Hello everyone! I have been abroad for 6 months now. I am studying the language at university and soon I will have to apply to universities (also I have 2 different language examines in 2 month which I don’t prepare. And I have to learn some math topics). Needless to say, I was going to start looking for universities 6 months ago?
At first I studied the language very hard and diligently, sometimes even too much, but from March things started to be not so good, however my life has been on "pause" since mid-April. I'm trying to force myself to do something, but it's not working. And I have a lot of things to do and I am very much ashamed, as everything is paid by my parent.
I had it in the past when I spent a lot of money on tutoring and training, and then dropped out without finishing. And also there were failures with rejections from schools and universities, because I first studied a lot and then stopped.
But now I can't do that, as my future is at stake. How can I get myself back into a rut? Just so you understand, I'm not just talking about studying or settling down in a new country, but I can't even bring myself to wash dishes and floors. Even though I hate dirt.
I don't have the option to take vacations because studying is on a schedule, and poor grades increase the chances of visa cancellation. And also I don't have the option to postpone my enrollment for a year as we are limited in funds for only 1 year abroad. And unfortunately medications I can't take right now either. If you have had such experience and some exercises etc helped you, please share.
Thank you all, have a nice day!

I struggled with BB during my teenage years, and now I’m in my 20s, and every doctor I spoke to now tells me I don’t have it anymore. this sickness mess up with your head because you can’t smell yourself, and the possibility of still having it. I am now trying to heal from this trauma, and accept that I am healthy now. I want to share everything i know and I advise the people who are not sure to straight out ask a doctor to tell you, don’t continue living without knowing and believe them because they have nothing to gain by lying.
Okay now what did i do?
I went to a dentist and told them to fix every cavity I have, and now I regularly visit (every 5~6 months) to get professional cleanup and to check! Someone posted about biofilm cleaning, and I recommended it 100%!! It made my teeth whiter, and it reach between the teeths too! It’s more expensive though.
(I'm planning to ask to include my tongue and cheek during my upcoming bioflim cleaning)

• Clean your teeth and tongue 2~3 times a day; invest in electric brush and better brands of mouthwash; stay away from harsh alcohol that will make ur mouth dry.) Sometimes i’ll buy one designed to strengthen and heal the gums, don’t forget about them.

I also removed my wisdom teeth; they were useless and hard to clean as they trapped food.
If you plan to have crowns or already have them, make sure they are done by a crown specialist, so they they fit perfectly and don’t trap food etc, i had to replace mine.

• I went to an otolaryngologist and checked if everything was okay! I checked for tonsil stones too! When my nose gets stuffy, I clean it with a syringe and normal-saline 0.9%.
  
• i I went to a stomach doctor because, at the time, I was experiencing recurrent symptoms of vomiting and stomach pain every two weeks. The doctor told me I have GERD and prescribed medication, I thought it must be the cause of my bb.. However, I didn't feel comfortable with the idea that he diagnosed me based on a conversation, so I went to a larger hospital where they performed a test on me. I was asked to drink something to simulate stomach acid, and they made me lie down somewhat upside down while watching my stomach movements through an x-ray. Turns out, I don't have GERD! and I stopped taking the medicines since they would have, at worst, made me sicker.
  

You're going to ask now, so what exactly was the issue? My diet was the issue. I cooked very little at home, consumed a lot of fast food—such as pizza, burgers, and Pepsi— ate spicy food, didn't drink enough water, and didn't eat enough fruits and steamed vegetables. I also consumed sweets and drank tea and coffee every day! My weight wasn’t a problem so i ate everything.
I ask you to listen to me and eliminate processed sugar, the greatest culprit, as soon as possible! The first two weeks will be difficult, but your body will thank you; you'll see improvements in your skin, reduced acne ; your tongue will heal and turn pink; your teeth chance of having decay is lower too!
eating healthy and exercising to remove the body toxins has made even my sweat smell like nothing! It just smells like my skin's natural scent—I had no idea it was possible—so doing the reverse will do the opposite! And begin your day with a cup of warm herbal tea—there are some really good & delicious varieties available! You gonna find something u like.

• ❗️I would like to emphasize the importance of still consuming healthy sugars like fruits or real honey Which helps with fighting bb, To ensuring its authenticity. Pour the honey; if it flows quickly and is very thin, it is fake. It usually super chaep too.
  
• I do not support the use of antibiotics without a prescription or the practice of overdosing in the belief that it will speed up the healing process; in reality, it only serves to make the harmful bacteria more resilient and powerful. probiotics is better! I eat a combination of pills and food like plain yogurt or kombucha. Natural remedies are the superior option
  
• I took a 1-week course of Senna Leaf Pills , I ate them before bed with plenty of water, they will empty your gut by morning. A friend who tried them reported seeing things that seemed like it was stuck inside him for a long time. 😵 However, caution is advised as it can be risky (only once a year) a good reviewed brand - and avoid if you have conditions like stomach ulcers
  
• not a fan of gum or mint! If I went out eating, I would make sure to go to the restroom afterward to wash my mouth with warm water, and I'd use an xylitol or a probiotic mouth spray; it simulates the saliva and is way better way to cleanse while letting your mouth rest from all the chewing.
  
• If I am out on a long trip, such as being in the airport, I will definitely bring a travel kit to brush my teeth. I know it might feel embarrassing to do it in public, but it's even more embarrassing if your breath worsens and you didn’t do anything about it.
  
• Have faith in your recovery and focus on your mental well-being; your body will follow your mind! Anxiety and stress have been linked to gastrointestinal issues, dry mouth, and others. you determine how to handle it, by remaining optimistic or by not giving a f*ck, or by speaking with a psychiatrist (online session are available if you would rather not meet) etc.
  

And that’s it. I'll add if I remember something. I hope I added anything of value, wish you all the best.

