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2021.01.29 04:09 galaxyfloating wallstreetbetsOGs
All bets are on. Lets see your penthouse highs and cardboard box nose dives. A refuge for the OGs from classic days who remember stories such as 1ronyman, infinite money glitch, paper trading competition, GUH, etc. If you know, you know. We aren't affiliated with any other subs.
2008.09.11 19:01 papercraft
We make things out of paper.
2011.06.30 18:40 jaxdesign Plumbing help offered here, please post pictures.
A place for plumbing advice and help. Do not advertise or try to compare pricing.
2024.05.15 04:22 Ok-Drop-1767 GMT Master II - Batman pricing
I’m looking at a GMT master to Batman 2022 model mint condition with the full kit. Box, papers and booklet. I move forward with it. I’ll take it to a dealer for authentication. My question for the group is based on the information I’ve given what is a good price and price range for this watch? Thanks in advance.
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2024.05.15 03:52 Calledinthe90s The Mortgage, Part 3
I accidentally posted this to my username instead of my subreddit so here is is:
The Mortgage, Part 3
“Fuck,” I said as I drove to work in the old beater that only started on the fourth try because it could tell that I was pissed off. Ray’s case started at two o’clock, and I was heading to the office to get ready. “Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Fuck.” I’d wanted to tell Angela about Ray’s case, and how I was sorry that I hadn’t wanted to help him, but now I would, I would help him, and I would win, but then I’d gotten her all riled up on something else, something totally different, something way more serious.
My wife had given me a triple ultimatum: fix things up with her father, save idiot Ray from Sy-Co Corp., and somehow find a downpayment for the place she wanted to buy, in the little townhouse infill project in Bixity. It was like demanding I do a double bank shot, and then run over to the baseball diamond and hit a home run after first pointing to where it would land, Babe Ruth style.
Angela was mad at me, seriously mad. She’d slipped out that morning before I was even awake, sliding quietly past me on the couch. I didn’t realize she was gone until I heard the faint click of the front door closing. I jumped up, tripped over a blanket, and by the time I got up and my robe on, the elevator down the hall dinged, and Angela was gone before I opened the apartment door.
I swore at myself some more and pounded the steering wheel, “I fucked up,” I said, several times as I hit the wheel over and over again, until I accidentally honked it, and then looked all sheepish when the guy in front of me gave me the finger. I reached my office without further incident, but instead of walking in the front door, I went further down the hall, and into the office of Mark Cecil-Rowe, Barrister, LL.D, the man with the finest speaking voice I ever heard. When I entered his office I forgot for a minute about Angela and her father and sleeping on the couch the night before. I forget about everything, except the reason that I had come to Cecil-Rowe’s office: to stump him with a legal problem that I had solved, but which I was pretty sure he could not. In other words, I had come to preen and to brag and to boast. No one likes a showoff, and I had come to show off. I put my hand on the door and turned the knob. After a brief pause, I flung open the door.
“I’m a goddamn genius,” I said as I strolled into the older man’s office.
I noticed the echo of a hastily closed desk drawer hanging in the air. In Aaron’s office, where I rented space, a sudden act of concealment implied cocaine, but with Cecil-Rowe, the item in question was probably a mickey of vodka. I had the sense that he’d been drinking a bit before I arrived, but his powers of observation were unimpaired, and when he looked into my face, his expression showed sympathy, and actual pain.
“What have you done now?” he said, as set the papers before him to one side, and readied himself to hear my latest tale of legal brilliance.
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Oh dear. Have a seat.”
“No really, I am. I’m a genius. I got this case that everyone says you can’t win, but I’m gonna win it, and when I do, I’m gonna look like a genius.” Cecil-Rowe gave me a sad indulgent smile.
“Whenever you tell me you’re a genius, I am always concerned about what is to follow. When you get wrapped up in what you call your genius, you tend to ignore the more mundane things we lawyers have to do to win a case. You think you’re going to win by genius alone.”
“Let me tell you why I’m a goddamn genius.” With effort I wiped the smug, self-satisfied expression that was on my face.
“Tell me why you’re a genius,” Cecil-Rowe said, “while I pour us a coffee.” He heaved his bulky body up from his chair and shuffled over to a counter. He picked up a carafe of hot coffee sitting on a hot plate, and poured two cups. “Speak,” he said, handing me one. I took a sip of the coffee, and told Cecil-Rowe the tale of Cousin Ray: his purchase of a franchise from Sy-Co Corp, its swift demise, the crash and burn in Commercial Court, the Minutes of Settlement, the seventy-one kilometer limit, and lastly, Sy-Co’s motion scheduled for two p.m. that very day, seeking an interim injunction shutting down Ray’s place.
Cecil-Rowe absorbed all this without the need to take notes. Instead, he sat back while he eyed me, taking the occasional sip of coffee, and smiling at the extravagant flourishes and details that brought out Ray’s story to full effect.
“Obviously Ray is dead on arrival,” he said, “but I guess this is the part where you tell me how you’re going to win.”
So I told him how I was going to win, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “I told ya I’m a genius, Mr. C,” cueing him to applaud, to admit what a brilliant lawyer I was. But there was no applause from Mark Cecil-Rowe. He looked at me without so much as a smile.
“You can cling to that genius notion as a consolation prize, after you get whipped this afternoon in court.”
“No way,” I said, “not a chance. I got this thing won hands down. I’m gonna kick ass in court today and--”
“And how exactly do you plan to do that, if you don’t have evidence?”
“What?”
“Evidence, Calledinthe9os. It’s what lawyers like me use to beat geniuses like you.”
“But I’m gonna win without proof. I don’t need proof. The argument I’m gonna make, relies on simple facts that are totally obvious, so the judge is gonna--” Cecil-Rowe stuck up his hand.
“Stop right there. I know what’s coming. You’re going to ask the judge to take *judicial notice.”
And he was right. That was exactly what I was going to do.
There are some things so obvious that you didn’t have to prove them, things that everyone knew. You didn’t have to prove that water froze at zero degrees and boiled at a hundred, or that Bixity was between West Bay and East Bay.
“You got it,” I said, “judicial notice all the way.”
“You’re going to tell the judge that the centerpiece of your argument, the lynchpin of your case is a fact known to pretty well everyone, and so you don’t need proof.”
“Exactly,” I said. Cecil-Rowe took another sip of his coffee, and left me hanging in the silence for a while before he spoke.
“If that’s true, then why does coming up with that argument make you a genius?”
“Oh, I said,”I didn’t think of that.”
“It is acceptable to rely on judicial notice for minor, ancillary points. But you never should walk into court thinking that the court will take judicial notice of your entire defence. It’s just too risky.”
“But how am I going to rustle up a witness in time for this afternoon?”
“Worry about that after you leave my office. I can’t help you with that. What I want to know, is why you’re doing this at the last minute.”
“What makes you think I’m doing this at the last minute?”
“Because you never would have resorted to judicial notice if you were properly prepared. If you’d opened this case a bit earlier, you’ve have everything lined up. But you got to work on it late, and so you want to rely on judicial notice. You’ve messed up, Calledinthe90s, and you know what my rule is when you mess up.” Cecil-Rowe didn’t extend aid to me, until I admitted the error of my ways. It was infuriating, but he was inflexible. So I fessed up.
“My idiot cousin Ray’s been trying to retain me for almost two weeks, but I was putting him off because I was mad at him. So now my wife’s mad at me, and if I don’t win this case, I’m dead. Plus her dad’s mad at me too and --” My brain roared into overdrive, a mess of family and law and fear, and at the centre of it, thoughts of Angela’s anger and her father. My mind took off, and then came to an instant halt at a helpful destination.
“Yes?” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Sorry. I just realized how to solve the evidence problem. Look, can I ask you about the thing I actually came here to ask you about?”
“You have a problem that’s worse than having no evidence? What could be worse than -- oh. You don’t have a retainer. Your client doesn't have any money.”
“Exactly. How do I get paid? That’s the problem.” I explained that Ray had no money, as in none, and that if he did have money, he wouldn’t spend it on me. Instead, he’d go back downtown and throw his cash at some big firm, who would take on his case, and proceed to lose it in a calm, careful, sober manner, ending in a reporting letter to Ray telling him that he’d lost.
“Now that’s a problem I can solve,” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Really? ‘Cause I can’t see a way around it. I think I’m gonna have to do this for free, and that really pisses me off.” Cecil-Rowe shook his head.
“You may or may not get paid, but you can set things up so that if you win, you’ll win pretty good.”
“How? Ray’s a deadbeat. Tapped out.”
“But is he desperate?”
“Totally. The first time he failed, he lost his own money, but if he goes under this time, he’s taking family money with him, and he’ll be the black sheep forever.”
“And he’s using family to emotionally blackmail you into helping him?’
“Like no shit. That’s the part that pisses me off the most. I’m like a goddamn slave, being forced to work for free.”
“Never fear, young apprentice. I have just the thing in mind.” He reached into a drawer, and pulled out a form. “Fill in the blanks, and have him sign.”
I looked it over, and saw that the document was a retainer agreement. I whistled. “Holy shit. If he signs this, he’s almost my slave.”
“Close, but not quite” Cecil-Rowe said, “the Latin term for this is "contractus pro venditione animae"”. It’s the ultimate retainer agreement. Once Ray signs that, you own any cause of action he has against the person suing him. You can settle the case on any terms you like, and you get to keep whatever proceeds there are.” Cecil-Rowe placed the folder back in a drawer, and from his manner you could tell that the interview was over.
“Awesome, Mr. C. I’ll call you from Commercial Court when we’re done.”
“Commercial Court?” he said.
“Yeah, Commercial Court.”
“This just keeps getting worse. Take notes, Calledinthe90s, while I school you on Commercial Court. Commercial Court is a jungle, and without preparation, you’ll get savaged.”
“That’s what happened to Ray when--”
“Take notes, young apprentice,” he said, tossing me a pad and a pen. He started to lecture, and I took notes that I have with me to this day, in a safe deposit box downstairs in the vault at Mega Bank Main Branch.
* * *
By the time Cecil-Rowe finished schooling me, it was close to ten, and the case started at two. I didn’t have much time. I ran down the hall to my office, and called Ray’s restaurant. No answer. Then I called Ray’s house. I expected to get Ray’s wife, but the man himself answered.
“You’re not at work. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Sy-Co Corp served all my employees with a cease and desist letter. They all got scared and took off. The place is shut down.”
“You gotta fax machine at home?” He did, and asked why.
“I’m taking your case, but only if you sign the paper I’m about to send and fax it back.” I sent the fax, and five minutes later it came back signed, and it was official: Ray had sold me his legal soul.
I went out to the parking lot, got into my beater and drove fast. In less than thirty minutes I reached my destination. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, my diminutive mother-in-law poked out her head. “What a pleasant surprise,” she said.
“Sorry, Mrs. M, but I’m in a super hurry. I gotta rush to get to court to help Ray. But first, I gotta speak to Dr. M.”
“He’s not here,” she said.
“Not here?”
“He’s on his way to his bridge game. He left just a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s the club?”
“He’s walking there,” she said, and pointed down the street.
“Thanks.” I got into my car and headed where Mrs. M had pointed, passing big houses and new project with an “Opening Soon” sign. And walking past it was the figure of Dr. M.
“Hey, Dr. M,” I called out the window. He stopped and looked around, startled. But he didn’t see me, not at first.
“It’s me, Dr. M. Me, Calledin90s.” He leaned forward as if to see me better. I got out of the car.
“Is something wrong with Angela? Or the baby?”
“No, no not at all, sorry to scare you, it’s nothing like that. I need your help.”
“Oh.” He started walking again, and now it was my turn to be a bit stunned, watching my father-in-law walk away from me. I caught up with him in a few quick strides.
“Listen, I really need your help.”
“And I really need to get to a bridge game.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Ray.” That brought him to a halt. He turned to me, angrier even than he’d been the night before.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to make fun of me? To remind me of how you won, distracting me with nonsense about Ray’s case?”
“I mean it,” I said, “I can win Ray’s case. I can prove it in a few words.”
“Prove it, then.” So I did. I spoke words, only a few words, but they were the right words to speak to Dr. M, for the words I spoke were in his language, words that he understood perfectly.
“I understand,” he said, “you’ve come to boast some more, to prove that you were right after all.”
“I want to win Ray’s case, but I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to prove that two plus two is four.”
“This, I gotta prove, and I need you to help me prove it. I need you to come to court with me, as my witness.”
“I can’t do that. I didn’t witness anything.”
“As my witness. My expert witness.” Unlike a normal witness, an expert witness can give an opinion. An expert is there not to advocate, I explained to Dr. M but to instruct, to teach.
“My bridge partner won’t be very happy,” he said.
“But Ray will, and so will Mrs. M and Angela and--”
“Very well. Do you have a cell phone? We can call the bridge club from my car.”
* * *
We were on the highway getting close to the downtown exit, when my wife called my cell phone. Back then cell phone service was super expensive and my wife only used it for emergencies. Or when she was really angry. I picked up the phone, wondering which it would be.
“I’m so happy that you made things up with my father,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“My mother called. She says you took him with you, that you went out together.”
“He’s with me right now,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“To court. Going to court to win Ray’s case for him.”
“And you brought my father with you to watch?” She was so happy, I could hear in her voice that she was smiling. “That’s a great way to bond with him, Calledinthe90s. Look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier, I really am. My dad’s a bit too sensitive and--”
“Sorry, Angela, your dad’s not coming to watch me.”
“Why is he with you, then?”
“He’s my witness,” I said.
“What?”
“His expert witness,” Dr. M said, loudly enough for Angela to hear.
My wife’s anger exploded into the phone. She wanted to know how I could expose her elderly, vulnerable father to the stress of a court case. I tried to tell her how I needed him, how there was literally no one else I could turn to, that her father was an expert, a true expert, and the judge was legally bound to believe him, but Angela heard none of this.
“Look,’ I said, “I promise you that--” And then I lowered the phone and pushed the red button, terminating the call. I’d learned that the best way to hang up on someone, was to do it when I was doing the talking. That way it looked like the call had dropped.
“I’m going to steal that move,” Dr. M said.
We rolled into the parking lot. I grabbed the cloth bag out of the back of my car, the bag that held my law robes and shirt and tabs, plus the other stuff I needed for court. It was one-thirty, still thirty minutes to go, not a lot of time to get robed and ready for court. It was just past one-forty five when I, with Dr. M in tow, opened the door to a courtroom on the eighth floor of an old insurance building that had been converted into a courthouse, the home of Commercial Court.
“Commercial Court is an exclusive club,” Cecil-Rowe had explained to me earlier that day, “the legal playground of the rich and powerful. They’ll know instantly that you’re not one of them.” And he was right. It was clear from the moment I walked in that I did not belong, for I was the only lawyer in robes. Everyone else was wearing a suit, and not some cheap thing off the rack like I wore.
There were a half-dozen lawyers present, and after they saw me, they exchanged knowing looks about the stranger amongst them. I ignored them, and walked up to the Registrar. I told him the case I was on, and he signed me in.
“First time in Commercial Court?” he said, eyeing my robes. “You know you don’t have to be robed in Commercial Court.” In other Superior Courts, you always had to bring your robes and get all dressed up. But Commercial Court had its own set of rules, and in the court for rich people, their lawyers did not have to wear robes.
“You’re here on the Sy-Co case?” a young woman asked. She was a junior like me, give a year or two either way. She was dressed in the finest downtown counsel fashion, some designer thing that Angela would know if she saw it.
“Just got retained,” I said.
“You know there’s no adjournments, right? We don’t do adjournments in Commercial Court. I’m just trying to be helpful, because I don’t think you've been here before. You know you don’t have to be robed, right?
“So I heard.”
“So where’s your material? You haven’t served anything, so how do you plan to argue your case?”
“I gotta witness,” I said.
She smiled. “There’s no viva voce evidence, either. Affidavit only.”
“We’ll see what the judge says.” There was a knock from the other side of the door to the judge’s chambers, and then the man himself entered.
I was amazed to see that even the judge wasn’t wearing a robe; instead, he was wearing a light coloured suit and a bright blue bow tie. He was dressed as good as the lawyers, all part of the downtown Commercial Court club, the playground of the richest and most powerful corporations in the City.
“Commercial Court’s not like other courts,” Cecil-Rowe told me earlier that day, explaining that most cases were over in fifteen minutes or less. A plaintiff showed up with some papers, and had a short consultation with the judge. The judge signed an order granting an injunction, or taking away a man’s business, or freezing his money. Commercial Court is where you went to get quick and simple court orders that eviscerated your opponent before the case even got going.
Defendants would appear sometimes in Commercial Court, Cecil-Rowe explained, but it was usually their last time up. Defendants always died a quick death in Commercial Court.
The judge took his seat, and then looked over the lawyers before him. His eyes moved along, and then stopped when they reached me, the one lawyer who was not like the others.
“You don’t need robes in Commercial Court,” the judge said to me.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said.
“What case are you on?”
I told him.
“He’s filed no responding materials,” my opponent said, “nothing at all.”
“I’m just vetting the list,” the judge said, “I’ll circle back to you two in a few minutes.” I listend while the judge vetted the rest of the afternoon list: a Mareva, plus a Norwich order, with counsel on those cases sent away in a matter of minutes.
Now the courtroom was almost empty, just the judge, two lawyers, the registrar and my star witness and father-in-law, Dr. M, who sat in the back of the courtroom dressed in an old business suit, put on hastily at his place two hours earlier, when I urged him to hurry it up, to not waste so much time on picking a suit.
“Back to you,” the judge said, addressing my opponent, “I thought this was an uncontested matter. That’s what your confirmation sheet said.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I didn’t know until I got here that the case was defended.”
“I got retained at the last minute,” I said, “barely three hours ago, the day after I read the papers. But I’m ready to go, ready to argue the case on the merits, so long as you grant me an indulgence, and let me call my witness, to let him testify in person instead of by affidavit, there being no time for me to draft anything.”
Opposing counsel was on her feet. “That’s not how things are done in Commercial Court,” she said, “or any court that I know of, for that matter. My friend (that’s what they make lawyers call each other in court, ‘my friend,’ even though you might hate the other guy’s guts),” the lawyer said, “my friend should have served his responding materials and filed them with the court. Instead, he’s taken us totally by surprise.”
“I’m sorry my friend is surprised by opposition,” I said, “but then consider, it’s my client’s livelihood that’s at stake. If my friend gets her injunction, Ray Telewu’s business is dead, and he loses everything. So yes, my client opposes the injunction, and yes, I’d like to call evidence.”
The judge didn’t consult the papers before him nor the books, but instead, he looked up at the big white clock on the courtroom wall. Its hands said two-fifteen.
“How long will your witness take, counsel?”
“In chief, ten minutes.” I’d practiced with Dr. M on the way in, and I was pretty sure he could do it in five, but I gave him a bit of extra time, just in case.
“We’ve got about two hours,” the judge said, “but I want to be fair to you and your client. Let’s take a fifteen minute recess so you can get instructions. Either we go ahead today with viva voce evidence, or we adjourn, and that will give Calledinthe90s time to file responding materials.”
When everyone came back, the junior’s boss was there, Senior Counsel, a heavy weight, one of those big guys downtown. Plus they brought this guy from Sy-Co Corp, the head of some bullshit division, with some bullshit title, Head of whatever, so that’s the title I’ll give him here. He was The Head. He was the man, the big cheese, the signer of the affidavit on which Sy-Co relied that day.
“What’s he doing here?” I asked Senior Counsel.
He stared at me, all lean and steel grey, looking every inch the hard hitting lawyer that commanded the biggest fees. “If you’re calling a live witness, then so can we. The Head will give evidence today, in advance of your client, so that the judge hears it from him first.” His junior smirked at me, and the two of them sat down, delighted that they’d thought of a way to one up me.
Except that they’d done it by exposing their client to cross-examination. The judge came in, allowed the Head to testify, and when he was done, I stood up.
“Just a few questions,” I said. Senior Counsel was stunned for an instant, and then he stood.
“This serves no purpose, Your Honour. The witness has confirmed the simple facts of his affidavit, and there’s no disputing it. Ray Telewu opened a restaurant less than seventy-one kilometres from Bixity City Hall, and that’s in breach of the Minutes of Settlement he signed.”
I did not bother to respond. Instead, I just stood, and I started to ask questions.
“Have a look at that map in your affidavit,” I said, and he did. I picked up my copy, and tore the map out of it. I passed it up to him.
“What do you notice about this map?”
“That it’s accurate,” the Head said, repeating his evidence in chief, amplifying it, talking about how the map contained perfect measurement.
“You will notice that the map is flat,” I said, laying it on the witness box before him.
“Of course it’s flat. That’s what maps are. Maps are flat.”
“But the earth is round,” I said, “or more properly, a sphere.” Senior Counsel was on his feet in an instant.
“What difference does that make?” he said.
“What you’ll hear from my expert witness, is that a flat map cannot accurately show Earth’s curves. A flat map distorts distances, and in this case, reduces them.”
“But that can’t be by very much.”
“In this case, by just over twenty meters,” Dr. M said from the back of the court.
“That’s my expert witness, the esteemed Dr. M.” I didn’t actually say Dr. M. Instead, I said his real name. But I’m not going to use the real names of my family here, so I’ll just keep calling him Dr. M. “Dr. M was a professor of Physics at the University of Bixity for almost thirty years. He has published numerous papers on particle physics, and is the first Canadian winner of the Wolf Prize for physics.”
Senior Counsel tried to cross-examine Dr. M, but it did not go well, my father-in-law indulging him, gently chiding him, continuing his explanations until the lawyer sat down, defeated by Dr. M’s mastery of the subject,his own lack of preparation and his inability to improvise. When counsel said that he had no further questions, the judge addressed us all.
“I’m not going to reserve, and I don’t think I need to tell everyone why. I think it will take about a minute for me to write a decision saying that the Earth is not flat. I’ll give you some more time after that, but after fifteen minutes, I”ll be back to render my decision.” He rose, everyone bowed, and he disappeared behind the door to judge’s chambers.
