Long story short I busted my butt and got accepted into a RN program. Turns out financial aid is saying they won’t pay unless I appeal the satisfactory academic progress because I have too many withdrawals. I’m in the navy reserves, had a complicated pregnancy in 2022 where I went into labor at 36 weeks, and I JUST got diagnosed with adhd after years of being misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety. I went through years of medications and therapists and got nowhere. I kept having allergic reactions and everything. How do I go about getting my documentation? I bounced around so much from doctor to doctor I’m not even sure how to get ahold of most of them? And the college wants a separate reason and documentation for each semester. For me it’s summer 2020, fall 2020, fall 2021, and summer 2022 (this is the semester I was pregnant). They said they’re not picky but if I submit notarized letter to make sure they’re signed and dated. Am I over thinking this? I really can’t afford nursing school without financial aid

I’m an 18 year old girl and I got diagnosed by my old therapist at 15 (I know they’re not supposed to do that because every doctor I’ve tried to talk to since has doubted the validity of the diagnoses, but to me, my being bipolar is a fact). At the time I was so happy. I felt like I finally had the answer I’d been searching for. And since then I constantly look back on all the ways I showed symptoms even as a super young kid. It’s crazy how prevalent it’s always been. Neither of my parents have it or have chosen to really educate themselves so for the most part, they hurt me more than they support me because they’re not able to understand it. (My mom and I did have a really productive conversation recently though where I was able to explain some of what I deal with). It hurts more than I can even explain, because even though my mom and I are still very close, I felt like my parents were some of my best friends growing up and I know things will never be that way again. I used to be so forgiving when they would mess up, but I know in my heart that I’ll never be able to forgive them for neglecting my mental health for so long and making me go through all of this alone. I always feel so upset that I had to be born if they weren’t prepared to give me the support I need. I first started having real depressive episodes at 13 and at 14, begging my mom to help get me on some type of meds. This went on until I was 16 almost 17 and she got on board. Before, she thought a therapist was the only thing appropriate. The best way to explain the consequence of that is just to say the entirety of my teenage years has been overtaken by bipolar. I was fighting for my life in horrific episodes constantly, just holding onto any fleeting happiness I found and the hope that when me and her were supposed to move to Australia in August 2022 things might be completely different. Truthfully, living here instead has brought me more happiness than I’d had in my life since I was a kid. I have the most amazing relationship with the best girlfriend in the world, and more friends (who are all so wonderful) than I’ve ever had. I’ve been depressed again since school started in January (it’s my biggest trigger because most of my childhood trauma came from the school I went to). I smoked myself into an addiction when I moved here because I was even more suicidal then and not able to get meds fast enough. I genuinely feel like the killing of some of my brain cells made it quieter up there, my depression more functional and my anxiety lessen, and it’s sad because my mental health situation and life is pretty much better in every way than before I moved, but still so awful at the same time. Bipolar makes me feel so horribly fucking alone and like no one will ever understand, despite me being the least alone I’ve ever been. I’m slightly scared of meds now and would prefer holistic treatments but thinking maybe I need both to actually ever have a better and easier life, especially now that I’m an ‘adult’ and will graduate high school in a few months.

Nothing much. Was just wondering how lonely my life is. Umm…it would be so nice to tell someone the most unimportant events in your life right.? You call them and talk about how the weather makes your hair fall worse, or about how your TV remote stopped working, and all the big chunks of joy and pain to each other. It’s just so simple, pure and beautiful. To be seen. To be heard. To know and be known. And what a privilege that is.
There used to be a time when I was afraid that this would never happen to someone like me. But by days bygone the thought of all these things became very distant. I can feel myself wonder how could I even start believing that this would happen to me anytime. It almost seems blasphemous now. As if it’s wrong to even wonder about this. Maybe not wrong- just too far-fetched an idea. Too ambitious. Relatively, So high an expectation that someone who thought that she would get into Columbia easily could never fathom….

I want to establish that we both care about each other a great deal. We dated for a while about two years back, broke up, and then got together again about 6 months ago despite being a two hour flight apart. We visit each other pretty frequently (at least once a month) and both thoroughly enjoy spending that time together. She is very caring and sweet, and she reminds me that she loves me (and has done so more frequently over time).
However, the lingering issue in our relationship is that I sometimes feel disappointed by the perceived lack of care or effort on her part, while she feels like she’ll never be good enough to ever make me fully happy.
While I admit to losing patience and sometimes criticizing her, both of which I have made efforts to be better about, I would say that neither is unwarranted (albeit the wrong response). Here are some issues that stick to me where I’ve felt undervalued or underappreciated. She didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day even though I flew out specifically to be together on that day, and we had already talked about how I’d love to receive gifts or be shown she cares, especially on special occasions (for the record, I got her a gift and flew with a bouquet of flowers). Even though she knows I am very allergic to cats (of which she has two), she didn’t exhaust all allergy reducing options (for example, she cleaned her rooms and changed the bedsheets, but didn’t replace the AC filter with an allergy scale one or brush her cats to reduce their shedding) until I was reacting severely to the allergens and got upset over feeling like she wasn’t making her space as welcome to me as possible (meanwhile, I’d make my house spotless and bought her favorites drinks and snacks before her visits, and even bought a dog bed for her dog without her ever having to ask about it). Recently, I flew out after not seeing her for over a month, and while I expected a warm welcome, she had me pay for our dinner and then when we went to a bar for trivia, told me if I wanted to drink that I should get them myself (she was on antibiotics and couldn’t drink). For her, one part is that she was on the tail end of being sick, and also was planning to take me to a sushi restaurant that weekend which is why she felt fine having me cover dinner. But to me, it felt like I showed up just to fend for myself and she had made no effort to give me the warm welcome that I’ve made the effort to give her whenever she visits.
I could go on, but in short, I feel like I am very proactive about meeting her needs and taking care of her and doing things that bring her joy, whereas I feel like she (to her credit) makes efforts but they sometimes fall short. It’s not that she doesn’t care, I feel like… she thinks she’s doing enough and doesn’t feel the need do more? Or maybe the disappointment is because my standards are too high and I’m not being understanding? I almost feel like if I want something, anything, I have to explicitly ask her, or it won’t occur to her. And I understand one perspective of this is “well if you don’t say it, how can they know?”, but on the other hand she (for example) doesn’t have to ask me to buy her Ginger Ale, I know she loves it so I have it stocked before she arrives because I know she’ll appreciate it and she doesn’t need to ask me.
Am I being unreasonable to feel this way? Am I putting too much importance on individual events when I should look more big picture at all the ways she is consistently there for me? I also feel like anytime I complain about feeling this way, it further drives a wedge between us because she feels like she’ll never be enough and I’ll leave her at any moment. Should we just let things go?

