I am the most important person to him and soon kept dicthing me for Lily. A month later, he and Lily started dating and major conflicts arose between me and Elios because of not getting enough time for our friendship. Lily tells me that Elios told her he had a crush on her long back (around the time when we were almost getting together) and she had rejected him. When confronted, Elios came up with really bad excuses to cover it up. Elios and Lily are not an emotional match either- Lily is avoidant while he is anxious. Elios kept telling me that he is not sure about the future of his relationship and that it would be temporary only. He kept telling me I am more important than her and that I am the only one he trusts. My deduction being he is too scared to trust Lily as he is afraid she won't care. He vehemently rejected me trying to make our friendship into a siblingship of sorts and told me I m his soulmate and the love of his life (I am not sure if he meant this as friends). He is very touchy as well like we would cuddle, hug for a long time and he would look me in the eye and tell me he loves me and all that. After about half a year, he told me he is planning to breakup with Lily and was again giving hints (about how I look pretty and hot, I might be the one who is permanently with him, etc.). It almost felt like we were going to get together but again Lily refused to breakup with him and he went back to behaving like just a friend with me. Then we got drunk (he was sober and assumed I was drunk and would forget things) and when I asked why he doesn't like me, he said he likes me and loves me more than her. And when I asked why he is with her, he said he doesn't know. He also said they are not compatible and that they won't work out. He said he would let me settle only for either him or a guy better than him. He said I should move on now. And that he would show me his writings when he developed feelings for me the first time and when he does, I should come back to him. He also asked me, 'how can you go back to him like we were nothing' (referring to my rekindled friendship with my ex). The next day, I pretended to have forgotten all this and just told him I like him when and that I want him to stay away till I move on (because I started feeling like a backup option he can come back to once his relationship fails). I almost cut the friendship off and he started spending more time with Lily. Their relationship seems to be going well now and now I am back to the friend position. He is still very affectionate and tells me, relationships can fail but we both are going to always be there for each other. I am confused big time.
Someone with experience please help me understand what is going on and suggest what to do.

We’ve all seen the posts pointing out all of the very well tread issues—have you guys heard we need a helicopter fix?—I wanted to share my appreciation for the devs and the vision & potential of this game.
First: I have no financial relationship to the devs. Dont work there. Don’t know anyone. Let’s get that out of the way.
I’ve been PC gaming since the late 90s, was obsessive in the early Half-Life, Counter Strike, TFC days. Doom, Quake and Unreal Tournament were all training grounds. I have a few hundred hours in Tarkov, etc.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen devs like Madfinger share such a clear vision of what they hope to achieve and be fully transparent about the known issues now and the features that they are still working on.
This is the FPS game I’ve wanted for so long. Open-world, tactical shooter, PvE and PvP. I can’t help but see MFG’s vision in Lamang while playing this early build. Sure, the AI are heat-seeking missiles sometimes, and yeah, negative, all birds are in the air.
But when I’m sitting out between two LZs, laying quietly in a bush as I hydrate and wait for air space to clear, I imagine the big update when there’s a day/night cycle, and I’m beginning to stress that dusk is coming. I didn’t think I’d be out this long and don’t have my NVGs on me.
Do I have the supplies I need to make a camp and rest until morning? Crap, I found that flint set yesterday but forgot to put it in my secure case to easily start a small fire for warmth.
Can I hoof it in the dark past the local militia’s roadblocks? I don’t see any friendlies I can ping for covering fire in the area.
Oh. Wait, what’s this on the map? I’ve been focused on finding some tasks recently. I didn’t see that the Crimsons (ROLL TIDE!) took over the airfield remote hangar earlier, I could cut through the forest to the fortified encampment and resupply and wait for a chopper from safety.
Oh shit, you’re kidding me?! There’s a convoy of armed militia soldiers moving the medical supplies they stole from LRI? Right here in this random forest path?? Lab Rat warned Handshake this would start happening if we didn’t let any medical supplies for locals in soon. Fuck. I don’t care about them having the meds but I can’t afford to get into a big fire fight all alone out there. Better shuffle off and find a way around.
These are the kinds of possibilities that align to the stated vision of the devs, and I think it will be truly incredible.
Looting, crafting, survival, faction coordination, AI factions with their own motivations…all of this is on the roadmap and more.
I happily gave my money and will keep giving my time and input to making this future a reality.
Bravo, Madfinger 👏

Two years ago, Corey Vash got abducted by aliens, and a few months after that, he saved the universe -even if it was mostly on accident. Thanks to the skills of his new bounty hunter friends and no small amount of luck, Corey Vash saved the day, but hero status isn’t all its cracked up to be. The parades and the free drinks are over, leaving the bounty hunters with nothing but the expectations of a frightened universe and the overbearing attention of governments who want picture perfect heroes the only mostly sober crew aren’t cut out to be. With the shadow of another invasion still looming, a murderous new threat starts to stalk their every move, forcing Corey and the crew of the Wild Card Wanderer to move past the mess of bullets, booze, and blind luck that’s kept them alive and become actual heroes -even if they aren’t very good at it.
[First Book][Previous Chapter][Cover Art][Patreon]
Though Kamak did not accept the “job” to attend the new military installation’s unveiling, he still kept an eye on it. The Wild Card Wanderer had taken to the stars, orbiting Centerpoint at a distance, to watch the installation far away from any pomp and ceremony. The massive gun battery drifted into place and was joined to the rest of Centerpoint’s honeycombed platforms, fusing the weapons to the neighboring residential and business districts. The platform full of short-range cluster armaments was an effective deterrent to any Horuk attacks, and a blighted eyesore on the otherwise sleek, modern space station.
Kamak scowled. Centerpoint had been designed as the shining beacon for universal society, the best of everything cooperation could accomplish. Now they’d strapped a gun to it. There had always been outlying defensive stations and security fleets, but seeing a cluster of guns the size of a small city right next to the arts district felt different. It felt wrong.
“I don’t like any of this,” Kamak said. “Smells like they’re up to something.”
Kamak had, naturally, gotten his crew up to speed on everything Ghost had said, to predictably mixed reactions.
“Luckily for us, I think their intent is fairly transparent,” Farsus said. “They see more value in us as propaganda than as bounty hunters.”
“It’s never that simple,” Corey sighed.
“No offense, Corvash, but you’re a little paranoid to begin with,” Tooley said. “And the whole Morrakesh thing probably didn’t help.”
Corey owned a laser sword now, and he still carried a knife in his boot everywhere he went. He’d also insisted on installing an upgraded security system in the Wild Card Wanderer, and, thanks to the fact that Tooley now slept next to him regularly, she knew he was an incredibly light sleeper, frequently waking with a start at even the smallest noise.
“How is some secret Ghost assassin guy showing up to threaten us not something to be worried about?”
“I just think Farsus has a point,” Tooley said. “Now that we’re bigshot heroes they want us retired so we can’t fuck up and get ourselves killed or embarrass ourselves.”
“I’d think you’d be more offended by that,” Corey said.
“I am very offended, but they’re also giving me lots of money,” Tooley said. As boring as the rich people gigs were, they paid well. “It’s creating some very conflicting emotions.”
Tooley had an ego the size of a galaxy, but a love of money that was just as big if not bigger. She had already paid off the sizable cost of the Wild Card Wanderer, and was stocking up savings for the future, and maybe even a new, better ship.
“God, I know,” Kamak said. The money was making it very hard to be as mad as he wanted to be. Having been on the bad side of a conspiracy to make the entire universe hate him, he found it hard to be mad about a conspiracy to keep him famous and successful. “I’d almost rather they were being assholes about it. It’d make it a lot easier to be mad.”
“We keep being stubborn about it, we’ll probably get them there,” Corey said.
“Well I’m real good at being stubborn,” Kamak said. “So I guess we’ll find out.”
“Do we have to?”
All eyes went to Doprel. His massive frame looked hollow and deflated.
“What’s the point?” Doprel asked. “What’s the endgame? Where’s our win condition? Even as a matter of pride, like, to prove we’re not fuckups, isn’t saving the universe enough for that?”
Kamak nodded. That was a pretty big boost to the ego.
“Maybe it is a good idea for us to quit while we’re ahead,” Doprel said. “Even just logistically speaking, it’s going to be fucking hard to top stopping the Invasion, guys.”
“Yeah, well, that’s an easier choice for you guys to make than me,” Kamak said. “Rest of you fuckers are going to be dead in a few decades. I still got the better part of three centuries in me, at least.”
Kamak leaned back in his seat and watched the guns on Centerpoint spring to life, scanning the stars for any sign of an incoming threat. For a moment, one of the colossal guns turned their direction, and Kamak stared right down the barrel. Corey watched the guns turn as they all drifted through empty space.
“Do you guys want to take a vacation?”
“Vacation? Now?”
“Yeah,” Corey said. “We haven’t really taken a breather since we stopped the Invasion. I think maybe we all need to take some time to relax and unpack.”
“I don’t know. Feels like we’d be giving these assholes a taste of what they want.”
“Let them think that,” Corey said. “Let’s take a break. Not think about work for a while, and see how we feel about retiring or not retiring in a week or two.”
“You want to take some time off, I won’t stop you,” Kamak said. “Take your vacation, if you want.”
“If he’s going, I’m going,” Tooley said.
“Ah, of course you are,” Kamak said. “I try to forget you two are shacked up.”
“You can always pay for shuttles,” Tooley said. “I’m not the only pilot in the universe. Even if I am the best.”
“Not ditching me that easily,” Kamak said. “Fine. You kids pick somewhere to go and take your fucking vacation. I’ll get dragged along.”

I've found the right person for you guys, after searching endlessly for an actual legit contact - being scammed multiple times through this & almost getting my account wiped i'll be happy to share what an ACTUAL experience is supposed to be & how they're supposed to do things.
We ran into the ad over on a forum discussion board about social media , decided to check the telegram out & what they had to offer and there was NO short of proof , vouches or any work solidifying they were the real deal.
We also noticed how long they've been around for - closing on 3+ years is pretty impressive to stay active, building a community of people as well as an overall actual help to people with request & needs for snapchat.
Now, Let's get into our experience! -
First -PROS
Transparency -They're really transparent when it comes to seeing proof of their work , very detailed & no room for any funny transactions like some other people in the space. So you can rest assured you're actually going to be getting what you paid for because there's YEARS of proof backing up what they talk about.
The Community! - There's a fine line between the amount of people looking to make a quick buck & an actual community behind these guys that actually support them. Which means the less likelihood of being scammed! There's a lot of actual fucking around going on you'd forget its supposed to be for snaphacks lmao!
3- Those Weekly Sales! - Trying to get a good deal , without busting your pockets we'll they have you covered! Check out there deals on weekends which usually is half off everything, for all socials they provide. Another Pro for the folks trying to ball on a budget!
Now Here Comes The Cons, Again I HAVE TO KEEP IT FAIR!
The WAIT TIMES! - My GODDDDDDD Do you get stuck waiting forever to get serviced, sometimes we were even turned down our money to skip due to them being over-booked. So please be on time & do not expect them to wait around for you because you're paying! They will LEAVE you AND your money behind!
2 Help Center SUCKS (Sometimes) - If you're having an issue with maybe accessing a certain section , there's a bug or anything of the sort & you need help? (this also goes with wait times) the help fucking sucks. Either they're giving you some automated excuse or just going to tell you wait until some slots open but they're booked AROUND the clock. So you'll be waiting a while to get what you need.

1. PRICES - If you are not a member , close with any admins or have some type of importance you WILL be buying out full price, yes they do offer discounts for promos but they're not around 24/7. So you'd have to take what you can get or make friends with some admins because it may be worth it but unless you're rolling in dough - take advantage of those weekend deals

CONCLUSION -
I did get what i wanted , yet it took a while due to the overwhelming amount of other people trying to also get in on the action. They didn't miss a beat on the test dummy we used (again we still had to cover it, there's no do it prior thing). After a while we wanted to see if it held up & it did but the folder had issues so chatting with support was the only option, which was a ride & a half! We did end up getting help & finishing what we had to do.