*System Restart\*
I blinked at the text hanging in the air.
A small image of da Vinci’s vitruvian man did calisthenics underneath the words. More information scrolled upwards.
HumanOS Version: 1.0 Model: Vincent J. Carter Serial: 987-65-4329 Battery: 1560 @ 100% Memory: 640/640 Provider: None Network: None Credits: 9360 Expansion: None
The words flashed then swirled and transformed into a small translucent cog that hovered in the top right corner of my vision. Other icons floated into existence across the top of my vision, just like the info bar on a cellphone. An (8E) symbol, signal bars at 100%, and a full battery symbol. The time was currently 16:43 and it was Thursday, June 16th 1885
“What the heck?” I muttered, my voice loud in the silence of the ruined room.
I focused on the cog and a series of icons filled my vision. It took me about two seconds to understand that I could move them around using nothing more than my thoughts.
App Store, Calculator, Calendar, Camera, Clock, Gear, Inventory, Map, Notes, System.
“Did… Am I somehow mentally fused with my smartphone?” I wondered aloud. The timeless chaos and the voice were fading to dreamlike memories, a nightmare event that scratched at the edge of my sanity and threatened to overwhelm me. Did that entity think that the cellphone was some part of me?
“Okay, no worries. Let’s get back home and deal with this later.” I grumbled. “Hopefully I don’t run into a protest or riot or get locked up for violating curfew or not wearing a mask.”
I mentally selected [Map]
A transparent map of the room filled my vision along with tiny labels covering everything. Ruined chair, ruined bed, ruined table, rusty knife, leather pouch, unknown book. A moment later I had mastered the controls and zoomed out to find… nothing. The map was blank.
*Local Map Updating…\*
The Local map was updating, possibly because it needed to be filled in by my own exploration? I noticed a couple of icons on the left side of my vision and focused on them. Map Type, Search. Map Type allowed me to switch between Local, Transit, and Terrain.
I flipped between them and was rewarded with better information. The Transit map was like a traditional map, just lines and points of interest with the distance and travel times. I am currently in ‘Ruins of Fort Galos” with a dirt road that leads 3 miles south to “Wendleton Road” which zooms out to run between the cities of Wendleton and Comstock. Another zoom out and I’m located in the Region of Stratford… zoom out…on the continent of North Anglia… zoom out … on the planet of Aerth.
It sort of looks like Earth, if Earth had no polar ice caps. I can recognise the major continents, although most are shaped strangely because the oceans are so high. North America is split completely in two by a huge gulf that eats up all of Louisiana, most of the southern states, and carves a deep furrow all the way up to the Great Lakes and out to the eastern seaboard. Florida is missing, as is most of the eastern seaboard. The map calls that area ‘Colonia’ and it’s marked with a somewhat familiar red, white, and blue flag with just 17 stars. I’m located somewhere near Colorado, but Colorado doesn’t exist anymore. It’s part of Wilmont county in the Region of Stratford in an area called the Midlands.
My hands started shaking. It’s some sort of joke. Some kind of insanity. Some sort of delusion. Or maybe I’m delirious with the damned virus and having a mad dream. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. Calm down and think rationally. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, inhaling the musty and burnt scents of my new reality.
Okay, if I’m really in some alternate world then maybe things aren’t so bad? I was on the verge of being homeless and now I am homeless, so, nothing has really changed, right? And since I seem to be fused with my smartphone, maybe I can use that to my advantage? I quickly imagined a million ways I could die in a fantasy world and pushed down the panic. No sense in panicking just yet — we can do that later when I’m being burnt at the stake for witchcraft or something.
I flipped back over to Local Map and examined the room again. Leather pouch, rusty knife, and unknown book were located under the rotting carcass of the bed. I approached it and looked carefully to see if I could spot them. I smiled to myself thinking maybe I could make a living as some sort of detective or something, finding lost items with preternatural ability. Unable to see anything in the mass of mushrooms and ferns, I mentally tapped the label “Leather pouch” on the Local Map.
*Place Item in Inventory? [Y/N]\*
I selected [Y] and received a notification. Memory: [639/640]
Huh. It takes up memory.
I pulled the heavy pouch from inventory and into my hand. The leather was dried and stiff, but I managed to open it to reveal 1 golden coin, 50 tarnished silver, 68 copper, and 30 bronze coins.
The copper coins were about the size of a nickel and quite worn, but I could make out the face of some priest with a fancy hat on the face and a hammer and anvil on the reverse. The brass were the size of a quarter and similarly worn, and featured a bull on the face and a sheaf of wheat on the reverse. The silver were the size of a dime and slightly tarnished, with the image of some queen on the face and a crescent moon on the reverse. The gold coin was untouched by time and featured a stern looking king on the face, with a stylised sun on the opposite face. I popped everything back into Inventory.
Huh. It appears that everything I stick into inventory counts against the available memory of 640 that was listed earlier, but coins stack into one slot for each type so now I have 636/640 memory. Not bad, not bad. A little experimentation quickly proved that I could add the ruined chair and table too. One slot each. A seriously overpowered feature that I planned to abuse in the future — just put things in bags and boxes and my Inventory was practically unlimited! I rubbed my hands together like an evil villain. Half an hour ago I was a broke nobody with no future, and now I’m able to start completely fresh with cash and some strange abilities. Thank you strange entity!
It was terrifying and exhilarating. I wanted to dance and puke at the same time.
I placed the Unknown Book into Inventory and it popped into my hands a moment later along with a strong musty aroma. The leather cover was green with mould and swollen with moisture. Carefully flipping through the pages I stared in wonder at the illustrated script. It was like one of those old religious books you see in museums, every page a work of art. Too bad it’s written in some strange language I can’t read. Arabic maybe? Putting it back into Inventory, it took just a moment to figure out that I could get a quick overview of the item. [Unknown Book. A mouldy old book written in an unknown language.]
The rusty knife was what my father would have called a “pig sticker”, with a grubby leather sheath, bone handle, and a thick blade about ten inches long. Even though the blade was spotted with a bit of rust, it seemed to be in decent condition and could probably be salvaged with a whetstone and some oil. It was a weapon, and considering current events, a welcome addition to my new collection of personal possessions.
I kept the ruined chair and table in inventory. Never know when you might need firewood.
The Calculator was pretty cool, selecting it allowed me to mentally perform arithmetic in moments or provided a count of items in my vision. As long as it was open I could just think of a simple maths problem and the answer popped in my head along with a running tally. There was a scientific tab on it, but I didn’t foresee me using cosine functions anytime soon.
The Camera was interesting, allowing me to snap a photo of what I could see, but each picture used one memory although they only took up one Inventory slot. Delete, Delete, Delete.
Calendar was 13 months with 30 days each. The weeks were 6 days long and Monday was missing. Good. I don’t like Mondays. Especially since the days here are 26 hours long. I could also set appointments and reminders.
Clock was a basic clock with alarms and stopwatch function.
Notes was really cool though, it was like virtual paper. I could sketch things with my finger, or use thought-to-text, or even attach photos to the note and save them, which took up one Inventory slot per filename. The Export function created a thick piece of paper that appeared in my hand. Nice. Fire starting material!
It has an Import function too?
I created a new Note, then imported the mouldy book from my Inventory. It appeared as a virtual object in my vision that I could manipulate with a thought. Then I exported it. A popup appeared in my vision and I watched my Battery dip from 1560 down to 1460, then a duplicate appeared in my inventory. Sweet! I could set up shop as a magical print-wizard! Or work as a pack-mule, hauling entire warehouses of goods invisibly. I chuckled to myself imagining that.
However it took 100 battery points, so it wasn’t much of a cheat unless I could reproduce expensive texts. I wonder if it took 100 battery for everything, or if it was based on the complexity of the object?
System had some nice features included. One was Health Monitor, which gave me a general screen of any health issues. Notifications was also nice for popping up things that might be important. Nothing else of real importance, just some little tweaks to the User Interface and the ability to turn off the (8E) connection I had noticed earlier. Airplane mode, I guess.
Another hunch presented itself in the System and I opened up the language setting. English was currently selected. I scrolled through the selection and choose Arabic from the list. A slight wave of dizziness washed over me and I examined the unknown book again. Nope. Still unknown.
I sighed and flipped back to the language settings and noticed there’s an “Auto-Translate” selection. Mentally mashing the illusory button in my User Interface, another wave of dizziness washed over me. This time the unknown book had a tag on it. [Old Avestan - Translate? Y/N]
Duh, yes, translate! An old, unknown book hidden in a burned out room? That just screams Secret Book of Incredibly Over Powered Magic, doesn’t it? Annnnd… Nope. I flipped through the copy and it seems to be nothing more than some religious textbook. Beautifully illustrated, but I’m not getting any magic vibes off of it. I tossed it back in my inventory [Book. Zoroastrian religious text. Professionally Illustrated. 50SP] and continued my journey of self exploration.
When I enabled “Show Hidden Files” in System, it was absolutely terrifying. File names like “Digestion.dna”, “Endocrine.dna” and “Sensory.dna” filled my vision. I disabled that feature as soon as I realised what I was looking at. I’d hate to accidentally delete my sense of taste, or something even more important.
The Service tab under System was confusing. It seemed to be some sort of weird version of a mobile service plan that asked me to choose a Service Provider.
There were dozens of Service Providers to choose from; Industrial Charms & Enchantments, Whitehall Wizard Group, Sorcerer’s United, Atlantis Magic and Enchantment, and a slew of other providers with different tiers named after gemstones and the best offering being the Diamond Unlimited plan that offered ‘unlimited mana and roaming, some limits apply’ for an astronomical amount per month. I could see the service zones of each provider laid out across a map, along with colour coding for the quality of service ranging from 1E to 8E.
I could also choose from various Celestial or Infernal Contracts which had entire pages of TOS benefits and obligations. Another terrifying aspect of my new world.
I decided to dig into that mess later. I had no use for a service provider and picking one was a problem for future-me if I ever needed one.
The Gear icon opened up a minimalist overlay with a picture of me and the items I was wearing. Socks, shorts, underwear, tee-shirt. A mental twitch rotated the image and confirmed that my backside was just as filthy as the floor. Two buttons were visible next to my image, [Custom] and [Labourer]. I selected Labourer and the image shifted to show me wearing work boots, wool socks, denim trousers, leather belt, cotton underwear, cotton pull-over shirt, leather gloves, soft-brim hat. [Select? Y/N]
A mental push of the button and a million indigo motes surrounded me. Two seconds and 10 battery later I was wearing the new gear. And clean! All the grime on my arms and legs had vanished. Seriously, how awesome is that? I still feel like I need a shower though.
[Labourer class selected - Standard] Skills: Lifting, toting, stepping, fetching, shifting, digging, hauling, packing…
Knowledge of menial labour filled my head beyond what I was already familiar with. I somehow knew the most efficient ways to dig a ditch, safely shift a box, casually walk to the water cooler, and slack off while looking busy.
Huh. Did changing my gear change my class? That’s interesting. What happens if I put on a Wizard hat? Would I become some sort of hybrid day-labour wizard with spells for digging ditches? Oh, wait. I have five slots and can fill them with clothing and label them whatever I want.
I opened up the App Store.
Holy. Shitsnacks.
Dozens of icons filled my vision, offering a vast selection of what appeared to be careers? Professions? Classes? Skills?
Archivist, Accountant, Bartender, Book keeper, Cartwright, Con-artist, Farmhand, Herbalist, Hobo, Inn keeper, …Priest, Prostitute, Politician, …Sorcerer, Tailor, …Wizard, Zookeeper.
It was a huge and confusing array of choices.