The players have been made aware of this, and have agreed. This is not meant to be a discussion of railroading.
Each player, some in groups, have had, or will have a private session leading up to the official start. They all start in the same place, against their will. Each character has something unique about them, or valuable, that would be appealing to slave traders. A very popular line of work in this part of the world. With undead being pretty much eradicated, cheap labor had to come from elsewhere. The party are more special than cheap labor.
A orc who wanted to escape the violence of his people and live peacefully. The reputation of his kin follows him everywhere.
An elvish princess, a rare thing in a world where there's around 500 elves left.
A bounty hunter, apart of a very well known clan, who possesses many trade secrets and tools. Many want their revenge.
A pair of twins who stumbled upon artifacts they shouldn't have. Otherworldly powers, and an unfair debt owed.
This corner of the world attracts many tourists for the same reason LA or Vegas does. There is endless opportunity for those willing to work for it, or a life of luxury for those who can afford it. Streets are filled with gambling, and exotics imports from all over the world. Gladiator style areas however is what brings in the most. Warriors from all over to come to show off their strength, willingly or not. For slave traders, this is where the money is. A fighter who can put on a show is a very valuable thing, and why 3/5 of the characters start off as prisoners.
The orc, elf, and bounty hunter are from across the region. Kidnapped for purposes that will be revealed later to them, backstory elements coming into play that made them desirable and worth the risk. The twins are apart of the gang who takes them, but they are not involved with this part. They simple are muscle, and smuggle drugs around for the gang. Session 1 is the first time the twins meet the other side of the business, and it's not for a promotion.
The session starts with the twins arriving to the hideout. Located at an old mining operation in the middle of the desert, it has been fortified and turned into something more. The old gates reinforced to create an area, and the entrance into the mines a jail. Deeper inside has been turned into a temple of Anubis, the prominate god of the area, but not all is what it seems. The twins are brought here to witness a fight. An elf druid, one traveling with the elf princess at the time of her capture is in the area trying to talk an owlbear out of eating with with little success. He wild shapes into a small bird in an attempt to escape, only to be shot out of the sky immediately by a guard with a long rifle. His death is quick, and gruesome as the owlbear does its thing to the prone man.
Afterwards, the twins are escorted inside. Past the jail, into the deeper chambers where they meet their boss. A Dwarvish women who immediately comes across as disliking them. She wants to test the twins loyalty, and this is when the characters are all brought together. The other 3 characters are brought into the room. One by one they are shot by the boss, and brought back by a cleric of Anubis, leaving only the twins left standing. This is just a showing of how she's willing to get her hands dirty, cause the twins want something that belongs to her.
The twins last big job was a heist. They needed to retrieve a silver jewelry box, and they had one rule. Under no circumstances is that box opened. Well, it was, but not willingly. The jewelry box contained a scale of a mercury dragon - dragons are rare, god-like beings here, and a scale like this is akin to an artifact rarity magic item. This Mercury dragon just happens to be the patron of the brother now, as the scale absorbed into him, through no choice or fault of his own. The boss wanted this power to herself, and upon retrieving the box, it didn't appear to be opened. Imagine her disappointment when she found it was empty. The brother was the only one alone with the box.
The sister is presented a deal. Kill her brother, right here, right now. Prove her loyalty without question or they both die. This is the first major decision the players are able to make now. If she pulls the trigger, or not. The boss isn't stupid. The gun handed to the sister isn't loaded. It's simply a test. If both siblings are to be shot, or just the one. The ending is largely the same.
Bleeding out on the ground, the sister, and newly revived party members witness the corpse of the brother forcibly raised from the dead to answer questions. The location of the item in the box. If his sister knew he stole it. Is he still loyal. - my ruling of Speak with Dead is they don't have to answer, but if they do, the answer must not be a lie. He will be brought back, but his answers will determine later interactions. Now, the sister. Every player in the game will have moments in the spotlight. I decided to start with her, as it made most sense, and given the twins background, they will be key members to the party next chapter. She still has the empty gun. If she knows its empty or not will change a few small details. She too is a warlock, and this is the signing of her pact with the Hexblade.
Her interpretation of this place is her own to make. She awakes in a void, and although she is still herself here, she is consumed by nothingness. No pain, no sound, no feeling at all. Not even a heartbeat. Here she meets an entity. A "shadow" that mimics her every movement. It even shifts slightly, becoming a silhouette of herself. When she touches it, it is an overwhelming sense of feeling. Fireworks going off at the tip of her fingertips. The warmth of her blood becoming as hot as the sun, but somehow feels comforting compared to the nothingness shes felt for all this time. Outside seconds have past. Here, it could have been years, or seconds. Impossible to tell. But with this touch she hears a voice reach out to her. "Squeeze". She's back in the room, vision blurry as her life fades. Gun raised, aimed at her boss, who doesn't fear an empty gun. Only, it's no longer empty. This is her new pact weapon. It functions as a gun, but she can choose to shoot normal bullets or eldritch blast from it.
Their escape comes soon after. The hideout is attacked by a Sand Stalker - a purple-worm like creature. Other captives save them, and the campaigns first chapter begins here. They are in the middle of the desert, very limited supplies, uncertain where exactly they are. Few npc trying to get to the capital city to find help. The twins, bounty hunter, and other npc know that everyone who bares the mark of the clan will have bounties out on them, to be returned to their owners. The world in now open to them, as they learn how to free themselves of this debt one way or another.
The slave contract is as good as a deal with a devil. Legally binding, and magical in nature. Each master / house has its own distinct mark to show ownership. Once the debt is paid off, the mark will fade on its own. Their starting debt is 10k gp each. It is meant to be ridiculous. The bounty on a slave is always 10% of their total debt. So, 1k gp to return them if they job is put out, and it will be. If captured the reward money is added to the debt they owe, making it 11k gp now. The system is designed to be nearly impossible to be free.
In the main city there are several patrons willing to help them for one reason or another. Old contacts of the twins and bounty hunter in the party are expected to be called upon. There's multiple escapes from the city I have ready, and I am looking forward to what they come up with. I don't expect them to ever pay off their debt. The main story will later being them back here, when they're ready to take on the challenges of the city in full, and save the world. Standard stuff.
This is a new attempt at an intro. Throwing them into the fire with a clear goal. A long "cinematic" before giving them full control. They all know the stakes, and are in a position of "our chances are better together" apposed from the classic meeting in the tavern and dealing with rats.
Every character has elements from their backstory that matter here, and will drastically effect the campaign going forward. They had all known the basics of the intro, and details where they started prior to making characters. Changes were made to my plans based on their characters, incorporating them into it one way or another. There were always slavers, and they were always going to die. The twins backstories are the only ones from this region and they provided me a lot to work with, and ability to tie them into the scenario.
The boss killing and betraying the twins is a detail I think is very important. The other characters may see them as enemies, so by doing it this way they have common enemies and no secrets about it. Only the sister is not in debt, giving her a few special privilege's while in the city. All the players know each other, have played in other games together, and know what's expected. I am trying to make the party's coming together seem natural by immediately giving them a common problem and no one else to turn to. [BG3 SPOILERS] as the mindflayer parasites provided the main cast common problems, and Out of the Abyss first chapter being major influences. There are many other politics involved also, some sub plots that will come up later that tie to this, and a lot of world lore involved giving insight to why this region functions like this.