I pulled a piece of paper out of my file, and slammed it on the desk before Senior Counsel and his junior. “Fill in the blanks, and sign,” I said.
Dr. M’s head shot up at the commotion, and he shuffled over to see what was going on.
“What’s this?” Senior Counsel said, picking up the paper I gave him..
“Minutes of Settlement. You fill in a number, a big number, for the costs you gotta pay me. Your client signs, and then we’re done.” Senior Counsel opened his mouth to bargain, but I overrode him.
“You know your client’s going to lose; the judge made that obvious. Hurry up if you want to settle; we don’t have much time.”
At the end of most Canadian court cases, the loser has to pay at least part of the winner’s legal fees. That’s the way it’s been since forever, and I think it’s a good rule. Sy-Co Corp had lost, so it had to pay a good chunk of Ray’s costs, and Ray’s costs were somewhere between whatever bullshit figure I claimed they were, and where they actually ought to be. Senior Counsel took the paper over to his client. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back, with the form signed, and a number written in the blank space.
I’ll give it to Sy-Co Corp and their lawyer. It wasn’t a bullshit number, a low ball number. They gave me a real number, a number more like something I’d actually accept, a number that made sense to pay me in costs, in light of the success I’d had, and how I got it. It was a respectful number, a common sense number, and I appreciated it an awful lot.
I tossed the paper back at them.
“Add a zero,” I said, continuing on when Senior Counsel blanched, and his junior retreated a step. “I know what’s going on here. Your client sold mine a bullshit franchise, one with a history of failing.” The franchise had opened up again under a new owner not long after Ray had lost it and then it promptly failed again. Like I said at the start of this story, it’s an old story. It’s how some franchise companies make money. “Your client makes more money selling bullshit franchises doomed to fail, then it does from the honest ones that make money. So add a zero to that number, or Ray’s gonna sue you, class action and all that, for all the people you’ve fucked.”
The Head stepped forward from the benches and spoke to me.
“We get threats like that all the time, but no one follows through. They don’t have the money to fight us, and neither does your client. So go ahead and sue.”
“It’s true that Ray doesn’t have jack shit,” I said, “not a pot to piss in, but he’s my cousin, Ray is, and even if he doesn’t have money, he’s got me. Ray’s family, and for Ray, I’ll sue you guys for free. Hell, I’ll even pay the expenses. Plus I’m gonna put a jury notice in, too, come to think of it, ‘cause juries--”
Senior Counsel cut me off, and moved his client to the back of the courtroom. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back. I watched as Senior Counsel wrote a single digit on the Minutes, a zero, written right where I wanted it.
“You’ll have to initial the change,” I said to the Head of Sy-C0, and it gave me great satisfaction to watch him sign.
“Don’t forget,” I said the moment his pen stopped moving, “for the settlement to be valid, I need to get the money today. Right now.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” the Head said.
“Not if you want the settlement to stay in place. I’ll follow you back to your office, and you can put a cheque in my hands.”
“It’s an absurdly expensive bunch of flowers,” I said, “although no flowers, however beautiful, however expensive, could expiate my--”
She took the flowers, and gave a kiss.
“My mom called. She told me what happened. You fixed things with my dad.”
“Yup,” I said. I had certainly done that. I’d made Dr. M a professor again, if only for a few minutes. Not only a professor, but an expert witness. The judge had declared him an expert in plain terms and Dr.M had beamed when he’d heard those words.
“And you won Ray’s case, too. But my mom didn’t know how, and I don’t know how you did it either.”
“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight,” I said.
“But we agreed no more dinners out; we have to save money, now that a baby’s coming.”
I passed her the envelope that I’d received a few hours before. She opened it, and took out a cheque, a cheque drawn up for an amount I specified, made payable to Mr. and Mrs. Calledinthe90s.
The moment I got that cheque, all I could think about was how my wife would react when I put it into her hands. I could not wait to see her eyes bulge, to hear her voice say “oh my god,” to hear her laugh.
She did none of these things. Instead, she cried.
“Does this mean we can buy a house?” The money wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, not nowadays, with prices being so crazy. But things were different back then in the 90s. Sure, the internet was barely a thing and cell phones were super expensive and a lot of things sucked, but I’ll give the nineties one thing: houses were cheap.
“I think so,” I said.
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The Mortgage, Part 3
“Fuck,” I said as I drove to work in the old beater that only started on the fourth try because it could tell that I was pissed off. Ray’s case started at two o’clock, and I was heading to the office to get ready. “Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Fuck.” I’d wanted to tell Angela about Ray’s case, and how I was sorry that I hadn’t wanted to help him, but now I would, I would help him, and I would win, but then I’d gotten her all riled up on something else, something totally different, something way more serious.
My wife had given me a triple ultimatum: fix things up with her father, save idiot Ray from Sy-Co Corp., and somehow find a downpayment for the place she wanted to buy, in the little townhouse infill project in Bixity. It was like demanding I do a double bank shot, and then run over to the baseball diamond and hit a home run after first pointing to where it would land, Babe Ruth style.
Angela was mad at me, seriously mad. She’d slipped out that morning before I was even awake, sliding quietly past me on the couch. I didn’t realize she was gone until I heard the faint click of the front door closing. I jumped up, tripped over a blanket, and by the time I got up and my robe on, the elevator down the hall dinged, and Angela was gone before I opened the apartment door.
I swore at myself some more and pounded the steering wheel, “I fucked up,” I said, several times as I hit the wheel over and over again, until I accidentally honked it, and then looked all sheepish when the guy in front of me gave me the finger. I reached my office without further incident, but instead of walking in the front door, I went further down the hall, and into the office of Mark Cecil-Rowe, Barrister, LL.D, the man with the finest speaking voice I ever heard. When I entered his office I forgot for a minute about Angela and her father and sleeping on the couch the night before. I forget about everything, except the reason that I had come to Cecil-Rowe’s office: to stump him with a legal problem that I had solved, but which I was pretty sure he could not. In other words, I had come to preen and to brag and to boast. No one likes a showoff, and I had come to show off. I put my hand on the door and turned the knob. After a brief pause, I flung open the door.
“I’m a goddamn genius,” I said as I strolled into the older man’s office.
I noticed the echo of a hastily closed desk drawer hanging in the air. In Aaron’s office, where I rented space, a sudden act of concealment implied cocaine, but with Cecil-Rowe, the item in question was probably a mickey of vodka. I had the sense that he’d been drinking a bit before I arrived, but his powers of observation were unimpaired, and when he looked into my face, his expression showed sympathy, and actual pain.
“What have you done now?” he said, as set the papers before him to one side, and readied himself to hear my latest tale of legal brilliance.
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Oh dear. Have a seat.”
“No really, I am. I’m a genius. I got this case that everyone says you can’t win, but I’m gonna win it, and when I do, I’m gonna look like a genius.” Cecil-Rowe gave me a sad indulgent smile.
“Whenever you tell me you’re a genius, I am always concerned about what is to follow. When you get wrapped up in what you call your genius, you tend to ignore the more mundane things we lawyers have to do to win a case. You think you’re going to win by genius alone.”
“Let me tell you why I’m a goddamn genius.” With effort I wiped the smug, self-satisfied expression that was on my face.
“Tell me why you’re a genius,” Cecil-Rowe said, “while I pour us a coffee.” He heaved his bulky body up from his chair and shuffled over to a counter. He picked up a carafe of hot coffee sitting on a hot plate, and poured two cups. “Speak,” he said, handing me one. I took a sip of the coffee, and told Cecil-Rowe the tale of Cousin Ray: his purchase of a franchise from Sy-Co Corp, its swift demise, the crash and burn in Commercial Court, the Minutes of Settlement, the seventy-one kilometer limit, and lastly, Sy-Co’s motion scheduled for two p.m. that very day, seeking an interim injunction shutting down Ray’s place.
Cecil-Rowe absorbed all this without the need to take notes. Instead, he sat back while he eyed me, taking the occasional sip of coffee, and smiling at the extravagant flourishes and details that brought out Ray’s story to full effect.
“Obviously Ray is dead on arrival,” he said, “but I guess this is the part where you tell me how you’re going to win.”
So I told him how I was going to win, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “I told ya I’m a genius, Mr. C,” cueing him to applaud, to admit what a brilliant lawyer I was. But there was no applause from Mark Cecil-Rowe. He looked at me without so much as a smile.
“You can cling to that genius notion as a consolation prize, after you get whipped this afternoon in court.”
“No way,” I said, “not a chance. I got this thing won hands down. I’m gonna kick ass in court today and--”
“And how exactly do you plan to do that, if you don’t have evidence?”
“What?”
“Evidence, Calledinthe9os. It’s what lawyers like me use to beat geniuses like you.”
“But I’m gonna win without proof. I don’t need proof. The argument I’m gonna make, relies on simple facts that are totally obvious, so the judge is gonna--” Cecil-Rowe stuck up his hand.
“Stop right there. I know what’s coming. You’re going to ask the judge to take *judicial notice.”
And he was right. That was exactly what I was going to do.
There are some things so obvious that you didn’t have to prove them, things that everyone knew. You didn’t have to prove that water froze at zero degrees and boiled at a hundred, or that Bixity was between West Bay and East Bay.
“You got it,” I said, “judicial notice all the way.”
“You’re going to tell the judge that the centerpiece of your argument, the lynchpin of your case is a fact known to pretty well everyone, and so you don’t need proof.”
“Exactly,” I said. Cecil-Rowe took another sip of his coffee, and left me hanging in the silence for a while before he spoke.
“If that’s true, then why does coming up with that argument make you a genius?”
“Oh, I said,”I didn’t think of that.”
“It is acceptable to rely on judicial notice for minor, ancillary points. But you never should walk into court thinking that the court will take judicial notice of your entire defence. It’s just too risky.”
“But how am I going to rustle up a witness in time for this afternoon?”
“Worry about that after you leave my office. I can’t help you with that. What I want to know, is why you’re doing this at the last minute.”
“What makes you think I’m doing this at the last minute?”
“Because you never would have resorted to judicial notice if you were properly prepared. If you’d opened this case a bit earlier, you’ve have everything lined up. But you got to work on it late, and so you want to rely on judicial notice. You’ve messed up, Calledinthe90s, and you know what my rule is when you mess up.” Cecil-Rowe didn’t extend aid to me, until I admitted the error of my ways. It was infuriating, but he was inflexible. So I fessed up.
“My idiot cousin Ray’s been trying to retain me for almost two weeks, but I was putting him off because I was mad at him. So now my wife’s mad at me, and if I don’t win this case, I’m dead. Plus her dad’s mad at me too and --” My brain roared into overdrive, a mess of family and law and fear, and at the centre of it, thoughts of Angela’s anger and her father. My mind took off, and then came to an instant halt at a helpful destination.
“Yes?” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Sorry. I just realized how to solve the evidence problem. Look, can I ask you about the thing I actually came here to ask you about?”
“You have a problem that’s worse than having no evidence? What could be worse than -- oh. You don’t have a retainer. Your client doesn't have any money.”
“Exactly. How do I get paid? That’s the problem.” I explained that Ray had no money, as in none, and that if he did have money, he wouldn’t spend it on me. Instead, he’d go back downtown and throw his cash at some big firm, who would take on his case, and proceed to lose it in a calm, careful, sober manner, ending in a reporting letter to Ray telling him that he’d lost.
“Now that’s a problem I can solve,” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Really? ‘Cause I can’t see a way around it. I think I’m gonna have to do this for free, and that really pisses me off.” Cecil-Rowe shook his head.
“You may or may not get paid, but you can set things up so that if you win, you’ll win pretty good.”
“How? Ray’s a deadbeat. Tapped out.”
“But is he desperate?”
“Totally. The first time he failed, he lost his own money, but if he goes under this time, he’s taking family money with him, and he’ll be the black sheep forever.”
“And he’s using family to emotionally blackmail you into helping him?’
“Like no shit. That’s the part that pisses me off the most. I’m like a goddamn slave, being forced to work for free.”
“Never fear, young apprentice. I have just the thing in mind.” He reached into a drawer, and pulled out a form. “Fill in the blanks, and have him sign.”
I looked it over, and saw that the document was a retainer agreement. I whistled. “Holy shit. If he signs this, he’s almost my slave.”
“Close, but not quite” Cecil-Rowe said, “the Latin term for this is "contractus pro venditione animae"”. It’s the ultimate retainer agreement. Once Ray signs that, you own any cause of action he has against the person suing him. You can settle the case on any terms you like, and you get to keep whatever proceeds there are.” Cecil-Rowe placed the folder back in a drawer, and from his manner you could tell that the interview was over.
“Awesome, Mr. C. I’ll call you from Commercial Court when we’re done.”
“Commercial Court?” he said.
“Yeah, Commercial Court.”
“This just keeps getting worse. Take notes, Calledinthe90s, while I school you on Commercial Court. Commercial Court is a jungle, and without preparation, you’ll get savaged.”
“That’s what happened to Ray when--”
“Take notes, young apprentice,” he said, tossing me a pad and a pen. He started to lecture, and I took notes that I have with me to this day, in a safe deposit box downstairs in the vault at Mega Bank Main Branch.
* * *
By the time Cecil-Rowe finished schooling me, it was close to ten, and the case started at two. I didn’t have much time. I ran down the hall to my office, and called Ray’s restaurant. No answer. Then I called Ray’s house. I expected to get Ray’s wife, but the man himself answered.
“You’re not at work. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Sy-Co Corp served all my employees with a cease and desist letter. They all got scared and took off. The place is shut down.”
“You gotta fax machine at home?” He did, and asked why.
“I’m taking your case, but only if you sign the paper I’m about to send and fax it back.” I sent the fax, and five minutes later it came back signed, and it was official: Ray had sold me his legal soul.
I went out to the parking lot, got into my beater and drove fast. In less than thirty minutes I reached my destination. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, my diminutive mother-in-law poked out her head. “What a pleasant surprise,” she said.
“Sorry, Mrs. M, but I’m in a super hurry. I gotta rush to get to court to help Ray. But first, I gotta speak to Dr. M.”
“He’s not here,” she said.
“Not here?”
“He’s on his way to his bridge game. He left just a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s the club?”
“He’s walking there,” she said, and pointed down the street.
“Thanks.” I got into my car and headed where Mrs. M had pointed, passing big houses and new project with an “Opening Soon” sign. And walking past it was the figure of Dr. M.
“Hey, Dr. M,” I called out the window. He stopped and looked around, startled. But he didn’t see me, not at first.
“It’s me, Dr. M. Me, Calledin90s.” He leaned forward as if to see me better. I got out of the car.
“Is something wrong with Angela? Or the baby?”
“No, no not at all, sorry to scare you, it’s nothing like that. I need your help.”
“Oh.” He started walking again, and now it was my turn to be a bit stunned, watching my father-in-law walk away from me. I caught up with him in a few quick strides.
“Listen, I really need your help.”
“And I really need to get to a bridge game.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Ray.” That brought him to a halt. He turned to me, angrier even than he’d been the night before.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to make fun of me? To remind me of how you won, distracting me with nonsense about Ray’s case?”
“I mean it,” I said, “I can win Ray’s case. I can prove it in a few words.”
“Prove it, then.” So I did. I spoke words, only a few words, but they were the right words to speak to Dr. M, for the words I spoke were in his language, words that he understood perfectly.
“I understand,” he said, “you’ve come to boast some more, to prove that you were right after all.”
“I want to win Ray’s case, but I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to prove that two plus two is four.”
“This, I gotta prove, and I need you to help me prove it. I need you to come to court with me, as my witness.”
“I can’t do that. I didn’t witness anything.”
“As my witness. My expert witness.” Unlike a normal witness, an expert witness can give an opinion. An expert is there not to advocate, I explained to Dr. M but to instruct, to teach.
“My bridge partner won’t be very happy,” he said.
“But Ray will, and so will Mrs. M and Angela and--”
“Very well. Do you have a cell phone? We can call the bridge club from my car.”
* * *
We were on the highway getting close to the downtown exit, when my wife called my cell phone. Back then cell phone service was super expensive and my wife only used it for emergencies. Or when she was really angry. I picked up the phone, wondering which it would be.
“I’m so happy that you made things up with my father,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“My mother called. She says you took him with you, that you went out together.”
“He’s with me right now,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“To court. Going to court to win Ray’s case for him.”
“And you brought my father with you to watch?” She was so happy, I could hear in her voice that she was smiling. “That’s a great way to bond with him, Calledinthe90s. Look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier, I really am. My dad’s a bit too sensitive and--”
“Sorry, Angela, your dad’s not coming to watch me.”
“Why is he with you, then?”
“He’s my witness,” I said.
“What?”
“His expert witness,” Dr. M said, loudly enough for Angela to hear.
My wife’s anger exploded into the phone. She wanted to know how I could expose her elderly, vulnerable father to the stress of a court case. I tried to tell her how I needed him, how there was literally no one else I could turn to, that her father was an expert, a true expert, and the judge was legally bound to believe him, but Angela heard none of this.
“Look,’ I said, “I promise you that--” And then I lowered the phone and pushed the red button, terminating the call. I’d learned that the best way to hang up on someone, was to do it when I was doing the talking. That way it looked like the call had dropped.
“I’m going to steal that move,” Dr. M said.
We rolled into the parking lot. I grabbed the cloth bag out of the back of my car, the bag that held my law robes and shirt and tabs, plus the other stuff I needed for court. It was one-thirty, still thirty minutes to go, not a lot of time to get robed and ready for court. It was just past one-forty five when I, with Dr. M in tow, opened the door to a courtroom on the eighth floor of an old insurance building that had been converted into a courthouse, the home of Commercial Court.
“Commercial Court is an exclusive club,” Cecil-Rowe had explained to me earlier that day, “the legal playground of the rich and powerful. They’ll know instantly that you’re not one of them.” And he was right. It was clear from the moment I walked in that I did not belong, for I was the only lawyer in robes. Everyone else was wearing a suit, and not some cheap thing off the rack like I wore.
There were a half-dozen lawyers present, and after they saw me, they exchanged knowing looks about the stranger amongst them. I ignored them, and walked up to the Registrar. I told him the case I was on, and he signed me in.
“First time in Commercial Court?” he said, eyeing my robes. “You know you don’t have to be robed in Commercial Court.” In other Superior Courts, you always had to bring your robes and get all dressed up. But Commercial Court had its own set of rules, and in the court for rich people, their lawyers did not have to wear robes.
“You’re here on the Sy-Co case?” a young woman asked. She was a junior like me, give a year or two either way. She was dressed in the finest downtown counsel fashion, some designer thing that Angela would know if she saw it.
“Just got retained,” I said.
“You know there’s no adjournments, right? We don’t do adjournments in Commercial Court. I’m just trying to be helpful, because I don’t think you've been here before. You know you don’t have to be robed, right?
“So I heard.”
“So where’s your material? You haven’t served anything, so how do you plan to argue your case?”
“I gotta witness,” I said.
She smiled. “There’s no viva voce evidence, either. Affidavit only.”
“We’ll see what the judge says.” There was a knock from the other side of the door to the judge’s chambers, and then the man himself entered.
I was amazed to see that even the judge wasn’t wearing a robe; instead, he was wearing a light coloured suit and a bright blue bow tie. He was dressed as good as the lawyers, all part of the downtown Commercial Court club, the playground of the richest and most powerful corporations in the City.
“Commercial Court’s not like other courts,” Cecil-Rowe told me earlier that day, explaining that most cases were over in fifteen minutes or less. A plaintiff showed up with some papers, and had a short consultation with the judge. The judge signed an order granting an injunction, or taking away a man’s business, or freezing his money. Commercial Court is where you went to get quick and simple court orders that eviscerated your opponent before the case even got going.
Defendants would appear sometimes in Commercial Court, Cecil-Rowe explained, but it was usually their last time up. Defendants always died a quick death in Commercial Court.
The judge took his seat, and then looked over the lawyers before him. His eyes moved along, and then stopped when they reached me, the one lawyer who was not like the others.
“You don’t need robes in Commercial Court,” the judge said to me.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said.
“What case are you on?”
I told him.
“He’s filed no responding materials,” my opponent said, “nothing at all.”
“I’m just vetting the list,” the judge said, “I’ll circle back to you two in a few minutes.” I listend while the judge vetted the rest of the afternoon list: a Mareva, plus a Norwich order, with counsel on those cases sent away in a matter of minutes.
Now the courtroom was almost empty, just the judge, two lawyers, the registrar and my star witness and father-in-law, Dr. M, who sat in the back of the courtroom dressed in an old business suit, put on hastily at his place two hours earlier, when I urged him to hurry it up, to not waste so much time on picking a suit.
“Back to you,” the judge said, addressing my opponent, “I thought this was an uncontested matter. That’s what your confirmation sheet said.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I didn’t know until I got here that the case was defended.”
“I got retained at the last minute,” I said, “barely three hours ago, the day after I read the papers. But I’m ready to go, ready to argue the case on the merits, so long as you grant me an indulgence, and let me call my witness, to let him testify in person instead of by affidavit, there being no time for me to draft anything.”
Opposing counsel was on her feet. “That’s not how things are done in Commercial Court,” she said, “or any court that I know of, for that matter. My friend (that’s what they make lawyers call each other in court, ‘my friend,’ even though you might hate the other guy’s guts),” the lawyer said, “my friend should have served his responding materials and filed them with the court. Instead, he’s taken us totally by surprise.”
“I’m sorry my friend is surprised by opposition,” I said, “but then consider, it’s my client’s livelihood that’s at stake. If my friend gets her injunction, Ray Telewu’s business is dead, and he loses everything. So yes, my client opposes the injunction, and yes, I’d like to call evidence.”
The judge didn’t consult the papers before him nor the books, but instead, he looked up at the big white clock on the courtroom wall. Its hands said two-fifteen.