Rating - 8.3 / 10 , Maybe if they hired more people / staff it would run smoother. Ill leave the contact info here ,
Tele "NAEQUALITYY" ( 2 Y's)
PLEASE AVOID ANY CAT-FISH (They're the only one with an actual bitmoji!)
Group Link Will Be Tagged On My Profile Bio

I'm tired of the people who are even trying to be supportive. It's just a bunch of glib "you take all the time you need! Just ignore people who are mean!" as if you were a kid getting seriously bullied and you tell the adult you got a broken bone and lost a tooth bc this kid is a piece of shit and they reply with a smile "You just ignore them bc someone who does that isn't your real friend!" 1) DUH I'm not stupid 2) I'm not looking for "friends" I'm tryna survive 3) it's not realistic to "just cut off all your friends and go find new ones if they're not being super nice! Just quit your job and don't need money anymore if they didn't give you bereavement leave and criticize youfor not smiling as much as you used to!" I can only talk to people who admit how fucking hard this is, and there are no quick fixes, and you're just gonna feel terrible until you don't anymore. The "be positive! Smile! Do a fun activity!" people feel even more dismissive than the people pressuring me to "just get over it" bc their whole attitude is just glib and breezy like I was having a child's problem and smiling fixes everything! Likewise I hate the "just stay busy!" people bc usually they want me to stay busy doing them a favor. Even if not "stay busy" or "just replace sad thoughts with happy ones, be more disciplined!" implies it's optional to even think of your loss and only NEGATIVE people choose to. I feel like every day I have a quota I need to think about him for a certain amount of time or I feel unbalanced or it just creeps up and triggers me at a much worse time bc I didn't focus on it when I had time. This was the most important person in my life for decades and it's like all the side characters are swarming aroubd me telling me it's stupid I'm sad bc they want me to smile then leaving me alone without him tp run to and they HAVE THE BALLS TO BE MAD AT ME or miffed that the next time they see me I'm not "all better." It felt like him and me against the world and now the world is just stomping me out with all the platitudes anf smiles and unhelpful advice. I'm actually spending more time with the people who were originally pushing me to get over it bc at least they 1) acknowlege the grief insteas of blowing it off that "oh it's a happy day you shouldn't bring up sad thoughts like that" 2) they continue to check in with me even if the wording is kind of harsh 3) they aren't constantly telling me to fucking "just smile." I guess it's a semantic difference but everyone who I thought wasn't being helpful is actually trying and just terrible at offering grief counseling but IS TRYING. And the rest are just regurgitating a bunch of therapy speak then acting like I'm "trauma dumping" when they sought me out to pressure me for a smile when I've been honest I need to sit with this for a long time and pressing me into any specific emotion is just going to piss me off. I guess this is positive in anegative way and maybe I'm saying the effort is more important than the actual delivery if you sincerely wanma help or support someone. Honestly I think the 'hurry up" people may be talking to themselves about their own grief while the "just smile and ignore it" group are acting like I'm a TikTok video then forgetting 45 seconds later what they even said to me.

The scene faded back in to a shot of the team and host in the prison courtyard, the two groups of teens each standing by a dirty laundry cart. "Elimination challenge!" Chris exclaimed happily. "Here we go! No 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards here, people! This, is 'Escape from Total Drama Pen.'!" The camera quick-panned away from Chris' close-up to one of the carts.
"Each team must hop in their laundry carts, while one member pushes through the obstacle course to freedom!" As he spoke, the scene flashed to a shot of wooden dummies dressed like prison guards with automatic swinging arms, and then again to a pair of narrow platforms over a water pool with large sandbags swinging back and forth between them, and once more to the prisoner dummies with various sharp objects attached to their hands.
"When you reach the wall," Chris continued as the camera moved back to the group shot, "get diggin'! First team to reach the boxcar to freedom wins immunity!" The shot quick-panned over to a pair of boxcars sitting on a small section of rail tracks. "Convicts, select a pusher!"
"I'll do it!" Chase and Sky volunteered simultaneously, and the two quickly turned their heads to each other.
"I'll be the one to push for us!" Jasmine declared to the Grips. "Does anybody have a problem with that?" she asked her team, who were already starting to climb into the cart.
"I don't," Millie said as she got on.
"You are our best option," Anne Maria added as she hopped onto the cart.
Jasmine smiled. "Excellent!"
Confessional: Jasmine
“When you have long legs, speed can come off as an attribute,” Jasmine confessed.
Confessional Ends
"Not to be a jerk or anything," Chase said as the focus moved back to the Gaffers, "but I want to be the one who pushes, not you."
"Only one of us can do it, and it should be me," Sky offered.
"I know we won the shovel, but the Grips have Jasmine pushing for them," Chase argued, “and if we want to beat them, we'll need a lot of speed coming from me.”
"You're not the only one who's been on a track team," Sky protested. “I practice track at my school in order to prep myself for the Olympics.”
"I have longer legs than you," Chase pointed out, "and that'll at least make us on par with the other team."
“This bickering is not helping us,” Sky groaned and turned to her team. "So team, who do you want to drive the cart? Me or Chase?"
"I say Chase," Ripper said first. “Sky's not Sonic fast.”
"Well I think Sky should push us," Scott declared. “Chase being on the track team is more of a hobby to him.”
"To break the tie, I'll go with Sky," MK said. "She is the team's leader."
Chase sighed. "Alright!" He walked towards the cart. "But if we don't win, it's not coming back to me."
Confessional: Sky
“Me and MK don't know each other well, and she is generally not cordial, but I do have to thank her for having my back in the situation,” Sky explained.
Confessional: MK
“The way I see it, if Sky loses the cart challenge for us, me and Scott can use that as a reason to pick her off,” MK told the audience. “With her and Trent's love plot coming to a halt, there's no need to keep her in the game any longer.”
Confessionals End
"This is it, teams," Chris announced as the two groups were shown in their starting positions – most of the teams in their carts, with Jasmine and Sky ready to push. "On your marks...," the host said as a few deep notes began the fast-paced music that would play during the challenge, "get set...escape!"
The two started pushing immediately, and Jasmine managed to get an early lead for the Grips. However, Sky was gaining momentum, and the two kicked up a cloud of dust behind them as they entered the first obstacle – the sharp-handed prisoner dummies. The camera watched from above as they weaved around and through the field in different directions, and at one point it looked like their paths were going to intersect. The two girls briefly locked eyes and steeled themselves as their carts bounced off each other, rattling their teammates inside.
The viewpoint shifted to show the start of the next obstacle – the narrow platforms over water, with large bags already swinging back and forth threateningly. Sky pushed her team up onto the platform, and the focus moved ahead to Jasmine doing the same as well. The people in the carts ducked down to get away from the swinging bags. However, Anne Maria's big hair stuck up enough for one of the bags to brush past it, which slowed it down enough that Jasmine ran face-first into it while she had been distracted looking back at the other team. It knocked her down and caused her to let go of the cart, which managed to keep rolling along without her.
"We can use this to our advantage!" Ripper barked. "Keep it steady and we can catch up!"
"I got it!" Sky picked up her pace. She managed to get them past Jasmine and another two bags and they caught up to the Grips' cart, which had stopped at the end of the second obstacle. The viewpoint shifted to show them watching in shock as the Gaffers approached unsteadily, with Jasmine running just inches behind them.
Just as Sky was getting the groove of pushing the cart, a bag hit her in the head, which caused her to lose her balance and the front left wheel of the Gaffers' cart to leave the platform as it rapidly approached the end of the second obstacle, and the camera zoomed in as it dipped down and hit the corner where the narrow platform ended, causing the cart to spill forward.
"Hurry up!" Anne Maria commanded as Jasmine retook control over the Grips’ cart and sped forward, past the pile of Gaffers and into the final obstacle.
The camera followed them as they weaved through the guard-dummies, becoming more and more excited as they neared the wall. "Alright," Jasmine said. "We're getting closer to victory!"
A second passed in silence as they kept going at the same speed. "Uhh, Jasmine?" Justin said nervously as he eyed the approaching wall.
"We can stop now!" Millie notified.
Their words caused her to skid to a stop just in front of the wall. "Thanks for the warning," Jasmine said as her teammates breathed a sigh of relief.
"We may not have a shovel," Brick told his team with a spoon in hand, "but we must make do with what we have."
“Go go!" Jasmine eagerly ordered everyone out the cart. “Hop to it like kangaroos!” They all ran over to the large 'X' and started digging.
"Well this is just great!" Ripper complained as he, MK, Chase, and Scott picked themselves up off the ground, and Sky turned their cart back upright. "We're behind the Grips!"
“This is why I should've been the driver,” Chase spoke out. “I would have been able to avoid those bags.”
"None of this is our fault," Sky said. "We can still catch up to the Grips if we don't start arguing with each other."
The footage flashed ahead, showing the Gaffers sitting in the laundry cart with Sky pushing them through the final obstacle. Moments later they arrived at the wall, a hole and sizable dirt pile already by their opponent's cart. The four Gaffers hopped out, and Sky took the shovel out of her pocket.
"Jump right to it, team," Sky ordered. "We have a lot to dig!"
The camera flashed to Chris and Chef at the finish line, Chris sitting on the entrance of a boxcar while Chef leaned against it. "So..." Chris asked. "You ever seen that prison flick? The one with the guy in it? You know? The guy with that face?" Chef rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"So are you doing anything after work?" the host asked awkwardly. "We could always rent a-" He noticed the look on the cook's face and amended, "or not. I was... busy... anyway. Very busy. I'm just… throwing it out there."
The scene changed to a side view of the Grips in their tunnel, Jasmine hastily digging in front with her spoon.
"We're making good progress so far," Jasmine said. "Even if we're stuck with spoons."
"I can hear them ahead of us now," Millie said. "Wouldn't it be faster if we helped dig too?"
"Ten hands are better than two," Jasmine agreed.
Confessional: Jasmine
“After losing two challenges in a row, the Grips really need to bounce back this time,” Jasmine stated. “I've watched enough prison movie like “Holes” and “The Shawshank Redemption” to understand which spots are easier to dig out first.”
Confessional Ends
Another flash took the scene back to the Gaffers, Ripper being the one using the shovel to dig in the front.
"I'm not lying when I say that we're going to win," Ripper said as he kept digging.
"The Grips may have gotten here before us, but they have spoons and we have a shovel," Chase added.
“And it's all thanks to me!” MK cheered before catching sight of Scott's glare. “And Scott as well.”
Confessional: MK
“Right. Forgot the basic concept of teamwork,” MK sheepishly confessed. “Usually I always fly solo in everything I do, except group projects, and most of the time, I have to do everything because my supposed group members are uncooperative.”
Confessional Ends
The Gaffers heard a sudden rumble, causing them to stop in their tracks. A hand burst out of the dirt, creating a hole that increases thanks to a familiar head sticking their head out.
“Izzy?!” the team cries out at the sight of her. The psycho hose beast had fake buck teeth in her mouth and a camo hat with sticks sticking out on top, and she chittered in response.
“Yep. That's her,” Chase confirmed.
“Yeah, I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs,” Izzy explained as one of the prairie dogs popped up and angrily chittered at the team.
“Aw, Butchie, it's okay,” Izzy assured the creature. “These are my friends.”
“Are you here to help us or…” Scott started to ask.
“Of course! Follow me, I know a shortcut to the finish line!” Izzy said.
“A shortcut?” Sky felt uneasy.
“Of course,” Ripper scoffed. “Why spend hours digging when you can finish faster?”
Confessional: Sky
"I'm not the type to cheat whenever I'm in a competition, and taking shortcuts is the easy way out," Sky explained in the confessional trailer, "but I don't really have a choice here."
Confessional Ends
“And of course, I became the second in command prairie dog,” Izzy told her team a story as they moved through the shortcut, “which meant I shared all the prairie dog council meetings and oh, oh! Here we are!”
“Finally! I need to get out of this hole!” Chase said and crawled faster.
The viewpoint moved to the surface as rock got pushed out of the way and Chase emerged from beneath. "You've got to be kidding," he muttered in annoyance.