I dont know why did it happen, but ar some point I started controlling myself in my dreams. I know how it looks, like Im delusional or just a liar, it is not obligatory for you to believe me.
It was a slow learning curve: felt like I finally awake, but still in dream. I remember the first time I suddenly realised, that Im sleeping. I tried to take off, but all I could do was jump a little higher than usual. After some time, I learned to glide from high points, and then to fly like a bird. I ended up as powerful, impenetrable, invincible and omnipotent being, with abilities that I would call divine.
At the beginnig this was fun. The dreams were sometimes repeated, I remembered where different locations were in them. There is a whole fantasy-like map I can travel around. I could go anywhere and do whatever I wanted. It is my world, I am its god.
However, all I was trying to do was kill myself. Sounds pathetic, right? I could fly but I used it to fall from a bird's-eye height. Not a scratch left. I could run faster than an airplane, but the only thing I used it for is to smash myself against a wall. Still, not a scratch. I stabbed myself with a knife and nothing happened. I met monsters in my dreams that I didn't resist, but they couldn't do anything to me.
Afterwards, my dreams began to try to kill me. Constantly. Sometimes I fell into the lava and felt myself pass out, my body burning. Sometimes they shot at me, I saw myself bleeding. But every time I couldn't die. The dream just continued. I swam out of the lava, realizing that this would not end, it would just hurt. I forgot about the bullet wounds, realizing that they would not harm me here.
Lucid dreams began to plague me. I've been getting this "exploding head syndrome" a lot (Google it if you don't know what it is). I tried to understand why this happens. I tried to stop killing myself in my sleep, and began to fight back against those who attacked me. This has led to the fact that now in every dream I see a chase or a fight. They fell real. I wake up after with the feeling that I am a wounded soldier on the battlefield.
Last night in my dream I got a gun. The lady who gave me it said: "Stop tormenting". I went to the backyard, knowing I will do it. I only hesitated how exactly: put it in my mouth? Shoot in the temple? I chose the second option.
This second I felt freedom. Like everything is finally OK. Im safe. My consciousness disappeared for a moment, after which I reappeared in the same backyard. Im alive again. Still in a dream. All powerful, but pathetic.
Once upon a time I had a way to force my real body to wake up. I just closed my eyes tightly in a dream and woke up in reality, but over time my brain changed something and I began to wake up inside the dream. Every now and again. Sometimes I think about what will happen if I get stuck there in my world like that. Will I ever be close to see what afterlife is? Would my brain create it for me? The heaven? The hell? Or nothing? Sweet calm nothing, that Ive reached for a mere second.
If I kill myself in reality, I just want it to end like that time.

I was told about someone else’s experience during recovery after FTM top surgery. I was told they felt intense pain to the point of tears every time they had to drain their surgical tubes, and that they had to drain their tubes every 2 hours.
This sounds utterly bizarre. I’ve been doing lots of research and reading other first hand accounts of people’s experiences. The worst I’ve heard is that the drainage tubes can be mildly painful and most commonly that they’re extremely uncomfortable.
I’m highly suspicious that they must’ve been doing something wrong while squeezing out their drainage tubes. And every 2 hours? Even through the night??The only explanation I can possible think of is that this person must have some preexisting condition that caused complications.
This can’t possible be normal.
The worst part is that my mother heard this story and is now very concerned. She can’t take time off work to take care of me for the first few days. After all the research I’ve done and reading about other people handling recovery completely solo, I’m pretty confident I’d be able to take care of myself while she’s gone for the day. But after hearing this one person’s experience I think she’s lost all hope of me being able to take care of myself.
Is this person’s experience as abnormal as I think it is?
To anyone that has drained their own surgical tubes: Did you have to go easy on the pain killers in order to be lucid enough to handle that process? Could you go into excruciating detail on the exact steps you took to drain them each time and how often?
Any bright ideas of how to give my mother peace of mind? I’ve been doing research into getting a stay at home nurse temporarily. If anyone has any experience or advice with independent nurses please share.

As far as I remember, the book is a YA fantasy/dystopian type book with a large romance factor. I think it was about average YA book length, it's been several years since I read it but between 2018-2022 and I got it from my public library. It could have been hardcover, paperback, or on a kindle. It would've been a fairly new book. Minor spoiler warnings ahead as I include everything I remember about the plot.
The book has chapters that switch perspectives from a girl and a guy, both teenagers or young adults. At the start of the book they haven't met but they meet fairly soon in and I'm pretty sure it becomes a romance subplot (unsure how much it affects the main plot though). The girl is from a non-Earth planet with only women where everyone is a lesbian, except she's straight. (she has a crisis about this in the starting chapters.) I remember something with ribbons of different colors representing societal roles? It's a religious tradition on her planet to have human sacrifices every however many years; the priestess says the FL was divinely chosen she gets thrown off a cliff, causing her to land on Earth where the ML finds her in a crater. I don't remember much about the ML but the girl ends up finding secrets under the statues at her planet and the high priestess and whole religion is a fraud.

I feel so guilty. I’ve made so many changes to my diet due to poor health. So not only am I pescatarian, i’m also trying to reduce my overall sugar intake, intermittent fast, eat in a calorie deficit & I also fast for spiritual reasons on Wednesdays from sunrise to sunset. The issue is when I break one of these “rules” I feel TERRIBLE. And it makes me want to eat MORE.
For instance, my eating window is from 12-8. Last night I ate at 10pm while out with my friend. and to make matters worse it was a cookie. I’m trying to eat 1500 calories per day and that put me way over. Then today I got some clothes on the mail and tried them on. A lot of the clothes were too big. I lose weight and I suppose I may need a smaller size, but I still felt so bad because my body still looks fat. My arms are soooo fat and my back is sooooo wide and the numbers are going down but everything still looks so unflattering. For reference i’m 5’7 F, 160lbs. I know I’m of fairly normal weight but the proportions are off even with me losing weight. This made me distressed so I broke my wednesday fast today and ate an hour before sunset. I ordered a mushroom burger with cheese fries. 1218 calorie meal. I feel so guilty. So what did I do? eat some candy of course. I feel guilty about the cheese, guilty about ordering doordash, guilty about breaking my fast early, guilty about the high caloric meal.. It just makes me not want to eat at all tomorrow.
I’m always weighing myself. I weigh myself every morning, sometimes multiple times per day. I want to lose around 30 pounds but I can’t with this guilt. It just makes me eat more. and getting rid of the scale is such a big no-no. When i stop weighing myself I gain so much weight without realizing. Last time I got rid of the scale I got up to 199lbs…