As parents in Pembroke Pines look for engaging and educational activities to do with their preschoolers, STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) activities offer a fantastic way to inspire curiosity and learning. Here are some fun and simple ~STEM activities~ that you can do at home with your preschooler to foster their love for these subjects.

1. Simple Science Experiments

Activity: Baking Soda and Vinegar Volcano

• Materials: Baking soda, vinegar, food coloring, a small plastic bottle.
• Instructions: Fill the bottle halfway with vinegar, add a few drops of food coloring, and place it in a baking dish. Add a spoonful of baking soda and watch the "lava" erupt!

Benefits: This experiment teaches children about chemical reactions in a fun and visually exciting way.

2. Technology Time

Activity: Coding Games with ScratchJr

• Materials: Tablet or computer, ScratchJr app.
• Instructions: Download ScratchJr, a free coding app for young children. Guide your child through creating simple stories and games using the app’s intuitive drag-and-drop interface.

Benefits: Introduces basic coding concepts and enhances problem-solving skills.

3. Engineering Exploration

Activity: Building Structures with Marshmallows and Toothpicks

• Materials: Marshmallows, toothpicks.
• Instructions: Challenge your child to build different structures, like bridges or towers, using marshmallows and toothpicks. Discuss which shapes make the strongest structures.

Benefits: Develops fine motor skills and introduces basic engineering principles.

4. Mathematics Fun

Activity: Counting and Sorting with Everyday Objects

• Materials: Coins, buttons, or any small objects.
• Instructions: Have your child count and sort the objects by size, color, or type. You can also practice simple addition and subtraction with these items.

Benefits: Reinforces counting, sorting, and basic arithmetic skills.
Also read: ~STEM Activities~ ~for Toddlers at Nowtech Academy in Pembroke Pines~

FAQs

Q: What are some easy science experiments to do at home with preschoolers in Pembroke Pines?A: Simple experiments like the baking soda and vinegar volcano, rainbow milk (using milk, food coloring, and dish soap), and growing a bean in a bag are great for young children. They are safe, easy to set up, and visually engaging.
Q: Are there any educational apps suitable for preschoolers?
A: Yes, apps like ScratchJr for coding, ABCmouse for a range of subjects, and Starfall for reading and math are excellent for preschoolers. These apps are designed to be intuitive and educational.
Q: How can I introduce engineering concepts to my preschooler?
A: You can introduce engineering concepts through building activities. Use materials like LEGO blocks, marshmallows, and toothpicks to build structures. Discuss how different shapes and designs affect the strength and stability of these structures.
Q: What math activities can I do with my preschooler at home?
A: Counting and sorting everyday objects, playing with number puzzles, and using counting books are great ways to make math fun and engaging for preschoolers.

Conclusion

Incorporating STEM activities into your preschooler's daily routine can be both fun and educational. These activities not only keep your child engaged but also lay a strong foundation for future learning in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. Enjoy these activities at home in Pembroke Pines and watch your child's curiosity and skills grow!
Nowtech Academy- ~A~ ~preschool in Pembroke Pines~
Ready to give your child a head start in STEM education? ~Enroll today at Nowtech Academy Preschool in Pembroke Pines~, where our innovative curriculum fosters a love for learning and prepares your child for future success. ~Contact us now~ to ~schedule a tour~ and discover the difference a quality preschool can make!

There’s a dead creature wayyyy in the back of a very large crawl space under the rental property my family lives in.
The landlord won’t hire anyone to remove the animal, only pest control to prevent more animals from getting down there. My family can’t afford to pay someone to take care of it plus we need permission from the landlord.
I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Showering doesn’t make me feel any cleaner. Im extremely sensitive to smells and the smell of decay is permeating every single room in my home and it feels like psychological torture.
I know it’s in the crawl space, the presence of flies outside the home and in the basement confirm this. Fleas, ants and blowflies are making their way into my bedroom and I suspect the animal is right underneath my room.
I can’t stand it anymore. I have to go down there and remove it myself. I have: • a tyvek suit • a large standup flashlight that’s practically a flood light • a headlamp • medical gloves • goggles • a respirator • tongs • hydrated lime • trash bags
I need advice on gaining the courage to go down there. Too many horror movie scenes run through my head when I first tried to crawl through and I chickened out. I also need advice on how to GET to the damn thing; there’s a large beam preventing me from fully getting to it, but there’s a small cut opening that I could maybe reach my hand through or a rake to reach it.
Any advice is welcome. Please. I’m at my wits end.

Seeking support from loved ones is crucial for individuals undergoing infertility treatment due to the complex and often emotionally taxing nature of the process. Here are several key reasons why support is important:

1. Emotional Support

• Stress Reduction: Infertility treatments can be stressful, involving numerous medical appointments, procedures, and the uncertainty of outcomes. Emotional support from loved ones can help alleviate some of this stress.
• Mental Health: The emotional rollercoaster of infertility can lead to feelings of sadness, frustration, anxiety, and depression. Having a support system can provide a sense of stability and comfort.

2. Practical Assistance

• Logistical Help: Loved ones can assist with practical aspects such as transportation to and from medical appointments, managing daily responsibilities, and providing a helping hand when needed.
• Health Management: Support from family and friends can include help with medication schedules, dietary needs, and other health-related tasks associated with treatment.

3. Social Connection

• Reduced Isolation: Infertility treatments can make individuals feel isolated. Sharing the experience with trusted loved ones can reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation.
• Normalcy and Engagement: Loved ones can help maintain a sense of normalcy by encouraging social activities and engagement in everyday life.

4. Encouragement and Motivation

• Positive Reinforcement: Loved ones can provide encouragement and celebrate small victories along the treatment journey, boosting morale and motivation.
• Hope and Optimism: Supportive loved ones can help maintain a hopeful outlook, which is crucial during challenging times.

5. Shared Decision-Making

• Informed Choices: Discussing treatment options and decisions with loved ones can provide different perspectives, helping individuals make more informed and balanced choices.
• Shared Responsibility: Sharing the decision-making process can lessen the burden on the individual undergoing treatment, as they feel supported and understood.

6. Physical Support

• Post-procedure Care: Some infertility treatments involve invasive procedures that require recovery time. Loved ones can provide physical care and support during these periods.
• Nutritional and Lifestyle Support: Encouragement to maintain a healthy lifestyle, including proper nutrition and exercise, can be more effective with the support of loved ones.

7. Strengthening Relationships

• Bonding Experience: Navigating infertility together can strengthen relationships with partners, family, and close friends, fostering deeper connections and mutual understanding.
• Shared Journey: The shared experience can bring people closer, creating a network of support that extends beyond the treatment period.

8. Access to Additional Resources

• Resource Sharing: Loved ones can help in researching and accessing additional resources such as support groups, counseling services, and educational materials.
• Community Support: They may also help connect with others who have gone through similar experiences, providing a broader support network.

Practical Tips for Seeking Support

• Open Communication: Share your feelings and needs openly with loved ones. Clear communication helps them understand how best to support you.
• Seek Professional Help: Consider involving a counselor or therapist who specializes in infertility issues to guide both you and your support network.
• Join Support Groups: Participating in support groups can provide additional understanding and empathy from others who are experiencing similar challenges.
• Educate Loved Ones: Help your loved ones understand the medical and emotional aspects of infertility treatments so they can provide informed and empathetic support.

In summary, the emotional, practical, and psychological benefits of seeking support from loved ones during infertility treatment are substantial. This support can significantly enhance the overall well-being and resilience of individuals undergoing such treatments, making the journey more manageable and less isolating.