The camera moved again, showing that the Grips’ tunnel had come up in front of the boxcars. All members of the Killer Grips were celebrating in front, while Chris and Chef watched.
"We lost?" Izzy said as she emerged from her hole.
"Yes, we did," Chase told her as he and the other Gaffers got out of the hole. "And aren't you out of the game? We did vote you off."
“Uh-uh. You voted off Kaleidoscope,” Izzy rebutted.
A flash took the scene back to the third episode's elimination with Izzy, Ripper, and Chase in the bottom three. “Izzy! Time to go!” Chris announced.
“I'm not going anywhere,” Izzy objected. “That's not my name.”
“Can I get a pen over here?” Chris raised his hand in annoyance. A pen was given to him, and he started to write on the paper. “It says "E-Scope" now, okay?!”
Izzy stubbornly stayed in her seat, and Chris looked over to his side. “Yo guys. Want to make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure?” he asked as he continued to scribble. “I'll notarize it. Foresight. That's why they pay me the big bucks.”
The flashback ended and the focus returned to the Gaffers. “So technically, Izzy's still in the game!” Sky realized.
Confessional: MK
“I didn't expect this to happen, but I'll allow it if it means I get an extra vote for tonight's elimination ceremony,” MK said.
Confessional Ends
A flash took the scene to the craft services tent, the camera lingering on an outside shot before cutting to Chef at the counter while the Grips ate at their table in the foreground.
“It's such a relief to have finally won a challenge after losing the past two ones,” Brick started to say.
“Well, this is an effect of Trent not being around to lose for us,” Justin said. “We made the right decision voting him off last time.”
“Even with the other team getting Izzy back, they're still going to lose a member,” Anne Maria remarked. “It's sorta a win-win for us.”
The footage skipped ahead, showing Ripper and Scott sitting around in their trailer before MK joined them.
"Okay, look," MK said as she addressed the two boys, "we have to vote Sky off tonight. She's helpful, sure, but she'd be hard to beat if the teams merge."
"I second that," Scott nodded. "She also slowed us down in the cart portion of the challenge."
"I told you guys that Chase should've pushed for us, but you didn't listen," Ripper huffed.
“I convinced Izzy to help us with the vote, and Chase won't be necessary since he and Sky have some sort of friendship with each other,” MK said.
"As long as we have the majority, we're all set to go," Scott said with a wink.
The theme of the Gilded Chris ceremony began to play, accompanied by the standard introduction sequence. It faded into a long-distance shot of the award stage, the camera zooming in as the theme came to an end. The six Gaffers cast their votes, the camera panning down from Chase and MK in the top row, to Izzy and Scott in the middle, and Ripper and Sky at the bottom.
"Time's up!" Chris announced excitedly. "I'll tally the votes!" He held up a device similar to the voting pads, and began to read off names. "Chase, Scott, Izzy, and MK." Each name was accompanied by the sound of an award getting thrown and caught and the four were shown holding their latest prizes. "Another award, and another day to compete."
The host held up the final award. "Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million goes to…" he said as Ripper and Sky were shown watching nervously, "...Ripper!"
The aforementioned contestant caught his prize as Sky felt disappointed with the results.
Confessional: Sky
“I didn't want to vote for Chase and Izzy and MK and Scott helped out with the challenge, even if they're unsportsmanlike,” Sky explained. “I talked to Chase and Izzy about voting for Ripper since he didn't do much today, but I guess Izzy chose to vote off someone else.”
Confessional: Ripper
“Voting for Sky didn't hurt one bit,” Ripper confessed. “Like MK said, she's really athletic and could easily win the season if we chose to eliminate somebody else tonight.”
Confessional: Izzy
“Even though I was told to vote off specific people, I decided to go with voting MK,” Izzy admitted. “I still remember how she acted during last season's dodgeball challenge.”
Confessionals End
The footage flashed forward, showing Sky on the red carpet getting handcuffed by Chef.
"Dead girl walking!" Chef called out before escorting the eliminated contestant.
"Hold on!" the voice of MK cried out as she ran up to the two. “Leave her and take me!”
“Sure. Whatever,” Chef took the handcuffs off Sky and offered them to MK.
“I was kidding!” MK pushed the cuffs away from her. “Like I'd willingly quit the game. I'm just here to see the loser off.” She looked at the slightly taller girl teasingly. “I'm sure you'll be happily reunited with Trent the Challenge Thrower.”
"As long as I'm not on a team with someone as underhanded as you," Sky retorted as she grabbed the handcuffs and walked past the now miffed girl, "I'll be happy anywhere."
The Gilded Chris theme began to play as Chris turned to the camera. "Folks are getting feisty!" he said. "The Gaffers just lost their best player and team leader this early in the game, and with her out of the way, how low will this team sink just to win? Tune in next week to find out on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Roll the Credits)
(Bonus Clip)
Sky was sitting in the back of the Lame-o-sine as she looked at the window. "You know what’s ironic?" she started. "Trent outlasted me last season by one episode, and now the same thing occurred, only with the roles reversed." She turned her head to look at the camera. "I wish I could've stayed on the show longer and prove that I'm more than Trent's athletic girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure the fans know that I have a distinct personality."
"If there's one thing I can say about my performance, it's that I didn't do anything questionable or controversial that could be used against me in the future or vilify me." She paused for a moment and blinked. "What do you mean Aftermath?"
Eva - 14th
Geoff - 14th
Izzy - RETURNED
Trent - 12th
Sky - 11th
Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, Izzy, MK, Ripper, Scott

Killer Grips: Anne Maria, Brick, Jasmine, Justin, Millie
Screaming Gaffers: Chase, MK, Ripper, Scott, Sky
Episode 7: The Chefshank Redemption
"Last week, the dry desert heat baked our favorite pardners like roadkill on the black top! But, crispy bottoms or not, they still had to mount their ancient steed… from a hundred-foot platform!"
“But that wasn't all. A calf-roping contest had the teams lasso each other. When Trent threw challenges for Sky, she gave him a much deserved talking to, which led to some Total Drama from Justin. Well, poor old deputy Trent found himself hitching a ride on the 3:10 to Loserville.”
"With ten remaining, it's anyone's guess who will win this week!" The camera now showed the cast trailers, with nobody in sight. "Will the Gaffers manage to win again?" the host asked as the shot moved to the team of five, loitering together beneath a tree.
"Or will the Grips even things out?" Chris asked next as the shot cut to the team of five, all sitting outside at a picnic table.
"It can happen!" Anne Maria said.
"Right," Chris said in a close-up before smiling at the camera. "See for yourself, next, on Total! Drama! Action!"
(Theme Song)
The episode properly opened on a scene of the morning sun, a lilting tune playing as the camera panned down and over to the cast trailers. The sound of snoring could be heard as the shot zoomed further in on the boys' trailer, and cut inside to show the boys all in the beds they'd picked at the start of the season, though Justin was in the middle of a facial while a fan was blowing on his nails.
An air horn was sounded loudly as the shot zoomed in on Chase, who woke up with a snap. The focus switched to Scott, who opened his eyes and rubbed them before Ripper sat up and yawned.
"I call dibs on the bathroom!" Chase said after he got out of bed, rushing to the door of the trailer. The scene cut to a close-up of the handle as he grabbed it and pulled to no effect, leading him to frown and try pulling with both hands, still with no results.
Chase then saw Justin still in bed. "Can you help with this?"
“This is day 12 of my manicure!” Justin replied. “To risk any more cuticle damage would be madness!”
"I'll open the door if you can't," Ripper told Chase as he stood next to him. “I have more muscle than all of you wimps.”
“By all means, go ahead and give it a try,” Scott encouraged insincerely.
Ripper grabbed the handle and pulled to the best of his ability, but the door remained closed. "I can't open it. We're trapped."
Confessional: Ripper
“I'm pretty much the strongest of my brothers," Ripper told the confessional camera. "In my school, I'd usually have to rip open lockers so I could either stuff somebody into it or take money. I'd usually get weeks of detention for that though."
Confessional Ends
“Why did they even trap us in here?” Chase complained as the scene cut back to the guys' trailer.
“They probably want us to fight each other to see who'll come out on top,” Scott theorized.
“We should find a way out instead of doing that,” Justin argued. “My hands have just been manicured.”
The camera cut back outside as the scene panned over to the girls' trailer, and the camera cut inside to show Millie jiggling the girls' door handle.
"I don't know how I ended up inside this trailer when I slept in a tree, but we have to open the door," Jasmine panicked as the scene panned over to her. Anne Maria and Sky were sitting on the lower bunk next to her.
“I'm pretty sure they snuck you in here while you were sleeping,” Anne Maria said. “And why are you so worked up about this?”
“I have claustrophobia, and I hate being in tight spaces,” Jasmine said.
Millie gave up pulling the handle. “This thing is jammed. I'm not able to get it open.”
"So we should try a different exit," MK walked past the bunks and pointed up at the ceiling. The other girls looked up as well and the camera followed their gazes, stopping on an emergency hatch.
"One of us should be able to squeeze through it," Sky noted and tilted her head down at MK.
“Uh, why are you staring at me?” MK asked gruffly.
Confessional: Sky
"I'm not happy to see Trent leave this early," Sky confessed. "He did do some questionable things in the past few challenges, but I thought he could get better after our talk. Regardless," she looked at the camera with determination, "I have to not let this affect my game now that I'm competing without him for the first time, and we are still together, unlike me and Keith."
Confessional Ends
"You should be the one to do it," Sky told her petite teammate. "You are the smallest one here."
MK furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't like being singled out because of my height, but for the sake of escaping this trailer, I'll excuse it." The techno looked back up at the hatch. "I will need a boost though."
"I'll help you get up there," Jasmine offered as she walked over to the girl. "My height will definitely come in handy."
The scene flashed back over to the guys, showing them looking up at the hatch.
"So obviously, we need someone to fit through the hatch and open our trailer," Scott deduced.
"Count me out," Ripper huffed. "I'm too heavy to fit through."
“I'd do it, but I would need more people to climb up through,” Justin said. “This would be a lot easier if Brick was here.”
“Speaking of which, where is Brick anyway?” Chase asked aloud.
The scene cut over to the craft services tent before flashing inside to Brick standing in the kitchen wearing a pot as a hat while Chef stood next to him in his drill sergeant uniform. "Okay maggot," Chef said. "I'm gonna ride you 'til your confidence coats the back of a spoon and your self-respect forms stiff peaks!" He showed the cadet his reflection in a cleaver and said, "No more War Child Brick. Watch and learn." He used a knife to cut a banana, a can, a bitten apple, and a boot into pieces.
"What is that?" Brick wondered.
"Taste perfection, boy," Chef poured the sliced items into a pot and served a spoonful to Brick, who cringed in disgust. "What you're tasting is pride, son. The most important virtue in a man's life. Now stir that pot!" the cook ordered before storming out.
"If Chef wants pride, then I'm going to give it my best effort," Brick talked to himself as he stirred. "What he gave me was an order, and I always follow orders."
The scene flashed back to the guys' trailer, cutting inside as Ripper placed himself in a fighting position with his arm folded and sticking out in front of him.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Ripper?” Justin asked in concern.
"Of course," Ripper said. "All I have to do is show that door who's boss by bursting through it!" Moments later, he charged across the room, yelling at the top of his lungs.
The door opened outside just before Ripper reached it, and unable to stop himself, he flew outside, past a smirking Chris wearing a police uniform, and landed next to the girls who had already gathered outside their own trailer.
"Hope you all enjoyed your first taste of the gulag," Chris said as he walked over to them, the other boys coming out of their trailer and joining the group.
"Gulag?" Anne Maria asked as Ripper stood up and dusted himself off. "What even is that? Food?"
“Gulag means prison, not food,” Sky pointed out.
"Correctamondo," Chris told her. "Because today," the camera quick-panned to a prison set with high walls rimmed with barbed wire and several wooden dummies in prison uniforms set up in a courtyard, "is Prison Flick day!"
The castmates groaned.