I've been caring for my partner for about five years now. In reality, the conditions of his terminal condition should have killed him before we ever even met. This is a whole can of worms I'm trying to keep as short as possible so I realize it seems disconnected.
He has a whole "thing" about feeling like he never got choices in life and had everything thrust upon him against his will. It's his trigger. So I've always gone out of my way to make sure he feels like his life in his hands. Unfortunately, he's averse to actually making any said decisions. Whether it's what day to make a doctor's appointment to what he wants for dinner - I always have to decide. He goes on and on about never getting a say in anything but then actually refuses to make a choice about anything when offered.
And I've tried everything to get him into therapy. He absolutely refuses.
All he does is talk about his death. He yearns for it. His response to me telling him one of my family members died recently was that he was "jealous". He also talks about how violent his death will be and how he'll probably be alone. But he refuses to consider hospice because he says that's "giving up" or killing himself. However, every chance he gets if we end up in an argument, he'll threaten to kill himself. This always led me to believe that the angetrauma/baggage he brought from his childhood convinced him he wouldn't die unless blood could be on someone's hands - his death HAS to be someone's "fault". Sometimes, it feels like he's hanging on out of spite.
However, a thought recently entered my mind. Is this man waiting for me to tell him to die? Is he so devoid of the ability to make a decision he needs to [unfairly] force that decision onto someone else to make it happen? And if that's the case, if there is any reality to that theory whatsoever, what do I even do about it?
Yes, I'm tired of it all and there are so many days I regret the choices the led me to being a caregiver. My quality of life has suffered, also. But I still love him. And what kind of person would that make if I just started bringing home hospice pamphlets and told him "it's time"?
I mean, he's the one who constantly talks about wanting it all to be over and if I did have the choice, I'd prefer he die in drug-induced comfort via hospice as opposed to the unpleasant alternative that inevitably awaits him. But then I have to live as the person who told another human being to die. I don't want to have an "angel of mercy" title. And I have no idea how to even broach this to him, I don't even feel like I can.

Prior LEO ptsd troubles
A short background because it’s honestly too many things to go into. I started as a deputy when I was 23. I started as a cadet for the sheriffs office at 18, my first call I witnessed a guy put a 30-06 in his mouth and paint the tree behind him. Within my first year full time was involved In a shooting. First year chased a burglary suspect that carjacked two people and stabbed both. Had to watch a teenage girl burn to death screaming in a car and there was nothing we could do, we couldn’t get her out, couldn’t get the fire out, and her screams are burned in my brain, a 16 year old kid, on the way to school, never made it, and all you can do is watch, hear her scream until there was silence and then the fire department was finally able to get there, minutes too late. Numerous suicide calls. Two of them are seared into my mind. First was on Easter one year I got a call from Sgt asking me and the senior shift deputy to respond to a suicide that was a friend of his. The wife wore ear plugs and outer ear muffs because her husband snored so loud, anyways, the husband shot himself in the bed at night with a 38 to the head and the brain matter was all in her hair, she didn’t know until the kids ran in to wake up the parents for Easter baskets, dad of course didn’t wake up. The second was a 14yr old foster kid whose foster parents went to a movie on a super cold night and came out to not be able to find him. I found him in the back yard, he had hung himself with a dog leash on the swingset to the point to where to do so he had to consciously hold his legs off the ground until he had asphyxiated. Who knows how many other shit calls. But one other that still haunts me was my first child sexual torture. Was a 6 year old little girl whose grandmother called. Her POS dad would put a butter knife to a propane torch and insert it into her, put cigarettes out on her, and slice her private areas. As I went outside to the car to call Sgt and do the report, she ran up to me and demanded that I take her teddy bear in thanks for helping her. This was a decade before I had my own children, and I remember going out to the car and bawling like a baby.
These are the gist. I spent 12 years in law enforcement, worked everything from patrol, investigations, warrants, and ended in the schools as a resource officer. I never had a problem with the violent calls, the shots fired. In fact, those calls I felt most calm, I felt like it was my place because I knew what to expect, I could flick off the emotions and handle whatever came. What ended up getting me was death. The breaking point I was attempting to serve a civil paper and the house looked abandoned. I said, hell I’ll do my due diligence and make sure. As I walked around the back I saw in the window out of the corner of my eye a rope hanging from a ceiling fan, clothes, and a chair kicked over. I’d seen so many hangings before, in my mind I knew that’s what it was. But I couldn’t bring myself to confirm, I couldn’t see it anymore. I had to call my best friend on shift to look. All I could do was go back to my unit and just feel this broken helplessness. It turned out some kids had “hanged” a mannequin and it wasn’t a real person.
I spent the next 3 years after that in the schools and loved it, but I still hated my profession, because it had warped my life, affected every aspect of it irregardless of what I did. I ended up on meds, and ended up taking a job within emergency management and currently love that job.
On to the struggle or rather the question. As many of you know, even with meds the ptsd is still there. I ended up developing issues with loud noises and other things that I never had a problem with when I wore a badge.
I found myself drinking more now than ever. Not so much as an escape, but because I need to feel what I remember, or what’s burned in my brain. Have you had issues where you “know” what you’ve been through, you know how that should affect you and what emotions it should produce, yet you’re not able to get those emotions out that you feel you need to? For example, you are having a bad day of all those memories coming back and their taking over. You want so bad to break down, bawl, and yet it’s like you’re reading a book that someone else experienced it. You question is it real? Why do I have these memories and this pit inside of me that wants to get these things out and break down but it just won’t come out. When I say this I don’t mean it in a positive way that you’ve healed and the trauma no longer bothers you, I mean it grips you but you can’t release or invoke the physical response of what is the turmoil inside of you. I try to tell my wife the video morgan wallen made to “cover me up” is the closest to how life feels a lot of the time. And I can understand how people want to go back, because as fucked up as the experience, watour, job was, it made sense when you were in the grind. When you’re out, you’re alien to yourself, things are different, you’re different, it’s impossible to be normal or what society expects out of you. You’re stuck in between hating it for what it stole from you and did to you and longing for it to be back because in its own fucked up realm, it’s the only thing that makes sense. I’m still in emergency services, so I have a radio that has the frequencies to my prior agency and surrounding. I hear calls come across (the high risk ones) and I find myself when driving going into that mode and wanting to head towards the call. I still if in the area will back up units if they’re solo. It’s like the dangerous calls part I can’t get away from. Not that I receive a “high” off of them, but I feel the most calm and most normal during those type of situations. For those that have gotten out do you feel the same?
I’m sorry for the long read, it’s just not something that’s easy to paraphrase.

