Txting chains

To start off I know that I am a 5 year old idiot.
Anytime my wife gets a txt from someone and isn’t around to respond I reply with dumb comments like “cat penis”. I am a 33 year man with the since of humor of a 5 year old I know.
Last night my wife was cooking diner and left her phone on the couch next to me. After several txt tones I quickly picked it up, glanced and the name, thinking I read her sisters name I replied “cat penis” and tossed the phone down.
Immediately her phone starting blowing up with more and more txts.
What I didn’t know was the name was close to her sister but was actually a work group with about 15 people in it, one being a VP.
For context my wife works for a well know Financial institution. They were all very unamused with my txt.
I have never seen my wife be so mad and laughing at the same time. I am now banned from touching her phone and for the first time ever I said the sentence, “I am sorry I txting everyone at your work cat penis, but at least I didn’t have time to google a picture this time”
My wife is now at work and not responding to my messages, I really hope I didn’t get her fired for saying cat penis.
TLDR: responded to my wife’s work group txt chain with the phrase “cat penis” thinking i was sending it to her sister.
Update: my wife is home from work. Everyone avoided the chat conversation all together other than a awkward look this morning. I am however still banned indefinitely from sending any random or nonsense phrases from her phone.

I made a throwaway because *whew* this is highly embarrassing
I dated a dismissive avoidant a couple years ago. He was a decent man, and pursued me really hard because (in hindsight) he thought I was out of his league. I didn't really see a future with him bc we didn't have much in common. I stayed tho because he made me feel good about myself which I confused with like. Some point I convinced myself that I would disappoint him, ended up sabotaging a bit. He was really expressive about his feelings, etc, then I got depressed and pushed him away. He became distant and I dumped him a month later. Still, neither of us ever really got over the other.
Anyway, I ended up reaching out to him this year after I failed my class. I realized I was self sabotaging and wanted to ask him for advice on how to be happy. He was only person I knew who talked about trying to be happy. This led to long email chain talking about nothing. We were both supposed to graduate, and he did so I gave him a gift. When I gave it to him, he brought up no strings attached sex. I was disappointed, but I didn't want to be with anyone at the time, so I said yes (plus I was pretty horny). Later he denied saying he wanted no strings attached and said we will talk about it in person. We never ended up talking in and he was really hard to get ahold of unless it was about sex specifically. I don't think he just wanted to have sex because in the past when I wanted to just have sex, he turned me down and said he can't just sleep with any woman outside of a relationship. I think he was unsure and after being dumped, he didn't trust me not to reject him again.
Lonnnggg story short, because it's not really about him, he ended it after a couple of months. Because I asked if he would talk to me without sex. He said he wouldn't answer (we were txting - a mistake I know but we couldn't see each other much bc of lockdown) then proceeded to ignore me. It triggered me because he never did that before and I hate being ignored. I texted like crazy that night, and he ended it a week later.
He told me he had a girlfriend. This is not true, but I was really shocked. Not that it was over, but he refused to even talk. I told him to block me because I would call him. He did, but I called him from another phone and he wouldn't talk still.
**The embarrassing part*\*
I showed up at his house one night a few days later. It was impulsive. Idk why I went, I wasn't really thinking at all. I sat on his front porch while his family watched. I didn't feel embarrassed at the time, I was running on pure anxiety. I never experienced anxiety before. Stress definitely but not severe anxiety. I couldn't eat or sleep since he ended it. Yet, when I sat there, I felt calm and sleepy.
I left when he refused to talk. Still, and this is the CRAZY part, I still held some hope that we would be together. I started to write him a letter that I intended to send one day in the future when I was better. I emailed him about a month later to let him know, and he told me not to send it and he wouldn't read it.
Ok, this is awful so pls don't judge too much. I used my google voice number to text him. He blocked me. So I changed the number. I did this like 20 times. At one point, he called me. I picked up and told him it was an accident so he hung up. After this, I felt calm. This is when I knew it was that I didn't want him, only wanted him to be interested. I called back and he didn't answer. So I kept texting and calling. For days. I felt almost out of control, like I couldn't see straight or think clearly at all.
The thing is I was really terrified. I realized I sabotaged the relationship by even agreeing to it. It all clicked how I made myself so unhappy all these years, and I was scared if I didn't change I would kill myself. For the first time in years, I was thinking about suicide (but no intent or desire). So I started opening up to people, my friends and family. It was a huge weight off my shoulder, and they helped me to stop. It felt so fucking painful to lose him, even though I knew it was not about him. But after years of being fucking miserable, I was so desperate to change that I actually did the right thing and left him alone. It hurt for months, I only now am over it. It feels so weird that I missed him but I didn't really want him.
He led me to attachment theory. Trying to figure how he was able to just cut me off, and I ended up figuring things out about myself.
I realized that I used all my relationships with men as an arena for my self hatred. I chose men I knew I had no future with, yet still felt attached. I refused to be their girlfriends, and said let's just sleep together. Except with the DA, because after we slept together I still liked dating him in public. But I kept all my relationships compartmentalized away from my friends, family. Eventually, they all became distant, and I pursued each one til the bitter end. I realized very early that I was using them to cry. Every time they hurt me, I cried. But I was really crying about my life (primarily my grades bc I was struggling but too ashamed to ask for help).
Once I realized that, I stopped caring about the dismissive avoidant. Now it hurts my pride how much I degraded myself over him, but honestly I'll never see him again. And I will never ever do that shit again.
Ok, so does this sound like a fearful avoidant?