“How long will your witness take, counsel?”
“In chief, ten minutes.” I’d practiced with Dr. M on the way in, and I was pretty sure he could do it in five, but I gave him a bit of extra time, just in case.
“We’ve got about two hours,” the judge said, “but I want to be fair to you and your client. Let’s take a fifteen minute recess so you can get instructions. Either we go ahead today with viva voce evidence, or we adjourn, and that will give Calledinthe90s time to file responding materials.”
When everyone came back, the junior’s boss was there, Senior Counsel, a heavy weight, one of those big guys downtown. Plus they brought this guy from Sy-Co Corp, the head of some bullshit division, with some bullshit title, Head of whatever, so that’s the title I’ll give him here. He was The Head. He was the man, the big cheese, the signer of the affidavit on which Sy-Co relied that day.
“What’s he doing here?” I asked Senior Counsel.
He stared at me, all lean and steel grey, looking every inch the hard hitting lawyer that commanded the biggest fees. “If you’re calling a live witness, then so can we. The Head will give evidence today, in advance of your client, so that the judge hears it from him first.” His junior smirked at me, and the two of them sat down, delighted that they’d thought of a way to one up me.
Except that they’d done it by exposing their client to cross-examination. The judge came in, allowed the Head to testify, and when he was done, I stood up.
“Just a few questions,” I said. Senior Counsel was stunned for an instant, and then he stood.
“This serves no purpose, Your Honour. The witness has confirmed the simple facts of his affidavit, and there’s no disputing it. Ray Telewu opened a restaurant less than seventy-one kilometres from Bixity City Hall, and that’s in breach of the Minutes of Settlement he signed.”
I did not bother to respond. Instead, I just stood, and I started to ask questions.
“Have a look at that map in your affidavit,” I said, and he did. I picked up my copy, and tore the map out of it. I passed it up to him.
“What do you notice about this map?”
“That it’s accurate,” the Head said, repeating his evidence in chief, amplifying it, talking about how the map contained perfect measurement.
“You will notice that the map is flat,” I said, laying it on the witness box before him.
“Of course it’s flat. That’s what maps are. Maps are flat.”
“But the earth is round,” I said, “or more properly, a sphere.” Senior Counsel was on his feet in an instant.
“What difference does that make?” he said.
“What you’ll hear from my expert witness, is that a flat map cannot accurately show Earth’s curves. A flat map distorts distances, and in this case, reduces them.”
“But that can’t be by very much.”
“In this case, by just over twenty meters,” Dr. M said from the back of the court.
“That’s my expert witness, the esteemed Dr. M.” I didn’t actually say Dr. M. Instead, I said his real name. But I’m not going to use the real names of my family here, so I’ll just keep calling him Dr. M. “Dr. M was a professor of Physics at the University of Bixity for almost thirty years. He has published numerous papers on particle physics, and is the first Canadian winner of the Wolf Prize for physics.”
- * * *
Senior Counsel tried to cross-examine Dr. M, but it did not go well, my father-in-law indulging him, gently chiding him, continuing his explanations until the lawyer sat down, defeated by Dr. M’s mastery of the subject,his own lack of preparation and his inability to improvise. When counsel said that he had no further questions, the judge addressed us all.
“I’m not going to reserve, and I don’t think I need to tell everyone why. I think it will take about a minute for me to write a decision saying that the Earth is not flat. I’ll give you some more time after that, but after fifteen minutes, I”ll be back to render my decision.” He rose, everyone bowed, and he disappeared behind the door to judge’s chambers.
I pulled a piece of paper out of my file, and slammed it on the desk before Senior Counsel and his junior. “Fill in the blanks, and sign,” I said.
Dr. M’s head shot up at the commotion, and he shuffled over to see what was going on.
“What’s this?” Senior Counsel said, picking up the paper I gave him..
“Minutes of Settlement. You fill in a number, a big number, for the costs you gotta pay me. Your client signs, and then we’re done.” Senior Counsel opened his mouth to bargain, but I overrode him.
“You know your client’s going to lose; the judge made that obvious. Hurry up if you want to settle; we don’t have much time.”
At the end of most Canadian court cases, the loser has to pay at least part of the winner’s legal fees. That’s the way it’s been since forever, and I think it’s a good rule. Sy-Co Corp had lost, so it had to pay a good chunk of Ray’s costs, and Ray’s costs were somewhere between whatever bullshit figure I claimed they were, and where they actually ought to be. Senior Counsel took the paper over to his client. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back, with the form signed, and a number written in the blank space.
I’ll give it to Sy-Co Corp and their lawyer. It wasn’t a bullshit number, a low ball number. They gave me a real number, a number more like something I’d actually accept, a number that made sense to pay me in costs, in light of the success I’d had, and how I got it. It was a respectful number, a common sense number, and I appreciated it an awful lot.
I tossed the paper back at them.
“Add a zero,” I said, continuing on when Senior Counsel blanched, and his junior retreated a step. “I know what’s going on here. Your client sold mine a bullshit franchise, one with a history of failing.” The franchise had opened up again under a new owner not long after Ray had lost it and then it promptly failed again. Like I said at the start of this story, it’s an old story. It’s how some franchise companies make money. “Your client makes more money selling bullshit franchises doomed to fail, then it does from the honest ones that make money. So add a zero to that number, or Ray’s gonna sue you, class action and all that, for all the people you’ve fucked.”
The Head stepped forward from the benches and spoke to me.
“We get threats like that all the time, but no one follows through. They don’t have the money to fight us, and neither does your client. So go ahead and sue.”
“It’s true that Ray doesn’t have jack shit,” I said, “not a pot to piss in, but he’s my cousin, Ray is, and even if he doesn’t have money, he’s got me. Ray’s family, and for Ray, I’ll sue you guys for free. Hell, I’ll even pay the expenses. Plus I’m gonna put a jury notice in, too, come to think of it, ‘cause juries--”
Senior Counsel cut me off, and moved his client to the back of the courtroom. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back. I watched as Senior Counsel wrote a single digit on the Minutes, a zero, written right where I wanted it.
“You’ll have to initial the change,” I said to the Head of Sy-C0, and it gave me great satisfaction to watch him sign.
“Don’t forget,” I said the moment his pen stopped moving, “for the settlement to be valid, I need to get the money today. Right now.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” the Head said.
“Not if you want the settlement to stay in place. I’ll follow you back to your office, and you can put a cheque in my hands.”
- * * *
“It’s an absurdly expensive bunch of flowers,” I said, “although no flowers, however beautiful, however expensive, could expiate my--”
She took the flowers, and gave a kiss.
“My mom called. She told me what happened. You fixed things with my dad.”
“Yup,” I said. I had certainly done that. I’d made Dr. M a professor again, if only for a few minutes. Not only a professor, but an expert witness. The judge had declared him an expert in plain terms and Dr.M had beamed when he’d heard those words.
“And you won Ray’s case, too. But my mom didn’t know how, and I don’t know how you did it either.”
“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight,” I said.
“But we agreed no more dinners out; we have to save money, now that a baby’s coming.”
I passed her the envelope that I’d received a few hours before. She opened it, and took out a cheque, a cheque drawn up for an amount I specified, made payable to Mr. and Mrs. Calledinthe90s.
The moment I got that cheque, all I could think about was how my wife would react when I put it into her hands. I could not wait to see her eyes bulge, to hear her voice say “oh my god,” to hear her laugh.
She did none of these things. Instead, she cried.
“Does this mean we can buy a house?” The money wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, not nowadays, with prices being so crazy. But things were different back then in the 90s. Sure, the internet was barely a thing and cell phones were super expensive and a lot of things sucked, but I’ll give the nineties one thing: houses were cheap.
“I think so,” I said.
2024.05.15 03:45 cherubclaude I'm cosplaying Marina from Splatoon 2 for one of my cosplays for MomoCon, but i'm having trouble figuring out how to attach her zippers to the ones already on my top and boots
Im experimenting with paper before cutting out the pattern out on foam, but I haven't yet figured out a way to do it without straight-up glueing them on or something 😭
submitted by cherubclaude to CosplayHelp [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 03:39 nsxgivemesex Just read a fic where Revy gave Rock a blowjob after Hansel died
The author has this stupid idyllic fantasy that Revy and Rock are in fact in a relationship and that Hiroe is a master of hints and psychological insights and can't show their relationship properly on manga because they are like a hidden 70s gay couple on television and are breaking stigma and patterns of heterosexual relationships and some other gibberish. I couldn't even finish the fuckin' thing, it read like it was made by a 17 yo wattpad teenager.
Rock had a breakdown after Hansel died, Revy tries to comfort him with sex, he then started to cry in the middle of a blowjob feeling guilty and sick for getting off it even though Hansel died a couple hours ago, then Revy proceeds to spit some gibberish and force herself on him as a way of comforting him and getting his mind off Hansel's death, they eventually had sex upon agreeing on Revy's fucked up misantropic fatalist world of view. I dont know the following, I couldn't finish it. I can't even remember the title.
What terrible day to have eyes. Just when I was recovering from the disappointment that The Ho Chi Minh Paper Trail was from BelisariusMagnus. Fuck, I just needed to vent, some people should never be allowed to cook.
submitted by nsxgivemesex to blacklagoon [link] [comments]
Rock had a breakdown after Hansel died, Revy tries to comfort him with sex, he then started to cry in the middle of a blowjob feeling guilty and sick for getting off it even though Hansel died a couple hours ago, then Revy proceeds to spit some gibberish and force herself on him as a way of comforting him and getting his mind off Hansel's death, they eventually had sex upon agreeing on Revy's fucked up misantropic fatalist world of view. I dont know the following, I couldn't finish it. I can't even remember the title.
What terrible day to have eyes. Just when I was recovering from the disappointment that The Ho Chi Minh Paper Trail was from BelisariusMagnus. Fuck, I just needed to vent, some people should never be allowed to cook.
2024.05.15 03:20 maelstrom941 For those who owned both an AUG and X95 and like the AUG better, why?
I recently picked up and shot my AUG and I absolutely love it. I haven't shot an X95 before, but on paper the X95 seems to be a better gun for most American shooters with its AR like magazine release, AR magazine compatibility (without losing a bolt release), and handguard that you can mount accessories to right out of the box. Despite this I hear many people saying they owned or shot both extensively and still prefer the AUG. If you are one of those people can you explain why you like the AUG more despite all the modern quality of life features on the X95?
submitted by maelstrom941 to AUG [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 03:10 oliveranch2 [WTS] Benchmade Mini-Barrage 585S Black 154CM
Timestamp and additional pics
$55 shipped in CONUS Paypal G&S
submitted by oliveranch2 to Knife_Swap [link] [comments]
$55 shipped in CONUS Paypal G&S
- Ownership: Unknown (At least Second, had it for years, don't even remember where I got it from).
- Centering/Lockup: Lockup and centering are good. See images for a top and bottom view with blade out.
- Body Condition: A little salty overall, been sitting around for ever, but overall in solid usable shape. See images, they'll explain it better than I will.
- Edge Condition: Sharpened by Benchmade Lifesharp years ago, probably sharpened lightly by me after that at some point. Blade is in good shape, but a few small nicks and whatnot that you would expect on a used knife, see additional images.
- Box and papers: Original Box and pouch. Doesn't have any papers that may have been there originally, if there were any.
- Modifications: None
- Disassembled: Not that I know of. Benchmade Lifesharp service might have back then, came back fine obviously.
2024.05.15 03:09 Leafy0 Packout Rolling Box Feet
Why does big red sell the floor mounting plate but the rolling box (most fucking common box to be at the bottom of a stack) cant attach to it?! I want to be able to just lock my box down in my truck, does anyone sell aftermarket feel that match up with the X pattern on the bottom of the box and I can bolt to the bottom of the box?
submitted by Leafy0 to Packout [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:57 muladona my cat is obsessed with licking tissues
my orange tabby, named Milhouse, is about 10 and i’ve had him since he was 4 months old. he is OBSESSED with licking tissues, serviettes, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. if we have a tissue box in our bedroom, we have to turn it upside down so he can’t get to it, and he will still try. once he locks onto a tissue box he can’t be stopped…
i just want to know why he does this?
submitted by muladona to Catbehavior [link] [comments]
i just want to know why he does this?
2024.05.15 02:53 Honest-Blackberry782 Received Empty Box
Has anyone experienced receiving a claim now only for the box to come in empty?! I was selected for the e.l.f liquid camo blush and brush and it literally just came with tissue paper 😂 I reached out as soon as I got the box a few days ago and have not heard back. I keep getting notifications to review it and it’s making me anxious…
submitted by Honest-Blackberry782 to Influenster [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:40 ShiftYourReality How to Escape the Confines of Time and Space According to the CIA (The Gateway Experience)
In the ’80s, the spy agency investigated the "Gateway Experience" technique to alter consciousness and ultimately escape spacetime.
The intrigue revolves around a classified 1983 CIA report on a technique called the Gateway Experience, which is a training system designed to focus brainwave output to alter consciousness and ultimately escape the restrictions of time and space.
The CIA was interested in all sorts of psychic research at the time, including the theory of applications of remote viewing, which is when someone views real events with only the power of their mind. The documents have since been declassified and are available to view.
This is a comprehensive excavation of The Gateway Process report. The first section provides a timeline of the key historical developments that led to the CIA’s investigation and subsequent experimentations. The second section is a review of The Gateway Process report. It opens with a wall of theoretical context, on the other side of which lies enough understanding to begin to grasp the principles underlying the Gateway Experience training. The last section outlines the Gateway technique itself and the steps that go into achieving spacetime transcendence.
Let’s go.
THE TIMELINE
• 1950s - Robert Monroe, a radio broadcasting executive, begins producing evidence that specific sound patterns have identifiable effects on human capabilities. These include alertness, sleepiness, and expanded states of consciousness.
• 1956 - Monroe forms an R&D division inside his radio program production corporation RAM Enterprises. The goal is to study sound’s effect on human consciousness. He was obsessed with “Sleep-Learning," or hypnopedia, which exposes sleepers to sound recordings to boost memory of previously learned information.
• 1958 - While experimenting with Sleep-Learning, Monroe discovers an unusual phenomenon. He describes it as sensations of paralysis and vibration accompanied by bright light. It allegedly happens nine times over the proceeding six weeks, and culminates in an out-of-body experience (OBE).
• 1962 - RAM Enterprises moves to Virginia, and renames itself Monroe Industries. It becomes active in radio station ownership, cable television, and later in the production and sale of audio cassettes. These cassettes contain applied learnings from the corporate research program, which is renamed The Monroe Institute.
• 1971 - Monroe publishes Journeys Out of the Body, a book that is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience.”
• 1972 - A classified report circulates in the U.S. military and intelligence communities. It claims that the Soviet Union is pouring money into research involving ESP and psychokinesis for espionage purposes.
• 1975 - Monroe registers the first of several patents concerning audio techniques designed to stimulate brain functions until the left and right hemispheres become synchronized. Monroe dubs the state "Hemi-Sync" (hemispheric synchronization), and claims it could be used to promote mental well-being or to trigger an altered state of consciousness.
• 1978 to 1984 - Army veteran Joseph McMoneagle contributes to 450 remote viewing missions under Project Stargate. He is known as “Remote View No. 1”.
• June 9th, 1983 - The CIA report "Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process" is produced. It provides a scientific framework for understanding and expanding human consciousness, out-of-body experiments, and other altered states of mind.
• 1989 - Remote viewer Angela Dellafiora Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. She pinpoints his location as “Lowell, Wyoming”. U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lovell.
• 2003 - The CIA approves declassification of the Gateway Process report.
• 2017 - The CIA declassifies 12 million pages of records revealing previously unknown details about the program, which would eventually become known as Project Stargate.
THE REPORT
Personnel
The author of The Gateway Process report is Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M. McDonnell, hereon referred to simply as Wayne. There isn’t a tremendous amount of information available on the man, nor any photographs. In 1983, Wayne was tasked by the Commander of the U.S. Army Operational Group with figuring out how The Gateway Experience, astral projection and out-of-body experiences work. Wayne partnered with a bunch of different folks to produce the report, most notably Itzhak Bentov, a very Googleable American-Israeli scientist who helped pioneer the biomedical engineering industry.
A scientific approach
From the outset of the report, Wayne states his intent to employ an objective scientific method in order to understand the Gateway process. The various scientific avenues he takes include:
• A biomedical inquiry to understand the physical aspects of the process.
• Information on quantum mechanics to describe the nature and functioning of human consciousness.
• Theoretical physics to explain the time-space dimension and means by which expanded human consciousness transcends it.
• Classical physics to bring the whole phenomenon of out-of-body states into the language of physical science (and remove the stigma of an occult connotation).
Methodological frames of reference
Before diving into the Gateway Experience, Wayne develops a frame of reference by dissecting three discrete consciousness-altering methodologies. He’s basically saying, there’s no way you’re going to get through The Gateway without a solid grounding in the brain-altering techniques that came before it.
1) He begins with hypnosis. The language is extremely dense, but the basic gist is as follows: the left side of the brain screens incoming stimuli, categorizing, assessing and assigning meaning to everything through self-cognitive, verbal, and linear reasoning. The left hemisphere then dishes the carefully prepared data to the non-critical, holistic, pattern-oriented right hemisphere, which accepts everything without question. Hypnosis works by putting the left side to sleep, or at least distracting it long enough to allow incoming data direct, unchallenged entry to the right hemisphere. There, stimuli can reach the sensor and motor cortices of the right brain, which corresponds to points in the body. Suggestions then can send electrical signals from the brain to certain parts of the body. Directing these signals appropriately, according to the report, can elicit reactions ranging from left leg numbness to feelings of happiness. Same goes for increased powers of concentration.
2) Wayne continues with a snapshot of transcendental meditation. He distinguishes it from hypnotism. Through concentration the subject draws energy up the spinal cord, resulting in acoustical waves that run through the cerebral ventricles, to the right hemisphere, where they stimulate the cerebral cortex, run along the homunculus and then to the body. The waves are the altered rhythm of heart sounds, which create sympathetic vibrations in the walls of the fluid-filled cavities of the brain’s ventricles. He observed that the symptoms begin in the left side of the body, confirming the right brain’s complicity. Bentov also states that the same effect might be achieved by prolonged exposure to 4 - 7 Hertz/second acoustical vibrations. He suggests standing by an air conditioning duct might also do the trick. (David’s Lynch and other celebrities are committed adherents to transcendental meditation today.)
3) Biofeedback, on the other hand, uses the left hemisphere to gain access to the right brain’s lower cerebral, motor, and sensory cortices. Whereas hypnosis suppresses one side of the brain, and TM bypasses that side altogether, biofeedback teaches the left hemisphere to visualize the desired result, recognize the feelings associated with right hemisphere access, and ultimately achieve the result again. With repetition, the left brain can reliably key into the right brain, and strengthen the pathways so that it can be accessed during a conscious demand mode. A digital thermometer is subsequently placed on a target part of the body. When its temperature increases, objective affirmation is recognized and the state is reinforced. Achieving biofeedback can block pain, enhance feeling, and even suppress tumors, according to the report.
The Gateway mechanics
With that, Wayne takes a first stab at the Gateway process. He classifies it as a “training system designed to bring enhanced strength, focus and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave output between the left and right hemispheres so as to alter consciousness.”
What distinguishes the Gateway process from hypnosis, TM, and biofeedback, is that it requires achieving a state of consciousness in which the electrical brain patterns of both hemispheres are equal in amplitude and frequency. This is called Hemi-Sync. Lamentably, and perhaps conveniently, we cannot as humans achieve this state on our own. The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his Institute (which are comprised as a series of tapes). claim to induce and sustain Hemi-Sync.
Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. Left to its own devices the human mind expends energy like a lamp, in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. Under Hemi-Sync though, the mind produces a “disciplined stream of light.” So, once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent it can then synchronize with the rarified energy levels of the universe. With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.
The Hemi-Sync technique takes advantage of a Frequency Following Response (FFR). It works like this: an external frequency emulating a recognized one will cause the brain to mimic it. So if a subject hears a frequency at the Theta level, it will shift from its resting Beta level. To achieve these unnatural levels, Hemi-Sync puts a single frequency in the left ear and a contrasting frequency in the right. The brain then experiences the Delta frequency, also known as the beat frequency. It’s more familiarly referred to these days as binaural beats. With the FFR and beat frequency phenomena firmly in place, The Gateway Process introduces a series of frequencies at marginally audible, subliminal levels. With the left brain relaxed and the body in a virtual sleep state, the conditions are ideal to promote brainwave outputs of higher and higher amplitude and frequency. Alongside subliminal suggestions from Bob Monroe (naturally), the subject can then alter their consciousness.
The Gateway system only works when the audio, which is introduced through headphones, is accompanied by a physical quietude comparable to other forms of meditation. This increases the subject’s internal resonance to the body’s sound frequencies, for example the heart. This eliminates the “bifurcation echo”, in which the heartbeat moves up and down the body seven times a second. By placing the body in a sleep-like state, The Gateway CD’s, like meditation, lessen the force and frequency of the heartbeat pushing blood into the aorta. The result is a rhythmic sine wave that in turn amplifies the sound volume of the heart three times. This then amplifies the frequency of brainwave output. The film surrounding the brain—the dura—and fluid between that film and the skull, eventually begin to move up and down, by .0005 and .010 millimeters.
The body, based on its own micro-motions, then functions as a tuned vibrational system. The report claims that the entire body eventually transfers energy at between 6.8 and 7.5 Hertz, which matches Earth’s own energy (7 - 7.5 Hertz). The resulting wavelengths are long, about 40,000 kilometers, which also happens to be the perimeter of the planet. According to Bentov, the signal can move around the world’s electrostatic field in 1/7th of a second.
To recap, the Gateway Process goes like this:
• Induced state of calm
• Blood pressure lowers
• Circulatory system, skeleton and other organ systems begin to vibrate at 7 - 7.5 cycles per second
• Increased resonance is achieved
• The resulting sound waves matches the electrostatic field of the earth
• The body and earth and other similarly tuned minds become a single energy continuum.