"Ah, prison," Chris continued. "The confinement, the claustrophobia!" he said, getting excited as he began to pace back and forth in front of the unimpressed contestants, a tense tune building up in the background. "The vile, nasty food! And you're always lookin' over your shoulder, 'cause Mr. Killer Dude wants to cut ya for takin' the last tater tot! And no matter how hard you try, digging out spoonfuls of dirt, year after year, there's no escape!"
"Unless you get voted off, of course!" he added plainly.
Confessional: Chase
“As if this place wasn't prison-like enough,” Chase muttered. “Now we have to actually live like criminals. It won't surprise me if in a year or two, Chris gets locked up for teenage abuse.”
Confessional Ends
"Lockdown, people," Chris said with a grin as the footage cut back to him in the interior of a prison lit by a handful of stage lights. "Let's get this challenge started!" The shot pulled back, revealing the teams standing across from each other next to tables filled with a variety of cooking dishes. A covered cart sat near the hot, and in the background were a pair of cages.
"Teams, take a prisoner from the competition," he told them in a close-up as footsteps were heard in the background, "and Chef,” Chef arrived on screen in his earlier outfit, "I mean Warden," the host corrected with a wink. "Lock 'em up."
The shot cut over to the Grips. "Okay," Justin whispered as the five huddled, "we have to pick the weakest member of the other team."
“We do have to weigh our options,” Millie said. “Chase once told me that he swallowed ten bugs into his mouth in under a minute as a dare, and Scott and Sky have strong stomachs as evident in the eating challenge from last season.”
“Ripper doesn't seem the type to chuck out what he eats, so we're picking MK,” Jasmine decided.
The shot cut over to the Gaffers' huddle. "Obviously, we need to pick Millie for this," Scott suggested. "She's less likely to handle gross food."
"I would say Jasmine since she's less likely to go through being locked up because of her claustrophobia," MK said, "but using someone's fear against them would make me look bad."
"Looks like we have a choice," Chase finished.
"Choices?" Chris announced suddenly. "Gaffers?"
"We choose Millie," Sky announced, causing the writer to groan.
"Grips?" Chris followed up, taking a few steps to the other team. "Now remember, this is an important choice. Whoever gets the upper hand here could win the whole challenge!"
"Because of that," Brick announced, "we're picking MK." The techno girl gulped.
"Today's first game is," Chris announced as he walked back over to the covered cart, "the Prison Chow-llenge!" A few deep notes played as he grabbed the cover and whipped it away, revealing the stinking, rotting, half eaten food lying beneath. "Each team of prison chefs whips up the foulest, nastiest, most barf-inducing slop this side of Alcatraz," he explained as the camera moved in for a close-up of the 'food', then cut to a cringing Brick and a again to a somewhat surprised-looking Anne Maria.
"Millie and MK have to stomach as much as they can," the host explained. "Last one to power-hurl wins!"
"Technically, this isn't an actual prison," Millie said as Chef herded her into the cage closest to the Grips. "If I was, I'd be protesting how unfair my “arrest” is."
"That's what some of them say," Chris told her with a smile as the door slammed shut and the camera pulled back, showing that MK had been locked up as well.
Confessional: Millie
"I'm not exactly hyped for this," Millie confessed uncertainly. "With the exception of the Brunch of Disgustingness, I'm not the kind to eat gross food, and I don't plan on doing so in the future, but since I've already been nominated, I might as well just suck it up."
Confessional Ends
The camera panned across the Grips' table, showing only a handful of dishes filled with unidentifiable mush. "This just keeps getting worse and worse!" Millie said as she looked at it in horror.
"The reward better be worth it," MK said from her cage.
"Have I ever let you down?" Chris asked before quickly adding "Wait! Scratch that!" He smiled before continuing. "Anyway, the winning team gets this!" He held up a golden shovel, which gleamed in the light.
"A shovel?" Millie asked skeptically. “Seriously?”
Confessional: Jasmine
"Given what I know about confinement cells, I think I know what the next part of the challenge will be," Jasmine told the confessional camera. "If it's digging, then we have to believe that Millie will pull through for us."
Confessional Ends
"Prisoners ready?" Chris called from between the two cages. "Aaaand, culinate!"
The host continued his rapid commentary as the Gaffers were shown making their first moves around a large bowl of something brown. "Ripper goes right for the roaches. Chase tops it off with some moldy pineapple slices and oh! Here come the horse lips!" The burly boy dropped his ingredient into the bowl and walked away while the daredevil stuffed the pineapples into the bowl and grabbed some horse lips in order to add them in.
Sky approached the table from the other side. “Where did you even get these things?” the athlete asked.
"I found some leftover pineapples from the beach party," Chase told her before they left the table.
“Gross, but effective,” Sky said.
Scott arrived with his wife beater taken off and in his hands. “This oughta be good,” he snickered as he twisted his cloth and squeezed out all the sweat into the bowl. After doing so, he put his wife beater back on his bare chest.
The camera cut over to the Grips as Justin took some dead hair out of his pockets and put them into his team's bowl. "Looks like Justin is sacrificing some of his dead hair," Chris commented as Jasmine stepped forward with a cheese grater and a moldy onion, "and Jasmine adds a topping of ripe onion." The Australian woman quickly grated the onion and walked away as Anne Maria walked up to the bowl.
"Remember," Brick whispered to the Jersey girl, "we're trying to make the food gross, not tasty."
"I know that, which is why I'm throwing out these expired lip gloss," Anne Maria said as she took out two sticks of lip gloss and put them in the bowl, followed by her using her spray can on it.
"Time's up!" Chris announced suddenly and with a grin. "And jailbirds, hope your appetites are primed!"
"Hope you're not feeling queasy today," Jasmine said with a smirk as she delivered her team's bowl of white-and-moldy 'food' over to MK.
"Here is what me and my team put together," Chase said as he walked past to take a bowl of something mostly brown to Millie. “Sorry if it grosses you out, babe.”
"This looks," Millie said before gulping, "uh, incredibly...not so bad..."
"Are you maggots ready?" Chris asked excitedly. The shot cut to a close-up of maggots squirming beneath the white mush, the camera zooming out to show a horrified MK. "One minute to down that chow! Aaaaanndd...Dig in!"
The hacker took a spoonful of prison food and forced it into her mouth, cringing and shuddering immediately.
Confessional: MK
"I don't even know how the contestants could go through the Brunch of Disgustingness without dying last season," MK admitted in the make-up trailer. "I clearly don't have the iron stomach for this challenge, even after eating Chef's grossening excuse for food for two seasons."
Confessional Ends
The footage cut back to Millie as she hesitantly plunged the first spoonful into her mouth. She swallowed it whole and moaned. "What did you even put in this? Anchovy paste?"
"Not gonna answer," Ripper snorted cruelly.
Millie took another spoonful, and after a pause, she opened her mouth and pulled out a moldy pineapple slice. She shuddered again and flung it away from her.
A quick-pan over to MK showed the short girl forcing her way through her own meal. "Don't think about it," she said with a disgusted grimace after a swallow. "Do not think about it!" She took another bite, shuddered, and swallowed.
Seeing her struggle, Scott quickly conducted a plan. "Wow, who knew Millie had such a strong stomach?" he said to his team. "Especially after I squeezed all of my sweat into the bowl!"
“What?!” Millie's eyes went wide as she dropped her bowl of food to the ground with an off-screen splat. She vomited moments later, in a stream that hit a stunned MK in the head.
"MK keeps it down for the Screaming Gaffers," Chris announced over a piece of triumphant music, "and wins the reward!"
The Gaffers cheered, Sky holding the golden shovel in her hand.
"Hey Chris, can I throw up now?" MK asked as Chris let her out.
"As long as you don't get any puke on my hair and below, go right ahead," Chris told her.
"Cool," MK said, holding her stomach as she walked out of her cage. The moment the host left, she turned around and grabbed the side of her former cell, and puked right into it.
"Are you gonna be alright?" Sky asked as she and Scott walked over to her.
"Yeah," MK said after she turned around. "I was just waiting for Millie to puke her guts out."
"And because of me, she did it much faster," Scott gloated. “My sweat came through for us.
“You didn't need to say it out loud,” Sky told her teammate. “That was sort of cheating.”
"You say cheating, we say getting an advantage," MK said before getting queasy again. "Now can you excuse me for a sec?" Without waiting for a response, she turned back around and puked again.
The camera cut to Chef on another part of the set. "Sir, we may not have won," Brick said as he ran over to the cook, "but I can take pride in the fact that we created a meal that even you wouldn't eat."
"You've still got more to learn!" Chef shouted.
“Pardon?” Brick grew confused.
“Pride and two bucks will get you a cup of coffee!” Chef said. “What a man really needs is loyalty, and you clearly came through for your team. If it wasn't for the sweat thing, you would've won!”
“Thank you?” Brick said confusingly.
Chef placed a hand on his shoulder. “I was once like you. Young, weird, kinda ugly. But you've got a gift. Now own it. Don't let it go to waste. Like I did,” he sniffled and returned to his gruff state. “Meet me in the kitchen after the challenge. You're on permanent KP duty, soldier,” he said as he left.
Confessional: Brick
“I had no idea Chef could show empathy towards me, and though I don't like going against my morals by doing this secret alliance, that was the highlight,” Brick said with a smile.
Confessional Ends
(Commercial Break)

Chapter CC
​
Trout's Landing.
​
Ruby stretched with a contented sigh. She turned her head over to where Jeb slept beside her. Or where he was when she fell asleep. She sat up and looked around the dark underground room but he wasn't here either.
"Wonder where he went."
​
Oh well, she thought as she stretched a few stiff muscles before hopping up and collecting their eggs. As nice as it was to sleep with them, they needed more consistent warmth. So she sat them to the side, bundled up in the still warm blanket, and departed to secure a source of fire for their eggs.
​
Which wasn't all that hard, she realized as her dark vision faded as the blue glow from the torches up ahead illuminated the main gathering area for the burrows. She smiled as she saw the tribe return to something familiar that she missed seeing for a while.
​
Several tunnels branched off towards the other cabins and already kobolds came and went from them as they began to migrate away from the chill air above for the, still cool but more comfortable, air below. As they did she could see the collections they brought back and forth. Animals, alive and dressed, were being moved down here and out of the elements for better care. As well as an easier time keeping the ever gluttonous salamanders from sneaking another meal. Scraps and salvage collected from around the lodge or while out exploring being brought down and being traded or even used to furnish the space.
​
Bits of wood with simple carvings were lodged into the dirt along side scraps of metal or rock with soot, mud, or crushed flower pigment to paint symbols or words on them for decoration or directions. While it wasn't the bustling forum that they once had, it gladdened her to see her tribe returning to normalcy once again.
​
She shook away the distracting thoughts and set her sights on some scrap of wood nearby. She darted over to the vendor, deftly avoiding a section of the ground being dug up as the kobolds dug ever deeper as they sought to expand their burrows ever more. It was in their nature to dig and burrow. While they no longer had a draconic master to excavate massive caverns and tunnels for, she wouldn't be surprised if kobold tunnels ended up expanding far past the border of the lodge itself and going far into the wild where they knew nothing about save for what little Jeb has told them.
​
Eventually, even this gathering area will be abandoned as the tribe moved deeper down, putting as much dirt and rock between them and whatever threats laid above. The only thing that would remain would be an assortment of traps to keep any invaders wary of going deeper than the kobolds wanted. Even then, many of the tunnels that would lead deeper would be dead-ends meant to slow or hinder any invader. Some would even be traps in and of themselves, collapsing the "tunnel" on top of even the most cautious of invader or even just blocking their escape and leaving them to die before the kobolds eventually dug out their remains and collected their gear with no trouble.
​
She stood before the assortment of wood and looked over the scrap. Some of it was processed lumber that looked to be from the buildings above, most was collected bits of wood from the forest though. Which was fine, she didn't need anything too big. No bartering took place. She was a leader of the tribe and it was assumed whatever she wanted was for the good of the tribe.
​
Even starting a warming fire for her eggs was good enough for the tribe to skip bartering and simply give her what she needed. So she collected enough wood for a nice fire and returned to her home. She sorted it into the indent in the ground that Jeb had placed their eggs in before. It would be a good place to start a heating fire for them, she thought as she finished arranging them.