Hi - spouse of a teacher here and parent to 2 kids. We live in the northeastern US and I've recently found out how 1st year teachers are fired (or not offered a new contract) and I was curious if this is something common across the US or is maybe more localized. The process seems crazy.
So the school year goes Sept to mid-June. In my spouse's district non-tenured teachers (typically 1st year) are told in late April if they are being rehired for the next school year. If they are not rehired for the next year they can leave or they can stay the remainder of the year and get a recommendation letter. No idea if they get paid in full if they leave right away.
This seems crazy to me. To start, the recommendation letter with 1 year experience must be a red flag to any future schools. I can see that some teachers may leave voluntarily after 1 year, but most must be in the "not rehired" category. The biggest issue to me is that the administration would basically fire someone and then ask this same person who's in their early 20s with probably a ton of debt to stick around for 5-6 weeks in the same environment with the same kids and having no chance of getting rehired. Doesn't seem like a sane work environment and could be a potential danger to the kids.
I do realize that doing the sane thing is not what administration excels at but even this seems too far. Is this common for many schools or is my spouse's district unique?
One note: I work a white-collar job where if you are fired you are gone by the end of the day. Maybe other industries let people go similar to teachers and I'm just not aware.

I'm a lesbian and I thought my RJ was due to an inherent sexual aversion to men, and therefore, an aversion to my girlfriend sleeping with them in the past. I also thought maybe it was penis envy, that these men got to enjoy her in a way that I never will be able to. But clearly men struggle with this even though they get to have women in this same way as her previous lovers. So I am at a loss, and frankly have been surprising myself with my own very misogynistic views on sex. Such as that men "mark" women or take something from them, permanently taint their souls, meanwhile women can't do the same to men in return. I see women as these gifts to be consumed, and men as the consumers. I don't know if this is even true, though, or where this perception comes from. Can you help me challenge this toxic idea?
I see that straight women would probably be quick to challenge me here, and I welcome it, as I notice many post to this community lamenting their boyfriend's sexual history. I can't help but wonder what that side of the experience is like. For example this is how my RJ brain frames it: I'm hurt and resentful that your man reaped pleasure from reaching inside my girlfriend's soul which I see is an act that left her very vulnerable, and him, not vulnerable in the slightest. This is essentially how I see it. How do you? Do you see it that other women took something from him, too? That she perhaps took in your guy's soul for her own pleasure and then discarded him? I assume that women rarely actually reap pleasure from sex with men in casual hookups, so in my case - I assume my gf didn't get too much enjoyment with your guy. But maybe you would beg to differ. Maybe you would argue you assume your guy was the one who got the short end of the stick and that she was selfish. I really don't know.
I'm just trying to practice the idea of challenging my own assumptions and recognizing that they are just that – assumptions versus facts.

I hear a lot about how randoms don’t team play a lot, and think some sort of team work bonus would incentivize this. Cosmetics and revive / heal missions only do so much, and only attack the symptoms rather than the actual issue.
Revives are currently a waste of time if your teamates are bad, and with the respawn mechanics it can often just be a waste of time, so I understand why randoms and teamate may forgoe the res to get kills in gamemodes like quick cash. In addition, team co-ordination is entirely based on VC , which many people don’t have, or elect to not participate, while pings are not entirely the most effective comms.
In this case, and in taking into account the lacking state of the light class, I think some sort of team buff when fulfilling certain requirements is due.
An example of what I mean is: - extra 50 hp when within __ meters of teamates Or - speed boost for __ seconds after reviving teammate
I’m essentially suggesting short-term incentives or “rewards” for good team work, that could increase general cooperation within the game, and decrease the amount of issues with bad team work.

“My road has been long and weary, friend”, my annoyance with the bartender was surely obvious. I snatched the whiskey coke from the bar and sucked it down greedily.
“All I’m sayin’ is that it’s noon on a monday there, bud”, his cigarette-charred throat made him sound rougher than his years. Bud… I never really cared for that word, bud. Especially considering I was at least a hundred and fifty years his senior.
“I got all the time in the world”, I sighed, motioning at the empty glass. Without hurry, he refilled the cup. I turned from the bar and scanned the rest of the room, studying the empty chairs waiting for their next patron to arrive. Aside from the old farmer nursing on a corn-themed Busch can, it was utterly empty. It was days like these I hated the most.
I’ve spent many monday afternoons in taverns like these. I’ve also spent them rebuilding our nation after a bloody war, taking part in two more bloody wars overseas and helping countless folk along the way. I watched the Red Scare pull at those old seams, starved with my brothers and sisters during the depression and everything between. Somehow, someway, days like these were even worse.
Lethargic gluttony.
In all my years, all one hundred and sixty eight, this is far and away the most prosperous. It just seems that nobody cares. No more comradery through the pain, or maybe pain brings comradery? I think so.
One hundred and forty six years since I drank the water from a nondescript stream in the backyard of our childhood home. Sweet Lips, what a fitting name for the town it all started in.
I started a family once, maybe a decade after I’d first drank that crick water. We, Mary and I, had two kids, one who survived. I wish that I could say it was a happy life we led but she grew… suspicious. As we approached our 60th cycle around the Sun she became suspicious that my 20s-something face hadn’t aged a day during all that time. She fled and I wandered on alone.
I wedded twice more. My second wife, Isabella, took my things and ran off with another man… another man who I will get to later. Finally, there was Elizabath. Oh, how I loved that little spitfire, her sweet, freckled face. We’d met at a pub in the Bronx a couple years after the end of the second world war. I went to great lengths to hide my past, to hide how long I had really been around for. If it wasn’t for the brain cancer, that little spot on her pituitary gland, then I’m sure she would’ve found out and left anyways. That’s what I try to tell myself.
I will never love again.
“Ya’ alright there?”, I jumped, turning from the window back toward the gravel voiced gentleman staring uneasily my way.
“Just fine, the sunshine feels good”, I relished the dim warmth radiating from the window for a moment longer before shuffling back into the dingy midst of the Green Bottle Blues Inn. I hadn’t been to this bar before, though it felt similar to the hundreds of others I’d visited along my journeys through the American midwest.
“Another?”, the gravel-voiced man was washing out a glass in the dirty sink behind the bar, a damp towel clung limply to his shoulder.
“Sure, but I oughta’ get goin’ afterward”, my smile felt even emptier than the glass I slid toward the man. He glanced at me quizzically before pulling the bottle of whiskey down from the top shelf. I suppose, with enough time, you can afford even the finer things.
“What’s your name, fella?”, he returned the smile though his brow remained furrowed. He was studying me. No surprises there, fella, I’m a couple steps ahead of you.
“Tom, just Tom, not short for nothin’”, I replied, bringing the amber liquid to my lips. I took a deep pull and met the mans gaze. His eyes widened as he took an obvious step backward. Slowly, however, that professional smile returned to his lips.
“What brings you back here, Tom?”, his hands had disappeared beneath the bar, though his eyes stayed level with mine.
To these folks, I was the antichrist. I suppose I can’t blame them for the aggression.
“I was thinkin’ about paying my old brother a visit, as I’m sure you know”, I shrugged, struggling to get the last drop of Drambuie from the glass.
Truthfully, I hadn’t been welcome in Sweet Lips ever since my brother and I fell out all those years ago. All those decades ago. He chose a different route with his immortality.
The gravel-voiced man stiffened, revealing the double-barrel shotgun he had fished from underneath the bar. He stuck the barrel directly in my face.
“Jesus, you treat all your customers like this?”, I replied coolly, still clutching that empty thing in my hands. The man seemed to buckle a bit and laugh, a nervous chuckle it was.
“No sir, nobody but you”, he straightened himself up, revealing his massive frame. Big man, big man.
I stood slowly, leaning in close to the mans face as the barrel of his gun drew further back. His eyes were hectic, seemingly shaking in their deep sockets.
“He’s lead you astray, y’know”, I bared my teeth, my teeth which would've been dust if not for the water in that little stream.
The only thing that hurt as much as Elizabath, maybe even more, was watching my dear brother grow so bitter through the years. The only other person who shared this curse with me had chosen to do harm to those around him. It makes me sick.
I gripped the glass more harshly, swinging my arm toward the man's face. Suddenly, something stopped. I turned right and noticed the thick, rough hands clutching at my arm. The old man. The fucking old man.
The gun butt swung, and the world went quiet.
The church spire stood tall and obscenely white against the cloudless sky, bending almost imperceptibly at its tip like it was a misplaced set piece of a Tim Burton stop-motion film. Curled, decrepit grass jutted from underneath its foundations like dying hands reaching for help. A well made of gray stone and mortar resided no more than ten yards in front of the vestibule.
Two men clung at each arm, though I doubted I could make a run for it in my current state. A circle of various people surrounded the well, all of them were adorned in either red dresses or red suits.
In the very center of the group, standing directly behind the well, was an all-too-familiar face. He smiled, a hideous grin.
“I knew you’d come”, he hiccupped, trying to stifle a laugh. I could only watch helplessly, my obliterated nose filling my mouth with the coppery taste of blood.
“Tom”, his smile fell flat, his eyes burning through me with all the horrors of a thousand lifetimes, “I wanted you to have a front row seat”.
My brother, Timothy, began pulling at the rope hanging deep down in the well. A bucket, like most wells, was at the other end. He produced a knife and sliced the buckets fraying rope, careful not to spill any of its contents while doing so.
Timothy fell to one knee, presenting the receptacle to the man standing to his left. He accepted, bringing the rim of the bucket to his lips and taking a deep, satisfying pull. The man smiled, a sinister, deviant smile before passing the bucket onward.
“Soon, Tom, this world will be ours”, Timothy declared, his face remaining flat and emotionless.
As soon as the last of the townsfolk, the last member of the Sweet Lips Congregation, took a swig from the well water, the men released me. I fell in a heap. I never thought he would share the water, I knew I should’ve come sooner.
“Let him go, he’s gonna need a head start”, the immortal man spat.