We’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here though. Back to the drawing board.
A psycho-quantum level deeper
Wayne then turns to the very nature of matter and energy. More materially (or less if you will), solid matter in the strict construction of the term, he explains, doesn’t exist. The atomic structure is composed of oscillating energy grids surrounded by other oscillating energy grids at tremendous speeds. These oscillation rates vary—the nucleus of an atom vibrates at 10 to the power of 22, a molecule vibrates at 10 to the power of 9, a human cell vibrates at 10 to the power of 3. The point is that the entire universe is one complex system of energy fields. States of matter in this conception then are merely variations in the state of energy.
The result of all these moving energies, bouncing off of energy at rest, projects a 3D mode, a pattern, called a hologram, A.K.A our reality as we experience it. It's best to think of it as a 3D photograph. There’s a whole rabbit hole to go down here. Suffice it to say, the hologram that is our experience is incredibly good at depicting and recording all the various energies bouncing around creating matter. So good, in fact, that we buy into it hook, line, and sinker, going so far as to call it our "life."
Consciousness then can be envisaged as a 3D grid system superimposed over all energy patterns, Wayne writes. Using mathematics, each plane of the grid system can then reduce the data to a 2D form. Our binary (go/no go) minds can then process the data and compare it to other historical data saved in our memory. Our reality is then formed by comparisons. The right hemisphere of the brain acts as the primary matrix or receptor for this holographic input. The left hemisphere then compares it to other data, reducing it to its 2D form.
In keeping with our species' commitment to exceptionalism, as far as we know humans are uniquely capable of achieving this level of consciousness. Simply, humans not only know, but we know that we know. This bestows upon us the ability to duplicate aspects of our own hologram, project them out, perceive that projection, run it through a comparison with our own memory of the hologram, measure the differences using 3D geometry, then run it through our binary system to yield verbal cognition of the self.
The click-out phase
Wayne then shows his cards as a true punisher, issuing, "Up to this point our discussion of the Gateway process has been relatively simple and easy to follow. Now the fun begins." Shots fired, Wayne. What he's preparing the commander reading this heady report for is the reveal—how we can use the Gateway to transcend the dimension of spacetime.
Time is a measurement of energy or force in motion; it is a measurement of change. This is really important. For energy to be classified as in motion, it must be confined within a vibratory pattern that can contain its motion, keeping it still. Energy not contained like this is boundary-less, and moves without limit or dimension, to infinity. This disqualifies boundary-less energy from the dimension of time because it has no rate of change. Energy in infinity, also called "the absolute state," is completely at rest because nothing is accelerating or decelerating it—again, no change. It therefore does not contribute to our hologram, our physical experience. We cannot perceive it.
Now back to frequencies. Wave oscillation occurs because a wave is bouncing between two rigid points of rest. It's like a game of electromagnetic hot potato (the potato being the wave and the participants' hands being the boundaries of the wave). Without these limits, there would be no oscillation. When a wave hits one of those points of rest, just for a very brief instant, it "clicks out" of spacetime and joins infinity. For this to occur, the speed of the oscillation has to drop below 10 the power of -33 centimeters per second. For a moment, the wave enters into a new world. The potato simply disappears into a dimension we cannot perceive.
Theoretically speaking, if the human consciousness wave pattern reaches a high enough frequency, the “click-outs” can reach continuity. Put another way, if the frequency of human consciousness can dip below 10 to the power of 33 centimeters per second but above a state of total rest, it can transcend spacetime. The Gateway experience and associated Hemi-Sync technique is designed for humans to achieve this state and establish a coherent pattern of perception in the newly realized dimensions.
Passport to the hologram
In theory, we can achieve the above at any time. The entire process though is helped along if we can separate the consciousness from our body. It’s like an existential running head start where the click-out of a consciousness already separated from its body starts much closer to, and has more time to dialogue with, other dimensions.
This is where things get a little slippery; hold on as best you can. The universe is in on the whole hologram thing, too, Wayne writes. This super hologram is called a "torus" because it takes the shape of a fuck-off massive self-contained spiral. Like this:
Give yourself a moment to let the above motion sink in...
This pattern of the universe conspicuously mirrors the patterns of electrons around the nucleus of an atom. Galaxies north of our own are moving away from us faster than the galaxies to the south; galaxies to the east and west of us are more distant. The energy that produced the matter that makes up the universe we presently enjoy, will turn back in on itself eventually. Its trajectory is ovoid, also known as the cosmic egg. As it curls back on itself it enters a black hole, goes through a densely packed energy nucleus then gets spat out the other side of a white hole and begins the process again. Springtime in the cosmos, baby!
And that is the context in which the Gateway Experience sits.
[Deep breaths.]
THE TECHNIQUE
The following is an outline of the key steps to reach focus levels necessary to defy the spacetime dimension. This is an involved and lengthy process best attempted in controlled settings. If you’re in a rush, you can apparently listen to enough Monroe Institute Gateway Tapes in 7 days to get there.
The Energy Conversion Box: The Gateway Process begins by teaching the subject to isolate any extraneous concerns using a visualization process called “the energy conversion box.”
Resonant Humming: The individual is introduced to resonant humming. Through the utterance of a protracted single tone, alongside a chorus on the tapes, the mind and body achieve a state of resonance.
The Gateway Affirmation: The participant is exposed to something close to a mantra called The Gateway Affirmation. They must repeat to themselves variations of, “I am merely a physical body and deeply desire to expand my consciousness.”
Hemi-Sync: The individual is finally exposed to the Hemi-Sync sound frequencies, and encouraged to develop a relationship with the feelings that emerge.
Additional Noise: Physical relaxation techniques are practiced while the Hemi-Sync frequencies are expanded to include “pink and white” noise. This puts the body in a state of virtual sleep, while calming the left hemisphere and raising the attentiveness of the right hemisphere.
The Energy Balloon: The individual is then encouraged to visualize the creation of an “energy balloon” beginning at the top of the head, extending down in all directions to the feet then back up again. There are a few reasons for this, the main one being that this balloon will provide protection against conscious entities possessing lower energy levels that he or she may encounter when in the out-of-body state.
Focus 12: The practitioner can consistently achieve sufficient expanded awareness to begin interacting with dimensions beyond their physical reality. To achieve this state requires conscious efforts and more “pink and white noise” from the sound stream.
Tools: Once Focus 12 is achieved, the subject can then employ a series of tools to obtain feedback from alternate dimensions.
Problem Solving: The individual identifies fundamental problems, fills their expanded awareness with them, and then projects them out into the universe. These can include personal difficulties, as well as technical or practical problems.
Patterning: Consciousness is used to achieve desired objectives in the physical, emotional, or intellectual sphere.
Color Breathing: A healing technique that revitalizes the body’s energy flows by imagining colors in a particularly vivid manner.
Energy Bar Tool: This technique involves imagining a small intensely pulsating dot of light that the participant charges up. He or she then uses the sparkling, vibrating cylinder of energy (formerly known as the dot) to channel forces from the universe to heal and revitalize the body.
Remote Viewing: A follow-on technique of the Energy Bar Tool where the dot is turned into a whirling vortex through which the individual sends their imagination in search of illuminating insights.
Living Body Map: A more organized use of the energy bar in which streams of different colors flow from the dot on to correspondingly-colored bodily systems.
Seven days of training have now occurred. Approximately 5 percent of participants get to this next level, according to the report.
Focus 15 - Travel Into the Past: Additional sound on the Hemi-Sync tapes includes more of the same, plus some subliminal suggestions to further expand the consciousness. The instructions are highly symbolic: time is a huge wheel, in which different spokes give access to the participant’s past.
Focus 21 - The Future: This is the last and most advanced state. Like Focus 15, this is a movement out of spacetime into the future.
Out-of-Body Movement: Only one tape of the many is devoted to out-of-body movement. This tape is devoted to facilitating an out-of-body state when the participant’s brain wave patterns and energy levels reach harmony with the surrounding electromagnetic environment. According to Bob Monroe, the participant has to be exposed to Beta signals of around 2877.3 cycles per second.
CONCLUSIONS
Wayne expresses concern about the fidelity of information brought back from out-of-body states using the Gateway technique. Practical applications are of particular concern because of the potential for “information distortion.”
The Monroe Institute also ran into a bunch of issues in which they had individuals travel from the West to the East Coast of the U.S. to read a series of numbers off of a computer screen. They never got them exactly right. Wayne chalks this up to the trouble of differentiating between physical entities and extra-time-space dimensions when in the out-of-body state.
Wayne swings back to support mode though, lending credence to the physics foundation of the report. He cites multiple belief systems that have established identical findings. These include the Tibetan Shoug, the Hindu heaven of Indra, the Hebrew mystical philosophy, and the Christian concept of the Trinity. Here he seems more interested in hammering home the theoretical underpinnings that make The Gateway Experience possible, rather than the practical possibilities promised by The Gateway Tapes.
Possibly with his CIA top brass audience in mind, Wayne then gives an A-type nod to The Gateway Experience for providing a faster, more efficient, less subservient, energy-saving route to expanded consciousness. This finishes with a series of recommendations to the CIA for how to exploit Gateway’s potential for national defense purposes.
The missing page
One curious feature of The Gateway Report is that it seems to be missing page 25. It’s a real cliffhanger too. The bottom of page 24 reads “And, the eternal thought or concept of self which results from this self-consciousness serves the,” The report picks back up on page 26 and 3 sections later as if Wayne hadn’t just revealed the very secret of existence.
The gap has not gone unnoticed. There's a Change.org petition requesting its release. Multiple Freedom of Information Act requests have demanded the same. In all cases, the CIA has said they never had the page to begin with. Here’s a 2019 response from Mark Lilly, the CIA’s Information and Privacy Coordinator, to one Bailey Stoner regarding these records:
One theory goes that that rascal Wayne M.-fricking-McDonnell left the page out on purpose. The theory contends that it was a litmus test—if anyone truly defies time-space dimensions, they’ll certainly be able to locate page 25.
[Cosmic shrug.]
Writing Credit Vice
CIA Declassified Report– The Gateway Experience
Here is a copy of the Missing Page 25
There will be a Gateway Help Post following within the next couple days. Thought you might be interested in a little history in the meantime. Cheers!
submitted by ShiftYourReality to ShiftYourReality [link] [comments]
The intrigue revolves around a classified 1983 CIA report on a technique called the Gateway Experience, which is a training system designed to focus brainwave output to alter consciousness and ultimately escape the restrictions of time and space.
The CIA was interested in all sorts of psychic research at the time, including the theory of applications of remote viewing, which is when someone views real events with only the power of their mind. The documents have since been declassified and are available to view.
This is a comprehensive excavation of The Gateway Process report. The first section provides a timeline of the key historical developments that led to the CIA’s investigation and subsequent experimentations. The second section is a review of The Gateway Process report. It opens with a wall of theoretical context, on the other side of which lies enough understanding to begin to grasp the principles underlying the Gateway Experience training. The last section outlines the Gateway technique itself and the steps that go into achieving spacetime transcendence.
Let’s go.
THE TIMELINE
• 1950s - Robert Monroe, a radio broadcasting executive, begins producing evidence that specific sound patterns have identifiable effects on human capabilities. These include alertness, sleepiness, and expanded states of consciousness.
• 1956 - Monroe forms an R&D division inside his radio program production corporation RAM Enterprises. The goal is to study sound’s effect on human consciousness. He was obsessed with “Sleep-Learning," or hypnopedia, which exposes sleepers to sound recordings to boost memory of previously learned information.
• 1958 - While experimenting with Sleep-Learning, Monroe discovers an unusual phenomenon. He describes it as sensations of paralysis and vibration accompanied by bright light. It allegedly happens nine times over the proceeding six weeks, and culminates in an out-of-body experience (OBE).
• 1962 - RAM Enterprises moves to Virginia, and renames itself Monroe Industries. It becomes active in radio station ownership, cable television, and later in the production and sale of audio cassettes. These cassettes contain applied learnings from the corporate research program, which is renamed The Monroe Institute.
• 1971 - Monroe publishes Journeys Out of the Body, a book that is credited with popularizing the term “out-of-body experience.”
• 1972 - A classified report circulates in the U.S. military and intelligence communities. It claims that the Soviet Union is pouring money into research involving ESP and psychokinesis for espionage purposes.
• 1975 - Monroe registers the first of several patents concerning audio techniques designed to stimulate brain functions until the left and right hemispheres become synchronized. Monroe dubs the state "Hemi-Sync" (hemispheric synchronization), and claims it could be used to promote mental well-being or to trigger an altered state of consciousness.
• 1978 to 1984 - Army veteran Joseph McMoneagle contributes to 450 remote viewing missions under Project Stargate. He is known as “Remote View No. 1”.
• June 9th, 1983 - The CIA report "Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process" is produced. It provides a scientific framework for understanding and expanding human consciousness, out-of-body experiments, and other altered states of mind.
• 1989 - Remote viewer Angela Dellafiora Ford helps track down a former customs agent who has gone on the run. She pinpoints his location as “Lowell, Wyoming”. U.S. Customs apprehend him 100 miles west of a Wyoming town called Lovell.
• 2003 - The CIA approves declassification of the Gateway Process report.
• 2017 - The CIA declassifies 12 million pages of records revealing previously unknown details about the program, which would eventually become known as Project Stargate.
THE REPORT
Personnel
The author of The Gateway Process report is Lieutenant Colonel Wayne M. McDonnell, hereon referred to simply as Wayne. There isn’t a tremendous amount of information available on the man, nor any photographs. In 1983, Wayne was tasked by the Commander of the U.S. Army Operational Group with figuring out how The Gateway Experience, astral projection and out-of-body experiences work. Wayne partnered with a bunch of different folks to produce the report, most notably Itzhak Bentov, a very Googleable American-Israeli scientist who helped pioneer the biomedical engineering industry.
A scientific approach
From the outset of the report, Wayne states his intent to employ an objective scientific method in order to understand the Gateway process. The various scientific avenues he takes include:
• A biomedical inquiry to understand the physical aspects of the process.
• Information on quantum mechanics to describe the nature and functioning of human consciousness.
• Theoretical physics to explain the time-space dimension and means by which expanded human consciousness transcends it.
• Classical physics to bring the whole phenomenon of out-of-body states into the language of physical science (and remove the stigma of an occult connotation).
Methodological frames of reference
Before diving into the Gateway Experience, Wayne develops a frame of reference by dissecting three discrete consciousness-altering methodologies. He’s basically saying, there’s no way you’re going to get through The Gateway without a solid grounding in the brain-altering techniques that came before it.
1) He begins with hypnosis. The language is extremely dense, but the basic gist is as follows: the left side of the brain screens incoming stimuli, categorizing, assessing and assigning meaning to everything through self-cognitive, verbal, and linear reasoning. The left hemisphere then dishes the carefully prepared data to the non-critical, holistic, pattern-oriented right hemisphere, which accepts everything without question. Hypnosis works by putting the left side to sleep, or at least distracting it long enough to allow incoming data direct, unchallenged entry to the right hemisphere. There, stimuli can reach the sensor and motor cortices of the right brain, which corresponds to points in the body. Suggestions then can send electrical signals from the brain to certain parts of the body. Directing these signals appropriately, according to the report, can elicit reactions ranging from left leg numbness to feelings of happiness. Same goes for increased powers of concentration.
2) Wayne continues with a snapshot of transcendental meditation. He distinguishes it from hypnotism. Through concentration the subject draws energy up the spinal cord, resulting in acoustical waves that run through the cerebral ventricles, to the right hemisphere, where they stimulate the cerebral cortex, run along the homunculus and then to the body. The waves are the altered rhythm of heart sounds, which create sympathetic vibrations in the walls of the fluid-filled cavities of the brain’s ventricles. He observed that the symptoms begin in the left side of the body, confirming the right brain’s complicity. Bentov also states that the same effect might be achieved by prolonged exposure to 4 - 7 Hertz/second acoustical vibrations. He suggests standing by an air conditioning duct might also do the trick. (David’s Lynch and other celebrities are committed adherents to transcendental meditation today.)
3) Biofeedback, on the other hand, uses the left hemisphere to gain access to the right brain’s lower cerebral, motor, and sensory cortices. Whereas hypnosis suppresses one side of the brain, and TM bypasses that side altogether, biofeedback teaches the left hemisphere to visualize the desired result, recognize the feelings associated with right hemisphere access, and ultimately achieve the result again. With repetition, the left brain can reliably key into the right brain, and strengthen the pathways so that it can be accessed during a conscious demand mode. A digital thermometer is subsequently placed on a target part of the body. When its temperature increases, objective affirmation is recognized and the state is reinforced. Achieving biofeedback can block pain, enhance feeling, and even suppress tumors, according to the report.
The Gateway mechanics
With that, Wayne takes a first stab at the Gateway process. He classifies it as a “training system designed to bring enhanced strength, focus and coherence to the amplitude and frequency of brainwave output between the left and right hemispheres so as to alter consciousness.”
What distinguishes the Gateway process from hypnosis, TM, and biofeedback, is that it requires achieving a state of consciousness in which the electrical brain patterns of both hemispheres are equal in amplitude and frequency. This is called Hemi-Sync. Lamentably, and perhaps conveniently, we cannot as humans achieve this state on our own. The audio techniques developed by Bob Monroe and his Institute (which are comprised as a series of tapes). claim to induce and sustain Hemi-Sync.
Wayne employs the analogy of a lamp versus a laser. Left to its own devices the human mind expends energy like a lamp, in a chaotic and incoherent way, achieving lots of diffusion but relatively little depth. Under Hemi-Sync though, the mind produces a “disciplined stream of light.” So, once the frequency and amplitude of the brain are rendered coherent it can then synchronize with the rarified energy levels of the universe. With this connection intact, the brain begins to receive symbols and display astonishing flashes of holistic intuition.
The Hemi-Sync technique takes advantage of a Frequency Following Response (FFR). It works like this: an external frequency emulating a recognized one will cause the brain to mimic it. So if a subject hears a frequency at the Theta level, it will shift from its resting Beta level. To achieve these unnatural levels, Hemi-Sync puts a single frequency in the left ear and a contrasting frequency in the right. The brain then experiences the Delta frequency, also known as the beat frequency. It’s more familiarly referred to these days as binaural beats. With the FFR and beat frequency phenomena firmly in place, The Gateway Process introduces a series of frequencies at marginally audible, subliminal levels. With the left brain relaxed and the body in a virtual sleep state, the conditions are ideal to promote brainwave outputs of higher and higher amplitude and frequency. Alongside subliminal suggestions from Bob Monroe (naturally), the subject can then alter their consciousness.
The Gateway system only works when the audio, which is introduced through headphones, is accompanied by a physical quietude comparable to other forms of meditation. This increases the subject’s internal resonance to the body’s sound frequencies, for example the heart. This eliminates the “bifurcation echo”, in which the heartbeat moves up and down the body seven times a second. By placing the body in a sleep-like state, The Gateway CD’s, like meditation, lessen the force and frequency of the heartbeat pushing blood into the aorta. The result is a rhythmic sine wave that in turn amplifies the sound volume of the heart three times. This then amplifies the frequency of brainwave output. The film surrounding the brain—the dura—and fluid between that film and the skull, eventually begin to move up and down, by .0005 and .010 millimeters.
The body, based on its own micro-motions, then functions as a tuned vibrational system. The report claims that the entire body eventually transfers energy at between 6.8 and 7.5 Hertz, which matches Earth’s own energy (7 - 7.5 Hertz). The resulting wavelengths are long, about 40,000 kilometers, which also happens to be the perimeter of the planet. According to Bentov, the signal can move around the world’s electrostatic field in 1/7th of a second.
To recap, the Gateway Process goes like this:
• Induced state of calm
• Blood pressure lowers
• Circulatory system, skeleton and other organ systems begin to vibrate at 7 - 7.5 cycles per second
• Increased resonance is achieved
• The resulting sound waves matches the electrostatic field of the earth
• The body and earth and other similarly tuned minds become a single energy continuum.
We’ve gotten slightly ahead of ourselves here though. Back to the drawing board.
A psycho-quantum level deeper
Wayne then turns to the very nature of matter and energy. More materially (or less if you will), solid matter in the strict construction of the term, he explains, doesn’t exist. The atomic structure is composed of oscillating energy grids surrounded by other oscillating energy grids at tremendous speeds. These oscillation rates vary—the nucleus of an atom vibrates at 10 to the power of 22, a molecule vibrates at 10 to the power of 9, a human cell vibrates at 10 to the power of 3. The point is that the entire universe is one complex system of energy fields. States of matter in this conception then are merely variations in the state of energy.
The result of all these moving energies, bouncing off of energy at rest, projects a 3D mode, a pattern, called a hologram, A.K.A our reality as we experience it. It's best to think of it as a 3D photograph. There’s a whole rabbit hole to go down here. Suffice it to say, the hologram that is our experience is incredibly good at depicting and recording all the various energies bouncing around creating matter. So good, in fact, that we buy into it hook, line, and sinker, going so far as to call it our "life."
Consciousness then can be envisaged as a 3D grid system superimposed over all energy patterns, Wayne writes. Using mathematics, each plane of the grid system can then reduce the data to a 2D form. Our binary (go/no go) minds can then process the data and compare it to other historical data saved in our memory. Our reality is then formed by comparisons. The right hemisphere of the brain acts as the primary matrix or receptor for this holographic input. The left hemisphere then compares it to other data, reducing it to its 2D form.
In keeping with our species' commitment to exceptionalism, as far as we know humans are uniquely capable of achieving this level of consciousness. Simply, humans not only know, but we know that we know. This bestows upon us the ability to duplicate aspects of our own hologram, project them out, perceive that projection, run it through a comparison with our own memory of the hologram, measure the differences using 3D geometry, then run it through our binary system to yield verbal cognition of the self.