​
She left and collected some tinder made of dried moss and grass before looking around for some stone or flint to start the fire with. But no such luck. All the stone was deeply imbedded in the dirt or was too large. She once more returned to the gathering area in search of fire. Which she quickly found in the form of the glowing blue fire that Jeb had created for the kobolds.
​
She shuffled a little as she stared at the dancing flame. She knew Jeb didn't like the idea of the kobolds using the blue fire. He probably wouldn't like the idea of heating their eggs with it either. She should be worried as well, she thought. But she wasn't. Staring at the flame reminded her of the vision that The Crone showed her. Of her and Jeb within a ring of flaming blue orbs. They were happy. The tribe was happy.
​
"He'll understand." She said as she darted and collected a piece of wood to transfer a spark from a nearby torch.
​
Ember in hand, she rushed back to her home. She gently eased the flame towards the bundle of wood. She yipped in shock when the flame leapt from her temporary torch and engulfed the pile! Their room burst into dancing shadows as the flames danced from their new home. So pretty, she thought as she stared at the fire. She had seen it when she would come out of their room in the old building for a break. But it seemed so mesmerizing now that it was right in front of her.
​
She widened the indent in the ground a little so that the eggs could receive the warmth from the fire without being too close. They might be mildly resistant to fire, but not enough to throw their eggs in a fire! Then again, she thought with worry as she held her claw out at the fire. The warmth from it isn't as strong as a normal fire it seemed. Like it was contained.
​
She clicked her claws in worry. She didn't want to push them too close, but they wouldn't get enough heat if they remained where they were. It would only get worse as it got colder and the cold seeped into the ground. Maybe just a little closer, she thought as she nudged the eggs closer to the fire.
​
The flames sputtered at the movement of air, but nothing more. She held out her claw to gauge the temperature once again. But it still wasn't enough, she thought as she clicked her claws against a nearby stone in thought. She cast a glance towards the tunnel. She could maybe see if one of the others have something to make a proper fire, she thought.
​
She put a claw on the eggs.
"No. That'll take too long."
​
She looked worryingly at the tunnel as if Jeb would appear and lambast her for even thinking what she was. She held her breath and pushed the eggs forwards. Then more. Then even more. The flames sputtered and danced as the eggs were pushed closer and closer. She could only just feel the heat as she did so. Why did the fire seem so weak, she thought as she pushed the eggs right up beside the bundle of burning wood.
​
Yet the fire seemed to move around the eggs, like they were doing their best to avoid touching them. Even the heat from the fire seemed to be avoiding them! Ruby growled in frustration and pushed the eggs right into the fire!
"Can you just keep them warm?!"
​
The fire stilled and froze as the eggs were pushed into it. As if it didn't know what to do. Then the flame roared to life once again. The balefire caressed the onyx shells as it seemed to dance across the smooth black surface of the shells. As if a barrier broke, the heat from the flame radiated outwards now. Ruby could now feel the warmth from the fire where seconds ago she felt nothing.
​
Ruby blinked at the eldritch flame and moved her claw to touch her eggs. She instinctively pulled back as a tongue of balefire arced in her direction. She whined in worry at possibly making a terrible mistake. She held her breath and once more reached out to caress her eggs. She bit her tongue and shut her eyes when the fire arced towards her once more.
​
But she didn't feel pain. No burning sensation one would get when normally sticking an appendage into a roaring fire. Instead she felt a comforting warmth. Like she felt when close to Jeb as they slept together. She cracked open an eye and found the baleful flame caressing her claw. She experimented a little by pulling her claw back, feeling as the flame seemed to latch on like it didn't want her to leave, before snapping back to its "body". She pushed her claw into the fire, further this time, all the way up to her elbow. The fire latched onto her once again and flooded her with a comforting warmth that shot straight to her core!
​
She turned her claw upwards and pulled back once more. She watched as the flame held on as she did so, once more refusing to leave her scales. She watched as the flame snapped once again, but this time, it broke! Instead of snapping back towards its body, she now held a burning ball of balefire in her claw!
​
She couldn't do magic. There were few of the tribe that could before they fled to this world. The Chief was the last among them that had any ability to harness it. Yet here she was, holding a magical fire within her claw! She watched as the flame danced and twisted in her grasp. She sucked in a breath when she watched it start to diffuse INTO her scales! The flame lessened and lessened as if it were dying, but instead the fire seeped between the cracks of her scales. She could feel it racing through her body, flooding it once more with a wave of comforting warmth.
​
"Den Mother?" A voice asked from the tunnel nearby.
​
Ruby yelped in surprise and turned towards the voice. She saw the Chief standing there watching her with a curious and amazed expression on his snout.
"Having fun?"
​
"Chief!? I was-"
​
"Playing with fire?" The Chief asked playfully as he stared at the blue fire.
​
She shuffled nervously as he did so. Eventually he chuckled and she began to relax.
"It's alright Den Mother. You're not the only one that Master Jeb's flame as entranced among the tribe."
​
"Why do you think it acts so different from normal fire?" She asked.
​
The Chief shrugged.
"Who knows. Perhaps it is how magic works in this world. Perhaps it is something on Master Jeb's part. Perhaps it is because our former- Kortaza, was the Keeper of Flame."
​
"But we never had much protection from fire before. And not any way to manipulate it." Ruby said.
​
The Chief sighed.
"True. I truly do not know why it is so different than normal fire. Fire is alive, yes. But this one seems almost..."
​
"Living?" Ruby suggested.
​
"Yes. Like it has a mind of its own. Though I doubt that much, perhaps it merely follows the will of Master Jeb, knowingly or not on his part." The Chief continued as he walked closer and sat down beside Ruby and watched the eggs glimmer and shine within the fire where they remained quiet for some peaceful moments.
​
The Chief then perked up.
"Oh! Master Jeb returned!"
​
"He did?! Where is he?" Ruby asked and looked around expecting to see him coming down the tunnel.
​
"Well, he did return. Rushed around and collected an assortment of food, and then he vanished away again. Something about a trade?" The Chief explained a little unsure.
​
She frowned, wonder what he was trading, she thought. Though, with the eggs now taken care of, and Jeb away for a moment. Perhaps now was the time she could see about doing something special for him. She turned to the Chief, he was more knowledgeable when it came to humans and their customs.
​
"Chief?" She asked.
​
"Yes? What is it?" He asked at the tone of her voice.
​
"What do you know of this world's humans?"
​
"Oh? What would you like to know?" He asked a little excited in being able to use his collected knowledge.
​
"What do humans do with those they care about?" She asked a little uncertainly.
​
The Chief hummed in thought and tapped his claws.
"It depends. Humans are as diverse in this world as ours. Many customs I've read about belong to different groups."
​
"What about the tribe that Jeb belongs to?"
​
The Chief hummed once more in thought and got up before darting away while calling back.
"I will check! I'm sure I have something!"
​
While she waited, she continued to play with fire and tend to her eggs. Since they were in the flame, they didn't need quite so studious attention as they did before. She could probably just leave them and go tend to her normal duties and not have to worry about them anymore.
​
Who was she fooling, she thought. Even if there was a way to hatch and tend to the eggs completely without her, she'd still want to look after them. She thought she heard Jeb mentioning something about an "electrical egg incubator" once upon a time. Whatever that was.
​
The Chief returned, huffing from being out of breath and holding a thickly bound tome with pages of different sizes and colors poking out of the patched bindings. He placed the heavy tome on the ground with a huff.
"This is my collection of this world's customs and knowledge. If there is something that will assist you it will be in here somewhere!"
​
Ruby oohed and awed as the Chief flipped open the tome and leafed through page after page of information. Some were pages from magazines, others were snippets and clippings from books, there was a few pages that contained pressed cuttings of local flora as well as a collection of small animal bones among the bindings.
​
They stopped on a page that read MODERN COURTING FOR THE MODERN WOMAN in bold letters on a page that felt smooth to the touch. On the cover was a gorgeous human woman wearing a sleek beautiful dress and jewelry. Ruby pointed towards the page.
"Oh this one!"
​
They thumbed through the pages looking for information. Most neither one of them got as it talked about stuff like make-up, libido, popular fashion, and other things that they didn't either understand or see the appeal of. Then they found a page that described how a modern woman should act. Though this seemed to confuse the both of them even more.
​
"Be 'dem-or' and assertive? What does 'dem-or' mean?" Ruby asked the Chief.
​
"I'm not sure. There are many words within that don't seem to fit." He explained.
​
A pattern they soon found to be common among the pages of information, much of the words would make sense but spread out among them were these spots of words that seemed just out of place. What they COULD understand still didn't make any sense either.
​
"Be soft yet firm? How does that work?" The Chief asked.
​
"If you like a potential mate why make him keep trying to win your heart?" Ruby asked equally confused.
​
"Modern" humans were just as confusing to them it seemed. However, among the pages of contradictory information, they were able to get SOMETHING of value! Humans like gifts. Though they both knew that and didn't really feel like these pages of "modern courting" did anything more than confuse them.
​
"What kind of gifts?" The Chief asked as he and Ruby tried to decipher the mess of flowery wording and nonsense.
​
"Jewelry, clothes, food." Ruby read off as they got the general gist of the overly convoluted wording. The pictures helped more though.
​
"Well! At least we found something... I think?" The Chief declared at least with a little uncertainty.
​
"Why did you collect all this?" Ruby asked.
​
"It was in a book, so I thought it was important. But it would seem that not everything in this world's books are worth keeping." The Chief stated before retrieving the tome and departing.
​
"Where are you going?"
​
"To go through my collection. It would seem that some of it is not as important as I first thought." He called out as he left.
​
She could hear him mumbling to himself and heard the occasional tearing as he did. Well, at least they found something, she thought as she turned towards the eggs once more. She placed a claw on the onyx shells and felt the comforting warmth of the fire as well as the warmth of the eggs. They'll be fine for now, she thought as she got up and left.
​
"Jewelry, clothes, and food." Ruby murmured as she went down the tunnel once again.
​
He was getting low on clothes, she thought. But there wasn't much around here to make some with. Though perhaps some animal hides would work? But much of what they've collected was too small for clothes of Jeb's size. Getting him food seemed redundant too. He could make his own food whenever he wished. Which left jewelry.
​
It was the better of the options, but they didn't have much in the way of jewelry either. No raids means no loot and the piles of treasure back in their former home wasn't exactly a priority at the time of their exodus. But then she spied the copper wire the kobolds had collected while scavenging. A copper band would be nice, she thought as she was given the piece of wiring from the scavenger.
​
But what else, she thought as she looked around some more. The pictures in the magazine showed jewelry that glittered with gold and diamonds and so much more that they no longer had. Nothing around here could compare, she thought dejectedly. But then she saw a group of kobolds coming down a tunnel with a collection of shells and waterlogged timber.
​
"What is this?" She asked them.
​
"Salvage from the camps up river." The kobold replied as he and the others began to sift and sort the mess.
​
She watched as they distributed everything they collected to the tribe that came over. Some took the waterlogged wood, others took polished stones, and others took the collection of shells. She eyed the shells. Back home, alot of the fishfolk in the rivers and around the sea collected pearls from the water. Perhaps the ones upriver also had some?
​
She followed after the group of kobolds that had collected the shells and assisted them in opening a few. Mussels were what was mainly here, no surprise though since it seemed they were far from this world's ocean. What was a surprise was how many pearls they actually managed to find among the mussels!
​
It was rare for the kobolds to find one during their fishing trips by the sea. Even among the rivers pearls were not much more common. So it surprised them that several mussels had multiple pearls within them! She was going to actually barter for potentially the single one they found, but with there being so many the shuckers didn't mind at all and gave Ruby a small handful for her project.
​
They weren't all that big, but that was fine by her. They'd do for what she had in mind. She borrowed a small thin metal needle from a scavenger and retreated back to her room. Copper wire and freshwater pearls in claw.
​
-----
​
Well, that's taken care of, Jeb thought as he appeared in the open air of the lodge. He flicked the gold and garnet band into the air and got it with a spring in his step and a tune on his lips as he made his way over to the Trap Master who stood near the river where he received reports from the salvagers.