Hello everyone.
I created this topic so we could share our opinions on the biggest human threat : DUFAUX !!!
WARNING : FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ GASH BELL 1 YET, THIS TOPIC WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS !!!
As you know, Dufaux possesses an ability called “Answer Talker” that allows him to do pretty much whatever he wants…
1 During the fight against Ropes, he was shown to be able to anticipate any attack his opponents used, and on a way greater scale than Apollo. This only ability is enough to make him a very dangerous human. But this doesn’t stop here.

2 In a flashback of his childhood with the mad scientist, he is described as someone able to find the answers to “some of the greatest questions that plague mankind”, no less….

3 After the first fight against Clear, he appeared out of nowhere, read everyone’s mind and gave them advice that allowed all the nakamas to become monsters in only 10 months. Kanchome went from being one of the weakest crybaby ever to Aizen in only 3 days…

4 Before the final battle, he set up several strategies, I’m refering to Umagon and Sunbeam switching to “Plan J” after the first use of Shin Kuria, to anticipate Clear’s potential moves.

5 80 days before the final battle, he was also able to tell that Clear was “90% healed” and he added that he was worried about an hidden power Clear had. He was not able to read his power level or understand the true nature of Shin Kuria Seunousu, though…

This guy is literally a walking cheat code. And this can be a problem : he has to be nerfed in some way so the plot can progress. He revealed way too many abilities after Zeon’s defeat. Fighting full power, he now really seems almighty. And considering that, as Raiku said in a tweet in 2013, Zeon would end up getting a shin-level spell, how could anyone beat them if they joined forces again ? Could you imagine that ? Full-power Dufaux + Shin-level user adult Zeon is absolute overkill… One thing is sure : this is not going to happen anytime soon… So here are several questions :
- Where is he and how big will his part be, in Gash 2 ?
- Will he ever meet the mad scientist again ?
- Will he and Zeon ever get Baou before Gash probably gets it back ?
Personally, I believe he has a key role to play. As far as we know, Beliel’s priority is to target the humans from the top 10. Dufaux finished 12^th. Him not being one of the main targets is a HUUUUUUGE mistake… Or maybe he has already found him, after he “captured” ( or worse… ) Zeon ? Impossible for Dufaux not to know what is currently happening in the human world… He must have “sensed” something. So, where is he ?
For the mad scientist, I’m not sure he will meet him… Although I would truly like to know more about that man and the weapons he was trying to create using Dufaux abilities and the results of his studies, he doesn’t really seem central to the current plot. Considering how Dufaux hates him, I’m surprised that he didn’t use his AT to find where he lives, after he and Zeon met each other, to give him the Zigadirasu treatment… Plot convenience, I guess. Dufaux would have been so pissed that he would have unlocked Zigadirasu Shin Zakeruga right from the start of the battle…
Finally, Baou… Somewhere on the net, maybe here, maybe not, I’ve read a theory that Beliel would give BAOU to Zeon and use his anger in order to make it evil again without having to sacrifice his own life. I like that theory because it would give Zeon a chance to prove his father wrong once and for all. Also, it would be a perfect opportunity for him and Dufaux to show their growths. No more hatred, no more sad power… These two deserve a redemption arc, to be honest.
What do you guys think ?
PS : English is not my mother tongue. Don’t hesitate to tell me if something isn’t clear 😊
https://preview.redd.it/tzhtxq48no0d1.png?width=600&format=png&auto=webp&s=2652f00803e0404429253a72e6aae4c0a8d4cd62
https://preview.redd.it/oc7u1r48no0d1.png?width=573&format=png&auto=webp&s=af206595c587d3fba2aca033c8322d1a4546b64a
https://preview.redd.it/v9kq9t48no0d1.png?width=608&format=png&auto=webp&s=7d96b6428e79361aa8b0ded47c71aa56feb52863
Raiku's tweet about Zeon : 雷句誠 sur X : "@kota5000 ジガディラスは強い。でも、ファウード戦で出たあのウルはまだシンに負ける。そう、詳しくは言えないが、ゼオンもいつかシンに匹敵する術を身につけるのだよ。" / X (twitter.com)