The click-out phase
Wayne then shows his cards as a true punisher, issuing, "Up to this point our discussion of the Gateway process has been relatively simple and easy to follow. Now the fun begins." Shots fired, Wayne. What he's preparing the commander reading this heady report for is the reveal—how we can use the Gateway to transcend the dimension of spacetime.
Time is a measurement of energy or force in motion; it is a measurement of change. This is really important. For energy to be classified as in motion, it must be confined within a vibratory pattern that can contain its motion, keeping it still. Energy not contained like this is boundary-less, and moves without limit or dimension, to infinity. This disqualifies boundary-less energy from the dimension of time because it has no rate of change. Energy in infinity, also called "the absolute state," is completely at rest because nothing is accelerating or decelerating it—again, no change. It therefore does not contribute to our hologram, our physical experience. We cannot perceive it.
Now back to frequencies. Wave oscillation occurs because a wave is bouncing between two rigid points of rest. It's like a game of electromagnetic hot potato (the potato being the wave and the participants' hands being the boundaries of the wave). Without these limits, there would be no oscillation. When a wave hits one of those points of rest, just for a very brief instant, it "clicks out" of spacetime and joins infinity. For this to occur, the speed of the oscillation has to drop below 10 the power of -33 centimeters per second. For a moment, the wave enters into a new world. The potato simply disappears into a dimension we cannot perceive.
Theoretically speaking, if the human consciousness wave pattern reaches a high enough frequency, the “click-outs” can reach continuity. Put another way, if the frequency of human consciousness can dip below 10 to the power of 33 centimeters per second but above a state of total rest, it can transcend spacetime. The Gateway experience and associated Hemi-Sync technique is designed for humans to achieve this state and establish a coherent pattern of perception in the newly realized dimensions.
Passport to the hologram
In theory, we can achieve the above at any time. The entire process though is helped along if we can separate the consciousness from our body. It’s like an existential running head start where the click-out of a consciousness already separated from its body starts much closer to, and has more time to dialogue with, other dimensions.
This is where things get a little slippery; hold on as best you can. The universe is in on the whole hologram thing, too, Wayne writes. This super hologram is called a "torus" because it takes the shape of a fuck-off massive self-contained spiral. Like this:
Give yourself a moment to let the above motion sink in...
This pattern of the universe conspicuously mirrors the patterns of electrons around the nucleus of an atom. Galaxies north of our own are moving away from us faster than the galaxies to the south; galaxies to the east and west of us are more distant. The energy that produced the matter that makes up the universe we presently enjoy, will turn back in on itself eventually. Its trajectory is ovoid, also known as the cosmic egg. As it curls back on itself it enters a black hole, goes through a densely packed energy nucleus then gets spat out the other side of a white hole and begins the process again. Springtime in the cosmos, baby!
And that is the context in which the Gateway Experience sits.
[Deep breaths.]
THE TECHNIQUE
The following is an outline of the key steps to reach focus levels necessary to defy the spacetime dimension. This is an involved and lengthy process best attempted in controlled settings. If you’re in a rush, you can apparently listen to enough Monroe Institute Gateway Tapes in 7 days to get there.
The Energy Conversion Box: The Gateway Process begins by teaching the subject to isolate any extraneous concerns using a visualization process called “the energy conversion box.”
Resonant Humming: The individual is introduced to resonant humming. Through the utterance of a protracted single tone, alongside a chorus on the tapes, the mind and body achieve a state of resonance.
The Gateway Affirmation: The participant is exposed to something close to a mantra called The Gateway Affirmation. They must repeat to themselves variations of, “I am merely a physical body and deeply desire to expand my consciousness.”
Hemi-Sync: The individual is finally exposed to the Hemi-Sync sound frequencies, and encouraged to develop a relationship with the feelings that emerge.
Additional Noise: Physical relaxation techniques are practiced while the Hemi-Sync frequencies are expanded to include “pink and white” noise. This puts the body in a state of virtual sleep, while calming the left hemisphere and raising the attentiveness of the right hemisphere.
The Energy Balloon: The individual is then encouraged to visualize the creation of an “energy balloon” beginning at the top of the head, extending down in all directions to the feet then back up again. There are a few reasons for this, the main one being that this balloon will provide protection against conscious entities possessing lower energy levels that he or she may encounter when in the out-of-body state.
Focus 12: The practitioner can consistently achieve sufficient expanded awareness to begin interacting with dimensions beyond their physical reality. To achieve this state requires conscious efforts and more “pink and white noise” from the sound stream.
Tools: Once Focus 12 is achieved, the subject can then employ a series of tools to obtain feedback from alternate dimensions.
Problem Solving: The individual identifies fundamental problems, fills their expanded awareness with them, and then projects them out into the universe. These can include personal difficulties, as well as technical or practical problems.
Patterning: Consciousness is used to achieve desired objectives in the physical, emotional, or intellectual sphere.
Color Breathing: A healing technique that revitalizes the body’s energy flows by imagining colors in a particularly vivid manner.
Energy Bar Tool: This technique involves imagining a small intensely pulsating dot of light that the participant charges up. He or she then uses the sparkling, vibrating cylinder of energy (formerly known as the dot) to channel forces from the universe to heal and revitalize the body.
Remote Viewing: A follow-on technique of the Energy Bar Tool where the dot is turned into a whirling vortex through which the individual sends their imagination in search of illuminating insights.
Living Body Map: A more organized use of the energy bar in which streams of different colors flow from the dot on to correspondingly-colored bodily systems.
Seven days of training have now occurred. Approximately 5 percent of participants get to this next level, according to the report.
Focus 15 - Travel Into the Past: Additional sound on the Hemi-Sync tapes includes more of the same, plus some subliminal suggestions to further expand the consciousness. The instructions are highly symbolic: time is a huge wheel, in which different spokes give access to the participant’s past.
Focus 21 - The Future: This is the last and most advanced state. Like Focus 15, this is a movement out of spacetime into the future.
Out-of-Body Movement: Only one tape of the many is devoted to out-of-body movement. This tape is devoted to facilitating an out-of-body state when the participant’s brain wave patterns and energy levels reach harmony with the surrounding electromagnetic environment. According to Bob Monroe, the participant has to be exposed to Beta signals of around 2877.3 cycles per second.
CONCLUSIONS
Wayne expresses concern about the fidelity of information brought back from out-of-body states using the Gateway technique. Practical applications are of particular concern because of the potential for “information distortion.”
The Monroe Institute also ran into a bunch of issues in which they had individuals travel from the West to the East Coast of the U.S. to read a series of numbers off of a computer screen. They never got them exactly right. Wayne chalks this up to the trouble of differentiating between physical entities and extra-time-space dimensions when in the out-of-body state.
Wayne swings back to support mode though, lending credence to the physics foundation of the report. He cites multiple belief systems that have established identical findings. These include the Tibetan Shoug, the Hindu heaven of Indra, the Hebrew mystical philosophy, and the Christian concept of the Trinity. Here he seems more interested in hammering home the theoretical underpinnings that make The Gateway Experience possible, rather than the practical possibilities promised by The Gateway Tapes.
Possibly with his CIA top brass audience in mind, Wayne then gives an A-type nod to The Gateway Experience for providing a faster, more efficient, less subservient, energy-saving route to expanded consciousness. This finishes with a series of recommendations to the CIA for how to exploit Gateway’s potential for national defense purposes.
The missing page
One curious feature of The Gateway Report is that it seems to be missing page 25. It’s a real cliffhanger too. The bottom of page 24 reads “And, the eternal thought or concept of self which results from this self-consciousness serves the,” The report picks back up on page 26 and 3 sections later as if Wayne hadn’t just revealed the very secret of existence.
The gap has not gone unnoticed. There's a Change.org petition requesting its release. Multiple Freedom of Information Act requests have demanded the same. In all cases, the CIA has said they never had the page to begin with. Here’s a 2019 response from Mark Lilly, the CIA’s Information and Privacy Coordinator, to one Bailey Stoner regarding these records:
One theory goes that that rascal Wayne M.-fricking-McDonnell left the page out on purpose. The theory contends that it was a litmus test—if anyone truly defies time-space dimensions, they’ll certainly be able to locate page 25.
[Cosmic shrug.]
Writing Credit Vice
CIA Declassified Report– The Gateway Experience
Here is a copy of the Missing Page 25
There will be a Gateway Help Post following within the next couple days. Thought you might be interested in a little history in the meantime. Cheers!
2024.05.15 02:37 TheMayaEdits [Store] 500+ Knives/Gloves - M9 Sapphire, Emerald BFK Emerald, Ruby Kara Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire Wild Lotus Howl Dragon Lore Desert Hydra Butterfly Gamma, Doppler, TT, Autotronic Kara Fade, Doppler, Gamma, Marble, TT M9 Fade, Doppler, TT Pandora, Hedge, Vice, Superconductor
Hello there! I'm currently trading, buying and selling all sorts of CS:GO skins and inventories via crypto and at all kinds of price ranges. Feel free to DM me or send me an offer with your proposition.
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Open to any kind of item offers // Feel free to send me trade offers via my trade link below!
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Buyouts are negotiable, nothing is set in stone as prices fluctuate. Willing to consider other skins as well as the ones listed for the buyout.
| Knives | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.012 & Black Pearl | 2x ★ Butterfly Knife |
| ★ Flip Knife Doppler (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.075 & Ruby | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.27 | 3x ★ Karambit Slaughter (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & 94% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.039 & 84% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & 82% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.020 | 4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 & Phase 2 | 5x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.037 & 92% Faded | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.025 & 96% Faded | 4x ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Sapphire | 3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.006 & Sapphire | 3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife | Float: 0.365 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.445 | 3x ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.026 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.049 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.027 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.042 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.060 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.047 & Phase 4 | 4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.042 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.356 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.336 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.297 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.340 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.086 | 3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.127 | 3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.322 | 3x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.020 & Phase 1 & Clean corner | 3x ★ Talon Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.008 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.022 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Nomad Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & 90% Faded | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.009 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.058 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.27 | ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.010 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.011 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife | Float: 0.262 | 3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife | Float: 0.506 | 3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.305 | 3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.011 | 3x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.146 | 3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.019 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.138 | 3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.124 | 3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New) | Float: 0.043 | 2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New) | Float: 0.049 | 2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.221 | 2x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.019 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.429 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit | Float: 0.162 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.056 & Phase 4 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 & Phase 2 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife |
| ★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Emerald | ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.026 & Sapphire | ★ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.404 | 2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.007 & Phase 4 | 2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.021 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.166 | 2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Karambit Autotronic (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.707 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Classic Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.002 | 2x ★ Driver Gloves Black Tie (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.575 | 2x ★ Classic Knife |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Case Hardened (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.268 | 2x ★ Talon Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.400 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 & Phase 2 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.006 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Stained (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.440 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Talon Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.086 | 2x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Bright Water (Factory New) | Float: 0.047 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 | 2x ★ Huntsman Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.008 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Lore (Factory New) | Float: 0.057 | ★ Butterfly Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.022 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.027 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.041 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet | Float: 0.319 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Bayonet | Float: 0.694 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.241 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.149 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.187 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.142 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.508 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| Gloves | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| ★ Sport Gloves Pandora's Box (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 3x ★ Skeleton Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Superconductor (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.37 | 2x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.30 | 3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.131 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Hand Wraps Cobalt Skulls (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.084 | 3x ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.412 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.777 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.750 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.37 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.33 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| ★ Hand Wraps Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.136 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Field Agent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.354 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.283 | 2x ★ Bayonet Case Hardened (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.140 | ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.374 | ★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Emerald Web (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.391 | ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.316 | ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.288 | ★ M9 Bayonet Case Hardened (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.153 | ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.377 | ★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.374 | ★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Omega (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.768 | ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.129 | ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.384 | ★ Karambit Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.370 | ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.366 | ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Finish Line (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.281 | ★ Karambit Boreal Forest (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.387 | ★ Talon Knife |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.259 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.281 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.326 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.360 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.416 | ★ Talon Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.704 | ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.416 | ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Smoke Out (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.355 | ★ Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| Weapon Skins | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn) | 0.39 Float & Pattern #321 Blue Gem | 8x ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| AWP Desert Hydra (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.14 | 4x ★ Karambit Freehand (Factory New) |
| AWP Medusa (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.20 & Skadoodle (Gold) | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| AWP Medusa (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.42 & Crown (Foil) | 4x ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| AK-47 Hydroponic (Factory New) | Float: 0.054 | 3x ★ Driver Gloves King Snake (Field-Tested) |
| AK-47 Hydroponic (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.141 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| MP9 Wild Lily (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.088 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.250 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.280 | 2x ★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.365 | ★ Karambit |
| M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 | ★ Bayonet Marble Fade (Factory New) |
| M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New) | Float: 0.025 | ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| Desert Eagle Blaze (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | ★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| AK-47 Vulcan (Factory New) | Float: 0.061 | ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Well-Worn) |
| AWP Lightning Strike (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 | ★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| AWP Lightning Strike (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.074 | ★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.515 & IBP 2014 COL HOLO | ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.727 | ★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested) |
| AUG Akihabara Accept (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.431 | ★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested) |
| AWP Oni Taiji (Factory New) | Float: 0.048 | ★ Talon Knife |
| AK-47 Panthera onca (Factory New) | Float: 0.063 | ★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) |
2024.05.15 02:37 TheMayaEdits [Store] 500+ Knives/Gloves - M9 Sapphire, Emerald BFK Emerald, Ruby Kara Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire Wild Lotus Howl Dragon Lore Desert Hydra Butterfly Gamma, Doppler, TT, Autotronic Kara Fade, Doppler, Gamma, Marble, TT M9 Fade, Doppler, TT Pandora, Hedge, Vice, Superconductor
Hello there! I'm currently trading, buying and selling all sorts of CS:GO skins and inventories via crypto and at all kinds of price ranges. Feel free to DM me or send me an offer with your proposition.
The best way to reach me is by sending me a trade offer via the link below!
Everything that is in my inventory is always up for trade!
If you're looking to sell your skins, I'll be glad to purchase them.
Steam Profile
Inventory Link
Open to any kind of item offers // Feel free to send me trade offers via my trade link below!
Trade Link
Buyouts are negotiable, nothing is set in stone as prices fluctuate. Willing to consider other skins as well as the ones listed for the buyout.
| Knives | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.012 & Black Pearl | 2x ★ Butterfly Knife |
| ★ Flip Knife Doppler (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.075 & Ruby | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.27 | 3x ★ Karambit Slaughter (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & 94% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.039 & 84% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & 82% Faded | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.020 | 4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 & Phase 2 | 5x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.037 & 92% Faded | 4x ★ Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.025 & 96% Faded | 4x ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Sapphire | 3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.006 & Sapphire | 3x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife | Float: 0.365 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.445 | 3x ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.026 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.049 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.027 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.042 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.060 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 3x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.047 & Phase 4 | 4x ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.042 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 & Phase 3 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.356 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.336 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.297 | 3x ★ ★ Nomad Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.340 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.086 | 3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.127 | 3x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.322 | 3x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.020 & Phase 1 & Clean corner | 3x ★ Talon Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.008 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.022 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 3x ★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Nomad Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & 90% Faded | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.009 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.058 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Karambit Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.27 | ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.010 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.011 & Phase 2 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife | Float: 0.262 | 3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife | Float: 0.506 | 3x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.305 | 3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.011 | 3x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.146 | 3x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.019 & Phase 1 | 3x ★ Flip Knife Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.138 | 3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.124 | 3x ★ Survival Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New) | Float: 0.043 | 2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Factory New) | Float: 0.049 | 2x ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.221 | 2x ★ Karambit Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.019 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Talon Knife Stained (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.429 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Karambit | Float: 0.162 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Night Stripe (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.056 & Phase 4 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 & Phase 2 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife |
| ★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Emerald | ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.026 & Sapphire | ★ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Damascus Steel (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.404 | 2x ★ Paracord Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.007 & Phase 4 | 2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Talon Knife Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.021 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.166 | 2x ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Karambit Autotronic (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.707 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Classic Knife Fade (Factory New) | Float: 0.002 | 2x ★ Driver Gloves Black Tie (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.575 | 2x ★ Classic Knife |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Case Hardened (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.268 | 2x ★ Talon Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.400 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 & Phase 2 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 & Phase 1 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.006 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) | Float: 0.013 & Phase 3 | 2x ★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Stained (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.440 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Talon Knife Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.086 | 2x ★ Karambit Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Karambit Bright Water (Factory New) | Float: 0.047 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Slaughter (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 | 2x ★ Huntsman Knife Slaughter (Factory New) |
| ★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.008 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Huntsman Knife Lore (Factory New) | Float: 0.057 | ★ Butterfly Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.022 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.027 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.028 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.033 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.035 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Factory New) | Float: 0.041 | 2x ★ Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Bayonet | Float: 0.319 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Bayonet | Float: 0.694 | 2x ★ Skeleton Knife Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.241 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Karambit Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.149 | 2x ★ Bayonet Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Butterfly Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.187 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.142 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.508 | 2x ★ Bayonet Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| Gloves | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| ★ Sport Gloves Pandora's Box (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 3x ★ Skeleton Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Superconductor (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.37 | 2x ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.30 | 3x ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Spearmint (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.131 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Hand Wraps Cobalt Skulls (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.084 | 3x ★ Karambit Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Hedge Maze (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.412 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.777 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Vice (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.750 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.35 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.37 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 2x ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.33 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.36 | 2x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| ★ Hand Wraps Slaughter (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.136 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Field Agent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.354 | 2x ★ Flip Knife Lore (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.283 | 2x ★ Bayonet Case Hardened (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.140 | ★ Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.374 | ★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Emerald Web (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.391 | ★ Karambit Ultraviolet (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Imperial Plaid (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.316 | ★ Karambit Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.288 | ★ M9 Bayonet Case Hardened (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.153 | ★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.377 | ★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.374 | ★ M9 Bayonet Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Omega (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.768 | ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.129 | ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Nocts (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.384 | ★ Karambit Forest DDPAT (Minimal Wear) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.370 | ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.366 | ★ M9 Bayonet Damascus Steel (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Finish Line (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.281 | ★ Karambit Boreal Forest (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Fade (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.387 | ★ Talon Knife |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.259 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.281 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.326 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Polygon (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.360 | ★ Classic Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Scarlet Shamagh (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.416 | ★ Talon Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn) |
| ★ Sport Gloves Slingshot (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.704 | ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Field-Tested) |
| ★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.416 | ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Battle-Scarred) |
| ★ Moto Gloves Smoke Out (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.355 | ★ Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| Weapon Skins | Float & Notes | B/O: (negotiable and not limited to items listed below) |
|---|---|---|
| AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn) | 0.39 Float & Pattern #321 Blue Gem | 8x ★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| AWP Desert Hydra (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.14 | 4x ★ Karambit Freehand (Factory New) |
| AWP Medusa (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.20 & Skadoodle (Gold) | 4x ★ M9 Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| AWP Medusa (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.42 & Crown (Foil) | 4x ★ Butterfly Knife Rust Coat (Battle-Scarred) |
| AK-47 Hydroponic (Factory New) | Float: 0.054 | 3x ★ Driver Gloves King Snake (Field-Tested) |
| AK-47 Hydroponic (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.141 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| MP9 Wild Lily (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.088 | 3x ★ M9 Bayonet Freehand (Factory New) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.250 | 2x ★ Bayonet Autotronic (Well-Worn) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.280 | 2x ★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Field-Tested) | Float: 0.365 | ★ Karambit |
| M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New) | Float: 0.014 | ★ Bayonet Marble Fade (Factory New) |
| M4A1-S Hot Rod (Factory New) | Float: 0.025 | ★ Karambit Black Laminate (Minimal Wear) |
| Desert Eagle Blaze (Factory New) | Float: 0.032 | ★ Skeleton Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear) |
| AK-47 Vulcan (Factory New) | Float: 0.061 | ★ Butterfly Knife Night (Well-Worn) |
| AWP Lightning Strike (Factory New) | Float: 0.034 | ★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| AWP Lightning Strike (Minimal Wear) | Float: 0.074 | ★ Karambit Bright Water (Minimal Wear) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.515 & IBP 2014 COL HOLO | ★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Factory New) |
| AK-47 Fire Serpent (Battle-Scarred) | Float: 0.727 | ★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested) |
| AUG Akihabara Accept (Well-Worn) | Float: 0.431 | ★ Butterfly Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested) |
| AWP Oni Taiji (Factory New) | Float: 0.048 | ★ Talon Knife |
| AK-47 Panthera onca (Factory New) | Float: 0.063 | ★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade (Factory New) |
2024.05.15 02:24 SweitzerCJ Holding your kid back in school?
So, I'm in unique situation and figured I'd ask random people on the internet for advice, since we don't fit into any of the boxes you usually see with this question.
Backstory- We adopted two kids from a foreign country 2 years ago. English is not their native language. At adoption my son E (age 6) and his sister C (age 8) could not count to ten, say the alphabet, or write their names (In their native language). Covid basically cancelled two years of school for them, so E never had any formal education (he was in "kindergarten") and in C's 3rd grade class they were learning to color. When we returned to the US, We enrolled C in 3rd grade (She also has a learning disability and an IEP) so she's a year old for her grade but she's doing great. E we enrolled in 1st grade. We started the school year in the US late, and his first year was mainly spent learning to speak English. They've also been receiving outside bilingual tutoring.
So basically E (now 8 yo) is having to learn K-2 all in this year, and its been rough. My wife and I are considering holding him back a year, because he cannot do 2nd grade level work without lots of support. His testing scores show he's learning at the same rate as the other kids, but since he started so far behind he is still in the bottom 5% overall with his standard scores. He reads at a kindergarten level in English. He's embarrassed in class (tries to hide his papers and scores) and while we've tried very hard to reward and encourage him for working hard and effort and not results its been rough for him. He behaves very well in class, is not a distraction to others, and socially gets along well.