​
"How's things?" He asked when he got close.
​
"Good. Strange. But good." The Trap Master stated as he dismissed the salvagers.
​
"How so?"
​
"The 'murlocs' you called them? Haven't returned to their former homes." He explained.
​
"And? Wasn't that kinda the point?"
​
"It was. But there isn't any sign of anything else other than birds flocking to the area."
​
"Again, wasn't that the point?"
​
"Only if something worse didn't move in." The Trap Master explained further.
​
Jeb groaned.
"What moved in?"
​
"Nothing."
​
"Nothin'?"
​
"That we can see. No new tracks, no scents, nothing."
​
"So what's the problem?"
​
"The problem is that much carrion should've drawn every scavenger and hungry animal for miles."
​
"But it hasn't." Jeb finished.
​
"No. The birds infest the area but largely leave us alone. Though some get a little territorial over their spots of carrion. But nothing else has moved into the area."
​
Jeb groaned again.
"So what do you wanna do?"
​
"Nothing."
​
"Really?" Jeb asked in surprise.
​
"Yes. If the other animals and creatures nearby are giving the place a wide berth then we'll exploit it as long as we can. We'll send some scouts to keep an eye on the place though."
​
"Perhaps the smell of death is what's doin' it?" Jeb suggested.
​
"Maybe. Would explain the large number of birds. But nothing else?"
​
"Yeah, you're right. Well let me know if you need help with it." Jeb said.
​
"Will do."
​
"Oh! Before I forget, I made a trade agreement with the dwarves."
​
The Trap Master cocked a scaled brow.
"Oh?"
​
"Yeah. Food for tools. We'll need to set aside five crates twice a week, but we'll get some decent tools to help speed up excavation." Jeb explained.
​
The Trap Master tapped his claws against his scales in thought.
"That's doable."
​
"You sure? Cuz I'm more than happy to do it all myself." Jeb said and conjured an apple to make his point.
​
"No. The tools are for us, we should assist. Besides, we gathered more for our former master. Five crates twice a week will be easy enough to do." The Trap Master stated in a relaxed tone.
​
"Alright, if you're certain." Jeb said.
​
"I am. We'll let you know if anything changes." The Trap Master replied.
​
"Alright, have it your way." Jeb returned and departed while tossing the conjured apple towards the lazing salamanders nearby.
​
Jeb ported down to the main gathering area. The place was just as busy as when he left as the kobolds went about their duties and tasks with vigor and joy that he's only really seen when they were staying in his basement. Guess he was the one living in their basement now, he thought with a chuckle.
​
He played with the gold and garnet band as he shuffled nervously. Wasn't sure why he was so nervous, he thought. She already had his kids, kinda, sorta. They were already living together. This would just be the natural progression of things. Kinda, sorta. He heaved in a big gulp of air to steady his nerves.
​
"Alright. Quite procrastinatin' Jeb." He muttered to himself and started down the tunnel towards his home.
​
He stopped when his boot stepped on something different. He looked down and picked up a magazine page.
"Modern courtin' for the modern woman? Where the hell did this come from?"
​
Probably Sammy's, Jeb thought as he tossed aside the girly garbage. Not sure what it was doing out here though. Maybe she brought it for Thanksgiving and forgot it? Or maybe the kobolds swiped it when they raided her hairspray? Or maybe she just left it among his other articles one of the times she and his pa would go over to his place.
​
"Oh well." He said as he continued on.
​
He could hear humming as he got closer, and saw a familiar pale blue light. He walked into his room and saw Ruby humming as she tinkered with something. Nearby was their eggs, sitting in the balefire. He should've panicked. He should've dropped everything and ran over trying to save his kids. That's what a father would do right?
​
But he didn't have that gut wrenching feeling of seeing your kids in danger he thought he would. Still, he walked over beside Ruby. She yelped in surprise and fumbled with what she was working on as Jeb reached out a hand and touched their onyx colored eggs.
​
"Jeb?! I was- They were-" Ruby tried to explain while also trying to gather her things.
​
"It's alright." Jeb said.
​
"It is?" She asked with concern.
​
"Yeah. They're not hot." He said as he stroked the shells through the fire that did nothing to him.
​
"Are you sure?" She asked with worry and concern.
​
"Yeah. Doubt it'll do anythin' more to 'em." Jeb said with a bit more bitterness in his voice than he wanted there to be.
​
He saw Ruby's face fall at his words. Nice job dickhead, Jeb thought to himself. He sighed and turned towards Ruby.
"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous 'bout everythin' happenin'."
​
"I'm nervous too." She stated and leaned into him for a hug, which he eagerly returned.
​
They held each other for a long moment before Ruby perked up and scrambled away.
"Hold on! Don't look!"
​
"Look at what?" Jeb asked with a cocked brow as he did his best to hide his own gift.
​
"I said don't look!" She chided.
​
"Alright!" He said with a laugh.
​
He turned away as he heard her grumbling and fumbling with whatever she was working on when he walked in on her. While he waited, he stretched out his hand and caressed their eggs. Please don't get any weirder, he pleaded mentally while he waited.
​
"Ok! You can look now!" Ruby called at last.
​
Jeb turned back around and saw Ruby holding a ring towards him. It was some braided copper wire with a couple of small pearls threaded on. She held it up to him.
"What do you think?"
​
Wait, was this a gift or was she asking him to marry her, Jeb thought. He had to say something though, the look of confusion on his face was making Ruby sad.
"I love it! What's it for exactly?"
​
"Well, I'm courting you!" She said as Jeb accepted the copper and pearl braided band.
​
"Courtin' me? What does that-" Jeb started when he noticed a rustle from his left boot.
​
He looked down and pulled off a piece of paper that had stuck to it. MODERN COURTING FOR THE MODERN WOMAN, it said in bold on the paper. He turned it around towards Ruby.
"Did you read this?"
​
She shuffled.
"Yes? I wasn't sure how you court a human in this world! But the words were confusing and didn't make any sense and- why are you laughing?"
​
"I'm laughin' because this is trash! None of the stuff in here is how you should court someone!" Jeb said with a laugh.
​
"But it says-" Ruby started when Jeb tossed the magazine paper into the nearby fire, which ate it instantly.
​
"It's just somethin' that girls read to pass the time. Nothin' in there is worth the paper it's printed on." Jeb declared.
​
"Oh. So?" Ruby asked dejectedly as she gestured to the ring she made for Jeb.
​
"This is just fine. Though do you know what it means to get a ring for someone?" Jeb asked.
​
"That they love one another?" Ruby said a little unsure now.
​
"Yeah. I guess it does. But the act of givin' someone you love a ring is a symbol that you want to be together." Jeb explained and produced his own gift for Ruby.
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Her eyes went wide as she grasped the gold and garnet band.
"But we're already together."
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"Yeah. We are."
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"So what does the rings mean?" Ruby asked as she examined the band.
​
"Well, it's more religious really."
​
"Oh?"
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"Yeah. It's supposed to mean... somethin'." Jeb started as he realized he didn't entirely recall what the meaning of the ring was supposed to mean.
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"Mean what?" Ruby pressed as she tried to fit the band on her arm and then her tail.
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"Well. It generally means being together forever."
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"But why the ring?"
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"It means a sort of exclusivity for folk." Jeb explained.
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"Why? What about the rest of the tribe? Does that mean you won't help them?" She asked.
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"No! I can, or will, or... this is harder than I thought it'd be." Jeb said with a sigh.
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Ruby cocked a brow as well.
"So what happens?"
​
"Well, we exchange rings and promise to love one another forever. In sickness and health and yada yada. Then we're husband and wife." Jeb explained.
​
"Why? We're already mates and we love one another. What does our health have to do with it? And what is a 'husband and wife'?"
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"Well... You know what? Forget it. Do you promise to love me?"
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"Yes! Do you?"
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"Yup!"
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"Yay!" Ruby cried and hugged Jeb.
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"And I now pronounce you man and wife." Jeb muttered as he kissed Ruby.
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Ruby giggled and pulled away.
"So what happens now?"
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"Now... I don't know. Usually there would also be paper work, but given... us, it prob'bly wouldn't matter."
​
"So what changes?" Ruby asked as she affixed the gold and garnet band to one of her horns with a smile.
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"Uhm... nothin'? We're already together, we already live together, we already have kids... kinda." Jeb listed off.
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"So what's the rings supposed to mean?"
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"It means... I love you." Jeb replied at last, giving up on trying to explain something he himself wasn't entirely informed of.
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"I love you too!" Ruby cried and kissed him.
​
He returned the kiss. Not like this would've been an official wedding anyway, Jeb thought. They don't exactly have a licensed priest to officiate it. Or witnesses. He doubt their still shelled eggs would count. He could ask the Chief to oversee it. But he already got a headache trying to explain marriage to Ruby, he didn't really want to explain it to the Chief, or any other kobolds that might be interested.
​
Not like it made anything different, Jeb thought. Ruby was right. They loved one another. They lived together. They had kids together. For all intense and purpose, they were mates. Sure if he was particularly religious he could insist on going to a church and doing things official. But given how things have turned out for them lately, he wouldn't be surprised if he burst into flames stepping inside a church.
​
Well, there was ONE tradition that they could still do, Jeb thought with a smirk as he picked up Ruby bridal style.
"Wanna consummate our marriage?"
​
"What does that mean?" She asked.
​
"Don't worry. You'll like it." Jeb said as he led her over to their moss bed.
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Plot

When the Traveling Baboon Show led by Uroho arrives in the Pride Lands to perform their show, they end up stealing the other animals' food. After chasing the baboons to the Outlands, the Lion Guard has to come to their rescue when they are cornered by Janja, Cheezi, and Chungu.

Song: "The Traveling Baboon Show"
Pros
-There aren't that many pluses to this episode, for me. However, I did like Kion and Ma Tembo's interactions in this. This episode feels like a precursor of their "child/adult friendship" for the rest of Season 2. I like their interaction at the start and when they discover there's a food thief. Unfortunately, they are not enough to save this episode.
-"No, but, we will hear you chewing," Fuli, Misophonic icon.
-"Me too! I was in a panic, let me tell you!" Thurston. It's funny because he's always in a panic.
-"I like 'em better on my inside than my outside," Bunga, best line in the entire episode.
-I will admit, I do like the addition of Yellow Baboons in The Lion Guard because they are a different species of baboon than the rest of them in the Pride Lands. So, I like that the animators added a new species for the kids. It's just really unfortunate that they made them really unlikable and annoying.
-"Or, if you're a zebra, panicking and running!" Alright fine, that was the funniest Uroho line in the whole episode, but, I still hate him.
-"It's funny because it's true," Thurston, at least he's aware of it. What an icon.
-I've always loved Ono in this episode because I empathise with him and I feel his frustration. "Yes, they're hysterical. Ha ha," I love his sarcasm. He hates them as much as I do.
-Beshte, "Like my dad says, it's not fair to take more than your share." Wise words from Basi. Also, I always loved when Beshte recites his father's sage advice.
-Ono, speaking nothing, but facts, "Plus, some zebras are afraid of.... bugs!"
-Bunga's "Baboons" was a funny line in the episode. He understands where Fuli and Ono are coming from by then.
-Cheezi and Chungu were funny at first, but it got old really quickly as soon as the baboon trio arrived into the Outlands. "You know what would taste really good right now?" Anything?" I can't deny how much I love these two, even if they can't save this episode.
Cons
-Okay, while the idea of there being a food thief in the Pride Lands sounds cool, the series has already explored that in episodes like "The Kupatana Celebration" and "The Call of the Drongo" and we saw two different outcomes. In the former, Reirei and the jackals got punished for stealing food and for scamming the animals of the Pride Lands, and in the latter, Tamaa was stealing food at first, but did learn from and correct his mistake. I find the two of them much more watchable than this lackluster episode. Plus, nothing thrilling happens in this episode, it's just the Lion Guard investigating on area of the Pride Lands and very slowly trying to piece together who the food thieves are. Plus, they don't even ask around and no animal is in any real danger, here. We don't get a change of scenery, apart from the baboons' performance and the one area of the Pride Lands.