(TLDR below)
Hi guys, I am in 11th grade and currently writing my Maths Internal Assessment. I am a very passionate aerospace enthusiast which is why I'm considering choosing my topic around mathematical aviation solutions. My two primary ideas at the moment are surrounding aircraft fuel efficiency/optimisation and aircraft performance metrics (mainly the math behind takeoff, climb, and landing performance softwares).
Some insight from ChatGPT on my potential ideas:

1. Aircraft Fuel Efficiency and Optimisation

Objective:

• Problem: Aircraft fuel efficiency is a critical aspect of aviation, impacting both economic costs and environmental sustainability. Airlines and manufacturers aim to optimize fuel consumption to reduce costs and minimize carbon emissions.
• Solution: The mathematical exploration will aim to develop and refine models that predict fuel consumption based on various flight parameters. By identifying optimal conditions for fuel efficiency, it provides actionable insights for flight planning and aircraft design.

Practical Applications:

• Flight Planning: Airlines can use optimized models to plan flight paths that minimize fuel consumption, adjusting speeds, altitudes, and routes for efficiency.
• Cost Reduction: By optimizing fuel efficiency, airlines can significantly reduce operating costs.
• Environmental Impact: More efficient fuel use leads to lower carbon emissions, contributing to more sustainable aviation practices.

2. Aircraft Performance Metrics

Objective:

• Problem: Understanding and predicting aircraft performance metrics such as takeoff distance, landing distance, and climb rate is crucial for safe and efficient flight operations. Pilots, engineers, and air traffic controllers rely on accurate performance metrics to make informed decisions.
• Solution: This exploration will involve developing mathematical models that accurately predict these performance metrics under various conditions, such as different weights, thrust levels, and environmental factors.

Practical Applications:

• Safety: Ensuring that aircraft can safely take off and land within the available runway length under various conditions.
• Operational Efficiency: Optimizing flight operations, such as determining the best climb rate to reduce fuel consumption and meet air traffic control requirements.
• Aircraft Design: Assisting engineers in designing aircraft with optimal performance characteristics.

Specific Problems Solved:

• Calculating the required takeoff and landing distances for different aircraft and conditions.
• Determining the optimal climb rate for fuel efficiency and compliance with air traffic control.
• Analyzing how changes in weight (e.g., passengers and cargo) affect takeoff and landing performance.

TLDR: I'd love to get some guidance on each question specifically how and what mathematical theory I can apply from the experts.

In the realm of modern healthcare, effective medication management stands as a crucial pillar for enhancing patient safety and treatment outcomes. Amidst the technological evolution, electronic prescribing (e-prescribing) systems have emerged as indispensable tools for optimizing medication workflows and minimizing errors. Integral to the seamless operation of e-prescribing systems is their integration with Surescripts, a leading health information network facilitating secure data exchange among healthcare stakeholders. Let's embark on an exploration of e-prescribing systems and delve into the role of Surescripts integration in maximizing medication management, leveraging innovative solutions for healthcare providers.
E-prescribing systems represent a shift from traditional paper-based prescribing methods to electronic solutions that empower healthcare providers to generate, transmit, and manage prescriptions digitally. These systems offer numerous benefits, including enhanced accuracy, improved efficiency, and streamlined workflows. At the core of effective e-prescribing lies its integration with Surescripts, which serves as a conduit for transmitting prescription-related information securely and efficiently across the healthcare continuum.
Integration with Surescripts equips e-prescribing systems with robust functionalities and connectivity solutions, facilitating seamless communication between healthcare providers, pharmacies, and health plans. Surescripts integration solutions enable real-time access to critical data such as medication history, formulary information, and drug interaction alerts, empowering prescribers to make informed decisions at the point of care. This integration ensures that healthcare providers have access to comprehensive patient information, fostering safer and more efficient prescribing practices.
The e-prescribing process with Surescripts integration commences within the healthcare provider's electronic health records (EHR) or electronic medical records (EMR) system, where prescriptions are initiated and managed. As prescribers generate prescriptions, the system interfaces seamlessly with Surescripts to conduct various checks and verifications, including patient insurance coverage, medication history, and formulary adherence. Once validated, the prescription is securely transmitted to the patient's chosen pharmacy through the Surescripts network, expediting the fulfillment process and enhancing patient convenience.
Surescripts integration services encompass a spectrum of solutions designed to optimize medication management workflows and enhance patient safety. From medication reconciliation to refill management, Surescripts offers comprehensive software solutions that seamlessly integrate with EHR and EMR systems, promoting efficiency and reducing medication errors. Healthcare providers can leverage Surescripts integration services to streamline administrative tasks, improve medication adherence, and foster communication with pharmacies and other stakeholders.
Moreover, Surescripts integration solutions play a pivotal role in promoting interoperability and data exchange across disparate healthcare systems and platforms. By adhering to industry standards and protocols, Surescripts ensures seamless integration with various EHR and pharmacy management systems, facilitating secure transmission of prescription data and other clinical information. This interoperability fosters care coordination, minimizes duplicative efforts, and enhances the overall quality of patient care.
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you should totally hit me up if these resonate with you !!

Timestamp

1. Zeiss Distagon 35mm F1.4 ZM - Practically new in box. Picked up a second-hand Haoge hood. Some paint loss on focus ring, can't be seen without macro. Glass has never been exposed to air.

Photos
Purchase includes: Full box, lens cap, B+W filter, Haoge hood, rear cap, lens + Free shipping
Price: 1260 USD Paypal G&S, fee on me. Shipping included.

1. Leica Elmarit-M ASPH V1 11606 - Full set in box, CLA'd + near perfect condition. I myself cannot find flaws on it, and when I purchased it I had it sent to Lens Medic YYC. Works perfectly, Please take a look at the photos. I am also including a brand new Leica UVA II E39 Filter with its own box and case.

Photos
Purchase includes: Full box, lens cap, rear cap, lens case, Aluminum Leica E39 cap (great to reduce size), lens hood, UVA II Filter, Filter case and box + Free shipping
Price: 1880 USD G&S, fee on me. Shipping included.

🚀 Excited to Share My New Linear Algebra tutorial! 🚀
I’m thrilled to announce the launch of my (draft) free, and open-source tutorial designed to help you master the basics of Linear Algebra through hands-on learning. Created initially as revision notes during my own learning journey, this workshop is perfect for anyone who prefers practical, interactive learning before diving into complex theories.
🔍 Workshop Highlights:
Hands-On Learning: Minimal basic math knowledge required! Interactive Notebooks: Experiment with code in a live environment. Comprehensive Content: Covers everything from vectors and matrices to eigenvalues and eigenvectors.
🌟 How to Access:
Start exploring the notebooks:
https://nbviewer.org/github/snowch/learn_linear_algebra/blob/main/notebooks/00-start-here.ipynb
💬 Feedback Welcomed!
Your input is invaluable. If you feel the workshop doesn’t meet its objectives, please email me with your feedback.
📢 Show Your Support:
If you find this project useful, please give it a star on GitHub:
https://github.com/snowch/learn_linear_algebra
Happy learning, and I look forward to your feedback!

I'm taking the SAT on June 1 and it's literally impossible for me to pass. I'll do perfectly fine on the reading/writing portion but I just can't do math. I have no idea why, but I'm fucking psychologically incapable of the most basic math. It's so pathetic. Adding to this is that I only started starting 2 god damn weeks before the test. And I fail every single practice quiz - I haven't even done the full practice exam.
Guess my best option is just swallowing a bottle of pills the night before the test. Get a new body and a new chance at not being a total fuck-up. Sadly, I'm too much of a dumbass coward to follow through.