Our concern is that E will continue to get passed through the system and never catch up and the school will just say its because of his background. If he can spend another year reinforcing 1st and 2nd grade concepts he might be able to succeed in school instead of us all having to do so much work to get him to below average. Studies show if you're going to hold a kid back do it as early as possible. Studies show holding kids back can cause some pretty big emotional and social problems. Studies show for ELL learners repeating a grade can be pretty helpful. The school strongly recommends advancing him the 3rd grade, but in our district its a parent decision. They say that since he is learning they will continue to teach him at the level he's at with in class small group support, etc etc, and that other kids without his background are at similar levels so he'll be fine.
Anyone have any experience holding your kids back? Or being held back yourself? Should I crosspost this to r teachers or something?
submitted by SweitzerCJ to daddit [link] [comments]
Backstory- We adopted two kids from a foreign country 2 years ago. English is not their native language. At adoption my son E (age 6) and his sister C (age 8) could not count to ten, say the alphabet, or write their names (In their native language). Covid basically cancelled two years of school for them, so E never had any formal education (he was in "kindergarten") and in C's 3rd grade class they were learning to color. When we returned to the US, We enrolled C in 3rd grade (She also has a learning disability and an IEP) so she's a year old for her grade but she's doing great. E we enrolled in 1st grade. We started the school year in the US late, and his first year was mainly spent learning to speak English. They've also been receiving outside bilingual tutoring.
So basically E (now 8 yo) is having to learn K-2 all in this year, and its been rough. My wife and I are considering holding him back a year, because he cannot do 2nd grade level work without lots of support. His testing scores show he's learning at the same rate as the other kids, but since he started so far behind he is still in the bottom 5% overall with his standard scores. He reads at a kindergarten level in English. He's embarrassed in class (tries to hide his papers and scores) and while we've tried very hard to reward and encourage him for working hard and effort and not results its been rough for him. He behaves very well in class, is not a distraction to others, and socially gets along well.
Our concern is that E will continue to get passed through the system and never catch up and the school will just say its because of his background. If he can spend another year reinforcing 1st and 2nd grade concepts he might be able to succeed in school instead of us all having to do so much work to get him to below average. Studies show if you're going to hold a kid back do it as early as possible. Studies show holding kids back can cause some pretty big emotional and social problems. Studies show for ELL learners repeating a grade can be pretty helpful. The school strongly recommends advancing him the 3rd grade, but in our district its a parent decision. They say that since he is learning they will continue to teach him at the level he's at with in class small group support, etc etc, and that other kids without his background are at similar levels so he'll be fine.
Anyone have any experience holding your kids back? Or being held back yourself? Should I crosspost this to r teachers or something?
2024.05.15 02:21 Yabudjin_Khan Ozymandias the lepor
For the last 2 months I’ve had mysterious dreams about life events( I’m a student and young), Things that are comming up and things that seem feasable to happen. All of them seem random but all have one thing in common, A man that looks like the picture presented with a few key differences: He is short about 5’7, he is stocky and husky, he has a thick and dense upper face, a snapped and sparse beard, Bald headed except for a streak of thick hair running from the centre of his forehead to his nape. He often appears in places I would not be able to foresee him, like walkong with me down a school hall or laying down in a hospital bed on the pther side of a room I am in. He also has a weird body language, his lips barely move and his expressions always display a sense of dissapoontement, even when looking up at me. Yesterday, I fall asleep late into the night as usual, I feel a sense of dread as I start dreaming, I’m at a fair or carnival of some sort in a field close to my town. I see my friend, a skinny 6 foot guy with a slavic look. I walk to talk, it takes a while, once he sees me, he shows no expression at all, “Hi” is all he says with a cold and distant expression. I do my routine, ask how hes been and whatever,”Mhm” “fine” are all that escapes his lips. I walk around with him following close, I stop at a stand which sells something(can’t remember), As I check on him I notice him visibly start to change, hair is longer, beard too, I ask him if he’s okay: “Whu-yes”. Like an algorithm trying to fix a glitch he stops midway realising he is slipping. I go around the fair and try to ignore this. I walk to an area that has only a few people and no sounds st all. It happens again, He is now fully the spitting Image of the lepor, pickled looking skin, nasty blue eyes which are covered by his brow like a primitive baseball cap. He looks at me and grins, I recognize him, I say “What”. His lips contort and his voice box crackles, his throat makes a wheezing inhale before he begins quitly rehearsing with a laboured expression “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Sand in the dessert”. He stops there looks deeply into my eyes, his eyes are not human, like a goat’s, and spotted onto his rhettinas are patterns of yellow colours, excentuated by his blue eyes. I am scared as shit, I accidentally wake myself up before he gets to finish the speech. I just woke up and the same deal happened however now he got to the “wrinkled lip”. Any interpretations or advice, this shit is scaring me, every time he begins soeaking I feel like I am in danger of what follows.
submitted by Yabudjin_Khan to Dreams [link] [comments]
2024.05.15 02:19 Tryptamineer (WTS) Budget Titanium Framelocks, smol boi Kizer Bundle, Maxace + Classic Shaving Equipment Bundle
Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/cGRSwbv
Video/Images: https://imgur.com/a/Sy3IZmr
Good afternoon swappers
I have a bit of a drawer cleaning sale for you today.
All knives have been carried sparingly in the office and only used to open tape on boxes and cutting plastic
Kizer Bundle - Kizer Serape Mini Bay with all extras + Kizer Shard (Yellow) Second owner on both, have seen a decent amount of pocket time but has never cut through anything larger than card stock paper. SV: $55 SOLD
Titanium Framelocks
First up we have the Maxace Black Mirror II in Stonewashed Titanium with an S90V Blade. Knife has been carried under the same perimeters as the above bundle. Absolutely gorgeous action and factory edge. Comes with original box and extras. SV: $95 SOLD
Next we have the Sixleaf SL-27-PR from Rattlesnake Designs. Knife was a gift to me and is still completely BNIB. Razor sharp edge with a very hydrolic action. SV: $68
Another Sixleaf makes an appearance. The Sixleaf SL-23 also by Rattlesnake Design. Absolutely fantastic fidget toy, akin to a balisong-style action, with less moving parts. The knife has never been used to cut, only has been flipped at my desk. I have the “bite” side marked with a but of red nail-polish, but can remove easily if you want. SV: $60
Misc
Factory Second Spyderco Bow River fixed blade in 8cr13mov. Knife has never been used by me, and the best I can tell is the factory second tag is from a sligjtly uneven grind (still razor sharp). The knife comes with a custom kydex sheath by Randy’s Knives and Kydex. SV: $60
Vintage Restored Straight Razor
Vintage Restored Western Bros “Rooster” - razor was originally made in Germany, I bought it from a vintage razor restorer on Etsy with over 3,000 sold. Razor has never been used by me, and is completely shave-ready with original packaging. Please see video to show the tape located on the blade for shipping purposes, blade is flawless underneath. SV: $40
Shaving Equipment Bundle (Will include a 10x pack of Feather Blades) SV: $45
Lastly, I have a shaving bundle available for anyone who may want to dip their toe into vintage shaving, or other collectors.
Shipping is through USPS CONUS only, please.
Preferred payment methods: PP FF, Venmo or Cashapp.
If you have any questions/concerns please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.
Thank you and have a wonderful rest of your night.
submitted by Tryptamineer to Knife_Swap [link] [comments]
Video/Images: https://imgur.com/a/Sy3IZmr
Good afternoon swappers
I have a bit of a drawer cleaning sale for you today.
All knives have been carried sparingly in the office and only used to open tape on boxes and cutting plastic
Kizer Bundle - Kizer Serape Mini Bay with all extras + Kizer Shard (Yellow) Second owner on both, have seen a decent amount of pocket time but has never cut through anything larger than card stock paper. SV: $55 SOLD
Titanium Framelocks
First up we have the Maxace Black Mirror II in Stonewashed Titanium with an S90V Blade. Knife has been carried under the same perimeters as the above bundle. Absolutely gorgeous action and factory edge. Comes with original box and extras. SV: $95 SOLD
Next we have the Sixleaf SL-27-PR from Rattlesnake Designs. Knife was a gift to me and is still completely BNIB. Razor sharp edge with a very hydrolic action. SV: $68
Another Sixleaf makes an appearance. The Sixleaf SL-23 also by Rattlesnake Design. Absolutely fantastic fidget toy, akin to a balisong-style action, with less moving parts. The knife has never been used to cut, only has been flipped at my desk. I have the “bite” side marked with a but of red nail-polish, but can remove easily if you want. SV: $60
Misc
Factory Second Spyderco Bow River fixed blade in 8cr13mov. Knife has never been used by me, and the best I can tell is the factory second tag is from a sligjtly uneven grind (still razor sharp). The knife comes with a custom kydex sheath by Randy’s Knives and Kydex. SV: $60
Vintage Restored Straight Razor
Vintage Restored Western Bros “Rooster” - razor was originally made in Germany, I bought it from a vintage razor restorer on Etsy with over 3,000 sold. Razor has never been used by me, and is completely shave-ready with original packaging. Please see video to show the tape located on the blade for shipping purposes, blade is flawless underneath. SV: $40
Shaving Equipment Bundle (Will include a 10x pack of Feather Blades) SV: $45
Lastly, I have a shaving bundle available for anyone who may want to dip their toe into vintage shaving, or other collectors.
- 1957 Gillette Super Speed Red - Razor has seen about ~8 shaves by me, and has been completely disinfected. Please see video regarding the slight pitting starting on the top of the chrome. Full brass construction, and is an absolute workhorse for most skin types.
- Parker Semi-Slant in Satin - the Parker Semi-Slant is great for anyone with rebar-like facial hair that find a lot of tugging with traditional razors. Think of it like a french guillotine slicing the hairs instead of chopping them. This razor is fairly aggressive, so please watch some videos to practice technique if you are not used to them. Used ~1x and has been disinfected.
- 1920s GEM Micromatic w/ 3x personna coated blades - used 1x by me to see how people in the 1920s shaved, hinestly was pleasantly surprised hybhow easy it was to get the hang of. Super fun for anyone into shaving and wanting to change it up a bit.
Shipping is through USPS CONUS only, please.
Preferred payment methods: PP FF, Venmo or Cashapp.
If you have any questions/concerns please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.
Thank you and have a wonderful rest of your night.
2024.05.15 02:19 LingonberryGelato [SKX009] It’s the real deal
![[SKX009] It’s the real deal](https://b.thumbs.redditmedia.com/8KiE1NnB-hkqYeSOssXn8g2hhjC73QrV340kh2c-DEg.jpg "[SKX009] It’s the real deal") | I managed to win this in an auction for $237. It has hardly any signs of wear and came on the pictured strap with no box or papers. It’s a magnificent piece and having this on the wrist is a feeling that’s hard to describe, but something that other SKX owners can surely relate to. The 7S26 seems to be running at -10 to -15 sec/day. I was surprised to discover that it has an Arabic date wheel which is something I didn’t realise the K variants could have. The bezel has much less resistance than I thought it would, but I only have my Orient Kamasu II to compare it to. I’m definitely open to strap recommendations! submitted by LingonberryGelato to Seiko [link] [comments] |
2024.05.15 02:18 Electrical_Gas9420 No Contact Impossible Have a Child
Hello,
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!
submitted by Electrical_Gas9420 to ExNoContact [link] [comments]
I've never posted about this kind of stuff, but I've never experienced such a persistent nagging pain
My ex and I had a very turbulent 7 year relationship, I initially met her months after healing from another long term relationship, about 25 years, and that ended amicably, and to this day I see her as a friend.
The beginning of our relationship was amazing, it was very sexually charged, she was into everything and anything I did, she was sweet, comforting, a great listener, the times we had were almost euphoric. Even during this phase of the relationship, I acknowledged to myself that I have to take things slow as things are moving so fast.
About a month and a half into "dating" she got pregnant, and I told her I will be there for you, and I'll never run away from being a Father, ever! Immediately everything changed, and of course I understand why and empathize with how she may have felt suddenly being pregnant, and I genuinely cared and made myself available at all times. We only lived a building apart, we were basically doors down from each other.
Immediately she wanted to get a place together, I let her know that she could stay with me anytime, give it a trial run, but we still need to get know each other, as I just got over a 25 year relationship. She started staying with me on and off and I began seeing a complete different side of her, she would storm out of my place and take issue with little things like clothes on the floor, or an unmade bed, I mean over the top anger.
Still throughout this period I began falling in love with her, and falling in love with my unborn child. During this period I started discovering a pattern of lies, some just white lies, some extremely severe, lies that had the potential to affect any sort of positive outcome as they entailed criminal behavior. When confronted with the worst ones I was assured she would stop.
Skip ahead to the birth, I was with her, we were both content, a happy beautiful healthy daughter came from the womb. I was in love, both with my child, as well as the Mother. We were inseparable for awhile, then she became extremely controlling, even vicious at times. My time with my daughter was often relegated to when the Mother was asleep, I would let her sleep when my daughter woke up in the night and bond with her then.
One day she got extremely upset with me as I wanted to bring my daughter and her to a family event, she had an issue with a family member of mine, this turned into a CRAZY argument, that ended up with me being denied seeing my child for over 12 days. I ended up going to the courthouse to file papers that would give me the legal right to see my daughter, regardless of the status of my relationship with the Mother.
I never served those papers, as my daughter had gotten sick, and we both met at her pediatrician appointment, everything melted away and we were together again, she became loving again, we shared bringing up our child, but I began to lose touch with all my family, including my friends, anything I would do or plan to do would cause an insane amount of friction.
Through this time we did our best to be close, but the lies never stopped, and I completely began to lose my sense of self. There were times when my daughter would be completely weaponized, used as a pawn to control me, I slowly began isolating myself from just about anyone but my daughter and the Mother. We would have an argument, could be anything, big or small, and instantly I'd be disregarded, no communication, no texts, no calls, no responses. Then we would get together and she would show me love and kindness, and I'd be hooked again. This on and off pattern lasted a good 6 years. I still struggle thinking about how dark some of those days were, and I've never strayed or abandoned my daughter. She's the light of my life, just has 2 parents that can't seem to live peacefully together.
Forward to now, just a few months ago we talked and decided it would be best to part and focus on co-parenting. The 1st month was great, we were cordial to each other during pick ups and drop offs, but we stopped both putting our child to bed together. If she had her I used to always go over and put her to bed, read books, bathe, etc and she would for the most part so the same when I have my daughter. We stopped that, as when my daughter did fall asleep that's when we would connect, quite often it was just sexual, looking back it was like giving a dog a bone, it was void of true intimacy, it was just enough to keep things balanced in an odd way, it became the only affection I came to know.
This entire time, regardless of our status, whenever we were with other people she was a gem, she always would bring gifts even if not necessary, always be extremely affectionate towards me, basically playing a part.
Here's an example, I got sick one evening, some sort of food poisoning, it got bad enough where I had to go to the hospital and be treated in a bed from early morning until evening. This happened to fall on a night we had planned a "date" night. She came to the hospital to pick me up, my parents were there and she was as sweet as you could imagine, as soon as I got discharged and we were driving home, now just the two of us, she flipped on me for ruining our date. She bought tickets to a show, and she was recklessly pissed off and as mean as one could imagine, and I was still sick, she ended up storming out of my place.
These kinds of situations became normal, and a nonstop cycle of on again/off again partners became the norm.
I'm getting long winded now, but I'll come back to the present. After about a month of just co-parenting and coming to terms with ending any sort of romantic relationship, and being cordial to one another, she started reminiscing about our past, sharing pictures of happy times with my daughter and us together, pictures of just her and I, messages of love, how she misses me, will always love me, all these things, and I opened the door again. This was days before she was leaving for a "yoga retreat" and I would have my daughter. Needless to say, those 4 days there was no more communication, not even with my daughter. The 1st communication on a Sunday morning was about being together again, and sentiments of love.
This has since happened 2 more times, always surrounded by secrecy, even if it directly affects my daughter, which unfortunately it has. Come to find out she was never away, "out of town" she was just down the road at an Airbnb with some guy that fly's in from out of state, she told me all this and actually said how much I would like him, and that this guy would love to meet me, and at the same time maintaining how much she still loves me. Just whacky, not even months after ending any romantic partnership.
This coming week my daughter and her are taking their first "vacation" without me involved. I was completely fine with this, expressing how I first had some mixed feelings, because my daughter has never really traveled without me and her Mother together. Then I came to terms with it and even started suggesting places to show her, a beach to check out, dolphins in these waters, manatees here etc. The guy she's been seeing at random airbnbs lives in the state they are flying too.
It's just thrown me for such a loop. I haven't truly trusted her for a while for good reasons, lots of lies, and complete disregard for any prior planned commitments, but this just feels out of the park, and has me feeling like an emotional train wrecked weakling. Yesterday I responded to an email saying "I just need to process some of this stuff and not communicate unless it has to do with our daughter", the response was crazy, completely shitting on me as a person on how much I've wronged her and how I never cared for her and all this stuff. My reply was you are right, I'm sorry, I've been having trouble letting go, but I'm now ready too, let's focus on being the best we can be for our daughter.
Instant reply of what a great father I am, how I've always been there, how much my daughter loves me and counts down the days to when I have her. How sorry she is that she treated me poorly, etc. It's all just nuts, and I can't simply not communicate, and I'm so confused as to why I'm feeling so hurt by all this stuff while I recognize the healthiest thing I can do for myself is truly let go. I have so many mixed emotions I can't even think about dating, or even chilling with someone new. I'm all over the place, mainly sad, it's so confusing. So many mixed signals, and I think my esteem has been shattered for awhile now.
Only with my daughter do I feel myself, she brings the best out in me, she always has, she's like sunshine on a rainy day, she's the best!
Apologies for such a long winded post, may not even make clear sense, just let my "swipe" keyboard go nuts for a bit
Hope you are all well!