-Okay, as I already said, this episode is a complete rehash of "The Kupatana Celebration", "The Call of the Drongo" and "Ono's Idol", which are much better episodes than this and have more going on. We already had the whole "food thief" plotline in the first two and it was way better. It's very predictable with any twists and turns, and it's not very interesting. I thought the dialogue was quite weak. We can all guess exactly what will happen even if we've never it before (I have watched it when it premiered). Also, I thought the baboons were weak antagonists, personally with no redeeming or interesting qualities, whatsoever. But seriously, switch out the baboon trio for Reirei's pack or Tamaa, and it's the same story, except that the jackals actually got their comeuppance and Tamaa learned his lesson.
-The baboons are very unlikable and I don't feel like they earned their redemption arc at all. At least, with Tamaa, he wasn't entirely antagonistic in his episode, he was more morally-grey and he was unable to gather food for himself. So, we can kind of feel bad for him. Also, Tamaa was, deep down, aware that he was in the wrong for stealing and he actually took the initiative to correct his mistake in the end, no prompting from the Lion Guard. With Hadithi, in his episode, he did have a conscience deep down all along and felt guilty for always lying to Ono. He also feels guilty during the ceremony and makes a proper effort to apologise and help Ono, and even commends the young egret at the end for his act of heroism. Those were both examples of "Selfish character learns to put the needs of others before their own" done right.
-Another reason I think that the baboon troop had no qualms about stealing food and going against the circle of life, is that they kept juggling and throwing Ono around against his will because they knew he would figure it out and expose them as the thieves. I don't think they actually wanted him as part of the act, I think they intimidated by his presence. Also, the circus soon becomes clear that it's just a cover up to throw the Pride Landers off, so, they can't be exposed. When eventually Ono figures out that they are the thieves, Uroho tries to talk himself out of trouble, but to no avail, just like Reirei had tried when her pack were discovered. So, overall, I think the baboons were very aware that they were in the wrong, but, didn't care, they only cared about being popular from performing.
-"Bunga and the Baboons" would've been genuinely funny, to me, except for the fact that we'd already seen the baboons mistreating Ono against his will by forcing him to be part of the act. I have to wonder, I know Bunga is being Bunga, but, why would he want to do the act when Ono, one of his best friends, is being thrown around by said baboons.
-That's another thing, I really don't like Ono being treated as the Butt-Monkey. I don't like his mistreatment from Mwevi and Mwizi, and the fact that no one on the Lion Guard does anything to prevent it. I thought Kion and his friends were a little bit mean here, the way they laughed at Ono even though he was clearly being roped into a performance he didn't want to be in. "What the hell, guys! This is your friend, Ono, and a valuable member of the Lion Guard. Why would you guys just stand there and not intervene when he's clearly being juggled around, screaming?" That doesn't sound like any of them. Kion has pounced on several of the bad guys for trying mistreat his friends and allies, as well as trouble-making and he's also pounced on Hafifu and Majinuni for messing with some pangolins." Why wouldn't he just pounce on Mwevi and Mwizi right then and there, for his friend Ono?
-"It was pretty funny when they juggled you like a sausage fruit." and "Funny! That was hilarious..." No, it was not. I think was the one time I didn't like Beshte's character and Bunga's, for that matter. I don't like that they do not defend Ono even once and that they're laughing at his annoyance.
-"Come on, Bunga. Who are gonna believe, your friend, Ono or a couple of baboons?" Thank you, Fuli. I really don't like these stupid or mindless Bunga tropes that the writers like to throw in. The Bunga I know would believe Ono, in a heartbeat! Plus, Bunga has already proven before that he is, in fact, intelligent when he needs to be. So, I hate this trope of stupid, idiotic, "doesn't-know-where-he's-been Bunga". Also, the whole "Hi" joke was pointless. He already knows that Ono was referring to him and the rest of the Lion Guard. So, what was the point?
-Thurston is really rude in this episode. I don't like obnoxious and rude Thurston. "Excuse me, I believe I had something very important to say." Thurston, you'll get your turn to speak eventually.
-I really loathe Ono being made the butt of every joke with the baboon trio. He deserved so much better and he shouldn't have been made for cheap laughs, in this episode. "Ono, why would you keep letting them treat you like this, my friend? You should've seen it coming the second and third time." I dare you guys to name a single Ono fan who enjoyed this!
-Mwevi and Mwizi were obnoxious with the way were stealing and hoarding food from other animals in the Pride Landers. As Pride Landers, they should know that, as a general rule, you're not allowed to steal and that it goes against the circle of life. There's also the fact that they continued to hide the evidence, even after Ono caught them red-handed, further proving my point that they must feel no guilt about it.
-It's doubly a crime against nature because they did it so close to the Dry Season and didn't even apologise or own up to what they did. This makes them absolute scumbags since food scarcity is extremely high during the Dry Season. Another reason why I don't think they have earned their redemption and why it could've been much better. They also ran away from Kion and the Lion Guard instead of, I don't know.... turning themselves in.
-I don't like how the baboons are invading everyone's space as part of their act. Audience participation has to be a personal choice and shouldn't be forced upon someone. Not only did they force Ono to perform by just throwing him around, but, they also went around invading everyone's personal boundaries and using them in their act. First, with Fuli, when Mwevi and Mwizi jumped on her back without permission, despite the fact that she didn't like it, and also the fact that Uroho purposely used Ma Tembo's trunk for the act without her permission. I don't like the fact that they just make all the animals be in the show against their will and without a slight care for personal space.
-Uroho, "Sorry, but, I'm not sorry!" Uroho, you're such a jerk. See, the writers are literally handing me proof, on a silver platter, that Uroho and his troupe did not feel any guilt for their actions and, therefore, didn't earn their redemption arc in the end. Also, I don't like the fact that he didn't show any sign of redemption until after the Lion Guard saved them. So, did he actually genuinely want to reformed or did he just do it to repay the Lion Guard, because they saved him even when he did not deserve it and to get back into the Pride Lands. I mean, for God's sake his name means "Gluttony" for a reason and Mwizi means "Thief/Burglary" for a reason.
-Now, I do feel bad for Janja in this episode. I feel so bad that he's considered the villain of this episode. Damn it, I never wanted to side with Janja, but, in fairness, he was not doing anything wrong, like he is in most other episodes. 99% of the time, I can see why the Lion Guard need to chase away the hyenas because Janja has an ulterior motive most times, but, in this situation, I just wanted to see him eat for a change. I'm not saying the Lion Guard shouldn't have felt bad that the baboons had ended up in the Outlands, but, I think they should've cut Janja some slack this time around. Plus, Kion was initially saying how the baboons are not in the Pride Lands and therefore, not their problem, anymore. But, suddenly, for no real reason other than "Well it's our job to defend the Pride Lands", they decided they must save the baboons. In this situation, and this situation only, I think they were unfair to Janja. When does get to eat in his OWN TERRITORY!!!!
-Kion, "Stop right there, Janja! Step away from the baboons!" Really Kion! Could you not give him a break this time around? He didn't do anything wrong and wasn't taking down whole herds of animals to spite you. Those are the situations where he deserved to get his butt kicked, but, not here. I refuse to acknowledge him as the villain of this episode! He did not have an ulterior motive this time around, he was just hungry. Plus, you didn't even want to go into the Outlands, in the first place. I also don't get what the Lion Guard were intending to do to them as punishment for stealing food. If they didn't intend for them to be in the Outlands, why did Kion say, "At least we got 'em outta the Pride Lands," and what were they going to do with? This is the bit I can't get my head around because isn't that what they do with animals that don't follow the rules.
-To further prove my point, Kion says earlier on, "It's more than not fair, Beshte, it goes against the circle of life." And the line before where he tells Ma Tembo that the Lion Guard will make sure the food thief doesn't do anything again. So, if you guys what their plan was, please tell me because I don't get it. Were they just intending to attack them as punishment, but then, let them remain in the Pride Lands? Were they going to be watched or under slave labour for Simba and Nala? I don't know, because when Janja and Reirei are breaking rules they are chased out of the Pride Lands, justifiably so. I mean, even though the baboons are Pride Landers, they've been nothing, but trouble, and we have no proof that they would've changed if the Lion Guard hadn't come to their aid. Uroho didn't seem to care about the circle of life and had been antagonistic for nearly the whole episode.
-"They wouldn't be in the Outlands if it weren't for us. We're the ones who chased them there." No, Ono, you guys didn't chase them into the Outlands, you guys broke off to deal with some sable antelopes that fell in the river. The baboons, meanwhile, just ran away so they wouldn't have to own up to what they did and then chased themselves into the Outlands. So, no, it wasn't you guys' doing and you guys' wouldn't have had to take action if they hadn't been stealing food in the first place. The baboons brought this on themselves by putting themselves into a situation where the Pride Landers would be mad at them and then running away instead of actually apologising for their actions.
-I also don't know why Ono would be forgiving of them. "Ono, my friend, they humiliated you like an hour ago and literally tossed you around and stole food. Why would you so eager to forgive them? Don't you think you should be firm? You're the smart after all." I mean, I admire his level-headedness, but, the baboons didn't earn their rescue and needed to be punished for their wrongdoing. And if poor Ono hadn't suffered enough, to end the episode, the baboons just bribed him by throwing him an insect, before selfishly tossing him around again. And yet again, the Lion Guard do nothing. Uroho is still a massive jerk. Ono had just saved his life like 5 minutes ago and this is how he repays him!
-"And for that they deserved to get eaten?" Okay, I do get where Beshte is coming from. I didn't want to see the baboons get killed just because they were mean to everyone in the Pride Lands. I don't anyone should deserve to die, but, at the same time, they did have it coming to them by wandering into Janja's territory in the first place and stealing from them. If it was a situation like "Too Many Termites", it would be a different story, but, here the baboons went into the Outlands on their own and had been nothing except a nuisance within the Pride Lands! I mean, the Lion Guard should've definitely felt bad for them, but, I think they should've let Janja have this, on this occasion.
-"I can't believe you came all this way to save us. Now we feel bad..." Yeah right, Uroho, you knew stealing was wrong all along and you kept doing it. I have my doubts about whether he actually felt bad or if he was sucking up to the Lion Guard to be welcomed back into the Pride Lands. Also, the Lion Guard are very naïve for letting them scott-free with no real punishment except to give free food to the Pride Landers. I get that they're children and that the writers probably didn't want the younger viewers to dislike Kion and his friends in this episode by making them leave the baboons for dead, but, it feels unfair to how the Outlanders get punished for disrespecting the circle of life.
-Finally, I don't the song of this episode "Travelling Baboon Show" was just annoying. It's one of the few TLG songs I can't stand, especially since having watched this episode when it first aired, I found out at the end that the baboons were the main villains of the episodes and kept stealing and making everyone look foolish. Also, they humiliate Ono in front of everyone, during the song. I do think that the lyrics are just plain weak as well, and Uroho is just kind of making the performance a much bigger than it is. It really isn't as hyped up as he makes it out be, in my opinion. I don't listen to this song and I don't really want to revisit it any time soon. I'll give a 2.75/10 because it's the worst TLG song ever.
Overall
I never liked this episode. I think it's got storytelling that wasn't very interesting and it didn't have much happening in it. Also, as I said, we already this storyline twice and doesn't work here, on this occasion. I hate Uroho's troupe so much and I find them extremely unbearable. They're worse than Tiifu and Zuri and Hafifu and Majinuni, for me. I think they're more obnoxious with no redeeming qualities and I don't think they properly earned their redemption arc, unlike Tamaa and Hadithi. They were just annoying and they didn't feel worthy of forgiveness and I hate the way the Lion Guard just decided to treat them like they did nothing wrong and just let them off scott-free when they were clearly breaking the circle of life. I feel bad for Janja on this occasion because he hadn't done anything wrong and the baboons didn't deserve to live in the Pride Lands. I'm very confused about what the Lion Guard were planning to do to them before Janja got to them. The baboons had learned nothing about not stealing basically and continued to annoy Ono in the end. The song was very bad for a TLG song. I found the dialogue weak. The only saving grace was a few funny moments in the first act, but only in the first act and they cannot compensate for how bad this episode was, in my opinion. Overall, I think it had potential and could've been written better. I'll give a 2.5/10 and I don't want to watch it again. But it isn't my most hated episode.