My (27) Male boyfriend and I (25) female have been together for almost four years, our relationship has not been the most perfect one and kindly admit I have let pretty bad things slide, including **cheating** **lying** and **manipulation**. All of this time I have separated from him twice.... last time we went back to the relationship after being almost six months apart, because after all his slip ups I decided to come back, I went on a week trip to Costa Rica and he decided to dig in to a USB drive I had left in my apartment, finding pictures of me with two of my ex boyfriends who were highly abusive to me. To be fairly honest, I have not used the drive for a long time, sometimes I upload pictures in that same drive and never see the ones from my ex's, however he got so triggered about seeing me with other men, that we broke up. It seems that he has this sense of being the victim and in my eyes, he is being unfair. After everything I have forgiven him, when it's his turn to see something not exactly pleasant, he OVERLY victimizes himself and makes a HUGE drama. Like if I had to beg him to forgive me. I don't consider him a bad person, but he has pretty bad trauma from past relationships and the main source is in his home, his mother has NOT been a good mother at all..... he is the middle child and always seems to get ignored, mistreated and abused by her.
For the past six months, we've been pretty good, he has slowly but surely worked on his trauma, past self and toxic habits. However, he has a tendency to become angry and other times I have seen him talking very badly about people in general, two months ago he went through a very harsh depression. That led us to almost separate Again. He gets pretty toxic, self destructive and tends to be really pitiful with himself. Over time, I have decided to stop making myself the hero of the relationship and let things be, I was there for him but was not going to interfere in the process. Since, after all, in my mind I think he is looking for a mother figure and I am not that.
Yesterday, I needed to do a one long day trip to my main city, he decided to join me but I warned him that I would be staying with my family, (which he usually gets pretty uncomfortable in, doesn't like family environment) and he agreed. My car's temperature got up and needed to make a quick stop at a gas station to make sure everything was ok. Going back to the road, I started analyzing why I had forgotten to add cooler to my car's engine, which seem like a very simple task, I was wondering why sometimes I tend to forget very easy but key tasks and was feeling kind off down with myself.
Instead of helping me feel better, giving me some words of encouragement or at least listening to me, he started describing to me other scenarios in which I have failed myself precisely by forgetting simple but key tasks. Excusing himself saying that he was giving me ''useful data for me to know how to improve''. I got a little pissed off, since It seemed like he wanted to turn a moment of frustration with myself into a problem of HIS and make me feel worse. I sometimes battle with certain tendencies I have, like PTSD, ADHD and lying patterns, I used to lie to pretend things were not wrong, etc. And I, myself, was honest to him about it around three months ago, letting him know, that I felt really bad with myself because of it. In the car, while on the road, additionally from telling me other scenarios where I had forgotten things, he also took the chance to let me know that It was my last chance before I got '' another little lie'' out, telling me how insecure I make him feel and that I have a big problem. I understood his side, I heard him and let him know multiple times that I am trying my best and that it is in my intentions to continue my therapy to avoid any future conflict or harm to myself or others, but in those interactions all I got was him not listening at all, being conflictive, telling me to stop the conversation because we are going nowhere and cold reactions.
I decided to keep quiet and not make a big deal about it, but something in me is really turned down.... during the visit with my family I did what I had to do and PAID for everything, dinner, breakfast, gas, emergency supplies etc. but I didn't even want to touch him, I feel drowned and had the urge to get away from him. He acted like a cold stone during the entire visit, making it harder for me, instead of being a nice trip. All I can think about right now, is that I can no longer idealize him in my mind, he's bad with me, uses things like this as an excuse for his poor behavior in the past, rubs in my face the changes he's faced to become a better person when angry and acts like a whole pure narcissist. I am NOT a bad person, I know my mistakes and consider this IS NOT FAIR. And I am not going to play this game again. I feel like I'm really done. When we got home, I said absolutely nothing, left him in his apartment and haven't talked to him at all.
AITA for not validating his drama, going after him and talking more sense into him?

Hi, I was sexually assaulted in my apartment building by a complete stranger who is a resident and it was all caught on CCTV. I had reported it to the police on early morning that same night 12/5, reported it to security and saw the CCTV myself and security wrote a statement with timestamps. Also I emailed the manager that same night 12/5 at 00:45.
I did not stay in my building on that night and I stayed at my friends house because I felt very scared and shaken up and unsafe. I returned to the property that evening as the police had said that they were going to come to my building to speak to me however they didn’t and we had a phone call instead where they made me aware that they were sent the cctv and a written statement by my security guard. On Monday morning 13/5 around 11:30. I had anticipated that management would have said something to me. However the manager had not yet replied to my email so I went downstairs to speak to them. Unfortunately I did not record the conversation however the information disclosed during the conversation would not be information that I would know had we not had that conversation and I also followed up with an email to confirm that we had a meeting and that he was still in the building, that morning 15:28. During the meeting the managers had made me aware that they had not removed him and that he was still in the building living in the building with no consequences. As a previous residential advisor in my old university for 2 years I know how safeguarding works. This was very alarming for me and I was very scared to still be there. During this meeting the main manager disclosed that the man is living in an apartment rented by the company. He works for who rent 7 to 8 apartments within my building. It was also suggested that because he’s from another country this might just be his customs but what he did was absolutely sexual assault and I don’t think sexual assault is a custom of any country. Also the other manager suggested that one of the options of the situation would be that I leave, not him but myself. They also made several comments asking me if he was drunk or high however the things he was saying during the interaction are not the things that you would say if you are not sober he was competent enough to do what he did and also apologise and also we had a conversation in both English and Spanish as I speak both and I could tell he spoke Spanish so I spoke to him in Spanish and he apologised in Spanish so that’s not a drunk or high man. Also following this meeting I had asked for a list of things that she said that they were going to email me following this meeting and that they were getting in a meeting with the senior management on that same day. I did not stay in the building that night either as I felt very unsafe and completely not safeguarded by my building who claim to have a 24/7 security. Also despite knowing a crime had occurred within their building they did not send any mass email alerting the residence of the building that there is a criminal in the building. And in the meeting, they also did say that this is the first time something like this has happened in this building.
They still hadn’t emailed me by Tuesday. On Tuesday, they sent me an email at 9:30. In this email they said they were having another keyword* (and in the meeting, they also did say that this is the first time something like this has happened in this building) another meeting with the senior managers and they were going to tell me the result of this meeting by 11:30 on the same day. At 10:18 they emailed me to tell me the resident would be removed that same day however before this email they called me to which I said just email me as I think it’s important to have a paper trail of this whole situation. Also, some of the information I requested was sensitive information so I will have to go through the GDPR person to get this information which is fine. I will do this. At 14:37 they emailed me to make me aware that the occupier of the apartment has now vacated the premises. In the email they also gave me a link to their complaints procedure as they can anticipate that I am going to sue the fuck out of them for their negligence. Also, whilst all of this was going on, I am a masters student and I was meant to have an exam on Monday however due to the whole situation I was very shaken up and I meant to have an exam on Thursday and I mentally cannot bring myself to do that, so theyre also affecting my education as I will have to do my exams in August whilst also doing my thesis at the same time, which will be very stressful. I have also spoken to my GP who has given me a not fit for Work note and everybody at my university to do with well-being and security and support who I could have possibly spoken to. I have also spoken to the mental health support at my life insurance. And I am waiting for counselling victim support from the police. I am still going through the contract however the contract does state that tenants need to follow the house rules and if you don’t follow the house rules the landlord can kick you out immediately.
Can you please give me advice on if I have a case or if I don’t have a case as I can’t believe how they’ve handled well not handled this situation at all despite knowing that somebody was sexually assaulted in their building and also the man who sexually assaulted me knew what floor I lived on And they didn’t even try and move me to a different apartment just temporarily whilst they sorted him leaving. I have lived here since October and my tenancy will be over in October. The criminal investigation is still ongoing and I haven’t gone to the police to make my official statement yet as it has not been assigned to an officer, however that is separate from this.
Please help me I am genuinely so angry. I cannot believe that this is the situation that I’ve been in and that this is how this has been handled.