2024.05.15 02:03 ItzMePlaysGames Enjoying Fukuzawa on my 3ds
 | But you know what I’m not enjoying on my 3ds?? The godforsaken water temple in ocarina of time 👹👹👹. That is the worst temple in oot, and it is so annoying!! I got stuck in there and took like a two week break from it…I hate everything about that temple. Like oops, I forgot something in a lower water level 🤭 GO ALL AROUND THE TEMPLE AND RESTART THE WATER LEVEL 👹👺👺👹. Why do I have to walk around the whole damn temple just to get one key?? And the part I got stuck on was finding the place to push the box, like I didn’t know I could push it!! Maybe I should have recognized the pattern on the box, but I’m not perceptive 😑. I had to get a video guide just to beat the temple. Then I beat the boss, which was really easy since I just went into the corner, but it grabbed me once and took a bunch of hp 😫 maybe not a lot but it felt too long. And the best part is that I forgot to grab the ✨heart container✨and had to wait until that long cutscene was over. Like I just want an extra heart, shut up sheik. I guess next I’ll go to gerudo? submitted by ItzMePlaysGames to FukuzawaNation [link] [comments] Saving all these fictional races, gorons (literally rocks, peak design) zora (so ugly in oot I hate them) hylians (boring 🥱) the forest ppl I forgot the names of, and the gerudo (my favorite fictional race, women) I better get something good for my efforts. |
2024.05.15 01:38 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 100.000$+ INVENTORY. BFK Lore, Gloves Amphibious, Skeleton Fade, Bowie Emerald, BFK Auto, Gloves MF, Talon Doppler, Gloves POW, Bayo Tiger, Gut Sapphire, Stiletto MF, M9 Ultra, Ursus Doppler, Flip Doppler, M9 Stained, Nomad CW, Paracord CW, AK-47 X-Ray & A Lot More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Lore (Factory New), B/O: $7194.77
★ Butterfly Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2025.74
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $557.87
★ M9 Bayonet Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $529.41
★ M9 Bayonet Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $465.39
⎯★ Talon Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $1295.27
★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth (Minimal Wear), B/O: $746.28
★ Karambit Bright Water (Field-Tested), B/O: $688.15
⎯★ Flip Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $547.93
★ Flip Knife Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $476.69
★ Flip Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $278.18
★ Flip Knife Black Laminate (Well-Worn), B/O: $258.83
★ Flip Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $181.64
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $686.04
★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $665.41
★ Stiletto Knife, B/O: $601.39
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $418.25
★ Stiletto Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $227.80
★ Stiletto Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.96
★ Stiletto Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $192.79
⎯★ Nomad Knife Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $518.11
★ Nomad Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $169.78
★ Nomad Knife Forest DDPAT (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $166.88
★ StatTrak™ Nomad Knife Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $335.79
⎯★ Skeleton Knife Stained (Well-Worn), B/O: $442.05
★ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Minimal Wear), B/O: $426.24
★ Skeleton Knife Boreal Forest (Field-Tested), B/O: $314.03
★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2361.28
★ StatTrak™ Skeleton Knife Urban Masked (Field-Tested), B/O: $376.53
⎯★ Ursus Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $557.12
★ Ursus Knife, B/O: $471.42
★ Ursus Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $212.37
★ Ursus Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $187.66
★ Ursus Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $178.18
★ Ursus Knife Ultraviolet (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $155.13
★ Ursus Knife Boreal Forest (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.26
⎯★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Minimal Wear), B/O: $204.83
★ Huntsman Knife Black Laminate (Field-Tested), B/O: $184.50
★ StatTrak™ Huntsman Knife Lore (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $224.11
⎯★ Bowie Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $2142.02
★ Bowie Knife, B/O: $230.44
★ Bowie Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $209.20
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.51
★ Bowie Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03
⎯★ Falchion Knife Night (Field-Tested), B/O: $132.54
★ Falchion Knife Urban Masked (Well-Worn), B/O: $112.81
★ Falchion Knife Scorched (Field-Tested), B/O: $108.81
★ Falchion Knife Forest DDPAT (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.82
★ Falchion Knife Safari Mesh (Field-Tested), B/O: $107.46
★ StatTrak™ Falchion Knife Ultraviolet (Field-Tested), B/O: $143.08
⎯★ Paracord Knife Crimson Web (Minimal Wear), B/O: $486.48
★ Paracord Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $163.12
⎯★ Survival Knife Blue Steel (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $138.26
★ Survival Knife Night Stripe (Field-Tested), B/O: $131.03
⎯★ Gut Knife Sapphire (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1127.79
★ Gut Knife Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $286.17
★ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $246.55
★ Gut Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $240.77
★ Gut Knife, B/O: $210.49
★ Gut Knife Lore (Field-Tested), B/O: $194.22
★ Gut Knife Case Hardened (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $151.51
★ Gut Knife Blue Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.94
★ Gut Knife Rust Coat (Well-Worn), B/O: $118.99
★ Gut Knife Boreal Forest (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.80
★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $237.96
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Gamma Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $264.92
★ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $253.03
★ Shadow Daggers Tiger Tooth (Factory New), B/O: $237.22
★ Shadow Daggers Crimson Web (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.40
★ Shadow Daggers Autotronic (Minimal Wear), B/O: $144.42
★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $105.20
★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $150.46
⎯★ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $365.99
★ Navaja Knife Doppler (Factory New), B/O: $228.93
★ Navaja Knife Marble Fade (Factory New), B/O: $227.43
★ Navaja Knife Slaughter (Factory New), B/O: $209.06
★ Navaja Knife, B/O: $203.16
★ Navaja Knife Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $132.57
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Factory New), B/O: $121.69
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Minimal Wear), B/O: $109.95
★ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $100.41
★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Fade (Factory New), B/O: $369.01
★ StatTrak™ Navaja Knife Damascus Steel (Field-Tested), B/O: $109.95
GLOVES
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious (Minimal Wear), B/O: $2394.67
★ Sport Gloves Omega (Well-Worn), B/O: $572.33
★ Sport Gloves Bronze Morph (Minimal Wear), B/O: $338.88
★ Sport Gloves Big Game (Field-Tested), B/O: $323.66
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Marble Fade (Minimal Wear), B/O: $1652.07
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike (Field-Tested), B/O: $599.14
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web (Well-Worn), B/O: $231.57
★ Specialist Gloves Buckshot (Minimal Wear), B/O: $126.21
⎯★ Moto Gloves POW! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $996.99
★ Moto Gloves POW! (Field-Tested), B/O: $383.31
★ Moto Gloves POW! (Well-Worn), B/O: $276.00
★ Moto Gloves Turtle (Field-Tested), B/O: $180.28
⎯★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Minimal Wear), B/O: $502.29
★ Hand Wraps Giraffe (Minimal Wear), B/O: $180.73
★ Hand Wraps CAUTION! (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $178.32
⎯★ Driver Gloves Queen Jaguar (Minimal Wear), B/O: $181.01
★ Driver Gloves Rezan the Red (Field-Tested), B/O: $101.66
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Jade (Field-Tested), B/O: $127.88
★ Broken Fang Gloves Needle Point (Minimal Wear), B/O: $124.55
⎯★ Bloodhound Gloves Guerrilla (Minimal Wear), B/O: $127.94
★ Hydra Gloves Case Hardened (Field-Tested), B/O: $102.55
WEAPONS
AK-47 X-Ray (Well-Worn), B/O: $478.95
AUG Hot Rod (Factory New), B/O: $425.83
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Hyper Beast (Factory New), B/O: $413.95
M4A4 Daybreak (Factory New), B/O: $309.51
StatTrak™ AK-47 Aquamarine Revenge (Factory New), B/O: $305.43
AK-47 Case Hardened (Well-Worn), B/O: $196.38
StatTrak™ M4A4 Temukau (Minimal Wear), B/O: $174.64
P90 Run and Hide (Field-Tested), B/O: $167.03
AWP Asiimov (Field-Tested), B/O: $153.33
Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike (Minimal Wear), B/O: $140.00
M4A1-S Printstream (Battle-Scarred), B/O: $124.70
StatTrak™ M4A1-S Golden Coil (Field-Tested), B/O: $117.48
AWP Asiimov (Well-Worn), B/O: $115.97
StatTrak™ Desert Eagle Printstream (Minimal Wear), B/O: $112.96
StatTrak™ AK-47 Asiimov (Minimal Wear), B/O: $110.85
Souvenir M4A1-S Master Piece (Well-Worn), B/O: $102.42
AK-47 Bloodsport (Minimal Wear), B/O: $100.53
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2024.05.15 01:36 MyBurnerAccount1977 Designing a prop for Wong
 | I'm designing a Sopranos box set prop for my Wong figure (Multiverse of Madness), but I haven't taken the fogure out of the box yet, so I'm unsure if the size is going to work. I have it at around 1.5" in height (ruler for scale), but think it might need to be smaller? submitted by MyBurnerAccount1977 to MarvelLegends [link] [comments] Also, would you recommend simply printing the design on cardstock paper and folding it into the shape, or wrapping it around a rectangular material like foam core or cardboard? |
2024.05.15 01:18 AcuallyIsGooby Great connection, terrible gaming
Hi folks, I don't want to bore you with a long story but I feel it's unavoidable in order to explain my situation thoroughly so I'll start with bullets to give an overview of what my console is telling me.
But nothing I do will fix the problem.
I move out, get my own router and everything, and it just works straight out of the box. Finally I have smooth online gaming without any lag issues (network speeds are identical to my parents place) 5 years of smooth gaming pass and sadly I'm forced to move back in with my parents, who now live somewhere else, but have the same network config as they did before.
Now I'm back in their new house and I'm having the same issues again, on both wired and wireless connections. Since I last lived with them my console now has the QoS tagging settings which 'appears' to resolve the issue when I test my NAT type and connection, but it doesn't, the issue persists - I can't hear audio in party chat clearly, it's distorted. I get a constant latency warning when trying to play multiplayer, despite my network speed being fine. I feared I would have this problem again before moving back in and my worst fears have been confirmed. I had to deal with this from 2009 when I was 16 trying to play modern warfare 2 with my buddies, and it continued until I left home in 2018. Hardware has been upgraded, replaced, even ISP has changed in that time and yet, whenever I'm at my parents place I have this issue.
I'm at a loss of what to do, is this anything to do with mesh WiFi? Because on paper the only difference between our networks is that here they're using 'Tenda Nova' brand mesh WiFi system and I wasn't - we have the same ISP and even the same tarrif too.
I cannot find the source of the issue and it's driving me nuts because I'm the only one in the house who is negatively affected by it so nobody else really cares. Every other device including my phone works fine, it's only my Xbox. I help run a sim racing league on Assetto Corsa and I've been unable to partake in any races since I moved back in, this sucks because it's my main hobby and every week I have to watch them all racing live on twitch knowing I can't even connect.
If anyone can suggest anything to help me out here I'd be eternally grateful, it's gonna be a long year if I can't relax and play games in the evenings after work :(
Something is definitely wrong with the network settings somewhere, because my own 'vanilla' network worked just fine
Thank you for reading my post, happy to answer any questions that I'm able to
submitted by AcuallyIsGooby to techsupport [link] [comments]
- Mesh WiFi
- 100+ mbps download, 25+mbps upload
- ≈23ms latency
- 0-1% packet loss
- NAT type moderate
- UPnP unsuccessful
- Xbox Series X
- enabling QoS tagging temporarily resolves the issue for a few minutes maximum
But nothing I do will fix the problem.
I move out, get my own router and everything, and it just works straight out of the box. Finally I have smooth online gaming without any lag issues (network speeds are identical to my parents place) 5 years of smooth gaming pass and sadly I'm forced to move back in with my parents, who now live somewhere else, but have the same network config as they did before.
Now I'm back in their new house and I'm having the same issues again, on both wired and wireless connections. Since I last lived with them my console now has the QoS tagging settings which 'appears' to resolve the issue when I test my NAT type and connection, but it doesn't, the issue persists - I can't hear audio in party chat clearly, it's distorted. I get a constant latency warning when trying to play multiplayer, despite my network speed being fine. I feared I would have this problem again before moving back in and my worst fears have been confirmed. I had to deal with this from 2009 when I was 16 trying to play modern warfare 2 with my buddies, and it continued until I left home in 2018. Hardware has been upgraded, replaced, even ISP has changed in that time and yet, whenever I'm at my parents place I have this issue.
I'm at a loss of what to do, is this anything to do with mesh WiFi? Because on paper the only difference between our networks is that here they're using 'Tenda Nova' brand mesh WiFi system and I wasn't - we have the same ISP and even the same tarrif too.
I cannot find the source of the issue and it's driving me nuts because I'm the only one in the house who is negatively affected by it so nobody else really cares. Every other device including my phone works fine, it's only my Xbox. I help run a sim racing league on Assetto Corsa and I've been unable to partake in any races since I moved back in, this sucks because it's my main hobby and every week I have to watch them all racing live on twitch knowing I can't even connect.
If anyone can suggest anything to help me out here I'd be eternally grateful, it's gonna be a long year if I can't relax and play games in the evenings after work :(
Something is definitely wrong with the network settings somewhere, because my own 'vanilla' network worked just fine
Thank you for reading my post, happy to answer any questions that I'm able to
2024.05.15 01:16 Haunting-Band-2763 Hazbin Hotel - Episode 1, Season 1: Overture - (Genderswap)
(An animation shows black and white clouds parting)
Charles: (Off-screen) Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil. Lucy was one of these angels. She was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But she was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt her way of thinking was dangerous to the perder of their world. So she watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Eve (I couldn't think of a female name that looked like Adam) and Lilian. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Eve demanded control and Lilian refused to submit to her will. He fled the garden. Drawn in by his fierce independence, Lucy found him and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Eve's new groom, Adam, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For the single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucy and her love into the dark pit she had created, never allowing her to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucy lost her will to dream. But Lilian thrived, empowering demon-kind with his voice and his songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilian's hope remained. And his dream was passed down to their precious son, the Prince of Hell. (The prince shuts the "Story Of Hell" book) (On-screen) Don't worry, Dad. I'll make you proud. (He holds a key)
Vagner: Charles?
Charles: Augh! (The key turns into a cat) Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vagner: Uh... Yeah, I was right there.
Charles: Sorry. I get worked up after an extermination happens. This story helps.
Vagner: (chuckles) I know. Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay?
Charles: I'm fine, just...Thinking, ya know, family stuff.
Vagner: Did you hear from your dad yet?
(Charles shakes his head saying no)
Vagner: Oof. How long has it been now?
Charles: Not that long, only...Seven...Years...Off something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something he really cared about. Something I care about.
Vagner: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charles: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vagner: It will. I have faith in you.
(The cat hopes on Charles)
Vagner: All right. Come on. Alice says she has something to show us.
(Vagner heads to the door and Charles look out of the window and see Hell on fire and goes)
(A commercial plays)
Alice: Well, hello there you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell! But what would you say there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucy's delusional son Charleson Morningstar! Come place your fate in his inexperienced hands as he tries to work through his mommy issues by fixing you! Here, we offer fun thing! Such as somewhat functional staff! And 24 hour Pest Control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! You last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.
(The tv suits off)
Alice: So, what'd ya' think?
Vagner: I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?!
Charles: Uh, yeah, one note...Alice, I mean...First off, thank you so much for making this, seriously, amazing, but um...Maybe the tone is a bit...Off? We want people to want to come here, this makes it look...Ummm...
Vagner: Bad. The word you're looking for is "bad".
Alice: Funny, I was going for hilarious!
Vagner: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charles: Vagner is right, Alice. The commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alice: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show! The proper medium to express oneself! But YOU insisted on this noisy picture box adversiment! So I had a little fun with it.
Vagner: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (Stand on the sofa) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run the hotel! Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's going to want to come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!
(A demon on a sofa raises her hand)
Vagner: What?
Angela: If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vagner: Angela, you're a porn star.
Angela: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in.
Vagner: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angela: Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mistress fancy-talk-creepy-voice here, you'd rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel.
Alice: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charles: Angela, I appreciate you wanting to use you special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but...I really don't want to exploit you, in that way!
Angela: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity-- Oh-oh I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes...
(Charles laughs uncomfortably and his phone rings with his mom calling)
Angela: The small tits that make everyone think I'm a man...
Charles: Uhhh, hold that thought. I'll be right back! (Walks away)
Angela: I could keep goin' all night, baby.
(Charles breathes and answers the phone)
Charles: Hello? Mom?
Angela: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't she just make people stay here?
Alice: Oh, trust me, (ominously) I can!
Hisky: Why the hell do you think I'm here?
(The camera goes to Hisky at the bar)
Hisky: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitches moan all the time if she wasn't forcin' me?
Niffter: I like being forced!
Hisky: Keep that to yourself, Niff.
Angela: What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers?
Hisky: Call me "Whiskers" again and I'll that bottle down your throat.
Angela: Kinky. But I like pussies. But keep talkin' dirty.
Vagner: Ugh, Angela, let Hisky do her job. And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angela: I'm choosing to be here, and I think is all stupid. We're in Hell, toots. It's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vagner: Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it before doesn't mean is not possible. (Angela pust her arm in his shoulder)
Angela: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin' here rent free. Crack is expensive.
Charles: (excitedly) Yeah, I can! Totally. Yeah, I'll head over there right away...Okay. (Turns off the phone) Hah! YES! YES!! Hahahaha!! Vagner! Holy shit!
Vagner: Ahh! What?!
Charles: (through closed mouth) Get over here!
(Vagner sighs and goes to where Charles is)
Vagner: What's going on?
Charles: (Inhales) My mom just called. She said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. She asked if I could go instead. (Breathes deeply)
Vagner: But... But...But the extermination just happened. What would they want this soon after...
Charles: (Singing) I can do this. Somehow, I know it I'll get Heaven behind my plan!
Vagner: Charles, hold on.
Charles: There's just no way I could blow it. Not this once a lifetime change!
Vagner: It's just a meeting.
Charles: To change their minds. And touch their hearts. Or whatever angels have.
Vagner: This could be bad.
Charles: Cheer up, Vagner. This could be swell. Something tells that today will be a happy day in Hell!
Vagner: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
Angela: That motherfucker is halfway down the street.
Vagner: Is he...
Angela: Oh, he's dancin'.
Vagner: Ugh, no.
Charles: There's a warm fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air! Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare. It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere! If you don't mind the smell! It's a happy day in Hell! Hi, miss!
Demon: Go fuck yourself!
Dead Sinner #1: There's a endless trash fire that's burnig my soul!
Charles: Hello!
Imp: There's a lot of barbed wire to shove in her holes!
Charles: Uh, excuse me...
Executioner: Doing what is required we all have a role!
Dead Sinner #2: I'm not doing well!
Ensemble: Another shitty day in Hell!
Charles: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed, that any soul can change!
Vagner: Those angels minds are hard to change!
Charles: Then they know that everyone can be redeemed from the evil to the strange!
Vagner: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
Charles: I can hear all their stories, the lost and the displaced! And I know that they're of an acquired taste! But if I open the door and give them a place at my Hazbin Hotel it'll be a happy day in Hell! (Jumps in the back of a truck) From the porn studio where the cinephiles go to watch award winning demon bukkake shows to the Cannibal Town where they don't wear a frown 'cause...Holy shit, ew, my gosh, why?! And I don't give a crow that her brains got in my eye! Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide! I can do this...
Dead Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire...
Charles: I just know it! Dead Sinner #1: That's burning my soul!
Chorus: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Charles: I'll get Heaven behind my plans! There's just no way I could blow it!
Demon Sinner #3: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole!
Charles: Not this once in a lifetime chance! To change their minds!
Trenchcoat Demon: And touch my parts!
Charles: Oh...No, thank you. I'm just gonna...Fullfill my destiny!
Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss fucker!
Charles: I can already tell! Today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell! (Charles enters at the lobby) Hello? (echoes) Hello? Creepy...(He goes to the reception, rings the bell in the table and a paper and a feather pen appear in front of him) Oh, okay! Also creepy. (Signs the paper)
(Elevator doors open, Charles goes to them and enters in a dark room)
Charles: Hello? Is anyone here?
(The lights turn on)
Eve: 'Sup?
Charles: Holy shit! (Falls in the floor and gets up) Hi, I'm Charles. My mom asked if I could meet you.
Eve: Yeah, I know.
Charles: Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. (Stands his hand)
Eve: Totally. Nice to meet you, too. (Stands her hand)
(Charles hand passes through Eve's hand)
Charles: Ahh!
Eve: Ha! I fucking got you! Did you fuckin' see that?
(Luther shaves his head in yes)
Eve: Good shit!
Charles: Uh, so wait, you aren't here?
Eve: No, you think I'd come down there? (Laughs) No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hardcore, don't get me wrong. But, it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so "eugh" ya know? (Chuckles) Ew.
Charles: Right. So I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about...(Eve puts her finger in his mouth)
Eve: Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time. How about we get to know each other, mm? How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you! (Shows a plate with ribs) Here's my personal favourite. You'll love it.
Charles: Uh, thanks! (His arms passes through the plate of ribs)
Eve: (Laughing) I got you again, fucker! Haha fuckin' hilarious! Haha!
(Back at the Hazbin Hotel, everyone is at the lobby)
Vagner: Okay, so Charles is dealing with something very important, so while he's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that representants his vision and what we're doing here. So we need a camera. Alice?
(Alice snaps her fingers and an old camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: A video camera.
Alice: Hmmm. (Snaps her fingers)
(A video camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: All right, let's do this!
(Vagner films Angela sitting at the bar)
Vagner: And...Action!
Hisky: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, can I help you with anything?"
Angela: "I've been a bad girl. And I need a big strong mommy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption!"
Hisky: Ugh! "Well, you come..."
Angela: "Oh yes!"
Hisky: (boredly) "To the right place!"
Vagner: Cut! Okay, Angela, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Hisky, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?
Hisky: (Angrily) I ain't no actress, I can't memorize this shit!
Angela: Well, we could improve this shit, baby cakes! (Purrs seductively and Hisky push her out of the counter) Ahh!
Hisky: Whoops. (Drink a bottle)
Vagner: Hisky, come on!
(Meanwhile, Charles is bored)
Eve: So I was playing this gig, and for some fucking reason this virtue boy was digging on the drummer, and it's like, do you know who I am? I'm fucking Eve. I'm the original pussy! All pussies descend from me. You think you like a drummer pussy? No way, I'm the Pussy-fucking master! (Eats sloppily) So anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charles: Wait, your name is Eve? Like the first woman? That means you...Ohhh...(Enlightened) That explains so much.
Eve: I know. I fucking rock.
Charles: Well, Eve, ma'am. Mrs. Eve, ma'am.
Eve: Call me Pussymaster.
Charles: Eve, you seem like a smart...well, stand up girl.
Eve: (With the finger in her teeth) Uh-huh.
Charles: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a bigger revolutionary, a...A genius!
Eve: I maen, your words, babe.
Charles: Who would really her name on something.
Eve: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charles: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Eve: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charles: No! Our other biggest problem.
Eve: Oh, uh...Ugly people? (Looks at the camera) Math? Global warming? Nah, wait that's Earth's problem. Umm...
(At the hotel, a bug walks in the floor and a needle tries to stab it saverel times)
Niffter: Hehehe. Stab. Stab. Stab.
Vagner: Alright Niffter. Niffter? Niffter! (Stops him) Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms". Okay?
Niffter: Got it. I'm ready.
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) Action!
(Niffter looks at the camera with his pupil constricted and Angela and Vagner look at him confused and he keeps staring weirdly)
Vagner: Uhh...Cut. (Turns off the camera)
(Niffter smiles again)
Niffter: (Giggles) How was that?
Vagner: Well, Niffter, you actually have to say the line. So let's roll again.
Niffter: Okay!
Vagner: Action. (Turns on the camera)
(Niffter stares deeply at the camera)
Angela: You're doing great, Vagina!
Vagner: Cut! Alright, um, maybe wr can try to fix it in the post.
Angela: Do you even know what that means?
Vagner: (Angrily) I'll figure it out!
(In the lobby, Vagner is watching the video with the camera connected to the tv)
Hisky: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel.
(Vagner groans, covers his eyes and Alice appears in his side)
Alice: Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hm?
Vagner: Ugh, esta pendeja...Why are you even here?
Alice: For the entertainment! I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now! Good job!
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) And here is Alice, the egocentric piece of shit that...
(Alice gets static on the camera and it starts to spark and Vagner screams and knocks the camera down)
Alice: I wouldn't try that, my darling. (Sinisterly) This face was made for radio.
Vagner: (Gets angry) That's it! I don't care who or what you are! If you are staying here you are going to make this work! Beause it won't be so "entertaining" to watch an empty hotel will it, shit ass?! (Turns around and walks away)
Alice: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vagner: Pft! You think I'm that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you.
Alice: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or...Charles can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice.
Vagner: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets the video camera and raises in Alice's hand and green ghosted skulls fly around it)
Alice: Now then! (Makes the camera disappear and snaps her fingers)
(Angela, Hisky and Niffter, a lot of filming materials and a ghost recording team appear in the lobby and everyone gets tailor clothes)
Vagner: Alright, everyone! Let's make a fucking commercial.
(Meanwhile)
Eve:...When you take him out for the fifth time and he still expects you to pay the check, but you're like, (In deep voice) "Hey I thought you wanted equality"!
Charles: (Frustrated) No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Eve: (Normal) Oh! Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! Luther, how many demons did you kill this year?
Luther: Got a good 275 this year, ma'am.
Eve: 275? Whoa, badass! Awesome job, danger dick! Pound it. (Punch fists with Luther)
Charles: Uh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?
Eve: Ohhh, yeah...That must suck for you. Pft...Hahahaha! Charles: But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have in Heaven.
Luther: They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charles: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Luther: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charles: You really think that?
Luther: I know that.
Eve: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
Luther: The only reason you're still here is because Mommy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel? To know how little you matter.
(Charles shrinks back)
Eve: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it...