So I got 207 in first session I just want 250 in 2nd session so that I can get msc maths in bits Goa but I am doubting myself really bad is it even possible to increase it to 250 is it practically possible pls if someone could help me out right now rlly demotivated jee went very bad…
don’t want any copium if someone could rlly help me over here I would highly appreciate it… or if someone knows any seniors who were able to increase so many marks that would rlly motivate me

Hey everyone, new poster but lurking in this community for a while.
I deal with a rare sleep disorder that's absolutely disabling, despite being on medication. Sleep medicine, like other specialty practices, is certainly a hurry up and wait type of situation.
Back right before Christmas, my sister called my wife an enabler because I can't work with any consistency, and I rely on my wife financially to get us through. It was a really nasty situation that I won't get into, but it certainly caused some trauma that took months to subside, even with therapy.
Now, I'm dealing with my wife's new boss. We went to visit about two weeks ago (scouting out possible places to live), and when I sat down with her boss, I was assured that I would have all of the medical help and outside support I needed in this new location.
However, my wife went on a retreat for this new job, and her new boss (also old boss from a former job) said "You need to do something different with your husband. He's not well and I don't want that impacting you in your new role"
W.T.F. is this shit? We're married and live a very happy life despite the challenges we both face. I'm fighting every single day to figure out any tangential changes I could make to improve my well-being even in the slightest. I'm tired of this two faced, ableist shit. Yes I'm smart. Yes, I'm also currently disabled.
I really don't know how to handle this. It's like the bandaid from the December trauma has been violently ripped off, and the extra stress certainly is exacerbating my sleep disorder, right when we're about to move Saturday.
Fuck people sometimes. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.

Oncologist in Hyderabad9000126776
Introduction
When it comes to battling cancer, finding a knowledgeable and compassionate oncologist is crucial. Dr. Chinnababu Sunkavalli, a renowned oncologist in Hyderabad, has made significant strides in the field of oncology, offering hope and healing to countless patients. With a career marked by innovation, dedication, and a patient-centered approach, Dr chinnababu sunkavallistands out as a beacon of excellence in cancer treatment.
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Dr. Sunkavalli's journey into the medical field was inspired by a blend of personal experiences and a deep-seated desire to make a difference. Growing up in a supportive family that valued education, he developed a keen interest in science and medicine early on. His academic journey began with a stellar performance in school, which paved the way for his admission into one of India’s top medical colleges.
Medical Training and Specialization
After earning his medical degree, Dr chinnababu sunkavallipursued specialized training in oncology. His commitment to mastering the intricacies of cancer treatment led him to complete various fellowships and obtain multiple certifications in oncology. This rigorous training equipped him with the skills and knowledge necessary to tackle complex cancer cases with precision and care.
Professional Journey
Dr. Sunkavalli's professional journey is a testament to his relentless pursuit of excellence. He started his career in prominent hospitals where he quickly made a name for himself through his innovative treatment approaches and compassionate patient care. His move to Hyderabad marked a new chapter, where he continued to build on his impressive portfolio, holding significant positions and contributing to the growth of oncology services in the region.
Expertise in Oncology
Dr. Sunkavalli's expertise spans a wide range of cancers, including breast cancer, lung cancer, colorectal cancer, and more. His approach combines traditional treatments with cutting-edge techniques to provide personalized care tailored to each patient's unique needs. He has a particular interest in minimally invasive surgeries and targeted therapies, which have shown remarkable success rates.
Innovations and Techniques
Innovation is at the heart of Dr. Sunkavalli's practice. He has introduced several pioneering treatments that have improved patient outcomes significantly. For instance, his use of robotic-assisted surgeries and advanced imaging techniques has set new benchmarks in cancer treatment. Through detailed case studies, one can see the tangible impact of his innovative methods, with numerous patients experiencing better recovery rates and quality of life. Yashoda Hospitals, Hitech City,Hyderabad.

Hi po~
An incoming freshie here and I've posted here na dati, but wanted to ask again hehe.
I passed sa DLSAU for Vet Med, meanwhile, I passed UPLB for BS Forestry.
Elbi or La Salle? Here are some of my thoughts:

• interested sa forestry
• if magustuhan ang forestry, tapusin at magstudy ulit for dvm
• namamahalan sa expenses sa dlsau
• nagagandahan din sa dlsau
• yearning for that maroon school
• yearning din for that passion #passion_or_practicality
• if mag forestry, want na gamitin ang knowledge sa forestry and use it sa medications sa dvm in the future, wanted to pursue in clinicals and research kasi
• wanted to enter UP dahil same ng beliefs, you know, the intensity of their belief na fight for what is right, although ganon den naman ang la salle 🫶

And another question, sa mga shiftee na galing sa BS Forestry, nahirapan po ba kayo? Like, ano po naging challenges and hindrances niyo?
I know, I know, dream course over dream univ, but what if makapagshift ako diba? Sabi nga nila, you will miss that chance na 100% kapag di mo tinake, if magfail, at least nagtry (yes delulu)
Thank you po sa sasagot, lalo na doon sa mga successful shiftee from BS Forestry 🫶🫶

so i did English Lr nicely and im guessing that's where i got 90 from. didn't attempt maths at all. just 3-4 questions in chem and physics. (my center didn't have a fan so i got feverish and gave up midway)
i have done only 12th so far, covering 11th but one chapter takes me days. help..
i have purchased phodu club but not given a single mock test. don't tell me to give mocks just yet because i have not even covered syllabus and theres not a single chapter im confident about.
please share some of the best resources for completing chapters and practicing questions too. i am determined to crack the second attempt but i need some guidance asap.

We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. We have a 4 year old together and I am 7.5 months pregnant. He also has a 12 year old son that lives with us 50% of the time. I work full-time and some hours as a nurse practitioner and he is a dental hygienist working 4 days a week. We’ve been to therapy in the past 2x. First time was premarital counseling with a woman that was a patient of his (which in my opinion was a biased setting to begin with, but didn’t really help anyway). Second time I let him choose therapist because I was already on the verge of leaving… so, he picked a black middle-aged male and after 6 or so sessions my husband said he didn’t like the therapist because he felt the therapist was only concerned about my feelings. We split our bills about 50-50, but if I’m completely honest, I probably spend more due to groceries, necessities, insurance, etc. I don’t wait on him to take out the trash or bring the trash bins in after trash day. He does not do anything extra for me such as wash my car or fill up my tank. But he does move my car on trash days so I don’t get a ticket. I do most of the cooking now a days, majority of the cleaning, all the laundry, and make sure our younger one is bathed and in bed by a timely manner. My stepson is obviously more attached to my husband, so he takes the reins when it comes to him. However, his stepson does poorly in school academically, he is constantly in trouble with school where we get phones calls and emails weekly about fights, disrespecting teachers, etc, and the school does not want him back next year. I’ve expressed my concerns about his behavior and lack of consequences that follow but nothing has changed. He is finishing 6th grade and has the math skills of maybe a 4th grader and reading comprehension of 4th grade level. He has ADHD but his mom and dad have yet to get him assessed, put him in therapy on medication although I’ve expressed how important this is plenty of times. Now we are planning on paying an additional $1200 per month to put him in a private school next year without any type of evaluation first. Summer is around the corner and I’d prefer he be in an educational summer program but instead he will be in Florida for 3 weeks on vacation and probably a sports summer camp when he returns… not only does he perform well below average in school, he has a poor attitude, does not help around the house, talks back, and has everything a child can dream of (vacations, BMX bikes, skateboards, surf board, snowboard, phone, and constant outings such as beach and camping trips) this is extremely frustrating because he does not work for anything and in my opinion, these are all privileges that should be earned.
Outside of our children… I work 4 day shifts per week and 1-2 night shifts per week. I make dinner roughly 3-4x, a week, breakfast when I can and clean up the kitchen afterwards. I’ll order food when I feel exhausted or don’t have time to cook and of course my days off are used to grocery shop and clean the house. I’m constantly moving because I hate a dirty home, mind you… our home is not squeaky clean what so ever but it’s not filthy. We are cluttered by my husband’s habit of buying little trinkets and starting home projects and not finishing. He loves to work outside in the backyard, tend to our dogs and build things which I have learned to let him do without complaint even if it’s 1-3 hours a day outside after work while I’m indoors cleaning, cooking and helping with homework. He eventually wants to perfect his woodworking craft and sell furniture so I am trying to be supportive. He goes to the gym after work when time allows and I’m able to pick up the kids. He plays golf, basketball, does to shows and has nights outs every month. We both have independent time but since I’m pregnant I’m more at home resting than being out. There are days where I get to rest but majority of the time, I have to be proactive to maintain the household. There are wonderful things about my husband, he is silly and the fun parent with the kids. He always wants to be out of the house on the weekends to enjoy being outside and not cooped up in the house. He is carefree, loves to sing and dance and a carefree attitude. I rarely complain and when I do, he says I complain too much.. I’ve learned to let a lot of things go but there are times when I feel overwhelmed. I feel my energy does not match his at times because many times my mind is worried about finances or groceries, or not feeling appreciated. We’ve been together for 7 years and he has never planned a trip for us, he just recently started celebrating me on my birthday and Mother’s Day the past year and a half because I’ve cried about it over and over again. There’s been Mothers days and Christmas where he hasn’t gotten me flowers or a gift. Birthdays where we stayed home because he didn’t plan any dinner or a meal. I finished nurse practitioner school last year and I felt that it was looked over by him and he wasn’t proud of me. We did not celebrate my achievements and I’ve expressed this to him throughout school because with each class or milestone, he was always the first person I’d tell but the reaction I got was so minimal.. when I finally finished, I was met with a congratulations hug and kiss at home. I hate to come off as spoiled, but I always remember how I would celebrate him for his birthday or imagine how we’d celebrate his achievements. I’m almost 8 months pregnant and I can see myself feeling the weight of another child added to the mix and wonder how I can maintain this home and my happiness. I know I shouldn’t depend on a man to be happy but I do depend on my husband to validate my feelings and provide me with a space where I feel loved and heard. I wrote this on a whim… help.