Hi all,
Long time Linux user here. Like, my first Linux machine was in 1998 or so running whatever Red Hat version was popular then, and I've been running some form of Linux ever since in server capacities. I've also been running VMware since v3 around 2011, and I've toyed with Proxmox CE on and off for a few years. So I get Linux, and I get virtualization. But I'm still hitting a wall.
I went through this tutorial using a spare Dell PowerEdge R720 with Xeon CPUs, 192 GB of RAM, and Solid State drives that lives in our data center in .
It's IP in my internal network at the data center is, let's say, "192.168.11.93". It's not, but why would I post internal network stuff on the internet???
I can SSH into it, as well as get to the console via Enterprise iDRAC over the site-to-site VPN tunnel between my office and the data center.
I ran into a problem getting the 28-29 services to start, but found the solution here.
I theoretically can now get to my openstack-horizon interface on (according to the server) http://10.21.21.12:80/operstack-horizon.
This leads to problem #1: I don't have a graphical UI on this server. I purposefully did a minimal Ubuntu Server 22.04 LTS install, because VMware servers don't have a graphical UI on them either, and I don't want to waste memory on a graphical UI that I'll rarely access directly. Sure, I could install the graphical UI and then set the default environment to multi-user, but I come back around to "why waste the disk space and resources for something I'm going to access from the console rarely?"
So I'm wondering how I take the IP address they gave me for the openstack-horizon UI and make it accessible via the server's IP address, http://192.168.11.93/openstack-horizon. Firewall rule, or is there something cleaner? If it's a firewall rule, is there a template for this somewhere for me to look at?
Then there's problem #2: Let's say I have 10 physical servers and I want them all running openstack in a high availability cluster. I seem to have just set up a cluster on this server; I'm guessing I can join the other servers to this one. But what if this server dies? Is there a way to set up a virtual machine that acts as the cluster management interface? Or do I need a physical server for this? And if it's a physical server for this, how do you ensure you can get to the cluster if the physical server dies? In VMware, this is solved with a virtual machine that lives on shared storage and is migrated within the cluster as needed. Is there a similar openstack solution to this?
Problem #3 is down the road a little bit, but I want to connect my openstack servers to my SAN via iSCSI. I see the iSCSI initiator service is out there. I assume I just configure this with Ubuntu, set a target path like "/mnt/sanX/volY", and then rinse, lather, repeat for all servers?
Problem #4: Live migrations... is it a thing between members of the cluster?
I'm sure I'm putting some carts before some horses here. I'm just trying to migrate my knowlege-base from VMware to Openstack, and any help would be appreciated. I think Problem #1 is the obvious first one to tackle.
Thank you, in advance, for your patience!

Sexual guilt and shame 21(F)
Over the past few months I’ve been thinking of things I’ve done with past sexual partners and feeling shame because of how my current boyfriend reacted to me telling him that I already had sex with 2 other guys (within committed relationships — 1 of them sorta.. we had more of a talking phase but we had gone out on more than 5+ dates ) another one within a commited relationship I never had sex with but we did a few things so 4 partners including him. I however, was the first person he had sex with and I’m his first girlfriend.
I had started dating kind of young with the idea that I HAD to marry my first boyfriend no matter the cost, got me into lots of trouble and then he left me out of the blue. I kinda then dated people out of wanting the experience and love but they always turned too sexual and I always thought that’s what you were supposed to do when you like someone. I had only ever had sex with them once and then I left cause things just didn’t work out and the situation leading up or after sex just went sour , I always felt bad about that but I stood my ground about wanting a healthier relationship even after doing the unhealthy thing… worse part is I just kind of let these things happen acknowledging that it might’ve not been the best idea.
I met my boyfriend and I was head over heels, he wasn’t sexually forward, he was polite and the sweetest. He won my heart by always wanting to spend time with me and having a solid heart of gold. However, a little less than dating he had gotten EXTREMELY cold and angry at me because he had thought that I was someone who would go to parties and have sex with anyone before I met him because of some post that was about being “overstimulated” he misunderstood the post but realized he knew nothing of my past. I never told him cause he never asked.i would’ve told him but the way he was so mad I was scared . He literally threw a fit when I had told him my “body count” I was honest. He told me he just didn’t want other guys to look at me and be like “ yeah I fuckedddd his b!tch & whatever “ “ he saved ms.305” we had a lot of tension and arguments about it for like a month, half of it was me being extremely upset that he was ever like that with me. I felt shame that I was the first he’d ever been with and he wasn’t mine I still had this mentality over the perfect love story.
In the end, he apologized a million times and made up for it. He said that he had accepted it and doesn’t even think about it. Just didn’t want to have someone with a high body count 5+ ( note: I only agree because people with higher counts (10+)tend to not be reliable within relationships IN MY EXPERIENCE , I know it doesn’t apply to everyone, I really don’t judge I still even give him the side eye for judging people for that when he knows nothing of their life but he stands by it. Understandable it’s just the way he says it sometimes) It actually brought us closer in a lot of ways. Our communication, the way we handle problems, our tempers, and overall we’ve actually been extremely happy. I love this man with all my being. I just don’t want to self sabotage with these insane thoughts.
Later, he tells me that he had gone on 15+ dates all with different women and that he had been sexual with at least 4 of them, in a way I was very relieved and happy because it seemed more even. But then maybe realized he was projecting onto me ? I still feel shame about some of it but that’s because of this weird attitude towards sexual women that men tend to have . I feel better writing out and seeing that I really have nothing to worry about but now I can’t accept that I did these things sometimes and it makes me feel shame and guilt when I remember I did certain things with my past partners. Nothing ever so crazy but you know your 16 year old lust. I am getting over it but I don’t know. I don’t want to ruin my relationship thinking I’m not worthy somehow.