Charles: Oh! Fuck!...(Get up from the chair) Okay. I've a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't really hearing before, so here goes. (Clears throat) (Singing) I know Hell's population is out of control. It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll. If we rehabe these sinners and cleanse all their souls at my Hazbin Hotel! (Normal) Wait I'm getting ahead of myself! Right! Extermination! (Singing) I know you guys fly down just to kill once a year. And it must be annoying to schlep all the way here. If they join you in Heaven that trip disappears! You can wave that chore farewell! (Deep breath) It'll be a happy day in...
Eve: (Singing) Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time!
Charles: (Normal) Okay?
Eve: If what you're suggesting is letting them climb! Up the ladder. Oh they rather cross the Pearly Gates? Sorry, sweetie, but there's no defying in their fates! 'Cause Hell is forever wheter you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot! 'Cause the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again!
Charles: Okay, but...
Eve: Just try to chillax, babe, you're wasting your breath!
Charles: (Nervously) Hehe...
Eve: Did I hear you imply that they deserve death? Are they winners? Are they sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry!
Charles: Actually, if you take a look...
Eve: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! And when all's said and done! (Said and done) There's the question of fun! (Fun) And for those of us with divine ordainment, extermination is entertainment! (Imitates guitar) Guitar solo, fuck yeah! (Imitates guitar) Hell is forever whether you like or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot!
Charles: Where all these people come from?
Eve: 'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again! (materializes a guitar and play it) Fucking Hell is forever and it's meant to suck a lot! So give up your dumb endeavor 'cause you don't have a shot!
(Charles groans, his paper gets on fire and his hair moves in the air and horns appear in his head)
Eve: Long as I've got your attention, I guess In should probably mention that we made a determination (Shows a contract) To move up the next extermination!
Charles: What?!
Eve: Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts! (Holds Charles' wrist) I know is just been a week, but we'll be back in six months! (Spins Charles out of the room and plays her guitar)
Charles: Um, wait, didn't you...(Goes at the door, but it closes) Awh, shit! (Punches the door)
(Charles returns sad to the Hazbin Hotel)
Vagner: Charles! (Hugs him) How did it go? Did they listen?
Charles: Oh, uh...They sure did...hear it! But, um...
Vagner: Oh! Come here. We have something exciting to show you! (Holds Charles to the living room) Alice pulled some strings, and it's about to air.
Alice: I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!
Charles: Wait? The commercial? You all made a new one?
Angela: Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do can say so myself.
Charles: That's...That's amazing.
Angela: Shh! It's starting!
Vagner: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hot...
(The TV changes to the 666 News channel and everyone complains)
Kallie: (On TV) Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means, Tomita?
Tomita: No. What does that means, Kallie?
Kallie: It means we are all royally fucked!
(The clock in an hourglass changes to 176 with everyone screaming)
Angela: Wait...What? Why?!
(A drone laser scans a headless body of an angel laying in Hell and Eve and Luther see then from the ship)
Luther: We found the body, ma'am. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Eve: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left to pull a stunt like this again. (Breaks the projector and her eyes and mouth glow in the dark)
(The end credits start playing)
submitted by Haunting-Band-2763 to hazbin [link] [comments]
Charles: (Off-screen) Once upon a time, there was a glowing city protected by golden gates known as Heaven. It was ruled by beings of pure light. Angels that worshipped good and shielded all from evil. Lucy was one of these angels. She was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But she was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt her way of thinking was dangerous to the perder of their world. So she watched as the angels began to expand the universe in their ways. From the dust of Earth, they created Eve (I couldn't think of a female name that looked like Adam) and Lilian. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Eve demanded control and Lilian refused to submit to her will. He fled the garden. Drawn in by his fierce independence, Lucy found him and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love. Together, they wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the fruit of knowledge to Eve's new groom, Adam, who gladly accepted. But this gift came with a curse. For the single act of disobedience, evil finally found its way into Earth. With it, a new realm of darkness and sin. And the order Heaven had worked to maintain was shattered. As punishment for their reckless act, Heaven cast Lucy and her love into the dark pit she had created, never allowing her to see the good that came from humanity, only the cruel and the wicked. Ashamed, Lucy lost her will to dream. But Lilian thrived, empowering demon-kind with his voice and his songs. And as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power. Threatened by this, Heaven made a truly heartless decision. That every year, they would send down an army, an extermination to ensure Hell and its sinners could never rise against them. But Lilian's hope remained. And his dream was passed down to their precious son, the Prince of Hell. (The prince shuts the "Story Of Hell" book) (On-screen) Don't worry, Dad. I'll make you proud. (He holds a key)
Vagner: Charles?
Charles: Augh! (The key turns into a cat) Oh, shit. Did you hear all that?
Vagner: Uh... Yeah, I was right there.
Charles: Sorry. I get worked up after an extermination happens. This story helps.
Vagner: (chuckles) I know. Don't worry. I enjoy your theatrics. Are you okay?
Charles: I'm fine, just...Thinking, ya know, family stuff.
Vagner: Did you hear from your dad yet?
(Charles shakes his head saying no)
Vagner: Oof. How long has it been now?
Charles: Not that long, only...Seven...Years...Off something important, I'm sure. But this kingdom was something he really cared about. Something I care about.
Vagner: Well, at least you aren't alone.
Charles: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work.
Vagner: It will. I have faith in you.
(The cat hopes on Charles)
Vagner: All right. Come on. Alice says she has something to show us.
(Vagner heads to the door and Charles look out of the window and see Hell on fire and goes)
(A commercial plays)
Alice: Well, hello there you wayward sinner. Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do. That's why you're in Hell! But what would you say there was a place to stay that had none of that? Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, a misguided path to redemption! Founded five days ago by Lucy's delusional son Charleson Morningstar! Come place your fate in his inexperienced hands as he tries to work through his mommy issues by fixing you! Here, we offer fun thing! Such as somewhat functional staff! And 24 hour Pest Control! Custom rooms, and just look at this tacky parlor! Enjoy riveting conversation with our singular resident. Wow! All this and more at the Hazbin Hotel! You last desperate attempt at salvation starts here.
(The tv suits off)
Alice: So, what'd ya' think?
Vagner: I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?!
Charles: Uh, yeah, one note...Alice, I mean...First off, thank you so much for making this, seriously, amazing, but um...Maybe the tone is a bit...Off? We want people to want to come here, this makes it look...Ummm...
Vagner: Bad. The word you're looking for is "bad".
Alice: Funny, I was going for hilarious!
Vagner: It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from extermination, which is the whole fucking point.
Charles: Vagner is right, Alice. The commercial was to let sinners know we are trying to help them.
Alice: Well, my dear, I haven't been active in Hell for some time, and everyone remembers me from my radio show! The proper medium to express oneself! But YOU insisted on this noisy picture box adversiment! So I had a little fun with it.
Vagner: Oh, fun? You had a little fun with it? (Stand on the sofa) Well, this is not what we want to represent us. When you showed up here a week ago, you told us you would help run the hotel! Instead, you're mocking us. Nobody's going to want to come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time!
(A demon on a sofa raises her hand)
Vagner: What?
Angela: If'n ya filmin' a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here?
Vagner: Angela, you're a porn star.
Angela: A famous porn star. I'll have the horniest sinners knockin' these walls down to get in.
Vagner: We are not filming a porn as a commercial.
Angela: Why not? Sex sells, don't it? I swear if you film me goin' at it with mistress fancy-talk-creepy-voice here, you'd rollin' in participants willin' to stay at this tacky hotel.
Alice: Haha! Never going to happen!
Charles: Angela, I appreciate you wanting to use you special skills to, um, attract folks to the hotel, but...I really don't want to exploit you, in that way!
Angela: Oh, please, baby. This body was made to be exploited. I got the arms, I got the stamina, I got the legs. I got the lung capacity-- Oh-oh I got the legs! The gag reflex, the holes...
(Charles laughs uncomfortably and his phone rings with his mom calling)
Angela: The small tits that make everyone think I'm a man...
Charles: Uhhh, hold that thought. I'll be right back! (Walks away)
Angela: I could keep goin' all night, baby.
(Charles breathes and answers the phone)
Charles: Hello? Mom?
Angela: Hey, I have a question. If freaky face over there is so powerful, then why can't she just make people stay here?
Alice: Oh, trust me, (ominously) I can!
Hisky: Why the hell do you think I'm here?
(The camera goes to Hisky at the bar)
Hisky: You actually think I'd be cleaning bottles and listening to you fuck's bitches moan all the time if she wasn't forcin' me?
Niffter: I like being forced!
Hisky: Keep that to yourself, Niff.
Angela: What, you don't like being here with me, Whiskers?
Hisky: Call me "Whiskers" again and I'll that bottle down your throat.
Angela: Kinky. But I like pussies. But keep talkin' dirty.
Vagner: Ugh, Angela, let Hisky do her job. And no, we can't force sinners to stay here. They need to choose to.
Angela: I'm choosing to be here, and I think is all stupid. We're in Hell, toots. It's kind of the end of the road, ain't it?
Vagner: Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Just because nobody has made it before doesn't mean is not possible. (Angela pust her arm in his shoulder)
Angela: Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin' here rent free. Crack is expensive.
Charles: (excitedly) Yeah, I can! Totally. Yeah, I'll head over there right away...Okay. (Turns off the phone) Hah! YES! YES!! Hahahaha!! Vagner! Holy shit!
Vagner: Ahh! What?!
Charles: (through closed mouth) Get over here!
(Vagner sighs and goes to where Charles is)
Vagner: What's going on?
Charles: (Inhales) My mom just called. She said that the leader of the Angel Army wants to meet. She asked if I could go instead. (Breathes deeply)
Vagner: But... But...But the extermination just happened. What would they want this soon after...
Charles: (Singing) I can do this. Somehow, I know it I'll get Heaven behind my plan!
Vagner: Charles, hold on.
Charles: There's just no way I could blow it. Not this once a lifetime change!
Vagner: It's just a meeting.
Charles: To change their minds. And touch their hearts. Or whatever angels have.
Vagner: This could be bad.
Charles: Cheer up, Vagner. This could be swell. Something tells that today will be a happy day in Hell!
Vagner: Okay, but just don't... sing to them.
Angela: That motherfucker is halfway down the street.
Vagner: Is he...
Angela: Oh, he's dancin'.
Vagner: Ugh, no.
Charles: There's a warm fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air! Every street so revealing it's hard not to stare. It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere! If you don't mind the smell! It's a happy day in Hell! Hi, miss!
Demon: Go fuck yourself!
Dead Sinner #1: There's a endless trash fire that's burnig my soul!
Charles: Hello!
Imp: There's a lot of barbed wire to shove in her holes!
Charles: Uh, excuse me...
Executioner: Doing what is required we all have a role!
Dead Sinner #2: I'm not doing well!
Ensemble: Another shitty day in Hell!
Charles: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed, that any soul can change!
Vagner: Those angels minds are hard to change!
Charles: Then they know that everyone can be redeemed from the evil to the strange!
Vagner: They're bloodthirsty and deranged!
Charles: I can hear all their stories, the lost and the displaced! And I know that they're of an acquired taste! But if I open the door and give them a place at my Hazbin Hotel it'll be a happy day in Hell! (Jumps in the back of a truck) From the porn studio where the cinephiles go to watch award winning demon bukkake shows to the Cannibal Town where they don't wear a frown 'cause...Holy shit, ew, my gosh, why?! And I don't give a crow that her brains got in my eye! Cause I know I can spare them from Heaven's genocide! I can do this...
Dead Sinner #1: There's an endless trash fire...
Charles: I just know it! Dead Sinner #1: That's burning my soul!
Chorus: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Charles: I'll get Heaven behind my plans! There's just no way I could blow it!
Demon Sinner #3: I kinda like the barbed wire that's shoved in my hole!
Charles: Not this once in a lifetime chance! To change their minds!
Trenchcoat Demon: And touch my parts!
Charles: Oh...No, thank you. I'm just gonna...Fullfill my destiny!
Trenchcoat Demon: Your loss fucker!
Charles: I can already tell! Today is gonna be a fucking happy day in Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell! (Charles enters at the lobby) Hello? (echoes) Hello? Creepy...(He goes to the reception, rings the bell in the table and a paper and a feather pen appear in front of him) Oh, okay! Also creepy. (Signs the paper)
(Elevator doors open, Charles goes to them and enters in a dark room)
Charles: Hello? Is anyone here?
(The lights turn on)
Eve: 'Sup?
Charles: Holy shit! (Falls in the floor and gets up) Hi, I'm Charles. My mom asked if I could meet you.
Eve: Yeah, I know.
Charles: Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. (Stands his hand)
Eve: Totally. Nice to meet you, too. (Stands her hand)
(Charles hand passes through Eve's hand)
Charles: Ahh!
Eve: Ha! I fucking got you! Did you fuckin' see that?
(Luther shaves his head in yes)
Eve: Good shit!
Charles: Uh, so wait, you aren't here?
Eve: No, you think I'd come down there? (Laughs) No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hardcore, don't get me wrong. But, it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so "eugh" ya know? (Chuckles) Ew.
Charles: Right. So I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about...(Eve puts her finger in his mouth)
Eve: Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time. How about we get to know each other, mm? How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you! (Shows a plate with ribs) Here's my personal favourite. You'll love it.
Charles: Uh, thanks! (His arms passes through the plate of ribs)
Eve: (Laughing) I got you again, fucker! Haha fuckin' hilarious! Haha!
(Back at the Hazbin Hotel, everyone is at the lobby)
Vagner: Okay, so Charles is dealing with something very important, so while he's gone, we are making a new commercial. One that representants his vision and what we're doing here. So we need a camera. Alice?
(Alice snaps her fingers and an old camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: A video camera.
Alice: Hmmm. (Snaps her fingers)
(A video camera appears in Vagner's hand)
Vagner: All right, let's do this!
(Vagner films Angela sitting at the bar)
Vagner: And...Action!
Hisky: "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, can I help you with anything?"
Angela: "I've been a bad girl. And I need a big strong mommy to put me in my place...On the path to redemption!"
Hisky: Ugh! "Well, you come..."
Angela: "Oh yes!"
Hisky: (boredly) "To the right place!"
Vagner: Cut! Okay, Angela, I need you to be less horny, if possible. And Hisky, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face?
Hisky: (Angrily) I ain't no actress, I can't memorize this shit!
Angela: Well, we could improve this shit, baby cakes! (Purrs seductively and Hisky push her out of the counter) Ahh!
Hisky: Whoops. (Drink a bottle)
Vagner: Hisky, come on!
(Meanwhile, Charles is bored)
Eve: So I was playing this gig, and for some fucking reason this virtue boy was digging on the drummer, and it's like, do you know who I am? I'm fucking Eve. I'm the original pussy! All pussies descend from me. You think you like a drummer pussy? No way, I'm the Pussy-fucking master! (Eats sloppily) So anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?
Charles: Wait, your name is Eve? Like the first woman? That means you...Ohhh...(Enlightened) That explains so much.
Eve: I know. I fucking rock.
Charles: Well, Eve, ma'am. Mrs. Eve, ma'am.
Eve: Call me Pussymaster.
Charles: Eve, you seem like a smart...well, stand up girl.
Eve: (With the finger in her teeth) Uh-huh.
Charles: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a bigger revolutionary, a...A genius!
Eve: I maen, your words, babe.
Charles: Who would really her name on something.
Eve: Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!
Charles: It's a solution to our biggest problem!
Eve: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.
Charles: No! Our other biggest problem.
Eve: Oh, uh...Ugly people? (Looks at the camera) Math? Global warming? Nah, wait that's Earth's problem. Umm...
(At the hotel, a bug walks in the floor and a needle tries to stab it saverel times)
Niffter: Hehehe. Stab. Stab. Stab.
Vagner: Alright Niffter. Niffter? Niffter! (Stops him) Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms". Okay?
Niffter: Got it. I'm ready.
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) Action!
(Niffter looks at the camera with his pupil constricted and Angela and Vagner look at him confused and he keeps staring weirdly)
Vagner: Uhh...Cut. (Turns off the camera)
(Niffter smiles again)
Niffter: (Giggles) How was that?
Vagner: Well, Niffter, you actually have to say the line. So let's roll again.
Niffter: Okay!
Vagner: Action. (Turns on the camera)
(Niffter stares deeply at the camera)
Angela: You're doing great, Vagina!
Vagner: Cut! Alright, um, maybe wr can try to fix it in the post.
Angela: Do you even know what that means?
Vagner: (Angrily) I'll figure it out!
(In the lobby, Vagner is watching the video with the camera connected to the tv)
Hisky: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel.
(Vagner groans, covers his eyes and Alice appears in his side)
Alice: Seems like you're having a bit of trouble there, hm?
Vagner: Ugh, esta pendeja...Why are you even here?
Alice: For the entertainment! I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly. Like you are doing now! Good job!
Vagner: (Turns on the camera) And here is Alice, the egocentric piece of shit that...
(Alice gets static on the camera and it starts to spark and Vagner screams and knocks the camera down)
Alice: I wouldn't try that, my darling. (Sinisterly) This face was made for radio.
Vagner: (Gets angry) That's it! I don't care who or what you are! If you are staying here you are going to make this work! Beause it won't be so "entertaining" to watch an empty hotel will it, shit ass?! (Turns around and walks away)
Alice: Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.
Vagner: Pft! You think I'm that stupid? Making a deal with a demon like you.
Alice: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or...Charles can come back to absolutely nothing! Your choice.
Vagner: (Sighs) Fine. (Gets the video camera and raises in Alice's hand and green ghosted skulls fly around it)
Alice: Now then! (Makes the camera disappear and snaps her fingers)
(Angela, Hisky and Niffter, a lot of filming materials and a ghost recording team appear in the lobby and everyone gets tailor clothes)
Vagner: Alright, everyone! Let's make a fucking commercial.
(Meanwhile)
Eve:...When you take him out for the fifth time and he still expects you to pay the check, but you're like, (In deep voice) "Hey I thought you wanted equality"!
Charles: (Frustrated) No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!
Eve: (Normal) Oh! Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered! Luther, how many demons did you kill this year?
Luther: Got a good 275 this year, ma'am.
Eve: 275? Whoa, badass! Awesome job, danger dick! Pound it. (Punch fists with Luther)
Charles: Uh, no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that, right?
Eve: Ohhh, yeah...That must suck for you. Pft...Hahahaha! Charles: But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have in Heaven.
Luther: They're not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.
Charles: You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.
Luther: Angels don't make mistakes.
Charles: You really think that?
Luther: I know that.
Eve: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fucking life.
Luther: The only reason you're still here is because Mommy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel? To know how little you matter.
(Charles shrinks back)
Eve: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it...
Charles: Oh! Fuck!...(Get up from the chair) Okay. I've a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't really hearing before, so here goes. (Clears throat) (Singing) I know Hell's population is out of control. It's a bad situation, it's taking a toll. If we rehabe these sinners and cleanse all their souls at my Hazbin Hotel! (Normal) Wait I'm getting ahead of myself! Right! Extermination! (Singing) I know you guys fly down just to kill once a year. And it must be annoying to schlep all the way here. If they join you in Heaven that trip disappears! You can wave that chore farewell! (Deep breath) It'll be a happy day in...
Eve: (Singing) Let me stop you right there, save us all precious time!
Charles: (Normal) Okay?
Eve: If what you're suggesting is letting them climb! Up the ladder. Oh they rather cross the Pearly Gates? Sorry, sweetie, but there's no defying in their fates! 'Cause Hell is forever wheter you like it or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot! 'Cause the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again!
Charles: Okay, but...
Eve: Just try to chillax, babe, you're wasting your breath!
Charles: (Nervously) Hehe...
Eve: Did I hear you imply that they deserve death? Are they winners? Are they sinners? 'Cause it's cut and dry!
Charles: Actually, if you take a look...
Eve: Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! And when all's said and done! (Said and done) There's the question of fun! (Fun) And for those of us with divine ordainment, extermination is entertainment! (Imitates guitar) Guitar solo, fuck yeah! (Imitates guitar) Hell is forever whether you like or not! Had their chance to behave better now they boil in a pot!
Charles: Where all these people come from?
Eve: 'Cause the rules are black and white, there's no use in trying to fight it! They're burning for their lives until we kill them again! (materializes a guitar and play it) Fucking Hell is forever and it's meant to suck a lot! So give up your dumb endeavor 'cause you don't have a shot!
(Charles groans, his paper gets on fire and his hair moves in the air and horns appear in his head)
Eve: Long as I've got your attention, I guess In should probably mention that we made a determination (Shows a contract) To move up the next extermination!
Charles: What?!
Eve: Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts! (Holds Charles' wrist) I know is just been a week, but we'll be back in six months! (Spins Charles out of the room and plays her guitar)
Charles: Um, wait, didn't you...(Goes at the door, but it closes) Awh, shit! (Punches the door)
(Charles returns sad to the Hazbin Hotel)
Vagner: Charles! (Hugs him) How did it go? Did they listen?
Charles: Oh, uh...They sure did...hear it! But, um...
Vagner: Oh! Come here. We have something exciting to show you! (Holds Charles to the living room) Alice pulled some strings, and it's about to air.
Alice: I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!
Charles: Wait? The commercial? You all made a new one?
Angela: Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do can say so myself.
Charles: That's...That's amazing.
Angela: Shh! It's starting!
Vagner: (On TV) Welcome to the Hazbin Hot...
(The TV changes to the 666 News channel and everyone complains)
Kallie: (On TV) Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means, Tomita?
Tomita: No. What does that means, Kallie?
Kallie: It means we are all royally fucked!
(The clock in an hourglass changes to 176 with everyone screaming)
Angela: Wait...What? Why?!
(A drone laser scans a headless body of an angel laying in Hell and Eve and Luther see then from the ship)
Luther: We found the body, ma'am. They've never managed to kill one of us before. We should just go down there now and destroy them!
Eve: No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left to pull a stunt like this again. (Breaks the projector and her eyes and mouth glow in the dark)
(The end credits start playing)