So I've know this girl for about 3 years but became friends only 1 year ago and been best friends since
Ft= face time/video call
Story: she has been manipulative and attention seeking and I've noticed it was worsening my already bad mental state because she would make me feel like I'm an asshole for everything she did to me. Now my amazing sister pointed out to me what shes doing and obviously I got frustrated. So i started to not give her that attention shes seeking and not answering her fts until I felt comfortable talking about her being manipulative etc. And I would say I'm not in the mood or whatever which was true bc I wasnt in the mood for her shit. And she got very mad at me today bc she thought I was avoiding her or somthing. And instead of asking if were good or if somthing hapened she said" what are your reason for not picking up? Not being social?"etc. Being very aggressive. Then I explained that I dont need to give her my attention 24/7 and that I'm not some item to be used whenever she wants. She started getting mad saying things like "oh so you want to not keep in contact?"(we live 3 hours apart and met at an overnight camp) and I explained that no i want to keep in contact that why i have been txting you I just dont want to ft. And she was getting mad that I should have told her that I didnt like to ft. Then got mad bc she called me when crying and i had no idea, she disnt say anything,she normally calls when shes bored or whatever. So I didnt think anything of it. That's when I started feeling like shit. I felt like it was my fault I didnt pick up and made her cry. So I started saying sorry and saying I'm gonna be more transparent etc. When really shes the one that started this argument all bc I didnt answer her call bc I dont want to be manipulated.
am I the asshole?
Tldr: girl that I'm friends with is mad at me bc I didnt pick up her phone calls. But I didnt pick up bc she had been manipulative and attention seeking.
Sorry it's long:p
Ps: I cant stop being friends with her like I would like to ,bc I've already signed up for the camp we go to together and all my other friends arent going so I need her to survive there. And I cant unsign up bc if I dont go ita a chain of ppl that wont go and I dont want to do that to my other friends
Thanks for reading :p

For a year, me (44M) + my daughter (15F), E, haven’t been in contact.
E cut me off after I cheated on exwife (43F) with a 27F I met @ a hotel on a work trip (gf) . After 8 mo of the affair + therapy, my wife (A) decided to divorce. It’s a long story but this was for the best. E disagreed- she told me I was throwing my life away w gf. I gave them a great settlement- they keep our house, I keep my mom’s house. I make generous support payments. I agreed to concede custody of E, who then gave me an ultimatum- I either broke up w gf, or lost contact w her. I chose to lose contact w her, hoping she’d come to her senses. We haven’t seen each other or spoken since, except for when she called me to yell @ me for not reaching out on her bday, or when she texts me to ask for money. Me + A still talk, and she mentioned to me a new theater in town that her + E love. She told me to avoid it so E wouldn’t have to run into me + gf, who has since moved to the US and into my mom’s house w me shortly after my mom died. But a few mo later, gf began asking me to go to the new theater. We began going.
One night, E sees our car in the parking lot. She calls me in a rage, screaming, crying + telling me to leave, along w using vulgar language. Fortunately, the theatre has a good return system, so I left. A then called me + told me not to return, but I told her I refuse to be banned from places when we live in the same town. Me + gf continued to go, and E began occasionally txting in advance to tell me not to go to the theater that night, which I respected. E saw my car + begged me to leave 2x more- and I did.
A few weeks later, me + gf were @ an indie movie (this theater shows movies that chain theaters don’t, which is why I haven’t stopped going.) Apparently, E was in the audience w friends. After the movie, she called me in tears, calling me a motherfucker + a vile human being. She told me not to go back to the theater, saying I had humiliated her in front of friends. I refused to be barred from the theater, and hung up when she began calling gf a whore. I then called A to tell her that E should not use bad language toward me, and threatened to lessen E’s future payments + car allowance. A then berated me, saying that if I couldn’t respect E, she shouldn’t respect me. She also mocked gf’s height + spending habits, calling her a whore. She then threatened to make me have visitation with E under a morality clause, which means gf can’t stay in my house during visits. I hung up, humiliated by this in front of gf.
E + A are both mad @ me for refusing to not return to the theater, but I think I shouldn’t be banned from a public place, especially when it’s the only one showing the indie movies gf + I love. They have argued that since we never went together and me + gf didn’t go until after A’s warning, I shouldn’t return. I’m willing to not go on nights when E has tickets, but I don’t think I should be banned. AITA?

read the past post here https://redd.it/5qey2o
Ok so here is an update: We went to counseling, multiple session over the month, separate and individual. Things seemed to be going well. I started stepping up my date night game and going out. All that seemed to be going well. One thing I did find out later after my first post was that she admitted to messaging/txting some one from her college days.
Then during one Session I asked if she had ever “talk” to the person she was rekindling (voice not just message/txt) she said no. Well turns out on the phone bill there were multiple long voice calls. She says she just didn’t want to hurt me and it was past and we are working on it and doing well… okay strike 1.
So now I am a bit paranoid, but still we are going out alot, took a few days of for spring break and headed to the beach with kids.. Had a GREAT time, got home a few days later, hired a sitter and saw a concert. Had an awesome time.
Well I sit down to try to install something on her computer.. My paranoia gets the best of me and I click sent items. Guess what. Emails back and forth between her and this other college friend. Things like “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since last month”. “I want to meet”. Etc. etc.. Time frame was when we were all together at a hotel during spring break!!!
And then farther down the chain a picture (SFW) of her attached laying on a bed.
Well I freak out, of course confront her and finally she admits it yes blah blah i am sorry ..whatever, sorry for being caught. Then I check the phone bill, truns out during this concert we are having a good time at, she was txting him.
Ok I am done. Have my lawyer working everything up now. That's all folks!