(Disclaimer: this is essentially my life story, so I understand if you don't want to sit and read a full novel of some depressing fuck's cry for help, but I couldn't find a way to condense it, sorry.)
Life is shit right now. It's taken a long time for me to admit it, but there's just no more beating around the bush anymore. I'm trapped in a profound sadness that refuses to loosen it's hold on me, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it all, I never have, but I've just been through so much that it's hard to believe things could ever get better.
I'm 24(M), and 4 years ago I lost both of my parents, 10 months ago my girlfriend of 6 and a half years broke up with me, and just a few weeks ago the company I had been planning to work for over half my life shut its doors for good. Now I'm sat with no clear path forward and a brother trying to take what little I have left, and I just don't know how to move on.
I lost my dad on February 29th, 2020. He had been in and out of the hospital for the past couple months for constipation, didn't think much of it, he was 68 after all. One night I come in to visit him in the hospital and I walk in on a surgeon explaining something to him and my mother. It turns out that results from the latest test had come in and a polyp had burst in his large intestine, he was quickly developing sepsis and if they didn't operate soon he wouldn't see the sunrise. A few minutes to sort his thoughts and make some calls to my aunts for advice and he decided that the surgeon who talked to us was more than welcome to operate since he offered, it just so happened he was one of the highest rated gastro-intestinal surgeons in Texas (don't know if I got the name of the surgeon right, my bad). So they prep him for surgery and as they wheal him off to put him under he grabs onto my hand, with tears in his eyes, and says "Take care of your mother." He had a look in his eyes, he didn't think he'd get to open them again. But sure enough a few anxiety-inducing hours later the surgeon comes back out and lets us know that everything went off without a hitch, they managed to remove the blockage and clean everything up without issue. Dad spent the next week in recovery at that hospital, but I only managed to visit him there once. I hate hospitals, but I love my dad, so when I saw him in there, all strapped up with hoses poking in and out of him, I put a smile on and rubbed his feet like I always did (he broke both his legs and shattered an ankle years ago, the man was lucky to walk to begin with, so you'd better believe I'd help in any way I could). That's the last picture ever taken of me and my dad, with him strapped to a hospital bed and me giving him a foot massage. The next time I saw him he had been discharged without me knowing, so I headed back home to our rural town late one night when he said I could visit. I'd had a lot to think about then, I'd always thought I had so much more time with Dad, that I'd only have to say goodbye when I was good and ready and he had seen us through our biggest moments. By then I wasn't so sure, so I sat with him on that Friday night and just talked, for as long as I could. I told him the little things I'd been hanging on to for far too long, the kinds of things that didn't matter in the slightest but you'd never tell your parents because you're too embarrassed. I told him about how I bumped into someone at a stoplight right after high school, but I convinced the other guy not to get insurance involved because I didn't want him to know and end up costing him more money, so I just used all of my savings and my graduation gift to pay the guy off after he replaced his rear bumper. All dad had to say about that was "you should have gotten insurance involved, that's what it's for." We laughed, and he thanked me for telling him, said it proved that I was the man he always wanted me to be. We talked about a lot, I tried to hug him tight, but since the surgery was on his gut they couldn't just stitch him up. He was so bloated before the surgery that he looked pregnant, so the skin around his gut was delicate and they had to bandage him up and put this weird circulator on him to keep it clean. Either way, I hugged him as best I could, told him I loved him, that he should take it easy, and that I'd talk to him soon. I remember looking through the door as I walked away, he was just laid up in bed watching TV. I gave him a peace sign as I walk off, he always did the same, whether we were looking or not. That was 9:30 PM. At 6 the next morning I woke to my mom calling me in tears, she said dad was gone. They had spoken after I left, talked about what we discussed, and he said he couldn't get comfortable in bed so he'd moved over to the recliner in the living room. He didn't wake up. Later on when we finally got the reports back they said he had passed peacefully in his sleep due to a heart attack. Dad had heart problems before, he had a quadruple bypass when I was about 8 and a stint placed in later on due to a murmur in his heart, and ever since he'd been taking meds. There were so many little details that stuck with me from that day. He was wearing a pair of socks I gave him when I came back on the 29th. The night before he said he didn't think he'd wake back up after the surgery, but he did, which meant God wasn't done with him yet. I still remember the sound of my mom's sobs from behind the wall of my bed, my brother and I stayed with her for the first week afterwards.
I was always aware that I had a great life, but I had never lost anything so major, never had something so horrid and life-changing happen to me. One moment I was getting used to my new classes for the semester in college, and the next thing I knew my life had flipped ass over teakettle and the world was imploding. The combination of the pandemic hitting right as I experienced the worse loss of my life, in the middle of my second year of college, certainly didn't help either. To be honest, it's still a blur. I don't remember much of those months, only that the days blurred together as I barely perceived time passing. The semester ended, and one day when my brother are checking on Mom, she suddenly rushed out the door with a sack of vodka bottles in tow, got in her car, and drove off to work. We had worried she may have fallen off again, but had been hoping against hope she wouldn't. Mom had been alcohol my entire life, I won't get into it, but when we went to her work and my brother drove her home, we had to carry her upstairs ourselves after she fell into a potted plant with vomit on her shirt. Not too long after we staged an intervention and had her checked back into rehab. At the end of her first month she would decide if she'd stay for a second and third, and despite the pleas of my brother and I, she wouldn't listen. We said we were done with her. We had given her all the love and support we could, but if that wasn't going to work then we'd resort to our only other option and cut her out. When she checked out of rehab I drove her home. I thought I could try one last time to talk some sense into her, that maybe she'd listen to reason. In the end she just ignored me, so I said everything I could think to say. If it was going to be the last time I got to talk to her, then I'd make use of that ride home and tell her everything I could think of. Just like Dad. I dropped her off at the family home, gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and watched as she got smaller in the mirror as I drove away. About a week later on July 9th, I got a call from my brother and my Aunt, her little sister. She was gone. They found her in a CVS parking lot in her car, upside down. She had been there for hours. We don't know exactly what happened. She may have had a seizure. All we know is that the reports came back with "complications due to alcohol abuse and fatty liver."
After that, the estate fell to my brother and I as the sole inheritors. I'm thankful for everyone that came out of the woodworks to help us. Our aunts helped with the will and all of the proceedings that came after. A lot had to be done, and a 20 year old still in college (me) and a 24 year old fresh out of college (my brother), were not the ones capable to taking care of it all. It took months to sort it all out. Hell, some of it never got resolved because we just never knew what to do. What matters is that we had the time and space to grieve, and so I did.
It turns out I've always had depressive tendencies, but at this point I had fully developed an Anxiety and Depressive disorder. It came to a head one Summer day when I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd always wrestled with the concept of Death, that after everything that happens in your life it all just ends, nothing, just an end to all, void, nothingness. I hated it. It stills sends me into panic attacks to this day, and has since I was a child. That Summer day I hit rock bottom, and I couldn't think of anything else, because what else could matter if it was all going to end anyway? Why should I care? I'm not going to care when I'm gone, so why care now? It's not like I'll be around to regret leaving if I chose to end it all. These were the thoughts that flooded my mind, and they wouldn't go away. I took a walk. I went through my neighborhood, cut through the trees at the cul-de-sac near the bottom of the hill, and came to a path that led to a nearly dry creak. the water was barely flowing, but I was sweaty and I wanted to sit. So there I sat and contemplated it all. The absolute inconsequentiality of life and all its meaninglessness. I looked down and saw a rock, picked it up, and thought to myself just how long it would take to bash my brains out and end it all right there. Sure it would hurt, but only for so long, then it would be gone, and I'd stop hurting. I don't know how long I really sat there looking at that rock, but eventually a family of four came walking down the path and I had to get up to get out of their way since I was sitting in the middle of the path. I dropped the rock, let them pass, and walked back home. after that I called my friends, got the name and number for their doctor, and booked an appointment later that week. Ever since then I've been medicated and I'm better for it. I don't believe in those thoughts anymore, but it scares me that I got to a point that I nearly listened to them. I've back to that creek bed since, and it's actually very pretty right after a storm, when all the trees are still dripping with rainwater.