Hello everyone, I don't peruse Reddit often but I am in need of some help related to a gecko.
For context, I'm a fairly experienced reptile keeper and have been for years, be it captive breds or rescuing wildlife that wouldn't survive without assistance. Earlier this year, I went on vacation with some relatives down in Texas, and while there I found an invasive species. To be more specific, a Mediterranean House Gecko. Normally I would have let him be but my relative's neighbors immediately wanted to kill it and even tried to take him in the cup I caught him with. According to the laws in Texas regarding invasive species, as far as I read, you have two options. Either you kill them or you keep them, and as the specimen I caught was a juvenile, I felt like keeping him and taking him home.
Fast forward and the gecko is living with me back at home in Idaho, he has a name and had an enclosure and everything. I was regularly feeding him, checking on him, everything I could to make sure he had a happy life. Then about two and a half weeks ago, I go to check his enclosure and see the gecko is gone. Vanished without a trace. I checked every single surface in my room, and nothing. I originally assumed he must have somehow squeezed through one of the corners in the mesh lid and left through my window, but then a week later when I come home from work, the little guy was sitting on top of his old enclosure, looking at me like "hey, miss me?" I was trying to be patient and get him inside his enclosure slowly and carefully, but suddenly the guy jumped off and landed on the enclosure of another one of my geckos, ran behind it and disappeared.
I've been doing everything I can to try and lure him out. I found a really old post on this subreddit talking about clothing piles and them being attracted to them. No dice. I found a Wikipedia article saying that people catch them in their native range in Europe by cutting small holes in boxes and putting warm, moist sphagnum moss inside in dark corners. Again, no dice. I know he's still alive and inside because I'll see a glimpse of him before he runs behind something and disappears, or like last night, when I opened my door, I heard him running across the back my dresser and caught a feint glimpse of his tail before he somehow disappeared again. I even recently deep cleaned my entire room and made it open enough to where there should be nowhere for him to hide that I cannot get to. Yet somehow, he still manages to hide somewhere, a place where he must have some heat, moisture, and some form of food source keeping him alive after this long.
Does anyone have any experience with geckos similar to these and how to lure them out or find them? I don't want him to get crushed or killed one day because I can't see wherever he hides, and then stumble across his dead body. I spent a lot of time, money and effort trying to give him a safe and spacious home with everything he could want, and I recently got a new enclosure with a locking lid that has no gaps that he can fit through.
How can I find my little gecko and give him a safe home again? Last time I saw him he also apparently lost his tail and I'm worried for his health. Any advice or help is appreciated. Thanks.

Former Colorado Buffaloes F Tristan Da Silva declared for the draft and is 100% committed: https://twitter.com/DraftExpress/status/1785032667370832128 It's his birthday today...he is 23 years old. Born in Germany to a Brazilian father and German mother, with a brother who also played in the States at Stanford (Oscar), Da Silva made the jump from Bayern Munich's youth academy to Colorado. He improved every season of his four year career and now is headed to the professional ranks.
Da Silva measured in at 6'8.25 w/out shoes and a 6'10.25 wingspan at the combine. 217 pounds. He's got the height/length you're looking for from a combo forward, although he's on the thinner side. He doesn't have the widest frame but I do think he can gain muscle from where he currently is. He already has year to year and it's something that'll be important for him to continue to add as strength concerns are one of his biggest question marks as a prospect.
Da Silva's athleticism is something that has been called into question. I've read the posts about him in recent days on here, which is somewhat why I saved him for last of the three Colorado guys. I wanted to cut to the chase and really see what people think and think he is someone that seems to elicit a lot of debate. I think he's a better athlete than some think he is, but obviously, he isn't a standout athlete either. His lateral quickness is viewed in a negative light by some but it really isn't bad. His lateral quickness is above average. He can hang with guards on switches. He can hang with most forwards in isolation. His length really aids him on switches against smaller players. He has the mobility to stay linked and will contest/block when they put a shot up.
Da Silva's issues athletically are that he doesn't have great balance and doesn't have great flexibility. On a straight line drive, Da Silva fares well laterally. He can handle a crossover, he can handle some counters and stick with guards/wings. But it's when he's really forced to make a quick change of direction and reaction where he has his struggles. His biggest issue athletically is that he's not the quickest twitch. He's mobile, he has good feet, he's coordinated, but he's not the most fluid and he's not the quickest twitch. His defensive footwork is very good when he's not being handsy, but unfortunately he does get handsy at times on the drive.
Defending quick rips closing out defensively for example is something he struggles with. He doesn't react consistently well to initial moves. He often does, but not consistently. You can get by him defensively with a quick initial move. His all around defensive awareness is worse than some people seem to think it is...ball watches a ton, back cut a ton, misses out on rebounds, misses out on rotations. When he's focused and dialed in, he's a fantastic rotater. He makes on time, sharp rotations. He helps the helper. He hustles and flies around defensively and is active shoring gaps. But he doesn't do that consistently. He loses focus way too much, for a guy who is billed as a 3/D player. His screen navigation is pretty substandard for a veteran. Just does not navigate traffic well enough and strength sees him bumped off spots when navigating screens. He doesn't get taken out of plays, but he does end up behind plays. He can recover with length and hustle at times, but not always.
His lack of strength hurts his ability to defend the post. He can be a little too upright defensively in general and while he will battle in the post at times, he can be pretty weak down there. Not being down in a stance possession to possession means you can drive into him from the post and the perimeter. Were a few possessions he actually fell down with drivers going into his chest, and he couldn't maintain his balance. He is generally good at closing out on balance and in a disciplined way but not always...he gets jumpy on defense. He overhelps a lot defensively, ends up in no man's land, and gives up open 3's or drives off closeouts...one of his biggest negatives on the defensive end.
He does use his length really well on contests when he stays in front of drivers, he defends PnR ballhandlers well, and he uses his length well in passing lanes. He isn't a major event maker defensively but will break up passes and generate steals with his length and activity off ball. When he's locked in, he's a very good team defender. He's simply not always locked in and he just does not have the physical tools to not be locked in every single possession, either on the perimeter or post. He's one of those guys who's versatile defensively but in a tweener way. He's not really an elite option on anyone, but he's capable. He doesn't have the instincts or the toughness to be a guy who can switch up the lineup, but he is capable against 2/3/4 positions.
Da Silva is a pretty mediocre rebounder for his size which is another red flag surrounding him as a prospect, he's not a bad one but also not someone who's necessarily pursuing balls aggressively by any means. He will be expected to be a contributor on the boards as a swing forward and not being able to do so will undercut his value.
Da Silva has a unique blend of skills on the offensive end. His jump shot is his best trait. He was awesome as a midrange shooter this year and he shot 39% from 3 on 5 attempts. 83.5% from the line, and has shot at least 37% on increasing numbers of attempts the last three seasons. His shot is for real...great mechanics. Great extension, great balance. No wasted motion. He makes shots off screens, and he's an elite C&S guy who does a good job creating space for himself off the catch when coming off screens and when relocating on the perimeter. He has some movement shooting ability, but for the most part he's someone who works his way off flare screens, out of DHO's, off-ball screens and leaking out to the perimeter, and catches and fires. He's a very good pull up shooter. He likes the pull up out of the PnR, off curls and off DHO's in the midrange. He will duck in and find himself open around the FT line and take the FT jumper; he's good at finding gaps for himself for jumpers all over the court. He has a little bit of PnP ability. He sets solid screens himself to open teammates for 3's. He does a very good job slipping screens and diving to the basket or leaking out to the perimeter and obtaining easy looks from the outside. He's always catch ready and he's quick into his motion as a shooter across the board which along with his size makes him hard to contest.
Da Silva will find rollers and cutters out of the PnR. He finds the dump off guy when cutting to the rim. He moves the ball and will make the right read within the flow of the offense. He will bring the ball up and can facilitate and get his team into offense. He's not really an advanced playmaker but has some drive and dish ability and can make solid reads as a live dribble passer, but he also overpenetrates and turns the ball over with bounce passes that don't hit the target. He turns the ball over a lot that way. Gets cut off on drives and attempts a dump off bounce pass to get himself out of trouble. Picks up his dribble at inopportune times. He's not an amazing ballhandler overall...he's a bit gumby like with his movements, he's a bit herky jerky, long strides, has a spin move he likes, and he has a good crossover that does gain him space, but he doesn't have incredible burst nor a special first step and he does not have a ton of advanced moves. He accelerates well and he will get to the rim off his own creation but he isn't always gonna create separation with his handle, and he can lose the ball while looking to create, he will have the ball stripped, and he's not always strong with the ball. He is good with the hostage dribble and keeping defenders on his back...he overall does a nice job with pace. He understands pace, he understands taking rhythm away from defenders, he does have an in-and-out move and he has pretty good control on these moves. He works his way to his spots both in the midrange and inside, in a somewhat deliberate way while still being decisive, but he will be stonewalled in the paint and on drives.
His cutting really is a special part of his game. He has awesome instincts as a cutter---he reads his defenders, and has great timing in concert with the offensive flow of the possession. He dives quickly to the basket. He's good for a few baskets a game as a cutter. He moves well off the ball in general and keeps the offense humming. Off ball screens, weaving through the defense, he stays active on the offensive end which helps keep defenses off balance.
Da Silva has an excellent ball fake. He draws fouls with it down low, and he freezes defenders with it on the perimeter which allows him to get past. He also has a jab step. He will change his stride length and draw contact on drives. He will change speeds and explode to the rim. He has a behind the back counter. He doesn't have a ton of dribble moves but does have a diversity of tools he will turn to, to get inside the paint. He overall has very good timing as a driver, which is what allows him to get inside. He uses the glass well and has opposite hand finishes in his disposal. He drives with both hands. Sometimes he'll try to bait a foul and throw up poor shots with no real chance of a finish. He will be swallowed up around the rim at times where his lack of elite athleticism/strength/ability to create space can come back to hurt him.
Da Silva really likes to use spinners, floaters and hooks around the rim. He gets good extension, has a lot of range as a finisher and will take shots from pretty far out and make them at a high rate. He has very nice touch on these shots. For a guy without tremendous halfcourt explosiveness, this is a very good skill for Da Silva to possess because it gives him an ability to beat contests and an ability to score at the rim even if he isn't able to get directly to it. He has a jump stop, eurostep at his disposal. He has a lot of craft as a creator and around the rim which allows him to be a solid overall finisher but not an elite one.
His comfort with the ball makes him a good transition player. He does well getting to and finishing against defenses that aren't set, at the rim. It also makes him good against closeouts. He can be a little passive at times, which is a drawback many have had of him over the years. When decisive, he does a good job taking advantage of scrambling defenses in both the halfcourt and in transition. The coordination with the ball and the fact he takes long strides allows him to get to the rim quickly in these possessions. It also aids him as a PnR ballhandler.
Da Silva will use his size to his advantage in the post. He turns some drives into post-ups. He will find cutters and shooters from the post as a passer. He'll hit turnarounds, he'll turn in and finish with layups, he'll turn to the middle and take hook shots and floaters. He has nice touch on these shots and has nice footwork in the post and doesn't get rushed. He's someone that can take advantage of switches down low which is an important wrinkle for a forward these days.
Tristan Da Silva has elicited a lot of conversation on this board the last several days. I see him as a guy who is underrated and overrated from person to person. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. He's an interesting talent, and he's got the framework of a player who has the skills teams look for in a swing forward today, but not every dot connects. But with his shooting and all around versatile skill set on the offensive end and he having real switchability possibilities defensively, he's someone who is viewed by most as a guy with a pretty high floor.
I'm a little bit...I'm not sure what to think honestly. I'll leave it to y'all. Are you all Thumbs Up, Down, or Across on Tristan Da Silva?