Fast-forward a few years and it's May 2023, I struggled and I stumbled, but I felt like I had made progress. I felt far from past it, but I was moving on. I graduated with a Bachelor's in Science for Art and Entertainment Technologies. I didn't know exactly what I'd do with it, but I felt like I could figure it out with the city I was in. I went up to celebrate my girlfriend's graduation a few weeks later up in Missouri, we had been together for six and a half years. We met in high school in the same friend group, stuck through college in a long-distance relationship, and I thought we would go all the way. Over that summer after we both graduated she had to take one last internship to finish up her degree. I visited when I had the chance, but over the course of the summer I worked to make sure the house lived in would be ready for her, ready for two people to live in together once we finally started our lives together. She spent another two and a half months in Missouri, and the day she got back on July 29th she broke up with me. She had her dad drive her down the night before, and she spent that night with me after the long trip. The next morning after waking up and having breakfast, she sat me down and said she didn't think we should be together anymore. It was something she decided on over the Summer, she said she'd been thinking about it for a bit and finally had a gut feeling that we should split up. There wasn't anyone else, she actually explained that it was the opposite. She had lived her entire life with barely any privacy. As the middle child of 6 children she rarely, if ever, got a moment to herself. She only ever had one room to herself, but even then it was in a smaller house with 4 other people, and no locks on her door. When she left for college she had to share a dorm with her roommate, and when she came back for the Winter and Summer breaks she stayed with me (I also have a housemate, so even then the privacy wasn't perfect). Over the course of that last Summer she finally had a room all to herself, a single dorm for 2 and a half months. During her internship it was the exact same, she worked in an archive, which are quiet on a bad day and silent as the grave every other day. Couple that with the fact that she only ever work with one other person (her supervisor), and that's if they worked with anyone else there at all, for 40 hours a week. She told me that summer gave her the alone time she never had the chance to take before, and spent a lot of it thinking, spending all the time she never got before to be alone with her thoughts. A couple weeks before she came back she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She gave me a lot of reasons for want to split up, that being one of them. The biggest reason, one she said she couldn't ignore, was that she thought we were becoming two very different people. She said she didn't think we would work if we stayed together, that the way she saw us going, it just wasn't going to work out. She told me she still loved me, but when I asked if it was in the same way as before, she could only shake her head. I still regret asking that. She left with her sister later that day, and came back with her family the next to pack up all her things and leave. When she was busy inside, I took a moment to talk to them and ask if I did anything wrong, they all said no. They said she was just the most independent person they all knew, and that I had nothing to be sorry for. It didn't help. When they were done she gave me one last moment with her, one last tear-stained kiss goodbye, but when she turned in the driveway to hand me back the extra key to the house, I broke down. I stood by the door just long enough to watch their car fade from view as they drove away, then I went back inside and collapsed into a void of sorrow and self-pity.
That was 10 months ago. I'd like to say I've made progress, but some days it's hard to believe that. In the time since I've spent a lot of time on myself, learning who I was and what I wanted to be. The main sticking point I had with her reasoning was that she was so certain we were going to end up two completely different people, but I didn't even know who I wanted to be. If I didn't know who I was, let alone who I was going to be, how could she be so definitively certain? A lot of time and self-reflection brought up a plethora of questions I'd never thought to ask myself. With a rural backwoods public Texas education, it turns out that a lot of mental health issues can fall between the cracks. I found out that I'm on the Autism Spectrum (I get my full Psych Eval later this week, so that's nice), I learned that I'm demisexual, and also that I get extremely, soul-crushingly lonely when I'm single. All my best friends had to move out of state last February (it's a long story but I can explain if necessary), so when we split up I had next to no one to fall back on nearby. I had acquaintances and others I could call, but the people I loved the most were a 13 hour drive away. I made the trip when I could, but it just wasn't the same. It's ironic though, I found a therapy service through a podcast she introduced me to. I've been seeing a reliable and caring therapist for 9 and a half of the past 10 months, so I'm grateful for that. I've come to learn that even if the crushing loneliness hurts the most, finding a new relationship isn't the right step forward. I spent long enough trying to make that happen, now I know it can't fix anything, nor should it.
For a while I was starting to feel things turning around. Not so much getting better, but it was a start. Then It got to February, and along with it another tide of problems. My brother has always been the one to party, since he was in high school and all throughout college he was the one that got the drinks and people together. When we became independent he was the one that got on my ass about not wasting our inheritance and only using it when absolutely necessary. It's ironic then, that he was the one to call me in late Feb telling me he'd blown through it all and gone bankrupt. For this next part I need to provide some context, so I'm sorry if it drags on. I never planned on moving out of the family home, but mom and dad had waited long enough and wanted me out, so mom agreed to find a place for me to stay and provide housing until I graduated college. She was a realtor for a big real estate company for over 25 years, and it just so happened that the last neighborhood she sold from had a model home the company wanted to get rid of. She pulled some strings and in the end she got it for a steal, like half the market price for a house in the area, with a monthly payment similar to most apartments in the same city. I'm well aware of how privileged I was and still am to this day, I don't want people to think I don't recognize the luck I've been given. However, when our parents passed the entirety of the estate was split 50/50 between my brother and I. Meaning that the house that I lived in at the time, and still have for the past 4 and a half years, is only half mine. This never really sat well with me, so when I eventually brought it up with my brother and asked about becoming the sole owner of my house, he agreed that it was the right call. The problem, is that he told me that he hand over his half for half of what the house would be sold for at maximum market price. He didn't want what we'd paid for, he didn't want half of what it was bought at, nor did he want any reasonable price, he wanted the most amount of money he could get for a home that wasn't his, nor was ever meant to be his (I want y'all to know that I already feel like the most privileged asshole ever having typed all this out, sorry for sounding like a shithead). Somewhere along the way, he got it in his head that I had already agreed to pay what he wanted me to for his half, and when he called me late Feb and asked for money, he got upset with me when I told him that I didn't want to. He got angry and started talking about how I owed him for my house, how I already agreed to pay him and that he'd count whatever I gave him as the start to my payment for the property I've lived on for nearly 5 fucking years. I panicked, and though I regret it, I caved and gave him far too much money (more than I'm willing to admit), in hopes he'd leave me alone. Unfortunately over the past 4 months he's only gotten worse.
Before this time we (my brother and our Aunts) came to the conclusion that the family home we had turned into an Airbnb was no longer sustainable. While it had been profitable for a good few months in 2022, by late 2023 it had turned into a money sink. There was more and more wear and deferred maintenance popping up with each passing month that by the time 2024 rolled around we were forced to choose between selling it off or emptying the rest of our inheritance in an attempt to fix it back up with no promise that it would be worth it. It sucked to do it, I spend the first 20 years of my life in that house, but in the end we gave the go ahead and my Aunt helped us put it on the market when Feb rolled around. The housing market where it's built is extremely competitive, it's on the outskirts of a rural tourist town with a view to die for, so we didn't think it would be too much waiting around before we got an offer. That was 4 months ago, and we haven't heard a word since, even though the first estimate was 6 weeks to 6 months. The agent helping us with the house let us know that there were over 60 homes being sold in the surrounding area, with half of them at a very similar price point. I don't feel comfortable revealing exactly what the house is priced at, but to give an idea, the money I'd make off of selling it, even after being split in half and reduced by taxes, would be enough to completely pay off the mortgage on my house and then some. The kicker to all of this, is that the house isn't in perfect condition. Even considering all the detracting factors, I'd say the price we have the house listed at is more than fair for the area, but nobody wants to buy a fixer-upper at that price point, even if it is worth it. To make all these matter worse, I found out recently that my brother has STILL been holding house parties there, even though he has a perfectly good party place where he currently lives! I found out when my Aunt told me about a showing we were going to have, but my brother tried to call and tell her to postpone it because he was going to be having a party the day before the showing was scheduled. In the middle of all this, he texts me out of the blue, trying to get me to talk to him and discuss something. I'm having none of it and tell him that if he needs to get something off his chest, he can text me or leave me alone, I don't want to talk. So he ends up sending me full fucking paragraphs, going on about how he's hit rock bottom, how we have to close the joint account we've been using to pay all the shared bills and expenses, and how he's so sorry for being a shitty older brother. Near the end of it he throws in how he recently lost his girlfriend to a drunk driver and that he's in mourning. I went digging and it turns out the girl he mentioned, who did tragically pass in an accident and was heavily mourned in the community, was not in a relationship with him for the past year and a half. I didn't know this until a month later though, so this all came out of the blue in a time where I just wanted to be done with him, so now I had no clue what to think. The way he spoke and said all the right things to make me feel for him hurt, it made me want to drive over to his house and throw my arms around him and tell him that he'd be okay and he wasn't alone. Then we found out about the party, and he never stopped using the joint account for all the bullshit personal spending he'd been using for before at liquor stores and bars, so I got to see first-hand what all he was spending both of our shared funds on (this is only one account I put money into when we need to pay bills, the majority of my money is in my own personal savings account that he doesn't have any access to). In short: he made it real obvious that everything he said to us was a complete and total lie, after pleading with me and making me take on the task of cancelling half the bills we had tied to the joint account just to save him the time and effort. He manipulated me, and it was plain as day to see it.
Now I'm at a point where I just have to wait for something to happen. I can't do a damn thing to change my shitty situation with my brother and my home. I want to cut him off, become fully independent, and leave all the trauma I have with him, but I literally can't. I have to wait until the family house is sold or he tries to come after me and my livelihood. I tried my best to research my options, but there's nothing I can do with my house unless he signs over his portion to me, and he won't do that unless he gets what he wants. The only thing I've been able to think of is that I could possibly take him to court and argue that his actions caused the selling price of our family home to go down, but I don't even know if that's possible or what it would do for me. I don't want to sue my brother, I just want to be done with him. I want to scream and yell and make him understand the stress he's put me through, make him feel the pain he's caused me my entire life just for wanting him to like me. I want to make him know just how much it hurts to have put so much effort into someone that was never going to care in the first place, but more than anything, I just want to be done with him.
I did the math, and unfortunately I now know that I have a time limit for the family home to be sold. Meaning that if the home isn't sold by the new year and we have to pay the property taxes again, I'll be the one taking the full brunt of that responsibility. If that happens I will either not have enough money in my savings to cover that cost, or I'll have just enough to pay for it and have nothing left. Either way, with how much the maintenance of everything has been draining our finances, I'd have to sell my current home to pay for the costs after property taxes are dealt with. It would solve so many issues if I just sold off my house, but it would hurt so God damn much. I've put so much effort into this house to try and make it feel like a home, make it feel like my home. When the world was falling apart and I lost everything else, this one house and the memories I made here were what kept me going. There are days where it feels like it's all I've got left. The last thing I want is to lose this house. I know I'd end up fine. I'd have funds left over to take care of me after it's sold, and the family home would sell eventually, but none of that would matter. I can see how long I might have left in this house in the pages left on the calendar hanging from my wall, and all I can do is wait for the other shoe to drop to see if I'm losing this too. All I can do is sit and fester in this shitty void of depression and anguish while I wait to find out what happens. I hate it.
When I didn't think anything could get worse, just a handful of weeks ago I idly checked Facebook and saw that my ex, the love of my life, had found herself a new boyfriend. Soul-crushing couldn't begin to describe what I felt. I thought I'd made progress, thought I'd said goodbye to my desire to rekindle what we once had. I thought I'd finally started to move on, but I suppose I didn't know how wrong I could be. She had changed her profile picture to one with her and him standing together, arm in arm. She looked so God damn gorgeous. I couldn't get over the fact that she had never done that when we were together, I guess I still haven't. I'm not even mad at her, or him, or anyone, I'm just in pain. I want her to be happy, she deserves to be happy, but all I can focus on is just how much I miss her. I saw her post about how they went to the zoo and it broke me. I've checked her Facebook so many times and I know I shouldn't, I keep telling myself that it's only going to hurt, but I still do it and it always breaks me down even more. For a short time she changed her picture to a different one and removed her relationship status, so I thought they had broken up. I feel guilty for even admitting it but it made me feel hope, like we still had a chance. I didn't want to give in to that feeling and set myself up for disappointment, but I couldn't help but feel like maybe she thought of what we had and there was a chance that the knowledge of who we were now would be enough to start something new. But I was wrong. She changed it to a new picture of the two of them a few days later, and it broke me all over again. It's strange, every time I start to feel like something is working, like I'm making some kind of progress, another bombshell comes hurtling around and blindsides me. I keep trying to get back on my own two feet, and I keep getting knocked back down. I feel myself becoming more and more jaded throughout all of this, and I'm trying so hard not to let myself become that. I feel the desire to just give up building more and more as the hurdles keep tripping me up, and I hate how appealing it's started to become. I'm just trying to find out who I am GOD DAMNIT, why can't anything just go fucking right.
I haven't had the motivation to do anything, it's always been an issue in my life that I've constantly fought against. From applying to college to finishing finals, I've only ever done the work that was most important when I had no other choice and at the last possible moment. Motivation and passion; these are the two things I've struggled with the most for the past year. I always knew that if I was going to find fulfilment in life, those would have to be my two guiding lights, or I'd end up sad and disappointed no matter where I found myself. Nothing seems to help, I can have fun when I make the conscious effort, but it doesn't feel the same. Now more than ever I've been putting in so much effort just to find out where I'm meant to be and what I'm meant to do. I've done and tried so many different things just to gain a better understanding of who that guy in the mirror staring back at me really is. I know I've made progress, logically it cannot be ignored that the steps I've made to get to the point that I have in life have done something, but it's gotten just so damn hard to see, and even more so to believe. There are days where I go through all the motions, I wake up, I eat, I do the things that I used to enjoy, but all I can think about is her and the amazing times we had. I think about all the plans we had together, the plan I had to ask her to marry me, the life we planned on building together. It just doesn't stop, but I'm doing so much to try and move forward. I just don't know if it's doing anything, if I'm just spinning my wheels in place while waste away on the inside. I schedule weekends where I can get away from it all and take a trip somewhere a few hours away, because even if I could be doing something else while I'm here, even I can recognize that a change in scenery and something new could always help. Sometimes it does help, other times it just feels like a distraction, and other times it just brings me back to the trips I used to take with her and the only thing I can think about is how much fun we'd be having if we were there together.
I used to think I knew what career I wanted in life. From a very young age I only ever wanted to work for the same company that produced the shows I grew up watching online. The things they made got me through so many darker times, and made the bright ones all the better to remember. I picked up new hobbies and learned new skills just to try and have an edge when I finally worked up the courage to apply for a job. I even picked up 3D modeling in high school just to get a head start from the inspiration their shows gave me. Then everything went to shit in my life, I lost nearly all direction, and I ended up too little too late. Two weeks ago the company that I'd been following for over half my entire life shut its doors for good, and I got to see one of my life-long dreams turn ash. At least I got to be there to say goodbye. They gave a lot to me, so I'm happy I at least got the chance to let them know that before they were gone.
I want to move on, I really do. Amidst the maelstrom of everything that's happened to me, and the deluge that still is happening to me, it just feels impossible that I ever could move on. I only just made my first resume last week for the first job I've every applied to, and it's at a retail store with nothing to do with what I studied in college. I want to make progress in life. I want to live. But I feel like I haven't had a life to live for so long now, and I just don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the novel-length text dump of exposition and self-pity, I just didn't know what else to turn to.